Baby Showers

Co-ed Baby Shower

I've read a few times now that throwing your own baby shower is tacky. Ummm...why? I want what I want and the only way I can ensure that I get exactly what I want is if I do it myself, I've found. I like to host events, always have; it's in my blood I guess. Plus, I'm my husband and I are flipping the bill for it. Guess I don't get it. I've also read that it's tacky to serve any kind of alcohol at a baby shower. I've read several posts about co-ed baby showers and the common denominator is - you guessed it - beer! My dad and husband brew crafty beer a few times a year, usually for an occasion, why not for a co-ed baby shower? Got crap from a family member today for it. Can I get some opinions on both matters?

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Re: Co-ed Baby Shower

  • I've had three showers (friends, coworkers, and family) and all were co-ed with beer. If that's what works in your circle, I say have beer.

     Now hosting your own shower... gonna have to disagree. I don't think you should do it. Even if you pay. Sure you can host a get together at your house, just don't call it a shower. Or how far along are you? Maybe just wait, a friend or relative will offer. 

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  • I have seen many women mention mimosas at women only showers. Just because it's there doesn't mean the mom to be has to drink it. Or, it doesn't need to be there at all. It doesn't matter.

    Why can't you have a co-ed shower if someone else is hosting it? I am. I knew it was what I wanted, but my stepmom even brought it up to me. A man made half of this baby and there are men who will be in the baby's life, so the celebration of baby will not discriminate. I'm actually really uncomfortable with the idea of having only women. It's kind of offensive.

    My husband has never touched alcohol so beer isn't a requirement but since we're having a cookout, there will be beer. It doesn't mean my husband or all the men--and only the men--will drink it. Co-ed generally means more people, so the only thing that needs to be considered is how many people the host can afford to serve. 

    It's going to be hard to find a host who doesn't ask for your input. Nobody will say "I'm going to throw your shower, now sit down and shut up and I'll tell you when and where to be." Granted, a shower is a gift from someone, but most hosts will want to know what you'd like because the party is about you, your baby, and your growing family. Hosts want a happy recipient. 

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  • 1) It is not okay to throw your own baby shower because it is a gift-giving event. You are saying "PLEASE BUY US STUFF!!!".  Save the money you would spend on the event and spend it to buy your own baby stuff if no one offers to throw you a shower.  A shower is a *gift* from someone else. 

    ...and learn to be appreciative of how someone else throws the shower; you sound like a spoiled child when you say "I want what I want".  It's just a shower, not your wedding.

    2) Actually, in my circle it's relatively common to have some sort of alcohol at a baby shower - as long as the MTB isn't drinking!  It's just more common to have mimosas or something light than a full bar.

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  • Thanks for the positive input!
  • Thanks for you input! One of my SILs is the kind of gal who is the 'sit down, shut up, some of these things don't really matter'. Love her to death, though. Both of my SILs are helping me host, if that makes me look less ungrateful.
  • image shawna&leon:

    I've read a few times now that throwing your own baby shower is tacky. Ummm...why? I want what I want and the only way I can ensure that I get exactly what I want is if I do it myself, I've found. I like to host events, always have; it's in my blood I guess. Plus, I'm my husband and I are flipping the bill for it. Guess I don't get it. I've also read that it's tacky to serve any kind of alcohol at a baby shower. I've read several posts about co-ed baby showers and the common denominator is - you guessed it - beer! My dad and husband brew crafty beer a few times a year, usually for an occasion, why not for a co-ed baby shower? Got crap from a family member today for it. Can I get some opinions on both matters?

    Under no circumstance is it appropriate to tell others to buy you gifts. If you host your own shower, that's exactly what you're doing.

    The part in bold makes you sound ridiculous. It's a shower, not a formal wedding. If someone throws one for you and it's not exactly what you envisioned, too bad. The world won't come to an end because certain details weren't what you wanted or expected.

    As for alcohol, I see no problem with it. My own shower wasn't even co-ed and there were still alcoholic beverages available to guests.

     

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  • theresat858 > I guess I should have asked for opinions that wouldn't sound so rude. Oh well.

