Baby Showers

Materialistic Shower?

I really don't understand why showers have to be all about gifts. I have seen many attacks on women (including myself) for having a shower on their own. I personally don't expect gifts at my shower and just want to spend time with my friends and family celebrating this exciting time. I know first hand how difficult shower-planning is and when I made this comment, I was attacked by several women on this board. I don't understand why it has to be so materialistic. If I am having a baby, I am taking on the expense of providing for and caring for that baby. I really hope there are others who understand my position.
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Re: Materialistic Shower?

  • In that case, dont call it a shower....Save it for meet the baby when the baby is here.
  • I think one thing I left out is I want to do it before the baby gets here, which may not make any sense. If I don't call it a shower and it isn't a meet-the-baby, what should I call it?
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  • Ohh goodness, you've spent enough time on here to see people "attacked" for hosting their own shower, but it doesn't appear that you actually read through the snark to the reasoning.  Showers are gift giving events.  If you don't want it to be about the gifts, invite your nearest and dearest to one last baby-free lunch or something if you must have it prebaby.

    Though you might indignantly cry that your shower is not about the gifts, when your guests get an invite to the shower they will undoubtedly buy you a gift because that is the polite thing to do. 

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  • The very definition of a shower is to shower the mother to be with gifts.  If it's not about the gifts, don't have a damn shower, period.  It is even more rude to host it yourself - you are asking people to buy you sh!t.

     BTW- you are also very newly pregnant.  There a lot of other things to worry about right now other than the shower. It sounds like you want to have a baby just for the presents and attention.

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  • Also, you posted a question asking if it was rude or thoughtful to host your own shower just a few posts down.  You got your unanimous answer that it is tacky.  No matter how many times you post this question and no matter how many turns of phrase you use, you'll get the same answer.  If you thought the snark was bad then, just wait until responders run out of patience.
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  • You ask if it's rude and we tell you it's tacky. 

    Now you're whining because we answered your question but it's not the answer you want?

    Why don't you wait until you're 20 weeks along before you start stressing about how you're going to "celebrate" the baby.   Give your friends and family a chance to step up and host one before you go on a "zomg--it's NOT tacky, I'm being so thoughtful because no one is going to want to step up and host one" ego trip.  

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  • I, for one, do not understand your position.  To be fair I don't think you understand what a shower is.  It would be good for you to look it up maybe?  A "shower" is a GIFT-GIVING EVENT...it is a GIFT in and of itself TO someone.  Example, a friend/family member hosts a shower for someone as a GIFT to that person.  It is called a "shower" because it is to "shower the new mother with essential items needed for a baby".  That is why a person does not host their own shower.  It would be counter-productive to spend money on a shower to have people bring gifts when that money spend to put on the shower could have been used to buy those same items...kwim?

    If you want to celebrate your pregnancy, birth of your baby, etc. then just have a party or get-together and don't call it a shower (and don't tell people you've registered) and don't expect the guests to bring gifts.  A lot of people have parties after the birth of their baby to celebrate the birth (obviously can't do that until the baby is actually born...right?) and sometimes the guests bring gifts and some don't. 

    I think people "attacked" you because you said you were hosting your own shower.  If you would have said you were hosting a celebration party and didn't mention registering they would not have "attacked" you.  Not sure if that is the case because I'm not sure if I commented on your OP.

  • image phq2011:
    I really don't understand why showers have to be all about gifts. I have seen many attacks on women (including myself) for having a shower on their own. I personally don't expect gifts at my shower and just want to spend time with my friends and family celebrating this exciting time. I know first hand how difficult shower-planning is and when I made this comment, I was attacked by several women on this board. I don't understand why it has to be so materialistic. If I am having a baby, I am taking on the expense of providing for and caring for that baby. I really hope there are others who understand my position.

    Wow, I read that other thread and you honestly think you were attacked??  That's some thin skin you've got going on there.

    Hosting your own shower is rude.  You asked a question, people answered.  Did you just ask the question so you could get a feel-good response, with everyone backing you up so you could justify it?  Why even ask the question to begin with?

  • image Cranang:

    Wow, I read that other thread and you honestly think you were attacked??  That's some thin skin you've got going on there.

    Yeah- I just went back and read all the responses.  If you think you were "attacked".... LOL.  yeah.  You've got some thin skin. 

