Parenting

Are you really close with your siblings? if not...

Does it bother you?

(I'm the youngest of my siblings.  Age range is: 58, 57, 55, 51, 48 and me 42. I used to think we were close but I've grown apart from 3 of them. Mostly due to the fact that I'm the only one calling/attempting to contact.  They always have something going and are too busy, etc...)   

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Re: Are you really close with your siblings? if not...

  • No but there is a great bit of distance between us~ 3 states.   They are close to my age though 31 & 28.  I am 33.  I have talked to my youngest brother lately but he has been a prick/unsubscribed to him on FB because his profile pic is nasty. 
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  • We are all really close except with my oldest brother and that is just because he is so withdrawn, we are still really close with his family. We have dinner together once a week with my one sister and we are always going home to spend time together. 
  • No.  I only have one...my sister, who is only 3 years older than me.  We are just very different people.  We fought for years and there were times that we didn't talk.  We're finally at a place where we get along well enough.  But I don't think of us as "friends."

    It does bother me a lot.  My friends who have sisters all have that ideal "my sister is my best friend" kind of relationship and I tend to get sad when I see how they are. 

    But at the same time, I have a few incredibly awesome friends who are like sisters to me (which my sister doesn't have), so I know that I am lucky that I have them.

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  • I am the youngest of four ages 41,39,36, and me 31.  No we are not close.  Yes it kind of bothers me, because of the reasons why we are not close.  Mostly it is because of stupid BS, competition (I have more money, better house, closer relationship to our parents) type crap.  It is so annoying.  My eldest sister tends to think that her opinion is the only one that matter - her opinion of the rest of us is all truth - some of which can be unfair and judgemental.  I have learned to deal that this is how she is and I have accepted it - we have a nice relationship, but we are not as close as I would like.  My brother is manic depressive, doesn't take his meds has struggled with addiction... he is married and doing well, but he can be a handful to keep up with - esp when him and my oldest sister clash - again, I just accept him and stay away when he is being crazy.  Then my other sister is 36 and I never know if she likes me or if she doesn't.  I have heard her talk horribly about others, talk that would make the worst talk you ever heard sound perfectly fine... so I don't trust her.

    I have learned to keep my distance and not get myself involved in any drama, let them think what they want of my life, but to me it doesn't matter what they think - they are hardly in it, so I am not going to let their negative thoughts have any impact in my life.

    I like where I am at in my relationships with them, but I big part of me wishes that we could just get along and not push buttons and just accept one another, but that is just never going to happen...

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  • black.kat - a lot of what you're describing is what I've been through. My eldest sister doesn't ever reach out to any of us - if it doesn't involve with her children then it doesn't matter. She is sooo competitive about her kids and now is trying to compete with her grand daughter and my kids.

    My other sister is sort of depressed and always wants to know what's going on with your life, but she never shares about her own.  My third sister's opinions are the only ones that matter.

    It make me a little sad, but I try not to let it get to me either.

  • I have 1 older brother (2yrs older) and 1 younger brother (14mos younger). I think my older brother is kind of an asssshole so I'm not close to him. Cordial, yes. Close, no. I am much closer to my younger brother.
  • We're not close. He has a bunch of mental illness issues that makes it very hard to be around him at times. When he's taking his meds and they're working, we get along all right. But when he's not, it can be difficult. He's also kind of a crappy uncle to my boys (has almost zero interest in them), and I admit that it hurts my feelings. He's getting a bit better -- he actually played with DS1 last time he was here, whereas he usually just ignores him or says he doesn't want to. I don't think he acknowledged DS2's presence at all.

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  • No I'm not close to either one.  I have a brother 4 years older who is pretty much a recluse.  If we are all together you would not even know he was in the room because he never talks. 

    My sister is 2 years older & her & I used to be best friends.  Then she started doing drugs & smuggling (mule) them for her boyfriend & things went down hill fast.  She used my name when she got pulled over & I had to go to court to clear my name. There is a bunch of stuff but that is the gist of it.  I haven't talked to her in 15+ years.

