2nd Trimester

Is this selfish and please be honest

I love the fact that I can have kids trust me I do, but I dont like what comes along with being pregnant, this is my 1st child w/ my husband. He already has a child and so do I from a previous relationship, so I decided that after we have this baby I'm done, so my next appointment 1/20/12 I wanted to s/w my doctor about getting my tubes tied. Now he did mention that he didnt want anymore any time soon but I dont want anymore AT ALL!!! Babies are a blessing but they also come with a big price.

Re: Is this selfish and please be honest

  • You're not being selfish... but its definitely something you need to talk with your partner about. Hopefully you'll come up with a decision you can both live with. Your life, your choice you shouldn't feel guilty about not wanting anymore kids just because some people can't. Just be thankful for the ones you have and I'm sure no one will bother you about your decision.
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  • lol if you already have three kids between you I'm thinking you should be fine but you should discuss it more with your husband...

    Up until a few weeks ago DH was all gung ho that he was going to start looking into getting "fixed" within a year after we have this one...and it's our first. We were both thinking maybe one would be enough for us but were going to give it some time to decide after we had one. He has now changed his tune and is thinking maybe two or three...and his main deterrent from having three is that he's scared we'll get pregnant the third time and find out it's twins lol.

    I can't argue because I think I would be happy with one or two or three or whatever. I could make it work.

     

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  • I'm not sure i'm reading this right?  Are you not planning on discussing this with your DH?  I don't htink there's a problem with talking to your OB about the process, but I would label it selfish if you went ahead and did it without talking to DH first. 
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  • If it is not something you had DH agree upon, I wouldn't do anything permanent yet. If you get it done behind his back, it could result in huge marital problems, in my opinion. DH and I both have agreed on this being the last baby but neither of us are having anything permanent done right away... and if he did without me knowing, I would be beyond pissed. If you had DH both agree on no mod kids and agree for you to have the procedure, then I say go for it. If you are just getting info from your doctor, that is also okay. I just wouldn't actually do anything until it's a joint decision. 
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  • I would only say it's selfish if you don't talk to DH first. Yes it's your body but it's both of your family. I plan to be "fixed" eventually, but want to wait a year or two after the last kid just to be sure we don't want anymore.
  • image jmnhinton:
    I love the fact that I can have kids trust me I do, but I dont like what comes along with being pregnant, this is my 1st child w/ my husband. He already has a child and so do I from a previous relationship, so I decided that after we have this baby I'm done, so my next appointment 1/20/12 I wanted to s/w my doctor about getting my tubes tied. Now he did mention that he didnt want anymore any time soon but I dont want anymore AT ALL!!! Babies are a blessing but they also come with a big price.
    I don't think that is selfish at all. If you don't want any more kids, then take the step in preventing them in the future. Just make sure your DH is in agreement. The amount of kids a couple decides to have is the couples own personal choice.
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  • I dont think wanting to stop at 3 is selfish at all.

    I plan on stopping after 1!

    That being said, this is definitely something you need to talk to your husband about and make sure you are both on the same page before you go do something like tying your tubes...

    We don't plan on having more, but for a while we are just going to use traditional BC. I'd like the option to change my mind. 

  • It isn't selfish but you need to talk to your husband.
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  • I would say you definitely need to discuss this with your partner.  I've heard of a lot of doctors who say not to make big decisions like that when pregnant b/c of your mood changes and everything.

    Maybe you could look into a long term birth control method like Mirena or something and then go from there?

  • Definitely talk to DH about it. If you don't want to have another child that's fine but it shouldn't be just your decision. Three kids are a handful but there are other ways to prevent pregnancy. Not to mention tubes can become untied, too.

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  • I'm glad you mention they can be untied, I hadnt even thought about that, but yes I'm definitely going to discuss it with him first, and just get some info on what to expect when I/if i do decide to get them tied, burnt, etc.

  • Not selfish at all.  You have to do what's right for you.  Perhaps if you and hubby want more kids later, you could adopt, or foster a child.  But it's not selfish at all to decide that your body is done baking babies.
  • not selfish babies take alot money and mentally...my husband has a D  fr b4 and we have 1 together so this will make him 3 and me 2 i'd love to have more but he says no... so I told him he could get fixed since he didn't want anymore... I think csection was enough trama for me his turn haha

     

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  • My thought is, it's so permanent & what if you change your mind in say 4-5 years or so.

    If I were you, would definitely want to discuss it more with my husband. Perhaps discuss him getting a vasectomy since it's only semi-permanent. I look at this decision like getting a tattoo, nothing you want to do right away & give yourself sometime to really think it over. That way down the road if this is a decision you really want to make, you'll know 100%. Though I understand 3 kids being a huge responsibility though & don't think you're being selfish at all. I just really think it's something you'll want to discuss & think over thoroughly with your husband.

    Just write down your reasons of how you feel, explain to him in a diplomatic/business like manner... when it comes to my DH he can be a bit stubborn but better understands facts vs. emotions, giving him sometime to think over the situation, found a better resolution comes of it when I control my emotions & solely communicate pros/cons ~ though he's getting better w/ my emotional side since being pregnant ;p

  • Its not completely selfish, maybe just a little. If the situation was turned around, how would you feel about your spouse wanting to do something permanant if you weren't 100% you didn't want more kids? Maybe you could compromise and choose a birth control like Mirena to prevent pregnancy now, but its easily removable if you both do decide in a couple years you want more kids. I just know I personally would be unhappy if my spouse was going to make a major decision like that (about anything that effects us both) if I was not 100% in agreement.
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  • You could also consider Mirena. It's a 5-year UID and doesn't require any surgery.
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  • image jmnhinton:

    I'm glad you mention they can be untied, I hadnt even thought about that, but yes I'm definitely going to discuss it with him first, and just get some info on what to expect when I/if i do decide to get them tied, burnt, etc.

    Just a lurker butting in here. A tubal ligation can be reversed but just keep in mind it's usually not covered by ins. and it isn't always successful. The same goes for a vasectomy reversal. GL in your decision!

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  • I'm happy the 2 of you are expecting,but as all of us mothers know,it's alot of work having a newborn,and other children,not to mention,expensive.I'm sure he will change his mind when it's all said and done..Either way were all blessed by God and his (our) little miracles..Good luck and God bless you and your family..
  • It's something I think the two of you need to discuss. Someone told me you have to have 3+ children before a doctor will consider tying your tubes. I don't know how much truth there is to that. lol. I said that exact same thing after I had my daughter, and here I am pregnant with #2. I'm not saying you don't know what you think, but it's very easy to be in pain vomiting with back cramps and say "I don't want anymore children". lol. Do yourself a favor and wait to have your tubes tied. You never know maybe once your child is 2+ you'll want another child. Just don't do anything you might regret later. Lots of love!
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