Pregnant after 35

Negative reaction???

Has anybody received a negative reaction to the news that you were pregnant?  I have told several people and have not received the reaction I thought I would get.  My husband told the woman that does our taxes that we were expecting (he has known her forever) and her response to me was "How old are you??  Why would you do that when you are almost 37?"  Ummm...well we didn't think we could have kids so this is a blessing for us. HAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm so hurt by some people's reaction that I just don't want to tell anybody anything anymore.  Has anybody else been through this?  Am I being completely unreasonable to expect a congratulations?  How rude can people be?  My hormones are raging.  I am crying and pissed all at the same time.  Sorry for the vent! :(
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Re: Negative reaction???

  • Oh, my gosh.  I am so sorry to hear that.  I can't believe people would be so rude.  I guess 30-something moms are pretty common in my circle, so everyone I told was excited for me.  But I was pretty selective about who I told at first.

    Congratulations on your exciting news!

    DS born 8/8/09 and DD born 6/12/12.
  • hijoihijoi
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    I'm sorry that people were so ugly to you.  People just seem to suck lately.  Try not to let it bother you.  The only important people are you, DH, and your litte baby. If no one else is excited for you, then eff them!

    And LOL at the "almost 37" being old.  I'm almost 38 and one of the younger ladies here!

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  • Hi- new lurker here in the TTC stage at age 39. That is something I have been bracing myself for and I'm sorry it made itself a reality for you. I'm sure I can't even imagine how pissed you are right now!

    The thing I keep trying to tell myself is that it's about them, it's not about me. It's about their headspace. B/c I had a gf from hs tell me that if she had to start having kids now vs like she did at 22, she just wouldn't have them. So, that person might be coming from that place of their own personal feelings. It prob isn't a judgement on you.

    Not that it matters, but personally, I think it's great that you're jumping in and living life on your own terms. Poop on them! :)

    Lovely(39) DH (40) Furbaby (8)
    TTC #1

  • That woman has to get with the times...agree with previous post that in my circle, mid-late thirties was the norm.  I am also Leary of some reactions, at 43, but don't expect any of them to my face...at least have the decency to act happy and petty talk later...

    Congrads and don't let pessimistic people bring you down 

  • I'm 38, and one of the younger moms at my daycare.  I can't imagine what year people think it is that 37 would be considered too old to have a child, or even if that were the case why it would be appropriate to say that to an expectant parent.

    Does having a child over 35 present it's own issues and concerns?  Sure!  That's why this board exists.  But I think the fact that this board exists also speaks to the fact that this is what may be best for many women.  Nothing wrong with bringing a little maturity and life experience to motherhood after all! 

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  • SmileYep, I got several negative reactions - one of them from my own grandma!!

     

    We are having our second child and we are so excited and happy.  I called to let my grandmother know and this is exactly what I got:

    "OH NOOOOOOOOO - what are you doing??  You don't need anymore babies - you are too old"

    Yeah, not much fun.  It is clearly just awful that I am having my second child and I will be 40 but peachy keen that my cousin's daughter has a baby while in High School, by a MARRIED man - and that my grandmother now supports.  But hey, this is Texas and small town West Texas at that so the general thought is if you aren't married and popping about babies by 23 then something is 'wrong' with you. 

    My parents weren't so thrilled themselves, but have changed their tune now that we are having a boy.  My sister has three daughters (she won't be having any more babies) and my first child is a girl.   Now all I hear about is their grandson on the way blah, blah, blah.......yeah - what about your four granddaughters?  going to forget about them now?

    The only people who seem to be really happy for us is my OBGYN and his wife!  They are older parents as well and still trying for another. 

    I say forget all the negative remarks - I think it is perfectly fine and great to be an older parent!  37 is young!  Smile

     

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  • (HUGS) and CONGRATS!!!! The only negative reaction I got was from judgmental people who knew I didn't want another baby...especially not at this point in my life. They assumed I was going to terminate, and judged me for it. Never did forgive me,me actually...wait, shouldn't they apologize to me? I digress.

    My BFF was over the moon and super supportive. Telling my parents, I'm single, was a little tricky, but they just accepted it. Probably BECAUSE of my age.  My OB calls me her young'un because I was AMA at 34. A few random people ask if I have any others, and when I say I have a 15 year old they laugh. No one has actually been mean to me at all.

    Until recently, I was the youngest mom on this board. My GRANDMOTHER had my uncle at 40 in the 60s. My mom had my sister at 37. My aunt had my cousin at 35. You are obviously not too old to have a baby. And, as a teen mom, let me tell you, you're a lot better prepared for it than I was. 

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  • Nope never and I am 40! That is awful. Sorry you are dealing with this. A baby at any age is a joy.