    I wish things were different but it is what it is.  I'm now a few states away from them so that adds to it.

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  • image sweetie645:

    No.  I only have one...my sister, who is only 3 years older than me.  We are just very different people.  We fought for years and there were times that we didn't talk.  We're finally at a place where we get along well enough.  But I don't think of us as "friends."

    It does bother me a lot.  My friends who have sisters all have that ideal "my sister is my best friend" kind of relationship and I tend to get sad when I see how they are. 

    But at the same time, I have a few incredibly awesome friends who are like sisters to me (which my sister doesn't have), so I know that I am lucky that I have them.

     

    This exactly except I'm the older one by 5 yrs.

  • Medium. They aren't my best friends who I call and hang out with all the time but we get along and enjoy each others company when we are together. My siblings are a lot older than me (56, 53 and 51). My oldest sister got married and moved out when I was 6 (I was her flower girl) and next sister left when I was 10 and brother at 15. So I grew up with them but I didn't, if that makes any sense.

    My middle sister lives in Italy and I only see her once a year when she stays with me for about three weeks. My brother is off doing his own thing so we see him on the holidays. I got close to my oldest sister when my father was dying so it is her that I am closest too. In fact, she was the one that came and stayed with me after I had my babies (Mom has advanced Alzheimer's and has been in a home for several years so she wasn't available).

    It doesn't bother me. It just is what it is. I choose my friends that are closest and like it that way.

    Proud Mommy to Kaylie 12-04, Alaina 5-06 & Annalise 6-08 imageimage
  • I have one sister.  She's 7 years older than me and we get along okay now but we're definitely not close.  She just has made decisions in her life that I wouldn't make with mine.  Plus they are more into a partying/going out scene than we are so there's a lot of disconnect between us. 

    I'm really close to my husband's sisters though.  We actually hang out, go shopping together, talk on the phone, etc.

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  • I just hope that I can do well as a parent to facilitate better sibling relationships between my own children.  When I was growing up my parents rarely stepped in when things got heated and actually REALLY mean between us... then of course now that we are older, they just either ignore it or give off excuses... which just drives me CRAZY.  I think that I have learned a lot of lessons and if my children do not get along, then at least I know I will have tried my very best.  I can't think of anything worse for parents than to see their (adult) children in such a place like my siblings and I - that is why I refuse to get into the drama - I know on some level it breaks my parents' hearts.
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  • I have one sister and we aren't terribly close but we have a 9 year age difference so just in different places in our lives. She is great and loves my son and we do spend a good amount of time together. I'm sad that we aren't super close but as she has gotten older, we have definitely have been closer.

     My husband has a twin and they have fought their whole lives because their father always had a competition with them. His brother was born first (vaginally) and my husband through a C-section and their father has always treated the first born son better. It is sad because they live the closest to us and he only takes interest in Owen if it is convenient for him. He also has a younger sister who says she is scared of "babies" so she takes very little interest in him even though he really isn't babyish anymore and doesn't make any time for us or him. It does bother me because I grew up with lots of cousins and great aunts and uncles and so far Owen is the only child and there is really only one family member that truly likes to spend time with us as a family. Everyone else wants us to get a sitter and go out to the bar.

  • image black.kat:
    I just hope that I can do well as a parent to facilitate better sibling relationships between my own children.  When I was growing up my parents rarely stepped in when things got heated and actually REALLY mean between us... then of course now that we are older, they just either ignore it or give off excuses... which just drives me CRAZY.  I think that I have learned a lot of lessons and if my children do not get along, then at least I know I will have tried my very best.  I can't think of anything worse for parents than to see their (adult) children in such a place like my siblings and I - that is why I refuse to get into the drama - I know on some level it breaks my parents' hearts.

    I'm hoping this too. 

