Baby Showers

Ugh. Seriously? And what would you buy?

I received a mass email invite to a baby shower, being thrown by the mother herself.  There were 48 people on the invitation email.  She broke the 48 into three groups and asked that Group A bring decor/centerpieces, Group B bring appetizers/dessert, and Group C bring drinks.  She also included her address and said that if people can't make it to the shower, they can just send gifts directly to her.

I looked at the registry items and most are between $150-$500.  She is unemployed and there is no dad in the picture, so I know finances must be tight.  But seriously?

I'm really considering just sending diapers and wipes, or a teddy bear for the kid.

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Baby Boy born sleeping at 20 weeks.
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Re: Ugh. Seriously? And what would you buy?

  • I would just send a gift card for the store she registered at and just do an amount you can affford. That way she can apply towards something bigger that she needs.

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  • I wouldn't send anything, nor would I attend.
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  • A greeting card and my regrets.
  • I'd send a small gift for the baby - cute outfit, stack of bibs, diapers/wipes, whatever - and decline the invitation.  And that's only if there was some way to get out of the gift part (e.g. didn't know her very well).  With my luck it'd be my uber-tacky cousin doing that....
  • imageIvana.Stolichnaya:
    I wouldn't send anything, nor would I attend.

    Yes  Sounds like a charity event more than a shower! 

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  • Wow. That is sooooo tacky. I would give her a gift card and not attend.
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  • Seriously??? She essentially asked people to throw a shower for her!  I'd send a regrets and that's about it.  I can't believe this is a good friend so I don't think I would send much else ... maybe something very small, but that's just beyond tacky.

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  • I would send my regrets.
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  • imageRoxyLynn:
    I'd send a small gift for the baby - cute outfit, stack of bibs, diapers/wipes, whatever - and decline the invitation.  And that's only if there was some way to get out of the gift part (e.g. didn't know her very well).  With my luck it'd be my uber-tacky cousin doing that....

    Yeah, it is.  :)

    image
    Baby Boy born sleeping at 20 weeks.
  • Honestly, I would just send a card without anything in it. That just screams gift grabby, and I wouldn't go just because of it.
    imageimageimage
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  • I wouldn't even bother with a reply. To just assume everyone is coming AND bring the decor/food/drink AND a pricey gift? Unless this was my sister, there's nothing that would make me do anything for this woman. If it were my sister, I'd call her out on it. I don't care how unfortunate your situation is, this is beyond rude.
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  • That's really tacky to ask people to supply things for the shower. Sure money is tight, but isn't it with everyone? I had an aunt ask if she needed me to bring something for my shower. I politely told her that everything was covered. I would never in a million years consider asking someone to bring supplies for a shower.
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  • I would decline the invite and not send anything.  The whole thing is tacky!!!! 

    -She's throwing her own shower-Tacky

    -She mass emailed people as an invite-Tacky(I''m not against tasteful e-vites but not for just a regular old email saying "come to my party" sent to every tom *** and harry in the address book)

    -She told GUESTS to bring stuff to her party.....I have NEVER attened a shower where I was expected to bring the food and decorations.-Tacky

    -Her regestry screams GIFT GRABBY!  My regestry has items raging from $2-$300 because I know money can be tight and I would rather someone buy a binki if that's all they can afford and get themselves to the party rather than not come because they can't afford a gift.

    She needs to realize it's HER responsibility to provide for this child NOT everyone elses.

  • I would send an email saying I had plans for that day and leave it at that.  I wouldn't send a single thing, not a thing.  Doing so would just encourage her to pull this same nonsense with her next child. 
  • I'd consider declining and not sending anything at all, but rather meeting up with her after the baby is born with a "welcome baby" gift of some small necessities... somehow that would make me feel like the gift was something I chose to give her because I care for her.. not because I felt obligated to after getting the invitation.

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  • What would I buy?  Not a damn thing.  

     If there was no graceful way of getting out of it, I'd send a card with a $20 gift card.  The whole event screams gift grabby-clearly she doesn't care at all about the people attending, just what they'll bring to the shower (Including the shower itself!)  

  • I'd do the same.  Decline, and then when the baby is born bring an outfit and diapers.

     

    Eta: oops, supposed to be a quote in there.  I'd reply back via email saying I couldn't go, not sending anything.  Then small gift when baby is born.

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  • If I were a very close friend I would send regrets with a gift card to her registry store.  Maybe also a list of Moms to Moms sales, Salvation Army and/or Goodwill stores, and any store that sells "gently used" baby things.  Wow.  Poor thing...isn't there anyone in her family that has some common sense that could educate her?
  • imagerhubarb123:
    If I were a very close friend I would send regrets with a gift card to her registry store.  Maybe also a list of Moms to Moms sales, Salvation Army and/or Goodwill stores, and any store that sells "gently used" baby things.  Wow.  Poor thing...isn't there anyone in her family that has some common sense that could educate her?

    If it were a very close friend, I'd tell her what an azz she was being.

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  • imageScout2005:
    I wouldn't go and I probably wouldn't send anything, honestly.
    This.
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  • My jaw actually dropped on this one.  I like what PPs said--send your regrets, then take some essentials after the baby is born.
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  • imageLiz4444:
    I would send my regrets.

    This. I also wouldn't send a gift.

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  • Send vodka.
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  • imageDO-JO:
    I'd consider declining and not sending anything at all, but rather meeting up with her after the baby is born with a "welcome baby" gift of some small necessities... somehow that would make me feel like the gift was something I chose to give her because I care for her.. not because I felt obligated to after getting the invitation.

