3rd Trimester

Need advice

Hi everyone,

I haven't been on this here much this pregnancy( I am 35 weeks with baby #2) but needed advice on an issue.

My SIL, that I am not that close to, sent me a message today asking if I would like to use her frozen breast milk and if I would that she would keep pumping and giving it to me so that my baby could get the antibodies out of the milk. I beleive that how you feed your child is very personal and for a number of reasons I will be formula feeding for this baby as well. I do not feel ashamed to formula feed and don't feel that I should. However my SIL has been rubbing it in my face about how much better breast feeding is since she gave birth to her daughter and I feel this is just another thing to help her feel superior.

My husband thinks I should just say no thanks, but I don't think that is enough. I am truly hurt by her doing this. I feel that she is saying something about my parenting. I am a good mother and don't feel like I am hurting my children by formula feeding. Any ideas of how I should handle this without causing a huge feud? Because honestly right now my husband is having to keep me from making the 2 hour drive to her house to smack her:-)

Sorry this is so long but I appreciate any advice:-)

Re: Need advice

  • I hate when people rub breast feeding in your face. It isn't an option for everyone. Sorry your SIL is being a snob about it, I'd smack her too. GL!
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  • You  could suggest she donate it to a milk bank, where maybe babies more in need than yours will get it.
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  • wow, that's really nice of her to offer. to some people breast milk is like gold! i agree it's a personal decision, but it shouldn't offend you that she offered to give you her frozen milk.

    *i don't agree with rubbing it in anyone's face, but i think there are very strong opinions on both sides of the fence with bm or formula feeding. no one should feel bad about their choice and i think generally those who breast feed encourage others to do it too. i nursed with my son and do think it's more healthy, but i would never push it on someone else who chooses not to.

    this is what i would say to her:

    it was very nice for you to offer, but we have decided to formula feed our child. since you have extra milk you should look into donating it to a milk bank where there are other mom's who are interested and want breast milk. thanks again for the offer, but this is not something i'm interested in.

    Lilypie - (xMlo)

    Lilypie - (sZyp)

    Lilypie - (9utJ)








     








  • Tell her that you appreciate the thought, but you can't get over the cooties factor.  That way you can turn her down and insult her at the same time.
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  • image sbost0118:
    Tell her that you appreciate the thought, but you can't get over the cooties factor.  That way you can turn her down and insult her at the same time.

    ha ha, just might consider that:-)

  • image sbost0118:
    Tell her that you appreciate the thought, but you can't get over the cooties factor.  That way you can turn her down and insult her at the same time.

    What she said! Breastfeeding isn't for everyone and there should be no shame in formula feeding! 

    I would tell her a much more specific illness you could get from improperly thawed breast milk. However I'd say "Sorry, I don't want my child drinking another animals breast milk. It just weirds me out."

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  • Breastmilk does have some benefits (especially the first few weeks if you can do it) to build the babys immune system.  However it's not for everyone and formula is very good these days.  I would take your SILs offer as her trying to be nice.  Pumping and keeping your supply up isn't so fun, so she probably thinks she is doing you a favor.  Just tell her very frankly that you appreciate it, but will be using formula.  If she pushes, tell her you don't want to talk about it anymore and that's that. Its your baby...sometimes you have to forcefully say no to get people to listen (especially when they think they know better).
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