1st Trimester

Newly pregnant; shocked by feelings about it


I'm 26 and I just found out I'm pregnant for the first time yesterday - maybe 4 weeks or so along, but I don't have my first appointment until 2/10, so I won't know for sure til then. Anyway, my husband of 2.5 years is thrilled but all I can do is cry. I'm not excited. I feel sick to my stomach. This is not at all how I pictured this going. I know my husband is disappointment in my reaction and somehow that's just making it worse for me. I'm terrified of what's to come and even more terrified that I've already done something to mess it up (I love wine and drank it a lot in the past few months). Should I call my doctor and tell her I want to meet sooner? Is this normal? Has anyone else been completely sideswiped by getting pregnant (this was not planned) and not been thrilled by the news??

Re: Newly pregnant; shocked by feelings about it

  • Hey!


    Don't feel bad. When I got pregnant the first time, I cried for days. I literally felt like my life was over. It wasn't until I heard the heartbeat that I actually came around and started getting excited. I cried a bit on Sunday when I found out about Baby #2, but I guess since I have already been thru this once, I got over it quickly. 

    You will come around, it just may take awhile. 


  • Most doctors have a call line to ask about your concerns. They are usually very kind. I can't say I understand your feelings, but I do hope it can turn into a happy time. GL
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I'm in a very similar situation - my DH is totally excited about having a baby, and I'm half-panicked most of the day.  This also wasn't planned for us - I'm graduating in May from grad school, and the thought of finding a job (and I need to work! right now we're surviving on the chunk of money we saved, planning for my internship when I couldn't work full-time) while 5 months pregnant is terrifying. 

    It's tough, and it just might take some time before it starts getting exciting - what's been helping me is knowing that my DH is supportive absolutely, and is experiencing this with me, in every way except physically feeling the way I do now. 

    Hang in there, and talk to your DH.  My DH and I had a long conversation last night about what I was feeling, and it really helped. 

    Little B 9.20.12
  • If you are only 4 weeks pregnant, the wine you drank won't matter. Even though you are 4 weeks, technically you are only 2 weeks pregnant. Do not stress about what you cannot change. Try to take a deep breath and enjoy this part. The excitement will come.
    m/c 3/07-7 weeks, m/c 5/07-9 weeks, ds 09/08, ds 05/10, m/c 10/11-9 weeks BabyFruit Ticker
  • you should have nothing to fear about the wine thing my cousin didnt know until she was in her 5th month she was pregnate because they kept telling her it was menopause because of her age and got drunk almost every night before she found out and allie is just fine. I was not to thrilled about this pregnacy either but I am fine now that I have support from the ones I love you will get threw it!


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • Don't feel too guilty about not being excited. We were surprised to find out I was pregnant too, and we were pretty much just shocked at first. I think it's fairly common to have mixed feelings in the beginning. In fact, when I told my doctor this wasn't planned she told me not worry if I wasn't excited or if I was having mixed feelings because it happens to a lot of people. She did tell me to bring it up if I kept feeling that way or the feelings got worse. I definitely got more excited after getting to see my baby on the u/s. Even though I still think "what have we gotten ourselves into" every once in a while, I'm looking forward to meeting baby and I get more excited the farther along I am. Just give yourself some time to get used to the idea.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I completely understand how you feel. When my fiance and I found out we both started crying; him from happiness, me from overwhelming sadness. I hadn't planned on getting pregnant for awhile and BOOM, now I am.  I cried a lot at first, I'm still not excited. But everyone keeps telling me that I'll get excited after the first ultrasound or when it starts moving. So, I'm keeping hope.  Good luck and I hope that helped a little, at least with the feeling disapionted part.  :-)
  • Don't feel bad at all about how you feel. When I found out, I stayed in the fetal position for a day or two and cried about my life being over. I've always wanted a family, but I never actually wanted to bear children. I didn't know if I wanted to keep it, or terminate it. It wasn't planned at all, it was my own dumb mistake for not being aware of my cycle. IMO, it's normal to be freaked out and terrified. I've ultimately decided to keep Sprout, and I'm doing my best to stay positive. I was upset about festivals DH and I have tickets to already for the summer. But I decided I'll be around hippies for them, and they'll all love my belly and I'll have fun anyway. It certainly threw a wrench in the gears for us, but I'm moving foreward.

