Stay at Home Moms

Tell me it gets better....

Hi!  I am a first time, stay at home momma to a 3 month old little boy.  He is (and I lovingly say this) a high-intensity baby.  He fusses for the biggest part of the day. Every day.  He is a terrible napper, which is the biggest reason for his fussiness.  Basically, I just want someone to tell me it will get better.  I am feeling like a terrible mother for being frustrated with the never ending fussing.  Tongue Tied
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Re: Tell me it gets better....

  • It gets better. My first was super fussy. It got better after 9 months for me and really good at 1year.......I hope it's not that long for you.

    Have you read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child"? That did help me.

    GL! 

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  • DochasDochas
    Tenth Anniversary 250 Answers 2500 Comments 100 Love Its
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    Oh, it definitely gets better!
    TTC since September '08 After 2 m/c - lap for stage 3-4 endo Oct '09 Bravelle w/Ovidrel trigger - iui on 11/07 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image HarrietNJMommy:

    It gets better. My first was super fussy. It got better after 9 months for me and really good at 1year.......I hope it's not that long for you.

    Have you read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child"? That did help me.

    GL! 

    Same for me. Well I only have one DS but it does get better!! DS is 18 months and such a joy now. I agree with reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It really helped me to get DS on a good napping schedule. He was an AWFUL sleeper. Hang in there. I've been there and know what you are going through. Sometimes just knowing I wasn't alone helped.
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  • It does get better! I found that 3-4 months was a big time of change in our house where we put a routine in place (very loosely at first) and worked on good sleeping habits. I second Harriet's suggestion of "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". I also enjoyed and learned a lot from "No-Cry Sleep Solution". 

    I would try and sort out his sleeping routine and see if that helps with the fussiness. He is probably overtired and/or overstimulated. I had no idea that a 3 month old could be overtired until I did some research on sleeping habits. Once we figured that out things really started to improve. Good luck! 

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  • I can't tell you yet because I'm pregnant with my first BUT i have read that after 4 months you do need to start developing a routine and forms of teaching them to self soothe. I'm reading an AMAZING book called "The Epidemic" by Robert Shaw which goes over how today kids are basically being ruined by being spoiled etc. (Not that I'm saying that about you etc but it talks about how and when to enact proper discipline and at what ages etc)
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  • It will get better.  One thing that will help it get better is sleep training early (I liked the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child best, and I read every sleep book out there).  I sleep trained ds at 4 months and dd 5.5 months, and getting them to sleep well on their own dramatically improved their mood, my mood, and our overall routine and I've never regretted it for a moment.
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  • It will get better.  You are not a terrible mother you are just still learning.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  Make sure you find some way to take breaks and get some personal time.  It will help!!

  • Thanks for all the encouragement ladies!  I just got a copy of "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" the other day.  I have only thumbed through it, but will definitley read it. 
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  • image mmomma:
    Thanks for all the encouragement ladies!  I just got a copy of "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" the other day.  I have only thumbed through it, but will definitley read it. 

    Yes, it definitely gets better!  DS was also high maitenence baby and napped awful.  I enjoyed HSHHC because it told me so much about sleep habits for babies and toddlers that I never knew.  It made a lot of sense for me.  I initially waited until DS was 5.5 months old to try to sleep traind and I first tried the No-Cry Nap solution (similar to the No Cry Sleep Solution, but we had more nap problems than night time problems).  It just didn't work for us.  I was really reluctant to let him cry at all but the No Cry solution involved laying him in the crib drowsy but awake which never happened.  He was either awake or asleep, and there was still loads of crying.  I'd spend at least an hour trying to get him in the crib, scooping him back up etc.  It was an awful week, I wanted to run away from home.  Then I tried Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems and it was the magic formula.  I felt awful letting him cry that first night but he put himself to sleep and slept longer.  Things took a definite turn then.  Once I realized how the need to sleep was akin to anything else I do for his health, whether or not he likes it, it is best for him, it really helped me.

    Another thing that helped was realizing when he was getting overstimulated when we were out and about and also interacting with him enough.  It was hard because he couldn't do much yet but that really changed once he was able to sit on his own, roll and crawl etc.  Sometimes a change in scenery really helped.  If he's fussing at the house, try going for a ride, a soothing walk in the stroller or a quick swing in the park.  I once just pulled his inside swing near the sliding glass door so he could see outside and opened the door so he could feel the breeze and it was like a miracle reset button.

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  • MrsLntMrsLnt
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    It gets better. Mine were decent but not great nappers, and I was insistent on them napping in cribs, which caused a lot of stress on my part when it didn't work out. Life got better when we started with the swings for naptime. 0-3 months is hard because it's them getting used to the world. 3-6 is hard because they are more aware of the world and all of their limitations. 6-9 was hard for us because of physical milestones disrupting sleep. Everything from 9 months on has been so much fun. 