    1) People in our circle know that we expect nothing but their presence at every event and that's usually how our events go. We appreciate our friends and family attending our special events rather than them spending any money on us. My SILs are helping me host. I'm frugal, resourceful, and crafty so I don't anticipate spending much for our baby shower as I have all of the supplies to make our decorations and I will need to purchase food. I'm a crazy coupon clipper so I don't pay full price for food in the first place. Go me! And it's not just a shower for us. She's our first child together and this is a one time experience in my opinion and I want it to be perfect. I'm very excited and so are all of our family and friends. It's a big deal to all of us.

    2) My midwife said I could have a glass of wine or a beer every once and a while, but that freaks me out so I won't be drinking.

  • I guess I should clarify the 'want what I want' statement. I want certain decorations and certain foods and the table set up a certain way. I don't think that's so ridiculous. Especially for someone who is a planner. And my family and friends know we expect nothing but their presence, that's just how our circle works.

  • image shawna&leon:

    theresat858 > I guess I should have asked for opinions that wouldn't sound so rude. Oh well.

    1) People in our circle know that we expect nothing but their presence at every event and that's usually how our events go. We appreciate our friends and family attending our special events rather than them spending any money on us. My SILs are helping me host. I'm frugal, resourceful, and crafty so I don't anticipate spending much for our baby shower as I have all of the supplies to make our decorations and I will need to purchase food. I'm a crazy coupon clipper so I don't pay full price for food in the first place. Go me! And it's not just a shower for us. She's our first child together and this is a one time experience in my opinion and I want it to be perfect. I'm very excited and so are all of our family and friends. It's a big deal to all of us.

     

    You asked for opinions, and Theresa was giving you hers..So you really don't want others opinions if you're going to judge them as rude!  So I won't give you mine since its along the same lines as Theresa's.. 

    2) My midwife said I could have a glass of wine or a beer every once and a while, but that freaks me out so I won't be drinking.

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    image shawna&leon:

    I guess I should clarify the 'want what I want' statement. I want certain decorations and certain foods and the table set up a certain way. I don't think that's so ridiculous. Especially for someone who is a planner. And my family and friends know we expect nothing but their presence, that's just how our circle works.

    I personally think throwing your own shower IS tacky--but you already know that. Kind of sounds like your asking to validate yourself--which you won't get from anyone here.

    Sure, you can want whatever you want but, IMHO, it sounds snobby. Sure, I might like things one particular way, but, I realize a shower is a gift from someone else. Even if I don't like their style or their ways of planning, I will always be appreciative of their thought and effort. I'd much rather have a shower that is planned by someone regardless of if our ideas of a shower are the same. Likewise, do you really have the time to commit to planning your own shower? I get helping when needed (i.e. giving addresses, providing an opinion when asked, etc.)--but I seriously would have never found the time to commit myself between everything else. Which is exactly why a shower is thrown for a MTB... it's a time for her to sit back, relax, and enjoy being celebrated.

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  • Well it sounds like you know what you want and you're pleased as punch about it all, so why bother posing the question?
  • image jociejones:
    Well it sounds like you know what you want and you're pleased as punch about it all, so why bother posing the question?
    My thoughts exactly.  Why bother asking when you really don't care what people think?
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  • image EastCoastBride:
    My thoughts exactly.  Why bother asking when you really don't care what people think?

     Judging from the OP's posts in other threads on this board, she seems to be bragging that she is hosting her own shower. Talk about no shame.

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  • It's tacky because

    1. A shower is a gift.  You don't buy yourself a gift. 

    2. A shower is a gift-giving event.  Inviting people to give you gifts is rude.  

    3. It makes no sense.  If you need stuff, why spend money on a shower?  Spend the money on the stuff you need for your baby.  

    All of the above are the exact reason you shouldn't be footing the bill either.

    I don't think it's tacky to serve alcohol at a shower.  My shower was co-ed and no alcohol was served.  You can still have fun without alcohol.  But if you prefer to have it, I don't see any reason not to.  I think it would be cool to offer the beer your husband and dad brew at your shower but that should be the only participation you and your husband have, other than attending and being showered.  


  • Go ahead and serve all the hooch you want.  I had a glass of champagne at mine.

     HOWEVER, quit bragging about how you're throwing your own shower.  You make it sound like you're the only one with taste and everyone else just sucks.  And if your party-planning is anything like your manners, then the party will be just as tacky as you are.

  • image mommabear17:

    image EastCoastBride:
    My thoughts exactly.  Why bother asking when you really don't care what people think?

     Judging from the OP's posts in other threads on this board, she seems to be bragging that she is hosting her own shower. Talk about no shame.

