Baby Showers
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Feeling guilty about second shower- advice please?!
My husband and I have a 12 year old daughter together, whom we were given a shower, hosted by my mother and aunts, for in February of 2000. Not to get too detail specific, but things with my hubby's family were "strained" during this time, and his family came, but not all of them, and they didn't help with anything for the shower, or offer to.
So, we saved all of her baby stuff, but, alas, none of it meets safety standards anymore, lol. We had a toxic mold infestation in our first home, and had to get rid of a lot of what we could have used. I'm left with a few bags (Thank GOD) of her baby & toddler clothes, some toys, and her crib set, which we can't use due to safety standards.
We are expecting in early September, and found out that we're having a boy. My Mother & sister insisted that they host a shower for us. I don't normally love the idea of second showers, but they keep reminding me that it's been over a decade, and that they want to celebrate us... Then my MIL called, and she told me that she really wanted to be a part of hosting the shower- especially because of the circumstances surrounding the last shower, and because they're so proud of what good parents we are and how much we've done with our lives, etc. We were young & unmarried when we got pregnant with our daughter. His family was not overly happy about this, nor overly supportive. So, now that we've proven everyone wrong, they want to celebrate us adding to our family...
The mom's have decided they want to host the shower at a banquet hall or country club setting, catered. I feel like this is WAY too much! Like I said, my family doesn't do second showers. We get together to meet & celebrate the baby, we bring food & presents, but no registry, no big hall, nothing crazy like that. In fact, my first shower was at my aunt's house (which is beautiful- but free!!) and we had about 50 people. This one will be more like 75 people.
Do you think I am wrong if I let them have their fun and throw this shower? Hubby & I feel really guilty. We do ok- we own our home with a very small mortgage, he is actually just finishing school, but is currently a network engineer. We're not rich by any means, but we planned this baby, and figured out how we would budget to get what we needed for this baby. But, should I forgo people celebrating for us out of guilt? I just don't know!
If you read all of this- I'm impressed! Thanks for any advice!!
So, we saved all of her baby stuff, but, alas, none of it meets safety standards anymore, lol. We had a toxic mold infestation in our first home, and had to get rid of a lot of what we could have used. I'm left with a few bags (Thank GOD) of her baby & toddler clothes, some toys, and her crib set, which we can't use due to safety standards.
We are expecting in early September, and found out that we're having a boy. My Mother & sister insisted that they host a shower for us. I don't normally love the idea of second showers, but they keep reminding me that it's been over a decade, and that they want to celebrate us... Then my MIL called, and she told me that she really wanted to be a part of hosting the shower- especially because of the circumstances surrounding the last shower, and because they're so proud of what good parents we are and how much we've done with our lives, etc. We were young & unmarried when we got pregnant with our daughter. His family was not overly happy about this, nor overly supportive. So, now that we've proven everyone wrong, they want to celebrate us adding to our family...
The mom's have decided they want to host the shower at a banquet hall or country club setting, catered. I feel like this is WAY too much! Like I said, my family doesn't do second showers. We get together to meet & celebrate the baby, we bring food & presents, but no registry, no big hall, nothing crazy like that. In fact, my first shower was at my aunt's house (which is beautiful- but free!!) and we had about 50 people. This one will be more like 75 people.
Do you think I am wrong if I let them have their fun and throw this shower? Hubby & I feel really guilty. We do ok- we own our home with a very small mortgage, he is actually just finishing school, but is currently a network engineer. We're not rich by any means, but we planned this baby, and figured out how we would budget to get what we needed for this baby. But, should I forgo people celebrating for us out of guilt? I just don't know!
If you read all of this- I'm impressed! Thanks for any advice!!
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Re: Feeling guilty about second shower- advice please?!
I would ask for a compromise- you'll go along w a shower, but you want it to be more low-key. not banquet hall, etc. (if they want to cater it though, just from the standpoint that they don't want to have to cook for 75 people - roll with that).
But even the guest list - I'd ask that they use discretion and you don't want this to be an "everyone we know".
You're glad they are excited, you're thrilled with the support, but.... you are uncomfortable with this and if it could be toned down, you'd feel better. That's really the ultimate message.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
First.... Congratulations!!
Second this is my opinion... you are not hosting this party your Moms are so your reaction should be the same whether go crazy over the top or throw a lame party with bad food lol. You should be grateful and appreciative. 
You don't have any control over it. If anyone is offended by your second shower then they should just simply not come. If you tell your Mom or MIL that you don't like the party they are throwing for you then you might offend them or strain your relationship again.
If you don't like the idea of registering then don't register. You will probably get tons of clothes, little toys and blankets which it sounds like you need anyway! Or just have a few gift suggestions that you Moms can spread by WOM if anyone asks!
Good luck and have fun!
This 1000%!
I think if they are offering and really exccited, go for it. Nothing wrong with accepting when it's offered and it has been so long. If they ask for your input then I would mention wanting to keep it low-key, but otherwise just sit back and enjoy the ride.
I agree!
MDC- 10-2-96 CEC- 4-12-98 EEC- 3-10-01
Don't feel guilty! Someone is throwing this for you as a gift. Accept it!
Your financial status has nothing to do with the shower. No one's does, IMO.
Thank you all for your responses!!
You really made me feel better about accepting this gift. I do want to celebrate, and I'm excited about having a shower! There's a big difference having a baby at 18 & 31!
We were SO excited for our daughter to be born, but we were also scared, first time parents, first time home owners, first time everything, at 18 & 21. This was planned, and has been a long time coming. I'm really excited now.
I spoke with my mother this morning, and she explained to me that having it at a banquet facility would be so much easier for them, and they wouldn't have to worry about anything but showing up and enjoying themselves, too. Plus,my brother manages a bar at a Wyndham hotel and they are giving them a great deal! $1500 for 75 people, in a beautiful room, linens, china, and a full brunch buffet style with a cash bar, but free Sangria & Mimosa Punch for the guests, plus free juices, water (obviously, lol), coffee, tea, and soda. They have the room (they waived the room rental fee, too!) from 10-5, but the shower is from 11:30-3:30pm. They just gave them extra time for decorating & if we ran over time. Also, my aunt is a florist & has offered to do the floral arrangements for the tables (which is lovely, but not needed) as a gift to me. She does do amazing flowers!
My mom & MIL are having such a great time talking and planning, I can't take this away from them! Plus, it's exciting. And, I've decided to register because they really want me to. I'm not going to go crazy, I know what we need. We're buying all the big stuff beforehand anyway.
Thanks for listening and giving your advice
If you were asking for the shower, it would be different... but they want to do this. It probably will help them feel better about the last one too. Relax, and enjoy it.
BFP#1: 11/20/11, EDD 7/25/12, Emily Iris arrived 7/29/12 at 7 lb., 3.5 oz.
BFP#2: 8/25/13, EDD 5/4/14, MMC confirmed on 9/23/13, D&C on 9/26/13
BFP#3: 2/3/14, EDD 10/15/14, fraternal TWINS confirmed 2/21/14, two BOYS confirmed on 4/15/14!
I am glad you are excited now. It sounds like it will be a lovely party. The Moms are having fun planning and it will probably be a great family event.
Go. Enjoy. Have a great time!
They offered. You should not feel guilty. Especially since this is probably like your MIL saying sorry for being such an unsupportive biitch the first time around.
You do need some things and your family wants to help you out. I would sit back and let them do what they want for you. Enjoy your lavish shower, you worked hard for it!