2nd Trimester

Becoming a mom changes you... (long)

The longer I am pregnant the more I believe this is true. While I believe that some people can take it to the extreme and become zombie moms, a lot of times I think the changes are for the better.

I just talked to one of my closest friends via Facebook whose first baby is due at the beginning of March. She found out months ago that she has an issue with the baby's umbilical cord (single umbilical artery), but has been pretty upbeat and optimistic about outcomes. She just said that they would take the baby early if it became an issue. She didn't make it sound like a big deal, so I didn't do a whole lot of looking into it.

I just sent her some blah, blah, blah about how freaked out I was about my weight wondering if she was having the same issues since she and I have both had gastric bypass surgery (I lost around 100 pounds and she lost somewhere in the neighborhood of 250). Anyway, she shot me back a quick response just saying she couldn't really get into it because she was at work, but she's had some very difficult doctor appointments lately and that weight is the last thing on her mind (duh). Well, until today she had not mentioned any of this to anyone except her family apparently, but it sounds like there are some serious problems going on with her baby. She said she was at work and couldn't go into it because she couldn't keep herself together if she did.

Now I'm scared to death...almost in tears.  Before I was pregnant I would've thought how horrible it was and felt bad for her, but I honestly would've went right on with my day keeping it in back of my mind, but now I'm an emotional wreck. I know I won't be right again until I can talk to her and know what's going on...and since she's so far only told family, she may not even come back to me and give me the details. I just told her I loved her and I am here for her, and if she wants to talk I'm available anytime. Now...I wait...

Yes, being a mother changes you. I now understand. 

Sorry for rambling...I'm just upset. I talked to DH about it and he said "that sucks" and went back to what he was doing. 

Re: Becoming a mom changes you... (long)

  • Before I was a mom, I never understood how people would get "litterally sick to their stomach" when I heard about some horrific things happening to children- Dont get me wrong, I would be disgusted and feel horrible for the family- but that sick feeling never hit me.. then I had my DD and I will never forget the first time I hear about missing Caylee Anthony- and when they found her- my stomach unravelled and I thought I would lose it.. now I get it. I totally get it.

    Being a mother changes you and most of the time for the abosolute better.

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  • I agree.  This is why I start crying every time that I think about Courtney and Tripp.
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  • and as for men...

    Being mom starts for us when we are pregnant, men don't become fathers until the baby is born...

  • You know what? I just read your post and if you'd told her exactly what you said in this post (minus your hubby's reaction) I think she would completely understand :)
  • That's awful! So many possibilities and worries to think about:(
  • I completely agree. Its definitely becoming real for me. The awful sad stories about children really hit home when you have a little person (or in your case, 2!) growing inside of you. Its a possible reality in your life, not just a sad story. 

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  • image monpetitechouchou01:
    You know what? I just read your post and if you'd told her exactly what you said in this post (minus your hubby's reaction) I think she would completely understand :)

    This. And it would probably make her feel less isolated. I know from having a miscarriage how isolating things like this can be--even if a million other people have gone through it. 

  • It just becomes more intense once you have the baby (or babies, in your case).  For me, having a child is like having my heart exist outside of my body.  It's absolutely wonderful yet terrifying to love so deeply.    
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  • I'm having my child young, so hearing all those stories before about things happening to children and people losing babies and going through hard times during pregnancy never hit home until my first miscarriage.

     

    Now that I am having success in my current pregnancy and I am much further along than when I lost my first, hearing those stories freaks me out because I know the reality of the possibilities and I just think how much pain I would be in if it happened to me now.

     

    It isn't odd at all that you feel the way you do. You can understand better when you are also in mommy mode. Becoming a mom really does change you in a lot of ways.

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    BFP: 04/14/10 ; EDD: 01/04/11 ; MC at 8w 1d

    BFP: 10/12/12 ; EDD: 06/11/13 ; MC at 8w 5d

  • No question totally agree. I have always adored and loved children, but I didn't realize the extent of this emotion until I became pregnant with my own. I pray each day that he is born healthy ... I can only imagine how many prayers I will have once he is born! 

  • I agree with everything dette and sassafrass said.  And although this may sound weird and odd, I am going to say it anyway.  I think that becoming a parent makes you capable of murder if anyone ever hurt your child.  T&P's to your friend, and to you too.
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  • image dette7820:

    Before I was a mom, I never understood how people would get "litterally sick to their stomach" when I heard about some horrific things happening to children- Dont get me wrong, I would be disgusted and feel horrible for the family- but that sick feeling never hit me.. then I had my DD and I will never forget the first time I hear about missing Caylee Anthony- and when they found her- my stomach unravelled and I thought I would lose it.. now I get it. I totally get it.