    All of this. 

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  • imageMelleTX:

    imageDO-JO:
    I'd consider declining and not sending anything at all, but rather meeting up with her after the baby is born with a "welcome baby" gift of some small necessities... somehow that would make me feel like the gift was something I chose to give her because I care for her.. not because I felt obligated to after getting the invitation.

    All of this. 

    Tritto.  

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  • imageIvana.Stolichnaya:
    I wouldn't send anything, nor would I attend.

    This! If enough people deny her, maaaaybe she would get the point? Nah, probably not, but at least I wouldn't feel like a sucker!

  • imageRoxyLynn:
    I'd send a small gift for the baby - cute outfit, stack of bibs, diapers/wipes, whatever - and decline the invitation.  And that's only if there was some way to get out of the gift part (e.g. didn't know her very well).  With my luck it'd be my uber-tacky cousin doing that....

    This, because we all know how annoying it is to get tons of clothes instead of things we need and she doesn't deserve to get diapers/wipes, because of how tacky she is! How strange.

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  • imageKaliChick:
    Seriously??? She essentially asked people to throw a shower for her!  I'd send a regrets and that's about it.  I can't believe this is a good friend so I don't think I would send much else ... maybe something very small, but that's just beyond tacky.

    Yes

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  • imagemommyaudra:

    imageRoxyLynn:
    I'd send a small gift for the baby - cute outfit, stack of bibs, diapers/wipes, whatever - and decline the invitation.  And that's only if there was some way to get out of the gift part (e.g. didn't know her very well).  With my luck it'd be my uber-tacky cousin doing that....

    This, because we all know how annoying it is to get tons of clothes instead of things we need and she doesn't deserve to get diapers/wipes, because of how tacky she is! How strange.

    Wait---I think you're trying to be funny.  

    image 

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  • imageIvana.Stolichnaya:
    I wouldn't send anything, nor would I attend.

    THIS!!!!!

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  • imageacheever14:

    imageIvana.Stolichnaya:
    I wouldn't send anything, nor would I attend.

    THIS!!!!!

    Yes, that is horrible. I hope she is just really really clueless, and not a greedy tw*t like it seems.

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  • I'd decline and anonymously send a book about etiquette.
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  • imageccam:

    imageIvana.Stolichnaya:
    I wouldn't send anything, nor would I attend.

    Yes  Sounds like a charity event more than a shower! 

     

    I totally agree!! some nerve of people!! 

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  • I wouldn't even dignify this w/a decline nor a gift. The GALL of some pp!!!! #WHERETHEYDOTHATAT?????
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  • If you really don't want to go then don't go, but if you wanted to go to her shower and if circumstances were different then you would attend you should and bring whatever gift is in your budget.  Don't let the way the invitation was worded cause you to miss out because you may regret not going more than you would regret going.  Her circumstances are unfortunate and I think that we all imagined having a baby shower when we found out we were pregnant and she just wants to have one too.  It seems that no one offered to throw her one and she can't really afford it so she's doing it potluck style.  Maybe the wording on the invitation seems very tacky, but try to consider how you might feel if you had been in her situation.
  • You're not obligated to reply to spam emails or commercial solicitations.
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  • I wouldn't go. I think it's a little strange when people throw their own shower, but to ask for everyone to bring everything is soooooooooooo RUDE! IF she's a good friend and you will visit her when the baby is born, I'd get a couple of outfits and that's it. WOW
  • First off, sending a mass email invite is just tacky, especially to something as personal and intimate as a baby shower should be.  If she couldn't take the time to do an invitation and address an envelope to let me know that my attendance would be very much appreciated and wanted (aside from getting a gift) then I wouldn't take my time worrying so and deciding whether to go, let alone a gift. 

    Secondly, if her family or close friends don't think much of her to throw the shower for her, and if she isn't willing to simply buy a cake, plates, punch or coffee and cups, to show her appreciation for the guests she has invited, then she must not be a very well thought of person and quite ignorant of etiquette.  I'm not speaking of baby shower etiquette, I'm speaking polite and common sense etiquette.  She is literally requiring any 'guest' who attends to throw the shower for her. 

    If she is lucky, a few people will show up to that shower.  I for one wouldn't be there.  I don't pity this woman; obviously there is a reason there is no dad in the picture.  Greedy and Selfish and Rude are three words that come to mind about this 'friend'.  

  • image10thanniversary2011:

    First off, sending a mass email invite is just tacky, especially to something as personal and intimate as a baby shower should be.  If she couldn't take the time to do an invitation and address an envelope to let me know that my attendance would be very much appreciated and wanted (aside from getting a gift) then I wouldn't take my time worrying so and deciding whether to go, let alone a gift. 

    Secondly, if her family or close friends don't think much of her to throw the shower for her, and if she isn't willing to simply buy a cake, plates, punch or coffee and cups, to show her appreciation for the guests she has invited, then she must not be a very well thought of person and quite ignorant of etiquette.  I'm not speaking of baby shower etiquette, I'm speaking polite and common sense etiquette.  She is literally requiring any 'guest' who attends to throw the shower for her. 

    If she is lucky, a few people will show up to that shower.  I for one wouldn't be there.  I don't pity this woman; obviously there is a reason there is no dad in the picture.  Greedy and Selfish and Rude are three words that come to mind about this 'friend'.  

    Don't get me wrong - I totally agree.  She isn't a friend.  Unfortunately, and this is embarrassing, she is family.

    image
    Baby Boy born sleeping at 20 weeks.
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