Baby Showers

Etiquette on mom throwing shower

My mom says it's not proper for the mother of the mom-to-be to throw a baby shower. She would be great at it, and I'm not sure if anyone else will throw one for me. Have you all heard this etiquette rule? Has anyone's moms thrown them a shower, and did you receive comments about it being not proper? Thanks for reading!
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Re: Etiquette on mom throwing shower

  • That's very outdated. My parents are throwing our big shower. DH's aunt is throwing a smaller one; she and MIL are much older and old fashioned (could be our grandparents) but even then, it's a co ed shower because we asked for it to be. I actually think our aunt is doing it because MIL/FIL aren't in a great financial place. Nobody other than my parents in my family would be interested in giving us a shower.

    Pretty much the only "rule" that still stands is that you shouldn't throw your own. Other than that, anything goes.

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  • Miss Manners still says that a family member shouldn't host a baby shower. So if she wants to be very proper, your mom probably shouldn't host it. That being said, a lot of moms host showers for their daughters anyways, so I don't think many guests would be offended by it. But if your mom's not down with it, I wouldn't pressure her.
  • I disagree. I don't think anything of the mother of mom to be throwing a shower.

    My mother and aunts would gasp in horror at the mere mention of that though. It's a generational thing, I think. 

     

  • I had 3 showers for my first baby and my mom did not throw any of them...neither did my sister or SIL's.  My family thinks like your mom...it is an "old" etiquette rule.  Same goes for bridal showers.  I think now...it is acceptable.  Not sure why things have changed...maybe extended family aren't close or whatever...I'm not sure.  Have your mom talk to some of her friends and see what they did as far as their daughters when they had showers.  She might find out that things have changed.
  • My mom threw me a shower at her best friend's house (she hosted as well) for all of her friends and my neighbors I grew up with.  I think that is how it used to be in past.  As long as you are not throwing your own shower (or your SO) you are fine.
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  • I'm not really one for certain/many rules.

    I know how I want my baby shower, the decorations, the food, the music, etc. but most would go by the rule you don't throw your own. There is only one other person I would truely trust to throw my shower and that's really cause I know she would set up things the way I like it. If you REALLY want to, I say go ahead and throw your own baby shower. 

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  • it's generally accepted now, although I think it's still taboo for bridal showers, but maybe that's changed since I got married 6 years ago.  

    but yeah if she's not up for it, don't push it.  Maybe another family member or friend will volunteer 

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  • I think it is just fine for your mother to throw you a shower.
  • image AcaciaGold:

    I'm not really one for certain/many rules.

    I know how I want my baby shower, the decorations, the food, the music, etc. but most would go by the rule you don't throw your own. There is only one other person I would truely trust to throw my shower and that's really cause I know she would set up things the way I like it. If you REALLY want to, I say go ahead and throw your own baby shower. 

    This is not acceptable. Ever. Would you throw your own birthday party and ask for gifts? It defeats the whole purpose of a shower. Save the money you'd spend throwing yourself a shower and buy all the things your baby needs. 

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  • As a previous poster said, traditionally it was frowned upon but now it's becoming much more accepted. That said, if she doesn't want to host a shower she definitely doesn't have to.
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  • image kyleeduke:
    image AcaciaGold:

    I'm not really one for certain/many rules.

    I know how I want my baby shower, the decorations, the food, the music, etc. but most would go by the rule you don't throw your own. There is only one other person I would truely trust to throw my shower and that's really cause I know she would set up things the way I like it. If you REALLY want to, I say go ahead and throw your own baby shower. 

    This is not acceptable. Ever. Would you throw your own birthday party and ask for gifts? It defeats the whole purpose of a shower. Save the money you'd spend throwing yourself a shower and buy all the things your baby needs. 

    This. The offer of a shower is a generous gift and you have no business dictating how it gets done.  Your post comes off as extremely entitled and obnoxious. 

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  • My mom and FMIL are throwing mine, 2 of my friends moms threw theirs.....apparently its "socially acceptable" these days.  If she doesn't want to then maybe someone else will step up but I would let her know we don't live in 1901 anymore and "proper etiquette' is pretty much out the window.

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  • Thanks all for the feedback! I certainly wouldn't pressure my mom into hosting if she doesn't want to. Just wanted to see if anyone else had heard that etiquette rule. I'll let her know it's probably outdated and no one would think she's being rude for throwing me a shower, and let her make the final decision. Thanks!
  • ccamccam
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    I've heard it but don't really think that applies today.  The majority of showers I've been to are given by the mother of the MTB.  I'm having 2 showers - one given by my Mom and the other by my MIL.  If people really don't think its proper, they don't have to go!

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  • image AcaciaGold:

    I'm not really one for certain/many rules.

    I know how I want my baby shower, the decorations, the food, the music, etc. but most would go by the rule you don't throw your own. There is only one other person I would truely trust to throw my shower and that's really cause I know she would set up things the way I like it. If you REALLY want to, I say go ahead and throw your own baby shower. 

