Mom vent (rainbow baby mentioned)

savykay

Called my mom tonight to share the good news that we're pregnant.  Before I even got a word in she started yelling at me about how horrible of a person I was (she was wasted, drugs and alcohol), and how selfish I am.  

Her reasoning is that after I had Oliver and he passed away we asked that nobody come to the hospital, they could come and see us in a few days, but we needed time with our son and time to grieve.  I am selfish because I asked her not to come to the hospital....um....okay, I'm sorry my grieving got in the way of your plans to come see me.

Anyway this continued for about 45 min.  Finally I told her that this conversation was tearing me down and that I'd just like to tell her what I called to tell her.  This is how the conversation went:

"Fine, tell me whatever you want"-Mom

"Well I'm pregnant and due in September, I just wanted you to know and have you be a part of this."

 "Well how about you just give me a call and let me know when this baby dies."

And then she hung up.

Insert ugly cry from me here. 

DH is so sweet and comforting, thank goodness I married a great man who is part of a loving family.

Thank you for letting me vent here, I didn't know where else to go, but I knew you ladies would have a unique understanding.  I'm sorry if it didn't make any sense, I'm still sort of fuming/sad.

shanaynerz

OMG I am soo very sorry your mother said that! You are very lucky your husband and his family are so supportive. Try not to let her bring you down, which can be easier said than done since she's your mother, but if she is acting like that she's toxic. You need to focus on yourself and your baby and not pay attention to her cruel comments. I hope she becomes a part of your baby's life and, quite honestly, grows up. Until then it may be best to keep a distance. But ugh, that sucks and I'm just really sorry you had to deal with that. *hugs*

pb127

What a truly wretched thing to say to ANYONE, let alone your own child!

Well, WE are cheering you on through your pregnancy. It's hard enough being PgAL without such outside negativity.

Happy and healthy 9 months to you, savykay~

Kris721

What a crappy thing to say! Glad your DH is a wonderful man.

drvst8

What a horrible thing to say. I hope for your sake she apologizes if she remembers she said it.

Heatherhah

Wow I am so sorry she said that. I would be so upset. Why do people not think before they speak. That was so mean. Thank goodness your DH has a wonderful family lean on them. i know a few moms like that who say things with out thinking the thought through and it kills their kids. Again I am so sorry!!

johnnys june

This is one of the rudest things anyone could ever say.  It's just cruel.  I'm so sorry, hun.  *hugs*  We are definitely cheering you on.  We have hope for this rainbow baby for you.

Petunia844

I'm so sorry, I can't believe she could say that to her daughter, drunk or not.  Big huge hugs for you, you can ALWAYS vent here.

ally2011

I am so, so sorry.  There is really no excuse for her behavior at all.  It sounds like she has her own grief over her grandchild mixed in there with the drugs and alcohol and it is coming out in a horrible way.  

My dad's mom was an alcoholic and when she was drunk she was horribly mean.  When she was sober, she was wonderful.  She took her own life when he was 34, she was very, very sick.  I say this to reiterate that your mother does not sound like she is in her right mind so do your very, very best to not take what she is saying personally.  It is not about you.  I know that is hard, but it's not - she is broken and has her own mess to deal with...and her issues are not a reflection on you in any way.

Sadly, there may come a point where you are going to have to cut ties with her if she is not willing to get help.  I truly hope it will not come to that, but at some point it may to protect yourself and your family.

I am so sorry she said that to you.  What an awful, awful thing to say.  Hugs to you during this time.  And congratulations to you on being pregnant!

Jenn 

cookie_queen

OMG that is absolutely awful! I'm so sorry your mom said that. I would completely cut someone out of my life for that.

foxxy1

OMG! I'm so sorry. That's just...that's just cruel! I'm glad DH was able to comfort you.

savykay

Thank you ladies for all your sweet comments.  It is so comforting to be a part of a group of women who understand and are cheering me on .  You ladies are seriously great!

JessicaRobb

Ugh! Your mom made ME mad, I can't even imagine how upset she made you! Sorry that you are dealing with that.

 Best wishes to you and your little raspberry! 

AmyG2b

I am so sorry you had to deal with that. You didn't deserve it, and I'm sure it's the last thing anyone would want to hear. Continue to surround yourself with the people who lift you up, and lean on us! I'm excited for you!

weddedwife

I'm so sorry. How wretched of your mother to treat you this way.

She is definitely a toxic person to have around you right now. I don't mean to overstep here but- have you considered Al-Anon? They might have some good tools for you in figuring out how to incorporate your mom in your baby's life without allowing her to hurt you in the process.

Big hugs!

pottermommy

  I don't think I have any words for this.  I am so sorry she acted that way.  I am so so sorry.

savykay

Thank you so much for all of your kind words and advice.  I have considered just closing her out for a while, and that's probably what I'll do for now. Being PGAL is scary and stressful enough that I know it's not good for me to have this in addition to all of that.  I hadn't considered Al-Anon, so thank you Wedded Wife for mentioning that, I'm for sure looking into it for my area.  She's been toxic in my life for quite some time, so I think this has been coming.  She said what she knew would hurt me the most, which was uncalled for.  I think eventually this will all blow over, but for now we're just going our own ways.

Thank you ladies again for being so supportive.  Big ((hugs)) to you all! 

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