     

     

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  • Wow, that sucks that people would say something like that.  Maybe I'm just lucky living in NY where it isn't all that unusual at this age.  Personally, I would call people out on stuff like that and reply "why would you say something so rude to me?" and then watch them squirm.  


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  • That's absurd.  I am so sorry I can't believe anyone would say that!
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  • sorry you had to experience that! people are judgemental no matter what age your are.  I was 19 and my ex-dh was 20 when we had our first pregnancy and people flipped out on us all of the time for being "too young" But we had a wonderful child and we were great parents (even though we had a rough marriage between the two of us). Now thirteen years later I guess I am too old?  however no one has said  those words to me except my own brain. LOL.  Just to let you know, my grandma had my mom when she was 42 and that was in the begginning of the 1950's (1952 I think...)

     

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  • Thanks guys!!  I have a son who just turned 16 and he is so excited.  I had him when I was 20 and single.  I got the eye roll and rude comments then.  But 16 years, many health problems, and my DH later we were unable to conceive for 8 years. EIGHT years!!!!!  And now we have this blessing growing inside me,  (This is his first child), and we are so excited.  It is just a shame that people can't just smile and say congratulations and keep their opinions to themselves.  I so wanted to smack her face off!!!  If she had caught me yesterday I might have done that. ;)  
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  • I'm so sorry. Some peple are just rude beyond measure.

  • I am so sorry. That is horrible :(
  • Im sorry to read that, cant people be so rotten ggggrrrrrr!!!  Im 40 expecting my 1st with help, you dont mind anyone, you and your DH as very blessed and you enjoy that LO growing inside you and F**K the rest of them!!! 

     

  • We haven't told our parents yet, but before we even tried to conceive #2, my mom made it known that she thinks DS should be an only child.  She doesn't think DH does enough in terms of taking care of DS and that combined with DHs learning disability (he will not be able to help DS with homework when he goes through school) and our combined family income means in my mom's mind, we should just count our blessings.  DHs parents weren't much better, they think I'm old, but they started having their kids in their teens, so I don't put much stock in that.  They are local and love DS to death and I am sure they will come around when LO is closer to arrival.

    I will admit that the reactions we got when announcing our last pg (ended in a loss at 11w), were less than stellar from most family, so I'm not expecting puppies and rainbows this time around either.  I have had to tell some co-workers just because of my appts and terrible nausea and they have all been incredible.

    BFP#1 03/01/09 Carter arrived at 9lbs even on 11/11/09

    BFP#2 08/24/11 missed m/c 10/09/11 D&C 10/12/11 @ 11w

    BFP#3 03/17/12 Ashton arrived at 5 lbs 10 oz 8 weeks early on 10/10/12

    My Boys, 2012

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  • {{HUSG}} People s$ck.

    I told my OB/GYN a year ago that DH and I were TTTC and she said to me "So your prepared to be a single mother?" WWWHHHAATTT??? I almost jumped off the table. DH is 52 and I am 35. I understand that he is "older" but WTF??!!

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome

    We have been TTTC since July 2008:

    Irregular cycles, high prolactin, dilated right tube, cysts, male IF

    IUI # 1 ~ 12/09/10 ~ 50 mg Clomid, 250 mg Ovidrel = BFN

    IUI #2 ~ 01/09/11, #3~ 02/11/11 & # 4.2~ 04/19/11~ 20 mg Tamoxifen, 250 mg Ovidrel = BFN

    IUI # 5 ~ 09/28/11, # 6 ~ 11/23/11, & # 7~ 12/17/12~ 112.5 iu Gonal F, 250 mg Ovidrel = BFN

    12/14/11 ~ IVF consult
    IVF #1 ~ 02/15/12 BCP, 02/29/12 10 units Lupron, 3/9/12 Baseline,
    03/09/12 stimms 250 iu Gonal F, 5 units Lupron ~ 03/20/12 ER = 5 eggs ~ 03/23/12 ET = One-4BF transfered~ Beta # 1 04/04/12 = 134 ~ Beta # 2 04/06/12 = 283 ~ Beta # 3 04/09/12 = 906

    Due date 12/08/12 :-)
    Born 12/15/12 :)


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  • yep, we've already gotten a couple nasty comments. Between our ages(I'm 40, DH 48), how many kids we have (5), and that we choose to live on just DHs income so I can be home and home educate our children, we REALLY get raked over the coals at times. I SWEAR, I found two snarky t-shirts that I am buying to wear this time.

    "Yes, I'm pregnant AGAIN. And yes, we know what causes it." I might even hand-letter "and we're really good at it" with a fabric marker.

    and

    "Yes, they are all my.....WAIT, where'd THAT one come from?"