     

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  • If it's not about the gifts, then it's not a shower.  A shower is where others shower the MTB with gifts for her upcoming baby. If that's not the event you are planning, you're on the wrong board.

    If this party really is about just getting together to celebrate with your friends, then host a party, and on the invitations request "please no gifts."  But, I don't think that's really what you're hoping to do.  I think you want a shower with gifts for your baby.  I think you know it's rude and you were hoping SOMEONE would tell you it's not.  Sorry, not gonna find that here. 

  • Similar to the response I gave to your last post on this board, I DO understand your wanting to celebrate with friends and family before the baby comes. However, as myself and others have said, that's not what a 'shower' is for. The purpose of a shower is to give gifts. While you may be saying, 'people don't have to bring me gifts, I don't care,' if you call it shower, most people know that gifts are expected. You can totally have a party like the one you are describing, but leave out the registry details and don't call it a baby shower. If you truly don't want people to feel like they HAVE to bring you something, do your guests a favor and call it something else. All this is, of course, assuming that no one else offers to throw you a shower. No one offered me a shower until I was almost 20 weeks along.

  • There is absolutely nothing wrong with you inviting your friends over to your own home for dinner. If all you want to do is spend time with your friends and celebrate this exciting time, have your friends over for a night of dinner and maybe some games or something. But don't have a shower! A shower is about gifts!! If you want to do something more "baby-ish," you could have everyone over for dinner and then do a gender-reveal over dessert or something (with a pink or blue cake for dessert, for example.) Again, you'd be spending time with friends and celebrating baby without hosting an event where everyone feels obligated to bring you a gift. If it's just about spending time with friends, you don't need to "call" it anything. Just host a dinner party and leave it at that.
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  • Have a dinner party and leave the shower part out of it if you don't want to sound tacky or gift grabby.  Also don't set up a registry.
  • A SHOWER is by its very definition materialistic...the whole point is that it is a gift-giving event.

    If you want to have a pre-baby BBQ, have a pre-baby BBQ.  Or a pool party. Or a cocktail/mocktail hour.  Or whatever. Just don't call it a shower.  

    (I'm having a shower thrown by other people, but I am also considering having a 'last harrah' party as a chance to get together with our couple friends before the baby is born. It will not be about the baby; it will be about seeing our friends and enjoying ourselves.  No gifts will be expected or mentioned or probably brought.  But I won't even be mentioning the baby in the invitations, and it will be clear that it isn't a shower).

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  • You asked a question, you got an answer. Put your big girl panties on and deal with the fact that your idea is not a good one. 
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  • image drbethc:
    In that case, dont call it a shower....Save it for meet the baby when the baby is here.

    This...it doesnt make sense to call it a shower if there are no gifts..

    Whitney Venessa
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  • image phq2011:
    I think one thing I left out is I want to do it before the baby gets here, which may not make any sense. If I don't call it a shower and it isn't a meet-the-baby, what should I call it?
    Dinner. Or a BBQ or a brunch. You don't have to call it anything if all you want to do is spend time with people as have no intention on asking for gifts.
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  • image phq2011:
    I think one thing I left out is I want to do it before the baby gets here, which may not make any sense. If I don't call it a shower and it isn't a meet-the-baby, what should I call it?

     

    Worse case, have your mom in on it too. You can call it whatever you want- this is your special time. But I would put on the invitations "no gifts please". No one has to know who is hosting it!

     

    And yeah- people can get mean on these things! Good luck girl!

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  • image lizznjohn:

    image phq2011:
    I think one thing I left out is I want to do it before the baby gets here, which may not make any sense. If I don't call it a shower and it isn't a meet-the-baby, what should I call it?

     

    Worse case, have your mom in on it too. You can call it whatever you want- this is your special time. But I would put on the invitations "no gifts please". No one has to know who is hosting it!

     

    And yeah- people can get mean on these things! Good luck girl!


    Honest == mean.  

    Yeah, that's a good idea.  Don't have a host.  Then your guests are confused who to rsvp to.  Write "no gifts please" on a shower invitation?  Seriously?  Good thing your guests are still confused about figuring out is in charge or you'd have a lot of questions to field about a gift-less shower.  
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  • image BallSox:
    image lizznjohn:

    image phq2011:
    I think one thing I left out is I want to do it before the baby gets here, which may not make any sense. If I don't call it a shower and it isn't a meet-the-baby, what should I call it?

