Parenting after 35

Do I want another baby?

LO is 3 months old and H is talking about having another, I think because he wants a boy.  He says it in a joking way but I think he is serious.  I'm still feeling like there's *no way* I want to have another but everyone keeps telling me to wait a year and I will change my mind.  My pregnancy was tough on me - morning sickness, insomnia and lots of pains in the last month or two (to the point where walking was painful).  And the first 3 months have been hell on me, mostly due to problems with breastfeeding, severe lack of sleep and my body being generally run down from the pregnancy and birth. I realize lots of other moms have had the same issues, or worse, but I just wasn't coping well. 

LO is sleeping longer stretches now so it's not as bad, but I still can't imagine wanting to do this again.  I'm feeling a bit old and run down to go through all this again, and of course we will have a toddler to contend with too.  I really don't think I'm going to change my mind.  Did anyone else feel this way a few months after your first but then change your mind later? 

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Re: Do I want another baby?

  • Whoa.. both of you kids slow it down!  Now is not the time to start making these kinds of decisions.. either pro or con.  DH needs to hold his horses a bit.  And you can't make a proper decision when you're still just getting used to the newborn in your life.   Give it some time on both fronts.

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  • image BrideBuddies:

    Whoa.. both of you kids slow it down!  Now is not the time to start making these kinds of decisions.. either pro or con.  DH needs to hold his horses a bit.  And you can't make a proper decision when you're still just getting used to the newborn in your life.   Give it some time on both fronts.

    Dude, this.  100x's over!  You're in the thick of it right now.  Your DH needs to back off "let's have another" and you need to back off "no".  Yes- give it a year, at least, and see how you feel then.  You may absolutely change your mind.  But then again, you may not, and nothing is wrong with that either.

    But NOW is not the time to be hashing all this out. 

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    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • klmbbbklmbbb
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    I totally agree with you both.  DH isn't pressuring me and we aren't having serious conversations about it.  He just brings it up occasionally, in a joking way even though I think he's not joking.  I won't be taking any drastic measures (BC-wise) or anything but I certainly don't want to think about having another one right now.  I've seen posts from other boards where the poster knows they want to have more babies even though they have a newborn and I just can't comprehend that!

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  • McRibMcRib
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    we are ttc #3. I am glad that I had 2 u 2 because never in a million years would i have thought that i'd want 3. I don't want to be pregnant again this soon but I don't have a choice age-wise so I'm just doing it. I would give it a few months to a year depending on your age. Honestly I think 2u2 is easier than waiting 2 years between each kiddo but I don't think like everyone else. I was cleared by OB to have another when LO was 6 months and I just tried to put it out of my head and make a decison once that date rolled around. God it came quick. Good luck whatever you do!
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  • jlw2505jlw2505
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    1st off - your baby is 3 months old, why are you even thinking/talking about this.  Relax and enjoy your baby.  My story is different than a lot of peoples as my DD#1 had complications and was in the NICU and we didn't know what was in store for us in the long run.  At 3 months, I knew I wanted a second baby but was about 90% sure that I would be adoting that 2nd child after all I had gone through.  By around 6 months, I was closer to 50/50 on if I wanted to adopt or get pregnant.  By 9 months when my DD was doing amazing and we knew things were going to be fine with her and I was sleeping again, I was done nursing and I was able to get back to feeling like me - I was 100% sure I wanted to get pregnant again.  We decided to TTC when DD #1 was a year and we surprising got a BFP right away.  My girls are 21 months apart (and DD#1 was released from her neurgologist care at 20 months of age) and I would not change things at all.  My second pregnancy was horrible and I was dealing with a toddler who had a lot of extra medical appointments and working full time - still not sure how I did it but I would not change a thing.  My best advice is don't think about it or make any decisions right now - once you are sleeping again and have more of a normal life and routine back (whatever your new normal with your baby ends up being) then think about.
    Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 
  • I knew during my pregnancy that I wanted another.  But I can't pin my reasons down.  My DH is on the fence and can pinpoint why (he's concerned that he's too old and won't be around long enough and our child/ren will lose their father early).  But we're not making any decision until this baby is a little older (even now, at 9.5 months, we're not making any decisions).  Everyone is right - give it time...
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  • steverstever
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    image BrideBuddies:

    Whoa.. both of you kids slow it down!  Now is not the time to start making these kinds of decisions.. either pro or con.  DH needs to hold his horses a bit.  And you can't make a proper decision when you're still just getting used to the newborn in your life.   Give it some time on both fronts.

    This. You JUST had your baby. Give it some time. Enjoy your new baby, wait til you're all getting more sleep and then think about it.
  • I didn't have the easiest of pregnancies either.  I was pretty darn sick towards the end and the thought of getting pregnant again sends chills up and down my spine.  I don't know if this is something that I am willing to put myself and my body through again.  I had a really rough 3 months after DS was was born as well.  Breastfeeding was a nightmare, my little dude has some serious milk and soy allergies so I completely understand how tired/strained/overwhelmed you are feeling right now. Moving to a special formula was a Godsend for us. 

    The all the PPs advice and slow down for a minute.  Enjoy your little one.   You've got plenty of time to make this decision. 

    Now that I've said all that, I will tell you that we are thinking/planning out next one. I really don't want my son to have to deal with me and my DH all by himself when we are old.  LOL.   Like I said, I don't know if pregnancy is for me a 2nd time around but the thought of having a LO around again isn't as big a nightmare as it was 3 months ago.  It gets easier, I promise.  Give yourself some time to just get into a routine and relax a little before the subject comes up again.

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  • IMO, regardless of age, one should not make a decision re: a 2nd (or 3rd, or 4th... ) child before their current infant is at least 9 months old--preferably a year or more. That's my opinion and I could be wrong... but I think one needs to give a big decision like that time.

    Of course we made our decision to stop at one before my DS was even born. But it was the right choice for us.

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  • jlw2505jlw2505
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    One more thing - pregnancies are all different - you may have had a very easy 1st pregnancy and may have a hard 2nd one or the other way around.  Or you may be lucky and have 2 great one, or like a friend of mine who had morning sickness from start to finish with all 3 of hers.  You can't predict and you just need to decide if you want another child and then decide if you want to try for that baby yourself or look at other options to have that addition to your family.,
    Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 
  • hijoihijoi
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 250 Answers 500 Love Its
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    When my son was born, I knew we were done forever and ever.  Then we got through the newborn hell, he started sleeping more, and when he turned a year old, we started talking about it and not TTA.  After not having any luck DH started thinking we were done and then I got pregnant but lost it, and then he was done again.  After his dad died, and he had to deal with that by himself, he reconsidered.  I am now almost 32 weeks.

    My point is that you do need to give it time, and maybe be prepared for change your mind a few times.  We absoutely know without a doubt that we are done after this one though.  My first appoitnment with my doctor after confirming the pregnancy was to discuss permanent birth control.  Our family is complete.  If you can't say that (both of you) with 1000% conviction, leave the topic open.

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  • image stever:
    image BrideBuddies:

    Whoa.. both of you kids slow it down!  Now is not the time to start making these kinds of decisions.. either pro or con.  DH needs to hold his horses a bit.  And you can't make a proper decision when you're still just getting used to the newborn in your life.   Give it some time on both fronts.

    This. You JUST had your baby. Give it some time. Enjoy your new baby, wait til you're all getting more sleep and then think about it.

    All of this, OP.  Slow down!  You still have a newborn.  And no, I am still not ready for a second and I'm still unsure if I want another one. 

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