    If you want to freak out privately and without judgement, send me a PM.

  • thanks, that does help :) it's still so new (the news is not even 24 hours old yet) so I'm still crying a lot (at work, ugh) but hopefully it will subside. I'm planning on calling the nurse triage desk to talk to someone about this, but reading helps so much!
  • Your post sounds almost exactly like the post I created about 4 weeks ago called 'my unexpected reaction to being prego'. So many of us feel this way at first. It's not like those movies where the women are on cloud 9 and happier than they have ever been in their lives....at least not at first, maybe in the 2nd trimester, but certainly not in the 1st trimester. The 1st trimester stinks! I feel sick all day and totally exhausted and moody. The good news is that it gets BETTER! You seem to get used to the idea and you start to feel less and less anxiety and panic as time goes by. When my fiance and I found out we both cried, him from happiness and me from terror. I went back and forth not knowing if I wanted to follow through with the pregnancy or not....wondering if I was suffering from extreme anxiety or depression. But after my first doctors appt. and getting to hear the heartbeat and see that little peanut inside of me, it all changed. I felt more at peace and certain that this was in fact a blessing. It also helps to tell a few trusted female friends/family members...the support is soooo needed at a time like this!

    Just hang in there! You will see... :-)

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I felt almost the same way.  My husband and I just got married in March, and I was looking foward to having a few years for just us - for travelling, time with friends, etc - before starting a family.  When we found out we were pregnant, I cried and cried and basically went in to panic mode.  I also worried about having done something that could "mess up the pregnancy", since I wasn't planning on getting pregnant and hadn't really taken any special care of myself, like not drinking wine.  I can tell you though, that as the news sinks in, and especially once you tell people, you'll start to get more excited :)  I'm a bit over 16 weeks now and VERY excited.  I think the initial shock was just a lot to get used to.
    BabyFruit Ticker Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I'm With you As I found out I was Prego This Past Saturday - I finally told my Fiance Last night - in full blown tears - He was Very Happy, he said aren't you happy?  I said I'm Scared and have to change everything like that.. I quit Smoking like that and of Coarse can't have that 5 O Clock Drink anymore - not till September Anyway!  Know your Not Alone :-)
    me: 39 DH 40 Trying to Conceive #1 Since Nov. 2010, BFP # 1 1/14/12 EDD 9/20/12 -M/C between 7-8 weeks - :( BFP # 2 10/9/12 EDD 6/16/12 - No Embryo Found 8 weeks 4 day U/S :( Waiting to Miscarry - 9 weeks today Will Try for one more BFP in 2013
  • I'd also like to add that my fiance and I were actually trying to concieve! Which made my negative reaction even more shocking. I had been taking folic acid for months trying to prepare my body, working out trying to stay strong. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that we never know how we will react to something as huge as this. Give yourself a break and know that you are NOT alone. It doesn't make me, you, or anyone else a bad person. It's only natural to feel everything you are feeling.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Hi, I feel the same.  I have wanted to be a mom my whole life, and expected to feel elated when I found out that i was pregnant but rather, I am horrified.  My husband (who I expected to be the one who felt horrified) is elated.  It's strange, but I am telling myself that we have to allow ourselves to feel what we feel.  It is quite a scary thing, all of the changes, nerves etc etc.  My pregnancy was not planned either and in fact recently I came to terms with never having a baby.  I don't know why, I just thought, maybe I want to be selfish for my life time.  Then bam.  Pregnant.  I am 9 weeks and getting more used to the idea, but my reaction was definitely shock and horror.  That feeling still comes occasionally.  I'm sure the joy will come.  Hang in there.
  • I am having #4 baby - planned and at times- scared.

    I don't cry - but this pregnancy has been the worst so far.  the m/s is horrid, and Im so sick I feel like I am doing basic things to barely function.  work, basic care to meet needs of my other kids, until dh comes home and resccues me; luckily my older kids go to school and daycare or else is I was a SAHM I would be in serious trouble. However, I know when I feel my baby kick or see my baby move- how much your heart will melt.  (I know it doesn't feel that way now- but trust me it will) Especially when you hold your baby for the 1st time!~

    I think its natural to have fear and be overwhelmed. 

