June 2011 Moms

Out-of-State Family...how do you do it?

I stress out a ton about the fact that my family lives out-of-state and hardly gets to see DD.  My mom and dad are racking up the frequent flier miles coming out here to see her fairly frequently and it's really great.  Today my mom mentioned us flying out to see them and celebrate DD's 1st birthday.  I would *love* to, but DH has limited time off work and we've already planned a vacation.  Plus, it's $600 we really don't have right now.  I feel bad that my family doesn't get to see DD much, and we live only 20 minutes away from the in-laws.  My mom is clearly jealous, understandably so, and I really don't know what to do about it.  There's not much I can do!

I don't know, I'm just stressing about it a lot today.  What do those of you with out-of-state moms do? I try to tell her that I feel bad and she just says to me "well that's what you get for living so far away."  DH has a good job here and while we want to move somewhere else, until a job opportunity comes up, there's no reason to.

Maybe I'll just have to fly out for DDs 1st by myself?  (trying not to think of how hard that might be with a one-year-old...)

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Re: Out-of-State Family...how do you do it?

  • my mil used to live out of state.  we kept begging her to move closer.  finally she gave in last march.  she is just wonderful, and we feel so blessed to have her a mere 20 minutes away now.  she gets to see the girls every week. 

    i think that if you have the time to spare and can afford the plane ticket, you should go with your daughter by yourself.  but do it slightly after dd's birthday so that your husband is around for the actual birth day and doesn't feel like he's missing out. 

    as for flying with a toddler, my only advice is to pack lots of diversions and not to wean, since bfing on an airplane is such a great way to get the kid to stop crying.

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  • I hate it!! We have no family here. ILs are 5 hrs one way, my mom is 7 hrs another, my sis who I most long to be close to is about 15 hrs away, as is all the rest of my extended family. None of my extended family has met Myles yet and I don't know when they will. We spend so much $$ we don't have to fly around to see mom and sis as it is. It's so hard. Idk I have no advice, but I feel your pain!!

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  • My family is back in Canada and it is really hard on all of us, my older kids miss them lots. The hardest part for me is I think back on how they were with the older kids and how much they are missing out with Alexis and vice versa.
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  • image hollster8:

     "well that's what you get for living so far away."  DH has a good job here and while we want to move somewhere else, until a job opportunity comes up, there's no reason to.

    Maybe I'll just have to fly out for DDs 1st by myself?  (trying not to think of how hard that might be with a one-year-old...)

    my mom says that me all the time (and she's a whole hour away). i just say "well i guess so but i still feel bad."

    i would schedule another time to celebrate. it's not fair for your DH to miss out on LO's first :(

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  • image DramaMama06:
    image hollster8:

     "well that's what you get for living so far away."  DH has a good job here and while we want to move somewhere else, until a job opportunity comes up, there's no reason to.

    Maybe I'll just have to fly out for DDs 1st by myself?  (trying not to think of how hard that might be with a one-year-old...)

    my mom says that me all the time (and she's a whole hour away). i just say "well i guess so but i still feel bad."

    i would schedule another time to celebrate. it's not fair for your DH to miss out on LO's first :(

    Yeah this exactly what my MIL pulls with us. She is 6 hrs away. My family lives halfway across the country. We have been twice since Hannah was born. Luckily my family is cool and understands why we can't pack up and move just to be closer. It does suck though. There are times I would have killed to have my mom here for a day or 2 just so I can get a break. 

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  • My parents live two states away and they're divorced, so any time one comes up, the other has to as well. It gets a little tiring to be taking time off all the time so what mom and I did was to get skype. We have a "date" once a week and we can see each other, chat, she can see Martin, etc. So far it's working well. :)
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  • I know the feeling. All of my family and friends are in New Jersey and I am in Ontario. It can get very lonely and frustrating sometimes, especially when my in-laws live 10 minutes away, see her at least once a week and complain about not seeing her enough :  |
  • It sucks...I'm in New England and my parents are in the midwest and DH's are down south. Our parents used to live here but both sets moved away 3 years ago. I'm so jealous of bumpies who have family nearby to help out at least once in a while! It also hurts that LO is afraid of our parents when he does get to see them. I actually just ordered a baby photo album for him to see pics of them, I hope it helps.

    At least my parents plan on moving back when they retire in 5 years, but DH's would rather have us move down near them, which we tried to do but couldn't find jobs there. I grew up with no family within an 8 hour drive and there were so many times I felt I was missing out. We don't have money to travel very often either so we skype and i made a website for pictures of LO that our parents check often.

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  • We are military so all of our family is out of state, so we sent out 3 month and 6 month pics (will do 9 month and 12 month) to everyone and we webcam every week with the parents/in laws.  We also send a random pic we might take with our phones.  We dont put LO on facebook either.  Its do able.  We did take LO to see the family when he was 10 weeks old and we are planning another trip this summer
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  • Thanks everyone for the words of support.  We do skype once a week with my mom and dad, and it's been nice.  Especially lately, because DD will 'talk" to them.  We weren't planning on going there on DD's actual birthday, my mom wanted us to come the week after.  She knows I wouldn't make a situation where DH would miss out.

    PP-my inlaws see DD once a week and also complain that they never see her enough.  Once they went 3 weeks (fine with me) and when we saw them they said "she's different we NEVER get to see her anymore!" Blegh.  It makes me so mad when they say that.  Luckily DH says "how do you think her parents feel?" to try to put it in perspective.

    Just Kita - where did you get the baby album?  That sounds like such a cute idea!

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  • Out of state? I wish!

    We live 20 minutes away from my husband's family. My family lives across the world. My mom, step-dad, and grandma has seen him once for one week. My sister once for three weeks. My brother hasn't met him at all. Sad We will be lucky if they see him once a year - and then when our second child arrives (whenver that is) ... maybe once every other year?

    Skype helps a lot but it just isn't enough. I had no idea how quickly he would grow and change and develop and become so awesome. It breaks my heart that my mom, brother, and sister are missing so much.

    And then my dear friends! 

    We are going to the States in April for three weeks and I really hope that we can enjoy as many moments as possible. And that my family can come visit us again soon too. Sigh.

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  • image hollster8:

    Just Kita - where did you get the baby album?  That sounds like such a cute idea!

    This is the one I ordered, I haven't used it yet, but LO and I went to visit my family last week, and after a few days I showed him a pic of DH on my phone and he went nuts! So I'm hoping he likes it! 

    http://www.amazon.com/Sassy-80021-Look-Photo-Book/dp/B002J4U8L6/ref=sr_1_cc_2?s=aps&ie=UTF8&qid=1328450465&sr=1-2-catcorr

      

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  • image just kita:
    image hollster8:

    Just Kita - where did you get the baby album?  That sounds like such a cute idea!

    This is the one I ordered, I haven't used it yet, but LO and I went to visit my family last week, and after a few days I showed him a pic of DH on my phone and he went nuts! So I'm hoping he likes it! 

    http://www.amazon.com/Sassy-80021-Look-Photo-Book/dp/B002J4U8L6/ref=sr_1_cc_2?s=aps&ie=UTF8&qid=1328450465&sr=1-2-catcorr

      

     

    Oh!  I saw this the other day at Target.  I'll have to get one!  Thanks :)

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