3rd Trimester

I don't think I am a super woman!

I have chosen to have my children naturally. I set my mind to it and did it. END OF STORY! I don't judge the mothers who choose to have an epidural or a c-section at all. Never have. Never will. We are all giving birth to a wonderful amazing thing. But I have however helped 5 women give birth, 3 chose to stick with med free and 2 chose the epi but every time it comes up in conversation there is always a woman or mom who doesn't know what the heck she is talking about. She thinks if you do it natural you'r a NUT and she just has to tell the first time pregnant mom that she is an idiot for even thinking she can do it and that I am just a hippie freak of nature that can have large babies with no pain meds. HELLO ITS CALLED DETERMINATION. I wasn't blessed with short easy labors or small babies but I hate how some women who don't understand med free judge the women who want it. And then act like we are judging them for there opinion. I don't care what a women chooses to do but before you go into that hospital I sure hope you do your research and know what all is available to you. 

BTW- This vent came on by a women who has been pregnant and just gave birth 6 days ago. Whenever she over heard me talking to one of the pregnant moms who wanted to give birth naturally her response was almost always "I am getting an epidural and I don't care what anyone thinks. I don't want to feel an ounce of pain. And your not going to want to either." We have had a few debates (brought on by her comments to scare these first time moms) about how intervention can effect your labor and stuff and she pretty much hadn't done any research then after she had her baby (she got an epidural as soon as she got there) she ended up not progressing and had a c-section. Her first statement to the first time pregnant mom when she went to the hospital to see her and the baby was "And you can tell Lauren (thats me) that my epidural in NO WAY caused me to not progress and wasn't the cause of my c-section." I was just shocked! I DON"T CARE WHAT THE HECK YOU DO! Just don't shove your uneducated opinion down first time moms throats. I know women have the power to do whatever they put there mind to and as long as you put your child health and happiness first  your going to be an amazing mother. But I don't understand why just cause we chose one way of child laboring we are judged and criticized because some moms feel guilty.

BabyFruit Ticker

Re: I don't think I am a super woman!

  • Um, you sound a little judgy yourself. No amount of "DETERMINATION" was going to get my baby out after 23 hours of labor. I had to have a c-section to save both our lives. F*ck off. 
    Callie 1/08
    imageBaby lost at 15 weeks 6/18/10

  • I also agree that you sound judgy because you said about 50 times that people should do their research prior to making their decision.  I did no research on either.  I know me, and I know I don't do well with pain.  I had an epidural and will always go that route, so long as I make it to the hospital in time to.  And I certainly don't judge the moms that want to go natural.  More power to them.

    That being said, I don't get why anyone judges anyone for their decisions.  Why do I care how someone chooses to labor, feed, diaper, etc different than I?  To each their own. 

    image image image
  • I hate how there has to be mommy wars over every little thing. But I do agree with PP that you seem a bit judgey yourself here while you're venting about being judged.

    Every labor is different. Some women go all natural and don't progress or have complications that result in a c-section just as some women opt for an epidural and have a perfectly healthy vaginal delivery.

    And it may have been "determination" that made you capable of going med-free but the wording there makes it seem like those who can't or don't go med-free aren't as good as you or lack determination.

    I think at the end of the day, every woman should do what's best for herself and everyone else be damned. I'm sorry that you're feeling condemned by those who choose to do something differently than you, but I know that the shoe gets put on the other foot too. Plenty of people condemn those that go natural and plenty of people condemn those that don't.

    DS#1: 11-21-2007 DS#2: 05-05-2012
  • Yeah well I guess i am a little judgy of her just since we have been going back and forth and I feel its stupid and anytime you stick by and defend one side over the other you will always come off as a little judgy. But I really just want women to have the best labor they can and not feel judged or pressured one way or the other. I completely understand things not going as planned. I had should dystocia with my 2nd and had to have a c-section with my 3rd because of it. So def don't judge, things happen to the best of plans.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I agree about women who make their decisions without doing their own research on the risks of what such decisions involve (yes, epidurals really are linked to an increase in C-section rate).  I won't judge someone for deciding they would prefer to take those risks versus experience the pain...but I do wish that all FTMs would at least do their research instead of listening blindly to doctors who may or may not be aware of what our bodies are actually capable of if given then chance (i.e. not given oxytocin because of not progressing 1cm/hour...it's not at all uncommon for progress to stall or slow down temporarily and then catch up again...or for labors to last longer than 10 hours and still be perfectly healthy...).
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • Oh come on everyone... lets not turn on each other - sheesh... everyone's in the same boat.  Just do whats right for you - if people are judging thats their problem.  :)  I think you're all amazing for carring life inside you for 9 months and commiting to raise your baby for the rest of his/her life.  :)
  • I plan on going natural because of my own beliefs....yet I find this rather judgmental and bothersome...but not just from your end, OP.

