I've struggled with an eating disorder since I was about 11 or 12 (not exactly sure when I crossed the line of abnormal eating to straight up disordered), and always knew that when I had kids, I wanted it to be kicked for good. Well, right before I found out I was pregnant (we weren't planning on having kids for another 3 or 4 years, as we just got married this past August and wanted some time) I had been struggling pretty badly again with my symptoms. Once I saw that positive on the test, however, I knew I had to get serious about being healthy. All things considered, I did really well the first 2 trimesters. I gained a lot of weight fast (something my OB said wasn't surprising at all considering my body wasn't used to getting a normal amount of food), but was able to cope with it pretty well even though I did feel very self conscious of my body.
Starting this trimester, I've been having a much harder time. I'm still eating the amount I'm supposed to, and I'm not doing anything harmful to myself or the baby, but I'm not able to cope with it quite as well anymore. Every time I eat, regardless of how healthy or little it is I feel plagued with guilt and all I can think about is how horrendous I feel and how enormous I am. I know that I'm pregnant, so getting big is inevitable, but dealing with it and being okay with it is so much harder than I had ever imagined.
I feel so selfish that I'm worried about my weight, because I know I should be more worried about the baby's health and making sure I give him everything that he needs than whether or not I gain more weight than the suggested 25-35 lbs. I hate myself for obsessing about it so much.
Anyone else on here have a history with an eating disorder or still struggling with it like I am? I feel like I must be the worst mother in the world for this.