    Hang in there, take it one day at a time and know that every day it's going to get easier.  

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  • It does get better. You might also want to check out happiest baby on the block DVD. It helped us a lot. Also, the refusing to go to sleep sometimes has to do with the baby's diet. If you are nursing, keep track of what you are eating and see if he is more fussy with certain foods. If on formula, check the ingredients and try some other types. My daughter ended up having acid reflux, soy aversion, and a casein allergy so she couldn't take formula and I had to restrict my diet the first year while nursing her. Once we quit giving her anything form cows she started sleeping more, was less gassy and less fussy.

    Some days you might want to scream and cry just like he does but take comfort that there IS light at the end of the tunnel and you will learn his queues and he will get into the routine you set for him.

  • image austenreader85:

    image mmomma:
    Thanks for all the encouragement ladies!  I just got a copy of "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" the other day.  I have only thumbed through it, but will definitley read it. 

    Yes, it definitely gets better!  DS was also high maitenence baby and napped awful.  I enjoyed HSHHC because it told me so much about sleep habits for babies and toddlers that I never knew.  It made a lot of sense for me.  I initially waited until DS was 5.5 months old to try to sleep traind and I first tried the No-Cry Nap solution (similar to the No Cry Sleep Solution, but we had more nap problems than night time problems).  It just didn't work for us.  I was really reluctant to let him cry at all but the No Cry solution involved laying him in the crib drowsy but awake which never happened.  He was either awake or asleep, and there was still loads of crying.  I'd spend at least an hour trying to get him in the crib, scooping him back up etc.  It was an awful week, I wanted to run away from home.  Then I tried Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems and it was the magic formula.  I felt awful letting him cry that first night but he put himself to sleep and slept longer.  Things took a definite turn then.  Once I realized how the need to sleep was akin to anything else I do for his health, whether or not he likes it, it is best for him, it really helped me.

    Another thing that helped was realizing when he was getting overstimulated when we were out and about and also interacting with him enough.  It was hard because he couldn't do much yet but that really changed once he was able to sit on his own, roll and crawl etc.  Sometimes a change in scenery really helped.  If he's fussing at the house, try going for a ride, a soothing walk in the stroller or a quick swing in the park.  I once just pulled his inside swing near the sliding glass door so he could see outside and opened the door so he could feel the breeze and it was like a miracle reset button.

    Thanks for the great advice.  The no-cry sleep solution is not going to work for us either.  Trying to lay him down but keeping him in my arms and all that jazz only intensified his cries.  I also am going to try getting out of the house, even if it's just to the front yard!  Yesterday evening, we went to church and he was a little angel.  I think he was just glad to have new people and new scenery to look at.

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  • DochasDochas
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    image mmomma:

    Thanks for the great advice.  The no-cry sleep solution is not going to work for us either.  Trying to lay him down but keeping him in my arms and all that jazz only intensified his cries.  I also am going to try getting out of the house, even if it's just to the front yard!  Yesterday evening, we went to church and he was a little angel.  I think he was just glad to have new people and new scenery to look at.

    My personal opinion is that it's too early for any kind of solution yet.  I love the theory that the first 3 months are the 'last trimester'.  In an ideal world, they would still be on the inside.  Things start gradually improving at 4, 5 months.  At 6 you can start trying to influence.  That's how we did it.  But sleep books are helpful to read because I thought the information about sleep cycles was very interesting.

    TTC since September '08 After 2 m/c - lap for stage 3-4 endo Oct '09 Bravelle w/Ovidrel trigger - iui on 11/07 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I was totally you 3 short months ago!

    DS refused to nap. He was forever fussy. I had a bit of baby blues and (though I loved DS so much) I couldn't help but wonder what I got myself into. Some days I'd just cry with him. I don't handle noise well and felt like a horrible parent for stepping out of the room leaving him to fuss every once in awhile.

    IMO---at 3 months there's no good "fix" when it comes to sleep training and such. I'd talk to your pedi---but I think it's too soon for all of that. It might just be more aggravation.

    DS didn't get better until he started to get mobile. He started crawling at 5.5 months and now he's happy until he wears himself out. And now he naps! Sometimes long naps! He's 6 months now and I feel TOTALLY different about being a parent. So yes, it really does get better. So far months 3 and 4 were the biggest hell! I know I have many stages ahead of me though...

    Just keep reminding yourself that there are fun stages ahead of you. You're not a terrible mother. You just have a frustrated baby that doesn't know any better than to cry. At each of our earlier pedi appointments our pedi would say something along the lines of "though babies use crying to communicate, they don't always know what they want...therefore sometimes you can't fix it".  

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  • it does get better! ds was alot worse than dd but soon they will be at a fun age and youll start to forget all the fussy parts :)

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