Stay at Home Moms

What's your "discipline" regarding crying/whining?

Oh... I'm probably going to get in deep, you guys know me. But all this discipline talk brought up an incident in which I would like to know how you guys would have handled it. I don't think discipline is the right word... anyways.

Last year we were at the river and my niece (seriously the best kid ever) who was turning 8 got a set of walkie talkies from me. She had wanted "real" ones SO bad and was SO excited about them. Our cousin from out of town was there, 4.5 years old, and he said he wanted to play with them, and she instantly gave him one and she played with him for about 5 minutes, but since her best friend was there, as soon as the 4 year old laid his down to play with something else, she got it and gave it to her bff, and they went off playing. Well, the little cousin had a melt down and cried & cried & cried about it, wanting to play with the walkie talkie. His mom kept saying "it's okay to cry if you are sad, but you're not playing with it, it is Katie Beth's present, and you can have it when they are done". Which IMO was great... but, it went on for over 5 minutes, him wailing to the point of nobody else really being able to talk over the noise... and she kept telling him "its okay to cry"... got old quick.

I'm not saying it was wrong how it was handled... but I "think" if it were my child and they were old enough to understand (which I feel he was), I would have told him to dry up and then if that didn't work would have went into discipline mode, or at least moved him out of the area.

I'm not saying I won't let my kids cry... but I think it would get to a point when they're being kinda "bratty" that I would tell them to knock it off or remove them.... what do you think? What's your style? 

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Re: What's your "discipline" regarding crying/whining?

  • I think she had a good start there, but I would have found a way to redirect him and get his mind off the wallis-talkie situation. I taught four-year olds for nine years and redirection always worked pretty well with them.
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  • If it's becomes a tantrum like that DD goes into time out until she calms down, then I comfort her.

    There was a study that showed kids can't process comfort when that upset hey have to move through that to a calmer state first. 

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  • image ktsnshn:
    I think she had a good start there, but I would have found a way to redirect him and get his mind off the wallis-talkie situation. I taught four-year olds for nine years and redirection always worked pretty well with them.

    Ditto this.  Also, I would only have said "it's ok to cry" once and then ignored him.  If you keep talking to them it will continue longer because they are getting attention.  You can't keep feeding into it

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  • First off, Hi! I used to be one here more but have been so busy.. glad to be back. I agree 100% that she should have told him to dry it up or made him go somewhere else. At home, I would have sent him to his room until he could compose his self. The crying doesn't bother me at all, but I think it is very rude when there are other people around. No one wants to hear your screaming kid, especially when they are WAY too old to behave that way.
  • Could the kid have been hungry, tired, overwhelmed? She might have just been cutting him some slack. It sounds like she held her ground and was firm but kind. DS is still young, but the only time prolonged whining or crying occurs is when there is something else going on as well. I agree that a distraction might have helped, but who knows. Maybe the kid just had a long day and this was his way of blowing off steam.
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  • image MrsBoike:
    First off, Hi! I used to be one here more but have been so busy.. glad to be back. I agree 100% that she should have told him to dry it up or made him go somewhere else. At home, I would have sent him to his room until he could compose his self. The crying doesn't bother me at all, but I think it is very rude when there are other people around. No one wants to hear your screaming kid, especially when they are WAY too old to behave that way.

    That's exactly what I think. I don't' think there is anything wrong with crying but she almost was "feeding" it, kept saying over and over "it's okay to cry if you're upset" etc and I wanted to take him away from the area and redirect him. It only stopped at 5 minutes b/c my aunt (his grandma) stepped in and said "alright, dry it up already and gave him "the look" and he stopped. I really think he was waiting for someone to tell him to stop, lol.  

  • No, I don't punish for whining or crying. at home we usually just tell him, he can go upstairs and cry in another room. but i dont force him. i truly try to ignore it. in public, it is so different and typically i will just redirect as pp mentioned. it is rare for him to cry in public however.
    CJ :-)
  • See, this is another thing, Hope.  You say you don't judge when you post these things but you're judging the person whose kid this is.  You don't know what the circumstances are.  I have my usual "techniques" with my kids but when we're in other situations, sometimes I cut them some slack (SOMETIMES - GASP - I EVEN BRIBE THEM FOR MY OWN SANITY WHEN WE'RE OUT!)  Judge me all you want.  But really, you don't know until you're there with your own kid.  And even then, you don't know the full story of what a parent deals with.  Everything doesn't have to be so deep.  The older my kids get, the more I learn that I don't care what other parents do, so long as the kids are happy and it doesn't affect my family.

    Sorry if it seems I'm on your case, but seriously.  Enough. 