     I will admit, I have scrutinized the birth experiences of my friends,  and have felt that more knowledge would have allowed them to avoid c-sections and other invasive procedures, but I kept that to myself (and a tiny board rant)....but I'd never touch that topic with a pregnant woman...or indicate to her that if she got a c-section/epi/pitocin that she was somehow less determined then me.


    Why the heck does everyone care about how other women birth their babies?

    No one should try to scare a FTM into anything. We don't want horror stories. If we want information, we'll ask. Don't pry.

    Don't push epi's or natural birth on anyone. If they want the information, they'll come asking for it. Then is your time to provide all the information you find relevant and helpful.


    imageLilypie First Birthday tickers

    "A woman really doesn't need to be rescued. Its not the place for the knight in shining armor. Its the place for her to face her darkest moment and lay claim to her victory." -TBOBB

    You know you wanna vote for Eden....

  • I strongly planned to have a non-medicated birth if possible for this pregnancy.  I did lots of research and hired a doula etc etc.  I was excited for it, in a way.  I had lots of reasons for it--baby bonding, breastfeeding, avoiding medications (I tend not to tolerate drugs well)... 

    Well, Newbie has decided to be breech and we did not get him to turn with an EVC (and lots of other things tried).  So we are scheduled for a c-section. 

    I am aware that I could birth him vaginally, however based on my research (I'm a medical professional) I am NOT comfortable with the risks.  I've read the term breech study and I've discussed it with the OBs.  I did not wish to have a c-section, but I think it is best for Newbie. After our issues getting pregnant I want the lowest risk possible for him.  And I've received a bit of flack about it... 

    Basically--people are going to choose what is right for them.  I hope that it is a well researched choice (because that's how I roll) but for some that is not important to them.  I try not to get into pissing matches over someone elses personal choice, as I may not know all the details.  I had a cry over the fact that I'm planning a c-section, but it isn't the end of the world.  Having Newbie here safely is what counts.

    Me and my Kiwi, both 38.  We struggled with RPL and were blessed with Micah.  I'm a full custody stepmom to Ethan!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    image     image

  • Bottom line should be giving birth to a healthy baby the safest way possible.  Whether it's medicated, unmedicated or c-section, I don't judge any mother who makes the decision on what she believes is best for her child. Tell me if I'm wrong here, but the viewpoints seem to be as follows:

     Unmedicated - I'm concerned about the potential for a cascade of interventions and possble negative effects of medications or interventions that aren't necessary. 

    Medicated - If I'm in severe pain, I won't have the energy to make through labor or push the baby out. Being able to relax and rest will allow me to have the strenght I need when it's time to push the baby out.

     C-section -There are medical reasons (with me or the baby) that make a vaginal delivery risky.  A C-section is quicker and safer than attempting a vaginal delivery with the complications.

    I can't see a reason to judge any of those decisions... and my guess is that very few people here do - it just comes across as judging others when we feel like we need to fight for the acceptability of our own decisions.


    BabyFruit Ticker
  • image FroggyFarts:
    I hate how there has to be mommy wars over every little thing.

    Seriously. People need to chill the eff out. 

    Shawn and Shawna est '08
    Eleanor Cadence June 13th
  • i've had two natural births. i had two great experiences and will happily tell anyone who asks about them, but i couldn't care less what others do with their births.

    op you do seem to be judgey despite your protestations that you're not.

    lots of people are highly educated and infomed in regards to birth and make choices that perhaps you wouldn't. Some women simply go with the flow of what their OB suggests without any research on their own part. So what? Who cares? Would I enter into a "medical" event without understanding all the options, risks and possible out comes? No. But some would.and that doesn't make them bad people. 

    Elizabeth 3yrs old Jane 1yr old

  • every board on this dang site has drama.  what does it matter how a person chooses to have birth?  i personally have no intention of ever having a natural birth.  drug me up baby!  besides, the prize is the same at the end.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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