    As far as the drinking wine, months ago -your baby is 2 weeks old - gestational age. Your baby will be fine.  you can mention it to your dr.  unless your an alcoholic I wouldnt stress.  a few nights where you drank wont harm baby.

    I wouldn't make a new appointment. That is pretty standard to wait until you are 7/8 weeks the dr sees you.  most do.  Good luck. Things wil come together. 

  • I think your feelings are totally normal.  My DH and I both wanted this baby and were loosely TTC (as in not using BC but not timing with ovulation) and I was still taken aback by my BFP.  It was so much sonner than I expected.  And, even though I feel very lucky in light of all the people I know who have dealth with IF, I still felt a mix of happiness, sheer terror, and shock when I saw that test.  I was not prepared to feel that way at all.  I felt really guilty about not being 100% over the moon like my DH until I hopped online and saw that many women have similar feelings initially.

    I am not a "sappy" person by nature, but after the first few weeks I have started to feel connected to the baby and excited, as the whole thing becomes more real.  I think about it this way - at first, all you have is this abstract idea that there is a baby in there, and this baby will, in theory, make your life exponentially harder and more fulfulling at the same time.  However, you can't see or feel it - you only feel the hormones that make your emotions kind of wacky and the knowledge that your life has changed forever.  As time goes on, and you're able to see your baby on a sonogram, see it's little heartbeat, and adjust to the changes, you will have more than just an abstract reason for these life changes, and you will likely be more excited and less scared. 

    My disclaimer is this: I think a lot of the advice in this thread is coming from those of us who really do want children and just needed a bit of time to come around to the idea after the initial shock.  If you really do not want a child, that is an entirely different issue.  To echo a PP, if you need to talk, judgment-free, feel free to PM me. 

    BabyFetus Ticker
  • PS - I forgot this part.  I partied harder than I have in years (maybe 4 days before I found out that I was pregnant) I too was worried, but my doctor said, your body wants this baby to be perfect, if it's not, the body has a way of recognizing and it will flush it out and you can try again.  Also, most moms do not know that they are pregnant and continue their lifestyles for a while before they even know that they are pregnant.  You didn't harm the baby.  It doesn't even absorb alcohol until implantation occurs and even then, it barely is taking nutrients from you.  You found out early enough that you are ok!  PLUS look at the 50's... women smoked and drank daily... not that anyone should with our current knowledge, but the point is, you are a-ok!
  • I completely understand how you feel. I first found out I was pregnant a few days before Thanksgiving (not planned). I was excited and unsure at the same time, then I ended up having a miscarriage on Thanksgiving day. 5 weeks go by and I'm waiting for af to arrive and low and behold, I'm pregnant again. I'm 6 weeks along now and better accept it, but when I 1st found out about the 2nd pregnancy I had a feeling that this one will stick and completely freaked myself out (which is what I want, crazy me). I panicked because I got drunk 2 days before I found out I was pregnant the second time. Give it time, you'll embrace the pregnancy before you know it. 

  • It was the same for me and my husband we wanted to wait a few more years and when I say we I mean I for financial reasons and when we found out I cried allot too still freak out every now and then not sure how this is going to go down but he is excited ad so is the rest of our family and so its rubbing off on me! GL it will get better 


  • Hormones wreak havoc on your emotions.  It's hard, but you have to ride the wave.


    As to the wine, I'm not sure if your baby even shares your bloodstream yet, so it's probably okay. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Natural miscarriage @ 5w2d 5/25/11 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Ds was not planned.  Dh and I weren't married yet and I was still in college.

    Anyway, he was fine with the news...I was freaked out.  About a week after I found out, my mom and I were in the mall and she took me into a baby store, "just for fun".  Looking at all the baby stuff, especially the cribs freaked me out even more.  I left that store never wanting to have a baby.

    Those feeling latest until I was about 12 weeks pg.  It wasn't until I saw him on the u/s screen I realized, although unplanned this was the thing I had always wanted.

    ~after 34 cycles we finally got our 2nd little bundle of joy~
    My IF blog
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    EDD 12/27/14 ~ It's a girl!
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