Babies: 0 - 3 Months

overwhelmed by my newborn

I have been home for 7 days with my newborn, I feel so scared with the unpredicatable cries and trying to figure her eating schedule. I was orginally breastfeeding then it wasnt working so i made a hard decision to put her formula. Now that has also made me feel like a failure. Is this normal? I thought I would be madly in love yet I feel helpless.

PLease give me postive advice.

Re: overwhelmed by my newborn

  • Oh dear! I know how you feel, but I promise you it gets better!  In the beginning its exhausting, stressful, hard, difficult, and... well... many times, not so much fun, but I promise it will get easier! 

    Hang in there because everyday is different.  One day at a time.  Soon, you will see little changes your LO one makes on a daily basis and those little milestones are what grows your love for them.  

    Also,... if you can, find someone to relieve you for a few hours, or a day, so you can do something for you.  There is nothing wrong with that.

    Hang in there, and if you start to feel overwhelmed, ask for help!  

     

     

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  • thank you so much Tara That is so comforting to hear :) Makes me feel hopeful. I wanna love her more than fear the situation, I appreciate your advice.
  • Absolutely it will get better!  The first week is the absolute hardest...I cried every time she cried because I didn't know what else to do to calm her down.  Just remember that LO is trying to figure things out too, they're just as new to it as we are and crying is the only way they know how to express themselves.  Don't feel like a failure at all...it's all ok and you are doing your best and that's all anyone expects of you.  Just be patient and remember to ask for help when you feel you are at the end of your rope or just need a moment to get a breather.  But I promise it does get better...don't expect to be on any kind of schedule or routine for quite some time though.  It's just a matter of getting used to it.  You're just tired, hormonal, and frustrated and that's normal..we've all been there.  You'll be fine...just look forward to that first real smile you'll get in about 3-6 weeks and it'll be all worth it!  Good luck!
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  • It will get better. The first few weeks are the toughest. Let the baby lead and things will start falling into place. She needs to get to know you as much as you need to get to know her. Take it one day at a time. And sleep when she sleeps!
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  • I know exactly how you are feeling. I was feeling the same way and also decided to put my baby on formula...even though I thought I'd love nursing. But now he is breastfed and formula fed and it's working out great for me. I no longer feel like a failure, because I am still breastfeeding every now and then (: I get breaks to sleep and my nipples get breaks from the constant feeding/pumping sessions and my baby is gaining weight like he needs to be! 

    I was worried that just my breast milk wasn't enough for my LO because he seemed to ALWAYS be hungry and would eat for up to 2 hours at a time sometimes. Don't feel bad, everything will work out just the way it's supposed to! There's nothing wrong with formula fed babies!! 

  • ChrMooChrMoo
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    In the beginning it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and with all of the physical trauma you just went through and the hormonal changes you're experiencing it's normal to have all of those emotions. The days will get easier and more fun, you will start to enjoy her soon. I remember how emotional I was in the beginning and how hard and physically as well as emotionally draining everyday was but now it's such a distant memory. Everyday is a new adventure and I have some much fun with my DD. Just breathe, if you want to cry then cry its ok, if you need time to yourself that is ok as well. Rest assured that we have all experienced what you are feeling and it really does get better!!!! Big hugs mama and Congrat's on your little girl!!!
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  • Newborns are unpredictable and overwhelming! This is my 2nd and I still feel overwhelmed. It does get better as the time goes. Soon you'll know the cries, you'll be able to somewhat predict feedings and sleep (though that changes). Just go with the flow and you'll be fine. :)
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  • I felt very overwhelmed the first couple of weeks too.  But, it gets a lot better.  You and your LO will start to find a routine and get used to each other.  Don't worry about the breastfeeding - I am sure you made the right decision for your family.  I also stopped breastfeeding for several reasons and my MW supported my in that 100%.  I think she sees a lot of women get too stressed with it.
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  • We have ALL been there.  I remember thinking that I would never forget how horrible the first two weeks were.  Funny thing is you do forget.  I cried uncontrollably for those first two weeks and never thought I would get the hang of it.  Be gentle on yourself.  

    I promise in no time you will be posting positive notes to new mothers on this board going through the same thing.  And like PP said, once those smiles start your heart will never be the same! 

     

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  • image MBELLA1006:

    I have been home for 7 days with my newborn, I feel so scared with the unpredicatable cries and trying to figure her eating schedule. I was orginally breastfeeding then it wasnt working so i made a hard decision to put her formula. Now that has also made me feel like a failure. Is this normal? I thought I would be madly in love yet I feel helpless.