  • At home... Something very obvious is usually wrong - Hungry, tired, bored, and I remedy that.  If it's not obvious, I try to comfort and if I can't, I just say, "Well, I'm sorry you're so upset" and then redirect.

    If we're out, I usually take him aside (or outside) and let him calm down, talk to him about it.  He has only had one or two tantrums that were not at home.... they're pretty rare, so far and usually because he's tired/hungry. 

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  • image wifeandmama:

    See, this is another thing, Hope.  You say you don't judge when you post these things but you're judging the person whose kid this is.  You don't know what the circumstances are.  I have my usual "techniques" with my kids but when we're in other situations, sometimes I cut them some slack (SOMETIMES - GASP - I EVEN BRIBE THEM FOR MY OWN SANITY WHEN WE'RE OUT!)  Judge me all you want.  But really, you don't know until you're there with your own kid.  And even then, you don't know the full story of what a parent deals with.  Everything doesn't have to be so deep.  The older my kids get, the more I learn that I don't care what other parents do, so long as the kids are happy and it doesn't affect my family.

    Sorry if it seems I'm on your case, but seriously.  Enough. 

    You need to get a life. See how the other posters are just talking back and forth? Try that... seriously, it is a message board, people are talking. 

  • Yeah, been a part of this message board for years, thanks for the info.  Off to "get a life" now.
  • I am going to say what at least a few others are thinking.

    Hope is an elaborate troll, right? 

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  • image amy052006:

    I am going to say what at least a few others are thinking.

    Hope is an elaborate troll, right? 

    Pu-lease... I may be annoying, but I'm not a troll.  

  • Why are the women on this board so evil? She asked an opinion on parenting styles and gave an example. Ignore the b*tchs Hope!
  • image MrsBoike:
    Why are the women on this board so evil? She asked an opinion on parenting styles and gave an example. Ignore the b*tchs Hope!

    Did you miss the spanking post below? There's a trend here.

  • image Hope2Have:
    image wifeandmama:

    See, this is another thing, Hope.  You say you don't judge when you post these things but you're judging the person whose kid this is.  You don't know what the circumstances are.  I have my usual "techniques" with my kids but when we're in other situations, sometimes I cut them some slack (SOMETIMES - GASP - I EVEN BRIBE THEM FOR MY OWN SANITY WHEN WE'RE OUT!)  Judge me all you want.  But really, you don't know until you're there with your own kid.  And even then, you don't know the full story of what a parent deals with.  Everything doesn't have to be so deep.  The older my kids get, the more I learn that I don't care what other parents do, so long as the kids are happy and it doesn't affect my family.

    Sorry if it seems I'm on your case, but seriously.  Enough. 

    You need to get a life. 

    And finally you are starting to show your true colors.  

    W&M is an AWESOME person and mother who has been around forever.  You have no idea who you are talking to. 

    Take a break Hope before you piss off the whole board.  


    Lilypie - (ZESJ)Lilypie - (QAi1)

  • In this situation, I typically try to be understanding for a bit, because it does suck to be the little one and have something you were playing with taken away. Of course it was the cousin's gift and she wanted to play with her friend, but it's not always easy to see that when you're four.

    After a few minutes of it, I tell him that it's fine if he wants to cry, but he needs to go someplace else and do it because he's hurting everyone else's ears. 


  • While I don't have a problem with the questions you ask Hope, I really wish you would realize the way you come across. You purposely throw things out on the table you know will stir the pot, then very few times do you stick around to hear the answers. It seems very very troll like and there is a trend of you doing this. I'm all for asking opinions on things you want to know about, but really? Pick something NON controversial for a change. You always say you are not out to judge, but simply stating that at all already makes you look like you are judging. You know you are judging so you feel the need to justify it by saying you don't. Everyone knows this...Asking people not to flame you is another example of this (you did this on another post). @ Mrs. Boike, she is not a first time offender I'm afraid so I think the flaming to a point really is necessary here to make her understand what she is doing. 
  • LOL @ the rest of this post.  Sorry, hope - It's just funny.  Every single post is judgey and that's totally fine - Just own it!  It could be your "thing"!  Be who you are.  Fly that judge flag!  Just own that sh*t!
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  • image wifeandmama:

    See, this is another thing, Hope.  You say you don't judge when you post these things but you're judging the person whose kid this is.  You don't know what the circumstances are.  I have my usual "techniques" with my kids but when we're in other situations, sometimes I cut them some slack (SOMETIMES - GASP - I EVEN BRIBE THEM FOR MY OWN SANITY WHEN WE'RE OUT!)  Judge me all you want.  But really, you don't know until you're there with your own kid.  And even then, you don't know the full story of what a parent deals with.  Everything doesn't have to be so deep.  The older my kids get, the more I learn that I don't care what other parents do, so long as the kids are happy and it doesn't affect my family.