    Oh you're fun! Please stick around! 

  • My mom is throwing one of my showers but that is also because I knew my SIL had mentioned it once before but I didn't want to bring it up because she suffered a loss the month before I got pregnant so things have been tough. This way my mom can get her input or get her involved if my SIL wants to but my SIL doesn't have to be solely responsible. I don't think there is anything wrong with a parent throwing the shower. I am also hoping it will be more like a party than a shower so I think that changes it too.
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  • KarmBKarmB
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    My mom is throwing mine, she was soooo excited.

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  • If you want the Emily Post etiquette then yes it goes against proper etiquette to have a close family member (parent or sibling) host a shower unless there's a special circumstance (you live on the other side of the country and she's hosting it for people you haven't seen in a while). 

     Aunts and sister in laws are not considered close family.

    However, all showers I go to now are hosted by close family members and my shower will be hosted by my mother and MIL.  I don't see a problem with it and I think that it is an outdated rule.  If your mom is not comfortable then unfortunately there's nothing you can do.  A shower is a gift not a necessity so unless someone else steps up wanting to host one you don't get one.

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  • I also think that's outdated. My mom and my MIL are co-hosting my shower, I don't see any problems with that. 
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  • JMTTCJMTTC
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    My mom threw me a kick butt baby shower.  No one seem offended to me!
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  • My mom passed away so my mother in law is throwing mine. I dont see anything wrong with your mom doing it.
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  • I know a lot of mom's throw baby showers for their daughters but I'm really surprised at how many are on here.  I have attended a lot of showers and I can actually only think of one where the MIL hosted...and I think that was because it was my friends 4th baby...but her DH's first.  It was her MIL's first grandchild.  Even then, the MIL hosted with 2 other non-related people.

    For the PP that is hosting her own...I agree with all that everyone else said.  It is not proper, tacky, greedy and ignorant.  Why would someone spend that kind of money on a party for people when they can use it to buy the gifts they are soliciting?  If someone wants to "just have a party" then that's fine...don't call it a shower.  I guess she wants to "gift" herself a shower?  Hmmm.

  • Outdated.  It's not a big deal anymore. 
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  • I will be having my mom and mother in law throwing me a shower. I think that it is outdated. My mom and sister also threw me my wedding shower, just because they were the closest to me and they were around to do it. I don't think you'll get any comments.  I think that it's actually usually moms now a days or friends who throw the showers, so I don't think it'll be an issue.
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  • As a banquet coordnator, I have seen many Moms ( and daughters) host showers. My mom and I are hosting mine. One reason is I can get better pricing because of my profession. Second, I want to make sure certain people are invited and feelings are not hurt. I am taking on the finacial responsibility for my own shower and my Mom asked to host. My Mom cannot afford to feed my huge family and work associates and I don't want all these women in my life to feel un-included ( we women hate that, don't we?)

     Goal is to make people feel happy and included. I really believe that guest do not mind if they are being treated to a nice party . This means hosting a party for them to help you celebrate baby, not to go cheap and try to turn a profit on gifts.

  • image anniecw1:

    As a banquet coordnator, I have seen many Moms ( and daughters) host showers. My mom and I are hosting mine. One reason is I can get better pricing because of my profession. Second, I want to make sure certain people are invited and feelings are not hurt. I am taking on the finacial responsibility for my own shower and my Mom asked to host. My Mom cannot afford to feed my huge family and work associates and I don't want all these women in my life to feel un-included ( we women hate that, don't we?)

     Goal is to make people feel happy and included. I really believe that guest do not mind if they are being treated to a nice party . This means hosting a party for them to help you celebrate baby, not to go cheap and try to turn a profit on gifts.

    Honestly? I'd rather be "un-included" than go to a shower someone was throwing for their own baby/wedding. If your mom wants to host but can't afford to feed everyone in your group, then cut your list. A shower is a privilege, not an entitlement. I would probably skip a party like you are describing and not bother sending a gift. Especially if it was just for a random work associate who I don't have an outside relationship with. I do NOT think it is rude to help your mom/your host out if you can get a discount where they cannot. But to host your own shower is just tacky and gift grabby.

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  • It seems that traditionally an aunt or family member other than mom or sisters throws the shower. Maybe so that mom of mom to be can enjoy the festivities rather than worrying about hosting and re-stocking the snack table. But I say if your mom is up for it, it should be no problem! Especially if you don't feel that other family members will step up. My grandma and mom took it upon themselves to start planning mine
  • Some people will take offense to anything. Proper ediquette also states that you should not wear a white wedding dress unless you're a virgin, but see how many people follow that rule!

    Party on - here's wishing you a fun shower!

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  • I don't think I've ever been to a shower that wasn't hosted by the Mother or MIL of the Mother-To-Be, except for at work where the friends host it.
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  • My cousin recently had a baby, and her mom (my aunt) planned the shower.  To make it seem a little less gift grabby, she had my step-mom and me co-host the shower.  We directed the games and handed the mom-to-be the gifts.  Maybe get another family member involved?

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