     

    Worse case, have your mom in on it too. You can call it whatever you want- this is your special time. But I would put on the invitations "no gifts please". No one has to know who is hosting it!

     

    And yeah- people can get mean on these things! Good luck girl!


    Honest == mean.  

    Yeah, that's a good idea.  Don't have a host.  Then your guests are confused who to rsvp to.  Write "no gifts please" on a shower invitation?  Seriously?  Good thing your guests are still confused about figuring out is in charge or you'd have a lot of questions to field about a gift-less shower.  

     

    That's why I said to get your mom in on it too, give them someone to RSVP too. and I've been to a few showers that were "no presents". Shower the MTB with love and affection! A dinner party theme would be appropriate.

    And these boards can go either way- mean/snarky comments that may offend one person doesn't mean they'll offend everyone. Some are helpful some are just plain un-neccessary, and some are just flat out mean. It takes all kinds I guess.

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  • Ok, just to make sure I'm absolutely clear.  I'm not against celebrating pregnancies and getting love and support.  Have a bbq.  Have a brunch.  Have a girls weekend party.   Have a blessingway.  Whatever floats your boat.  

    However, calling it a shower and then asking for no-gifts is confusing at best and odd at worst.  

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  • image phq2011:
    I think one thing I left out is I want to do it before the baby gets here, which may not make any sense. If I don't call it a shower and it isn't a meet-the-baby, what should I call it?

    a party?  a get-together? a gathering of friends?

    I'm not trying to be snarky but if you want to have a party before the baby comes, have a party. Once you stick the label "shower" on it people will assume gifts are expected, any "no gifts please" instructions to the contrary.

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  • Do you not know what the traditional definition of a "shower" is?
  • As previous posters have said, I think you could get together with some friends without making it a "shower". I am a military wife- my family lives in PA, all of my girlfriends live in SC (where I attended college), and my husband and I are in NC. I was offered a shower by both my family and my friends. However, I felt uncomfortable with having my girlfriends- many of whom are still in college/ recently graduated throwing a formal shower and spending money on gifts when I am already having a shower. So, we decided to just do one last girl's day before baby arrives. We will most likely just all get lunch together and get pedicures, something relaxed where gifts are not necessary.

    If you REALLY aren't interested in getting gifts, which seems unlikely due to the fact you're planning this at seven weeks pregnant, I suggest doing something like I mentioned above, where it doesn't seem like you are throwing yourself a party, because seriously, who does that??

  • You do realize the name "shower" is because the guest of honor is being showered with gifts. 

    Hosting your own shower is really immature and gift grabby. If you truly want it to be about the lady time, have a meet the baby party. 


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  • image phq2011:
    I really don't understand why showers have to be all about gifts. I have seen many attacks on women (including myself) for having a shower on their own. I personally don't expect gifts at my shower and just want to spend time with my friends and family celebrating this exciting time. I know first hand how difficult shower-planning is and when I made this comment, I was attacked by several women on this board. I don't understand why it has to be so materialistic. If I am having a baby, I am taking on the expense of providing for and caring for that baby. I really hope there are others who understand my position.

     Well, I guess I joined the club because the same just happened to me, the difference I'll fight back.  If they don't like it, screw'em.  It's not about the gifts, it's a celebration and nobody owns the word shower, if you want to use it, go right ahead.

  • IMO, some people on these boards come from all walks of life and different areas, so take things they say with a grain of salt.  It's your life, if people can't handle it then that is their own issue.  Maybe this board would be nicer to you;) http://www.momaroo.com/743110548/baby-shower-etiquette-does-the-second-child-get-one/

  • image Signey:

    image phq2011:
    I really don't understand why showers have to be all about gifts. I have seen many attacks on women (including myself) for having a shower on their own. I personally don't expect gifts at my shower and just want to spend time with my friends and family celebrating this exciting time. I know first hand how difficult shower-planning is and when I made this comment, I was attacked by several women on this board. I don't understand why it has to be so materialistic. If I am having a baby, I am taking on the expense of providing for and caring for that baby. I really hope there are others who understand my position.

     Well, I guess I joined the club because the same just happened to me, the difference I'll fight back.  If they don't like it, screw'em.  It's not about the gifts, it's a celebration and nobody owns the word shower, if you want to use it, go right ahead.

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