  • My only sibling is my brother who is 3 years younger. He lives across the country and we are not close at all. His wife is very possessive and does not want him to have much contact with us and she makes his life pretty difficult I think. He is estranged from our mother due to some stupid drama from their wedding. He takes horrible financial advantage of our dad (although my dad enables it).

    It makes me incredibly sad. We have never been close but our dad has terminal cancer and I know it is going to be devastating to all of us when he passes and it would help I think if we were closer. We don't have a big family & I wish it could be closer while my dad is still here. But he has put so much physical & emotional distance between all of us that it is almost impossible at this point.  

    DH has an older brother that he hardly has any contact with either. I hope my girls are much closer. 

  • I am the youngest at 41 (they are 44, 47 and 49).  We have always been really close although over the last 4 years, I have grown somewhat away from my brother.  He and his now ex wife split right after my youngest was born and he didn't want me to know, he still treats me like his baby sister that needs protecting which is nice but I'm not that person anymore.   Anyway, that is not why we are not close - once the split happened, he just turned into this totally different person - or maybe he was always that person but I never noticed - I'm not sure.  He has so much anger although he thinks he is dealing with it.  He is still very nice and all that but he just doesn't listen and he can talk for hours.  It is hard to have a conversation with him.  He is now living with someone who is very nice but she doesn't make any attempt to be a part of our family.  My sisters and I live in a different state than my bro (one in VT and the other about 10 miles from me) so we don't see them often but the girlfriend doesn't come to many family events and when she was on our big family vacation last year, she kept making plans for her and my bro to do things away from us and often excluding his DD who was on vacation with us and wanted to be with her cousins.  It is just hard - I keep trying since he is my bro and I love him but its very hard.  I am still very close with my sister, they are my closest friends.
    Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 
  • So I have a million siblings...  I'm 22.

    I'm closest to ages: 15, 17, 18, 32 (all girls)

    And least: 19, 21, 24, 32 (all boys)

     

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  • I had a sister 3 1/2 years younger.

    She was a very challenging little kid and a rebellious teenager who was dx'd with bipolar disorder in the days before effective medication. in talking with DS's psychologist, I've come to see that she was probably either borderline or a true sociopath. She died of complications of AIDS and drug addiction leaving behind parents and children who were devastated. I loved my sister and I was very involved in caregiving the last couple years of her life and tried to do the right thing as she was sick and dying*, but I can't say I liked her very much. She did give my my "girls" and for that I am grateful.

    Growing up, my parents did start to step in to mediate disputes between us as her mental illness ramped up. It was painful for them because they both had warm relationships with most of their sibs and wanted that for us. My father had a sister with the same brand of crazy; when she died my dad didn't find out for over 9 months. Neither he, his brother or her children were mentioned in the obituary.

  • My relationships with my sisters has changed over the years. Sometimes I have been closer than others. Right now, I feel closer to one, but I think that's mainly because others are just so wrapped up in their lives.

    DH is really close to one of his sibs, used to be really close to 2, and never close to another.

    IME I see sibling relationships as something that evolve over time based on what's going on with other family dynamics.

  • I am youngest of 4 (47, 45, 42, and me at almost 37). I am close to my 42 year old sister and that's it. And I still don't feel like she's my best friend; there are definitely topics we can't discuss. My brother is just not a communicator. For a while I felt close to his family but then his wife kind of backed out of being involved and as a result I IM with him maybe 3 or 4 times a year and that's about it. Honestly I'm tired of always being the one to back out. I am not close to my oldest sister because she's a VERY different person than I am. She was always the one my mom was afraid to cross and she just always gets her way whatever it is. She's money oriented and materialistic and I'm not at all. We basically have nothing in common except a common history  where she dumped all over me. The lack of closeness bothers me a lot because my mom seems to have been the glue so not only did I lose my mom when she died but I feel like I lost my siblings and nieces and nephews too (except the one sister and her 4 kids).

