February 2012 Moms

I THINK I'm ready...(vent/long)

So a little history...I was pregnant early last year and was due May 6th with our first little boy.  I went into labor early (March 22nd), and delivered our baby boy 6 weeks early; only to find out that all his vital organs were surrounded by fluid and he was not able to breathe on his own or with assistance.  It was determined that he had Hydrops.  He lived for only an hour.  So, I left the hospital the next day with no baby in my arms.  It was a completely devestaing blow.  I felt like we duped everyone we know.  We talked about waiting until this year to start trying again, but we went on a little getaway that has resulting in this pregnancy!  I am having another boy and we cant be more excited.  But there is a part of me that is uneasy about the whole situation.  I know I can make it to the hospital and deliver a baby but, what I am scared about is what happens after I deliver.

The question that rolls through my head day after day are: "Am I just in this for the heck of it?"  This time we are fully prepared to bring the baby home, we've got EVERYTHING we need, and then some!

How can I manage to stay stress-free?

Pregnancy Ticker

Re: I THINK I'm ready...(vent/long)

  • I think all you can do is prepare for what's *supposed* to happen. I'm so sorry about what happened with your first. Something similar has happened to one of my cousins, and it was a bit terrifying in subsequent pregnancies. But if we all stressed about all the things that could possibly go wrong, we'd all be looney. I'm not sure what it might be, but maybe try to find a coping mechanism for when you find yourself fixating on the worst possibility. Something that will take your mind off of it somehow? Music or reading or ???

    It must be really difficult, but stress won't change anything, except maybe your blood pressure! Good luck and hang in there mama!

    Leigh 04.26.2008 Arlo 01.30.2012
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  • I don't have any good advice for you. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Congrats on the soon arrival of your 2nd little boy though!
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  • That's so hard--I can't imagine NOT fixating on the "what if's" constantly with a history like yours!  I would guess the only thing you can do is trust that your body and your baby are healthy and lean solely on that.  Like you said, you're fully prepared to bring the baby home.  Keep planning on that!
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  • Oh, wow.  So sorry for your loss -  I cannot imagine.  Hugs to you.  I think your feelings are totally normal and I am sure I would be a basket case if I were in your shoes.  Hang in there - T&Ps for you in the meantime.

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  • That is so sad. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I know I'd be a wreck if I were in your shoes, so I don't want to give you flippant advice that I know I is easier to say than to follow.

    It's totally okay to be scared. More likely than not, your LO will be fine and perfectly healthy. I know that doesn't make it easier for you now...

    Just know that we are all here for you if you want to vent. That's what the board is for.

    Elkanah Brave, born 02/06/2012 7:26am
  • No answers here- just hugs and prayers for you and your growing family. Also, given the tragedy of your son's loss, I'm assuming you prob got some extra care from a high risk doc this time? If so, rest assured that they have been doing everything to monitor lo's growth and development. Two things that helped me early in this pregnancy during a health scare to calm my anxiety were meditative prayer(rosary for me) and positive affirmations- ESP "my baby is happy and healthy". I know it sounds silly, but those were the only things that got me through!
  • Thank you for the kind words!! I know that I should feel fine, especially since with this pregnancy there isnt a week that goes by that I dont see my Dr., I have been seeing her bi-weekly for months, and just recently started seeing her weekly.  I also have been going to the hospital for weekly NSTs.  I think that what makes me so "scared" is that we want this little guy so much and we are so totally ready for him!  I am 35 weeks tomorrow and I would give my left foot to have my LO by the weekend...

    Oh I am going crazy!!  Indifferent (in a good way)

    Pregnancy Ticker
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