    PLease give me postive advice.


    Normal, normal, normal.  Things will be better next week.  And then they'll be even better the next week. And so on and so on.

    Everyone I talked to talked about falling madly in love with their baby from the start and I felt bad that I didn't feel that way about my LO.  I didn't hate him, but I didn't get warm fuzzies.  I didn't have PPD either.   It's just an overwhelming job and I was just trying to survive.  Things improved at the 2 week mark.  Then at the 6 week mark I thought, "Yeah, I love this little guy."  By the 9 week mark I thought, "OMG, he's so cute I just love him so much."  You will get there.  Don't feel bad in the mean time.

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  • As long as baby is fed with some regularity (I'm being blase here but you know what I mean), dry and loved, you're doing just fine :)  You didn't know everything about your husband - his likes, dislikes, moods, etc, after 17 days, right?  No reason to think it should be different with a baby.  The only thing you can do that is truly wrong is not care.  That's not you so you're doing a great job :)
    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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  • I was a mess our first week home.  Lack of sleep was driving me bonkers.  I know we were both crying our first night home.

    Hang in there, momma.

    E went through a phase where he slept the best on my shoulder.  He also did well napping in his swing- under my supervision.

    You will learn what your LO prefers. 


    Om nom nom
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  • image Lizg1799:

    We have ALL been there.  I remember thinking that I would never forget how horrible the first two weeks were.  Funny thing is you do forget.  I cried uncontrollably for those first two weeks and never thought I would get the hang of it.  Be gentle on yourself.  

    I promise in no time you will be posting positive notes to new mothers on this board going through the same thing.  And like PP said, once those smiles start your heart will never be the same! 

     

    This exactly! I've heard lots of women say that you forget the pain of birth eventually - I haven't - but I HAVE forgotten the exhaustion, frustration, hopelessness, and anxiety of those first few weeks - though I remember that those days were a struggle. For us the crying/emotions peaked at 3 weeks and it's been getting easier everyday. Take a few moments everyday to breathe and calm your mind - it helps to keep it all in perspective. And remember, you're the best mom your LO could possibly have!

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  • I too know how you feel! I thought that I would be just the most "natural perfect mama"... because I have a 13 year old daughter and she was easy! She was even born just in 7 hours of labor, all natural at a birth center and was the easiest baby and although I was only in my early 20's I had this totally blissful, easy transition into motherhood. She even latched on perfect the first time right after being born and easily started breastfeeding! Yet, this time around has been shockingly different! It is a whole different ball game! I am now in my late 30's and was so confident it would be the same.... But oh no! He was an emergency c-section after 20 hours of mostly intense labor, it has been really tough on me re-learning breastfeeding this time around, and struggling with his latching on. Additionally, he is extremely gassy, up all night, which I am struggling with daily. I have forgotten everything! So I am like a first time mom, but without anyone really understanding that I feel this way.... because I have an older daughter. And most, including my husband, wondering why it seems so hard for me. He says, " I thought you knew what you were doing..."  The other day, I realized I had even forgotten how to bathe an infant and got very nervous and worked up. My mom happen to drop by as I was frantically preparing for the first bath, and noticed tears in my eyes... She was shocked, and surprisingly asked, "are you crying?" I looked up and said, "I am trying not too... but I am starting to!" as tears started rolling down my face. She got me to start laughing over it, and realize that I was being a bit dramatic. Thinking too hard about every detail, being much too hard on myself. She reminded me that this is just another learning process and that my baby boy is new at all of this also. She stayed to help me with his first bath and it was great, he loved it! My point is... we all have struggles with our newborn babies. Even those of us with other children. It is not easy, or "natural" for most of us. It is a learning process. Take it slow, get help, be easy on yourself. We are all in it together.
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  • Con-grates on your LO.  You are not a failure!  Your a mom, learning and adjusting every day.  Don't beat yourself up over not breastfeeding...you do what is right for you, so you can enjoy & love your LO & possibly catch some sleep :).  The first few weeks (for some the first few months) are all about bonding & developing a love for your LO.  I have felt scared, I have cried myself to sleep, and I have laughed, felt a powerful love that words can't explain, learned that my game plan to care for my son has to remain ever changing, and know that the decisions I make to care for myself, allows me to care for my LO and enjoy and cherish my memories of our times together. So... yes, like many mommies before you and I, be gentle on your self.  Best wishes!
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