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  • I didn't get along with my older brother (2.5 years older) while we were growing up, but as adults we got along well. He struggled with depression for years and killed himself the week before my son was born, which has been an awful thing for my family to deal with. My younger brother (4 years younger) and I were always very close growing up. We backpacked through Europe together after I graduated college and he graduated high school, and he was my roommate for a year after he finished college. We are still relatively close, but not the way we were as kids. He struggles with some of the same issues that my older brother struggled with so I worry about him, and at times he'll pull away and be difficult to connect with. I'm actually on vacation with my extended family at the moment and just uploaded the sweetest photos of my brother cudding with my kids. :)
    Nadia Irene 8/13/07 Reid Owen 8/18/09
  • No. And it does bother me. I am 43 and my brother is 40.

    He moved to NYC and bought the whole "I am a superior human being because I live in Manhattan" thing hook, line and sinker. He's embarassed that he was born in Ohio and raised by a single mom with no money. He does a duty visit of 36 hours or less once a year and that's it.

    AKA KnittyB*tch
    DS - December 2006
    DD - December 2008

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  • I was not close with my only sister at ALL growing up, and now we are best friends. We are two years apart.
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  • I'm 30 and my brothers are 25 and 21.  They live in the same town but I'm about an hour away.

    I wouldn't say we're super close.  We don't call each other weekly or get together with any regularity. But we all get along well and always get together for holidays/birthdays etc. and try to keep in touch over the phone or email (or through my mom!).  It's harder since we're all in totally different places in our lives right now.  But when one of us is upset or needs advice, we do call each other.

    Sometimes I wish I lived closer so we could spend more time together and I'd love for DS to be able to spend more time with his uncles!

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  • I have two older half siblings but we didn't grow up always together.  We are reasonably close.  My half brother and his family live several states away but we talk on the phone every few months and spend holidays with each other.  My half sister lives locally and we talk every week or two and spend time together a few times a month.  We have become closer since we are both moms but she is definitely not a best friend.

    However, I have one full sister and she is four years younger.  We didn't play a ton as kids because of the age difference, we fought a lot in high school but as soon as I left for college, our relationship blossomed and she is my best friend.  We have lived in different cities before but we'd still be on the phone most days.  She now lives locally and we see each other at least once a week, she's a wonderful aunt to my children and I am so happy to have her support.  Besides DH, she's the one person I feel closest too. 

    I agree with the posters who said parents can only do so much, if you had told me at 10 (or told my parents) that my sister would be my best friend, I'd have not believed it.

     

  • My sister is 25 going on 16. I am 27. She still drinks heavily on the weekends, is bad with money, and has a new boyfriend every week. I do wish she'd grow up a bit, but she visits my kids almost weekly so I try to bite my tongue. 
    DS 8/29/09 (3yo) DD 11/29/11 (8mo)
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  • image sunandsand:
    My sister is 25 going on 16. I am 27. She still drinks heavily on the weekends, is bad with money, and has a new boyfriend every week. I do wish she'd grow up a bit, but she visits my kids almost weekly so I try to bite my tongue. 

    It's really funny you mention this, because at 25 that's the norm around here that you're still living it up. Most people here don't marry until their 30s, so all my friends in their late 20s are still doing this and it really isn't seen as immature. I'm the one who's the oddball for being married/having kids. Funny how different things can be in different parts of the country.

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  • I found I was closer to my sister who passed away. We were just more alike. I love the other sister but it's just different.Hopefully, I can work on feeling closer to her because it does make me sad.
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  • Not close. We're only half-siblings, though, and I'm 9 and 10 years older than them. They live far away, were raised very differently than I was, they have very different personalities and are at different stages of their lives. It doesn't bother me. I left home with they were in kindergarten and 1st grade - there's not much common history between us.
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  • Yes and no.  We don't talk a ton but get along fine.  Part of that reasoning is that they live half-way across the country so not like we have a ton of interaction.  I have an older brother and younger sister and we are all just very different people.  I used to get along with my sister better but now I would say it is my brother and his family. 


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    DD -- 5YO
    DS -- 3YO

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