    I  quit even telling my father after my 2nd one. I just let my mom run into him in the rural community they both live in, and let her tell him and hear his crappy comments.

    I think that the ONLY right response to a pregnancy announcement is "congratulations" regardless of my personal feelings/opinions about the situation surrounding the child's conception. 

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  • image angela2004:

    {{HUSG}} People s$ck.

    I told my OB/GYN a year ago that DH and I were TTTC and she said to me "So your prepared to be a single mother?" WWWHHHAATTT??? I almost jumped off the table. DH is 52 and I am 35. I understand that he is "older" but WTF??!!

     Oh, wow.  My DH just turned 53.  I won't say I don't sometimes worry about this (though DH is in excellent health), but if any of my doctors had said such a thing, I *would* have jumped off the table and walked out!!

    OP: I'm really sorry you've gotten negative reactions.  I'll be 41 when this one is born and people have been nothing but joyful for me (though who knows what they really think).  Some know how much we've gone through to get here, though, which makes some difference, as does the fact that I'm in a field where many women have children a little later. 

    me - 41 (dx: DOR); DH - 53 (no problems); 7/18/09 - married!; 8/4/09 - BFP on first (real)try; 9/14/09 - missed m/c; 9/15/09 - d&c; 11/09 - 3/10 - 4 natural cycles = BFN; 4/10 - dx hyperthyroidism caused by Graves' disease; 6/10 - thyroidectomy; 7/10 - 12/10 - 1 natural and 5 medicated IUI cycles = BFN; 1/11 - new RE; dx low ovarian reserve (AMH .42; 1/26/11 -- BFP (ectopic) from IUI #6; methotrexate 2/10/11; 6/2/11 - IVF #1 = BFN; 9/12/11 - prescreening for DE; 9/15/11 - IUI #7 (unmedicated)= BFN; 11/8 - begin DE cycle (shared risk program); 12/5 - ER (5 eggs/4 mature/3 fertilized/2 left by day 5) 12/10 - ET of one 1BB blast (expanded, "fair" quality), none to freeze; 12/22 - totally shocked by +hpt; beta #1 = 413; #2 = 3952 2/14 - CVS reveals a healthy baby girl! EDD: 8/27/12 DD born 8/31/12, 10 lbs 10 oz and perfect in every way. 
  • Crazy!!!  Many/most of my friends had babies mid thirties, like I did (well, actually I was younger than many with my first two at 30 and 32, so really early 30's for me), and I always felt just normal with it.  Although now that I will be 40 and have this unexpected surprise pregnancy I don't know how people will react when I tell...my other children are in school now and I am back at work after a few years off...so I may get some of the reactions you got!  DH is still trying to adjust...and although I am excited, I am still trying to adjust to the idea too!

     But your accountant was unbelievable rude and strange with her reaction...I mean really--you are just 36!!  Reminds me of the story my mother told me about when she was pregnant with her first--me--in the early 70's at 24 and was told by her ob she was old for a first! 

    ectopic: 3/1998. mc at 6 weeks: 4/2001. ds1 born: 6/7/2002. ds2 born: 10/4/2004. mmc at 11 1/2 weeks: 5/24/12.
  • Another NY'er here who is also not going to let rude comments slide. Someone made a bit of a snarky comment at work about my age and I turned around gave the person my full attention and said 'exactly what do you mean by that'? Lots of stammering and uh uh uh's until she walked away red faced. :) At 41 I've been around the block a few times and I'm thrilled to be a first time Mom to be. For those who can't be thrilled for me, there's the door! Big Smile

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  • I had some of that. It mostly came in the form of "You weren't TRYING to get pregnant, WERE YOU?!?!"   Like that would be a crime. Yes, we are 41 and 43 and were TRYING to get pregnant. Do you know how long I waited to meet the person who I would actually WANT to be my Baby Daddy? I kissed a LOT of frogs.

    The family reactions that weren't so positive hurt the most. I just kept reminding myself that they have their own belief system and happily I have my own. But don't think for a moment that I wasn't already thinking about limiting how much exposure my child will have to these negative nellies. ;)

    Good luck and CONGRATS from one older mom in the making to another. We ROCK!

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  • I am really bracing for this.  As unbelievable as it is that people would express their negative thoughts so freely - I know that they do.   My own MIL has gone from the passive-agressive "well, I guess I'll only ever have grandkitties" to saying nothing at all.   Ugh.   Not looking forward to telling her.   Not to mention all the uncomfortable conversations (or lack thereof) about how/why she can't be around for us - lives too far (an hour) away, bad hips, her own injuries & issues, etc.   Her own sister suspects her of inflicting injuries just for the attention (she's an accomplished martyr).   

    I am definitely going to remember some of PP's responses - those are great!    

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