    Sorry if it seems I'm on your case, but seriously.  Enough. 

    I have started carrying Tootsie Pops in my diaper bag for the sole purpose of bribing my toddler.  Judge away.  I've only had to bust one out in the last week and he only sucks on it for a few minutes before getting bored.

    It's suuuuuper easy to judge the h*ll out of people when you only have one, non-mobile child, Hope...  Give it a year!   

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  • image MamatoJackson:
    image wifeandmama:

    See, this is another thing, Hope.  You say you don't judge when you post these things but you're judging the person whose kid this is.  You don't know what the circumstances are.  I have my usual "techniques" with my kids but when we're in other situations, sometimes I cut them some slack (SOMETIMES - GASP - I EVEN BRIBE THEM FOR MY OWN SANITY WHEN WE'RE OUT!)  Judge me all you want.  But really, you don't know until you're there with your own kid.  And even then, you don't know the full story of what a parent deals with.  Everything doesn't have to be so deep.  The older my kids get, the more I learn that I don't care what other parents do, so long as the kids are happy and it doesn't affect my family.

    Sorry if it seems I'm on your case, but seriously.  Enough. 

    I have started carrying Tootsie Pops in my diaper bag for the sole purpose of bribing my toddler.  Judge away.  I've only had to bust one out in the last week and he only sucks on it for a few minutes before getting bored.

    It's suuuuuper easy to judge the h*ll out of people when you only have one, non-mobile child, Hope...  Give it a year!   

    The thing is, I owned that it was a hot topic... but I swear I JUST don't see it as being judgmental... I said I "think" I will handle it this way, meaning saying "dry up" after 5 minutes, wanting to know what you guys think.. I just see it as a simple question. Seriously, maybe I really am internet-stupid it just seems okay to ask IMO... we're a bunch of moms, ya know? I LOVE to argue, I do... IRL me and my family argue "in fun" for the most part ALL the time... sure, I do like to, but times like this, I just don't see it as a problem I really don't! I just see it as another topic to talk about. I also feel like if one of the other regulars had asked the same exact thing, it wouldn't be an issue. 

  • I don't know about others, but it would come off the same from someone who constantly posts very "stir the pot" type posts like you often do. The fact that you "like to argue" should be a red flag to yourself on how you present yourself on TB. I am treating you just as I would anyone else in this situation. I see a pattern, I call out the pattern. Plain and simple. 
  • I'm with you on this... I feel as though she started out good, but let it go on for too long. I feel as though when LO is of age to understand concepts, we will be having our fair share of melt downs...

    LO is dramatic - which is too funny because he's a boy! He will literally break down if I take something he knows he can't have. He will kick and scream, which it won't be too funny once he is older - I don't want my child to look like the kid who cried for 20 minutes because I let him be a little spoiled and bratty over a toy, ya know? Me and H have discussed and this will be our discipline:

    1st time - warning.
    2nd time - warning, and warning of time-out if done again.
    3rd time - time-out (on couch or something, if you do it again you will get time-out in a room by yourself.
    4th time - isolated time-out, if it happens again - spanking.

    I'm very against spanking unless it gets to the point that LO is clearly going against rules and needs to understand that if he is going to keep disobeying, time-out isn't where he will go and he needs to know that he is being corrected for reasons. I said this yesterday but I honestly feel as though when I was little and got in trouble, I wasn't taking my parents seriously and I would do whatever it was again without any hesitation... When they spanked me (not serious hardcore spanks), I did think twice before I did it again.

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  • image MamatoJackson:
    image wifeandmama:

    See, this is another thing, Hope.  You say you don't judge when you post these things but you're judging the person whose kid this is.  You don't know what the circumstances are.  I have my usual "techniques" with my kids but when we're in other situations, sometimes I cut them some slack (SOMETIMES - GASP - I EVEN BRIBE THEM FOR MY OWN SANITY WHEN WE'RE OUT!)  Judge me all you want.  But really, you don't know until you're there with your own kid.  And even then, you don't know the full story of what a parent deals with.  Everything doesn't have to be so deep.  The older my kids get, the more I learn that I don't care what other parents do, so long as the kids are happy and it doesn't affect my family.

    Sorry if it seems I'm on your case, but seriously.  Enough. 

    I have started carrying Tootsie Pops in my diaper bag for the sole purpose of bribing my toddler.  Judge away.  I've only had to bust one out in the last week and he only sucks on it for a few minutes before getting bored.

    It's suuuuuper easy to judge the h*ll out of people when you only have one, non-mobile child, Hope...  Give it a year!   