    YES! ITA! 

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  • If that's what suits you as a family, then why not? I want to have a ladies shower, but I know that SO, his dad, my bro, my 3 BILs, and uncles will come, so might as well have a co-ed one. Plus, if we're going to have mimosas and wine, why not throw in beer? Do what makes you happy.
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  • image Cranang:

    HOWEVER, quit bragging about how you're throwing your own shower.  You make it sound like you're the only one with taste and everyone else just sucks.  And if your party-planning is anything like your manners, then the party will be just as tacky as you are.

    Bazinga.  That nail was hit square on its head.

    I agree that if you were just having people over to your home to celebrate the new addition on his/her way, it would be more than fine - and if people bring you gifts, bonus.  Calling it a baby shower makes it different.  It screams "BUY ME STUFF". 

    If you want to serve alcohol, serve it.  I don't see any reason why not.  I think the get together you're describing would be a good event for some red wine sangria and that craft beer would be a nice touch.

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  • When DD was in preschool, her teachers had a saying:

    "You get what you get, and you don't get upset."

    Sounds like some adults around here could use a refresher course in preschool manners.   

    If you've read the threads describing throwing your own shower as tacky, you should know the reasons why it's rude.  And if you've conveniently forgotten that part, PPs have reminded you.  Since apparently the WORLD WILL END if everything at your party isn't exactly how you want it, throw a party.  But don't call it a shower, don't mention anything about a registry and gifts, and for everyone's sake, try to get some perspective on what's really important in life.  (Hint: how food is displayed at a party doesn't even make the Top 100.) 


  • I've done a bit of research and it looks like a lot of ladies enjoy planning their own shower/party/shindig/get together, whatever you want to call it. I have 10 pregnant friends right now and some of them and their husbands are throwing their own shower as well. I guess to some people we're just tacky and selfish. And since I did ask for opinions, you're all right, I have to accept the backlash.

    Glad to know it's not weird to serve beer at this kind of event.

     All in all, thanks for the input!

  • image shawna&leon:

    I've done a bit of research and it looks like a lot of ladies enjoy planning their own shower/party/shindig/get together, whatever you want to call it. I have 10 pregnant friends right now and some of them and their husbands are throwing their own shower as well. I guess to some people we're just tacky and selfish. And since I did ask for opinions, you're all right, I have to accept the backlash.

    Glad to know it's not weird to serve beer at this kind of event.

     All in all, thanks for the input!

    Where?

    If your friends and their husbands are throwing their own showers too, then you just live in a circle of tacky...sorry, we can't help with that.  I'm pretty sure all etiquette guides are pretty clear on the fact that it is never okay to throw your own shower (or throw one for your spouse).  

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  • image theresat858:
    image shawna&leon:

    I've done a bit of research and it looks like a lot of ladies enjoy planning their own shower/party/shindig/get together, whatever you want to call it. I have 10 pregnant friends right now and some of them and their husbands are throwing their own shower as well. I guess to some people we're just tacky and selfish. And since I did ask for opinions, you're all right, I have to accept the backlash.

    Glad to know it's not weird to serve beer at this kind of event.

     All in all, thanks for the input!

    Where?

    If your friends and their husbands are throwing their own showers too, then you just live in a circle of tacky...sorry, we can't help with that.  I'm pretty sure all etiquette guides are pretty clear on the fact that it is never okay to throw your own shower (or throw one for your spouse).  

     Several other people have posted about throwing their own showers, some asking if it's 'OK' to do so and some flat out are doing exactly what I'm doing, having a co-ed shower (I guess ours is more like a party in a lot of peoples opinion). I also did a google search and found a lot of people throwing their own shindigs.

    I wonder if I called it an, I'm Pregnant and We're Having Finger-Food and Beer 8 Weeks Before Our Baby Is Born & Inviting Our Family and Friends Party, that people might not have gotten so testy. Oh well.

  • image shawna&leon:
    image theresat858:
    image shawna&leon:

    I've done a bit of research and it looks like a lot of ladies enjoy planning their own shower/party/shindig/get together, whatever you want to call it. I have 10 pregnant friends right now and some of them and their husbands are throwing their own shower as well. I guess to some people we're just tacky and selfish. And since I did ask for opinions, you're all right, I have to accept the backlash.

