Multiples

PT'ing twins - one ready, one not

DS is not ready for PT, he has his own potty, has sat on it and even peed a few times (which we have praised, celebrated and rewarded) but he's just not really  interested.

DD on the other hand is doing great. We are using rewards, mostly stickers, M&M's and we bought princess pullups and panties which are a reward for her to put on. The trouble is that DS wants whatever she has. He throws a fit when she gets a sticker or M&M and he doesn't and tears off all his clothes so he can have a princess pull up too when she gets one on. I've tried to use it as a "bribe" and told him he can have one too if he goes on the potty, but he kicks it away, runs, tantrums. I want to create a positive PT experience, but he's making it tough.

How would you handle this? Do I continue to ignore the fits and praise DD...I feel bad, like I'm playing favorites and I feel like this can't be good for his self-esteem, but I don't want to reward him for nothing. I've tried distracting him with something else fun (that isn't currently being used as a PT reward) but that doesn't really work all the time.

Re: PT'ing twins - one ready, one not

  • I've never heard of PTing that early until I came on the nest.  PT her and PT him when he's ready.  Don't push him.  
  • That's a tough one.  I haven't been through it yet, but if I were you in your shoes, I would give your DS the sticker or M&M.  It's not worth the heartache and he'll PT when he's ready.  And then plan to reward both of them all over again while he's PT'ing?
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  • image mommyof4boys:
    I've never heard of PTing that early until I came on the nest.  PT her and PT him when he's ready.  Don't push him.  

    ? I don't think she's pushing him- shes PTing the one that IS ready and feeling guilty b/c the one that isn't ready is feeling left out.  

    I'm curious what other MoMs have to say about this b/c while we're a long way always from PTing, I can see where things get hard if they're at different stages. Sorry this is of no help to you, OP :)  

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  • Yeah, I am not putting any pressure on him, I know he's just not there yet. I leave the potty out where he can see it and get to it easy for the times when he DOES show some interest. I'm not forceful when he's throwing the fits, I just calmly tell him that he can have a (whatever the reward of the moment is) if he goes on the potty. I just wanted to see if anyone had any thoughts/suggestions for things that worked for them.
  • Is there a way you can make DD's rewards more private? Like give her the stickers or mms away from DS? I thought boys took longer anyway, so it's probably just frustrating for DS, and I don't think a reward for nothing is a good idea. The other thing is that is there any goal that he could work on for rewards? Like putting away toys or something? That way he could have a reward to earn, too, that's not so frustrating.
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  • I had the same thing happen. DD2 was ready and was using the bathroom consistantly, while DD1 had no interest. I am a pushover, so I gave them both treats, but would try to be sneaky and give DD2 a treat without the other knowing!

    DD1 decided she wanted to try about two months later and she is now potty trained (with occasional accidents). They know now that if they don't go, they don't get a treat, even if their sister does. They seem to understand and they usually don't get upset if they don't get one.

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  • image justlld:
    Is there a way you can make DD's rewards more private? Like give her the stickers or mms away from DS? I thought boys took longer anyway, so it's probably just frustrating for DS, and I don't think a reward for nothing is a good idea. The other thing is that is there any goal that he could work on for rewards? Like putting away toys or something? That way he could have a reward to earn, too, that's not so frustrating.

    I was trying to think of what I would do in this situation because it is a tough one. I don't like the idea of just giving him a reward for what she has accomplished, that isn't how rewards work. But when i read this I thought it sounded perfect. I obviously haven't tried it. But it sounds like a great idea to me.  

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  • one of mine was ready and one was not - when i gave a treat i gave it to both of them... the one that wasn't ready didn't really understand - i wouldn't ever NOT give him something and give it to his twin like that.... and i would never push a child to PT who was not ready.
    I used to be Goldie_locks_5 but the new nest is so screwed up that I was forced to start over.
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  • Can you cut back the rewards for DD to only the pull-ups? Does she need the others? I'm thinking if she gets stickers, maybe change that for something like a star written on a chart when she goes. So the "rewards" follow a little more logically from the action of going and are less stand alone rewards...

    But I don't really know, since we're attempting to PT with verbal praise being the only "reward" (so far, at least).

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  • if your twins are 7 months old i would just give your son the same rewards he sees his sister getting. they are young and he doesnt grasp receiving rewards for a desired behavior. if they were older then i would not suggest giving him a reward just because his sister gets one. it is not worth listening to him cry etc for something he doesnt have the ability to understand yet.
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