    We are partial to Dum Dums in our house/car. :)


    Lilypie - (ZESJ)Lilypie - (QAi1)

  • image dsmithplus2:

    I'm with you on this... I feel as though she started out good, but let it go on for too long. I feel as though when LO is of age to understand concepts, we will be having our fair share of melt downs...

    LO is dramatic - which is too funny because he's a boy! He will literally break down if I take something he knows he can't have. He will kick and scream, which it won't be too funny once he is older - I don't want my child to look like the kid who cried for 20 minutes because I let him be a little spoiled and bratty over a toy, ya know? Me and H have discussed and this will be our discipline:

    1st time - warning.
    2nd time - warning, and warning of time-out if done again.
    3rd time - time-out (on couch or something, if you do it again you will get time-out in a room by yourself.
    4th time - isolated time-out, if it happens again - spanking.

    I'm very against spanking unless it gets to the point that LO is clearly going against rules and needs to understand that if he is going to keep disobeying, time-out isn't where he will go and he needs to know that he is being corrected for reasons. I said this yesterday but I honestly feel as though when I was little and got in trouble, I wasn't taking my parents seriously and I would do whatever it was again without any hesitation... When they spanked me (not serious hardcore spanks), I did think twice before I did it again.

    Just realized that I may come off as I would spank LO if he was crying... Thats not the case at all, I would only spank if LO kept doing something that me or H kept telling him not to do. Crying because he was upset someone took the toy - he would've been sent to a room until he could calm down.

    Sorry if I confused anyone.

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  • I like these types of discussions lol! Parenting brings up so many deep seated issues. DH was raised in a very "never show emotion" type household. He wasn't allowed to be upset or cry. My family is very dramatic, sobbing and laughing occured regularly lol!

    For DD, so far I tell her it is okay to be upset but becoming hysterical results in a time out. It depends on the situation. In public I try to diffuse whatever way I can. Redirection so far works but I am sure as she gets older we will have to try new things. I have a friend who is very "new agey" lol and I witnessed her 7 year old rolling around sobbing in a clothing store for about an hour. People has to step over her while my friend said things like "Feel that frustration! Let's label your feelings. I am sensing anger!" Yeah, not for me but eh, not my kid lol!

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  • Well after reading this, I'm going to pick up some kind of lollipops! 
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  • image wifeandmama:

    See, this is another thing, Hope.  You say you don't judge when you post these things but you're judging the person whose kid this is.  You don't know what the circumstances are.  I have my usual "techniques" with my kids but when we're in other situations, sometimes I cut them some slack (SOMETIMES - GASP - I EVEN BRIBE THEM FOR MY OWN SANITY WHEN WE'RE OUT!)  Judge me all you want.  But really, you don't know until you're there with your own kid.  And even then, you don't know the full story of what a parent deals with.  Everything doesn't have to be so deep.  The older my kids get, the more I learn that I don't care what other parents do, so long as the kids are happy and it doesn't affect my family.

    Sorry if it seems I'm on your case, but seriously.  Enough. 

    I agree with everything you said.  To add my own response, I don't think you can/should be making judgements on her parenting, bc your LO is just a baby, when your daughter is that age you might do the same thing, even tho you say you won't.  I think that it's just not nice to constantly be watching friends and family members with their kids just so you can find something to say "Oh wow I would NEVER do that, what do you think?" type questions.  I'm sure that you do things that people would question also, no one is perfect.

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  • image pinacolodas:

    I like these types of discussions lol! Parenting brings up so many deep seated issues. DH was raised in a very "never show emotion" type household. He wasn't allowed to be upset or cry. My family is very dramatic, sobbing and laughing occured regularly lol!

    For DD, so far I tell her it is okay to be upset but becoming hysterical results in a time out. It depends on the situation. In public I try to diffuse whatever way I can. Redirection so far works but I am sure as she gets older we will have to try new things. I have a friend who is very "new agey" lol and I witnessed her 7 year old rolling around sobbing in a clothing store for about an hour. People has to step over her while my friend said things like "Feel that frustration! Let's label your feelings. I am sensing anger!" Yeah, not for me but eh, not my kid lol!

    That is hilarious.... (said in a very judgmental way!) I can't even imagine being okay with your SEVEN year old kid rolling and crying in a store for that long... wow. Different strokes, right? :o) 

  • I would try to find another activity to distract her, but would comfort as well. When kids are away from home and their routine, even as old as 4.5 (and I'm sure older, we're not there yet) things that might not fly at home are fine. It's likely there were a series of disappointments/overstimulations leading up to that. I would never "discipline" for hurt feelings because I consider emotions perfectly valid, even if I would feel a different emotion in a given situation.
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