    Glad to know it's not weird to serve beer at this kind of event.

     All in all, thanks for the input!

    Where?

    If your friends and their husbands are throwing their own showers too, then you just live in a circle of tacky...sorry, we can't help with that.  I'm pretty sure all etiquette guides are pretty clear on the fact that it is never okay to throw your own shower (or throw one for your spouse).  

     Several other people have posted about throwing their own showers, some asking if it's 'OK' to do so and some flat out are doing exactly what I'm doing, having a co-ed shower (I guess ours is more like a party in a lot of peoples opinion). I also did a google search and found a lot of people throwing their own shindigs.

    I wonder if I called it an, I'm Pregnant and We're Having Finger-Food and Beer 8 Weeks Before Our Baby Is Born & Inviting Our Family and Friends Party, that people might not have gotten so testy. Oh well.

    You're being sarcastic, but you're not wrong.  A SHOWER is a gift-giving event.  A party is a party.  Some people might bring gifts to "just a party" to celebrate the impending baby, but calling it a shower makes a gift somewhat obligatory.

     

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  • image 526SadieSadie:

    You're being sarcastic, but you're not wrong.  A SHOWER is a gift-giving event.  A party is a party.  Some people might bring gifts to "just a party" to celebrate the impending baby, but calling it a shower makes a gift somewhat obligatory.

    This.  People can throw their own "shindigs" all they want - that's fine.  But as soon as you attach the word shower to it - it's tacky to throw your own.  If you don't care about the gift aspect, then just call it a Celebration BBQ.  Yes, people will still bring gifts, but a regular old party doesn't require gifts where as a shower actually kind of does.

     

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  • image EastCoastBride:
    image 526SadieSadie:

    You're being sarcastic, but you're not wrong.  A SHOWER is a gift-giving event.  A party is a party.  Some people might bring gifts to "just a party" to celebrate the impending baby, but calling it a shower makes a gift somewhat obligatory.

    This.  People can throw their own "shindigs" all they want - that's fine.  But as soon as you attach the word shower to it - it's tacky to throw your own.  If you don't care about the gift aspect, then just call it a Celebration BBQ.  Yes, people will still bring gifts, but a regular old party doesn't require gifts where as a shower actually kind of does.

     

    This.

    And if you'll notice, most of those posters got flack for throwing their own showers, too.

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  • Just because other people do something doesn't make it NOT tacky.  LOTS of girls walk around with their thongs above their jeans.  I see it all the time, but just because people do it doesn't mean it's classy. I'm guessing this isn't going to land with you over there in "I do what I want- Land" but I thought I'd try.
  • I don't see any problems with serving alcohol at your shower. I would be at mine if the place we rented allowed for it, which it doesn't.

     

    You can't throw your own shower because showers are a place for your friends and family to "shower" you with gifts. Host a get together to celebrate the baby if you'd like, but you can't call it a shower because everyone will be expected to bring gifts. If there is nobody offering to throw you a shower, the way I see it, you can't have one. Sorry.  

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  • Well, since it boils down to what I call "it" I guess I'm in the clear. The invitations don't mention the word "shower" one single time, but rather games and finger foods inside, and horse shoes and homebrew outside.

    Thanks all!

  • image shawna&leon:

    Well, since it boils down to what I call "it" I guess I'm in the clear. The invitations don't mention the word "shower" one single time, but rather games and finger foods inside, and horse shoes and homebrew outside.

    Thanks all!

    Why the f*ck have you been leading us to believe that you were throwing a shower this whole time? You are either a liar and it is a shower but you are saying that it isn't now, or you are a troll and just wanted to see some drama. Which is it? 

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  • image Adam&Eve07:
    image shawna&leon:

    Well, since it boils down to what I call "it" I guess I'm in the clear. The invitations don't mention the word "shower" one single time, but rather games and finger foods inside, and horse shoes and homebrew outside.

    Thanks all!

    Why the f*ck have you been leading us to believe that you were throwing a shower this whole time? You are either a liar and it is a shower but you are saying that it isn't now, or you are a troll and just wanted to see some drama. Which is it? 

    Wow! No need to get so upset.

    The way I look at it, people know what it's for, what/who it's celebrating. Therefore, it's still technically a shower without being called a shower. Like others have mentioned throughout this thread, just don't CALL it a shower if I'm the one throwing it. So that's what I'm doing.

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