    Being a mother changes you and most of the time for the abosolute better.

    I've had those exact same thoughts and reactions.  I didn't understand how seeing or hearing something on the news could make someone PHYSICALLY ill, until I had my son.  Since I became a mom I've literally run to the bathroom to puke after hearing terrible stories of child abuse, fatal childhood illnesses, etc.  I cried every day for a week when a 7yo boy, who I did not know, was struck and killed by a car in a school zone in my town. 

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  • Totally agree with all of this. A friend of mine had a fairly difficult pregnancy (nothing wrong with baby, just stubborn baby, never got past morning sickness, lots of swelling, etc). She called me when she went into labour... 11 days ago. And I haven't heard from her since! I have been worried sick that something happened, something went wrong, she's not okay, baby is not okay, etc. My imagination is totally running away with it and I'm terrified to call her house and disturb something. I have no reason to think anything is wrong, except for the fact that I haven't heard anything since, "I'm just bored at the hospital, waiting to dilate more than 1cm, wearing mesh panties and giant pad."

    The only thing I can think to keep me grounded is that we spoke a week before and had agreed that neither of us wanted visitors until we were at home and ready for them and how relieving it was to share those feelings, guilt free. We agreed that we wouldn't get in touch until we were 100% ready for a visit. But you can't just call and say you're in labour and not say you had the baby, you're going home, etc. At first I thought maybe she had a c-section and was going to be there for 5-7 days (her labour seemed to be progressing VERY slowly when I talked to her). But then those days passed. And I thought her husband would AT LEAST call me or send me a quick email (H was in charge of notifications) saying all was well. BUT NOTHING!!!! I have even... and I can't believe I'm admitting this, checked the darn obituaries for the worst! How awful is that?

    This kind of thing never, EVER would have eaten at my like this before.

    Seeing my irrational fear in text has a) made me feel like an absolute moron, and b) inspired me to send a quick email for an update.

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  • image khill86:

    Totally agree with all of this. A friend of mine had a fairly difficult pregnancy (nothing wrong with baby, just stubborn baby, never got past morning sickness, lots of swelling, etc). She called me when she went into labour... 11 days ago. And I haven't heard from her since! I have been worried sick that something happened, something went wrong, she's not okay, baby is not okay, etc. My imagination is totally running away with it and I'm terrified to call her house and disturb something. I have no reason to think anything is wrong, except for the fact that I haven't heard anything since, "I'm just bored at the hospital, waiting to dilate more than 1cm, wearing mesh panties and giant pad."

    The only thing I can think to keep me grounded is that we spoke a week before and had agreed that neither of us wanted visitors until we were at home and ready for them and how relieving it was to share those feelings, guilt free. We agreed that we wouldn't get in touch until we were 100% ready for a visit. But you can't just call and say you're in labour and not say you had the baby, you're going home, etc. At first I thought maybe she had a c-section and was going to be there for 5-7 days (her labour seemed to be progressing VERY slowly when I talked to her). But then those days passed. And I thought her husband would AT LEAST call me or send me a quick email (H was in charge of notifications) saying all was well. BUT NOTHING!!!! I have even... and I can't believe I'm admitting this, checked the darn obituaries for the worst! How awful is that?

    This kind of thing never, EVER would have eaten at my like this before.

    Seeing my irrational fear in text has a) made me feel like an absolute moron, and b) inspired me to send a quick email for an update.

    Wow! I don't know how you restrained yourself from asking for an update for so long! I'd be about to lose my mind!! I hope that all is well.

  • I know exactly what you mean. Before having children I would hear sad stories about kids and be really sad, but it doesn't even compare to how it affects me now.

    I hope your friend and her baby both turn out to be okay :(

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  • image Rach03k:

    I know exactly what you mean. Before having children I would hear sad stories about kids and be really sad, but it doesn't even compare to how it affects me now.

    I hope your friend and her baby both turn out to be okay :(

    Definitely this. I'll be praying for your friend and her baby! 

    DC1 (2.5) | DC2 (1) | #3 due 6.1.2012
  • image dette7820:

    Before I was a mom, I never understood how people would get "litterally sick to their stomach" when I heard about some horrific things happening to children- Dont get me wrong, I would be disgusted and feel horrible for the family- but that sick feeling never hit me.. then I had my DD and I will never forget the first time I hear about missing Caylee Anthony- and when they found her- my stomach unravelled and I thought I would lose it.. now I get it. I totally get it.

    Being a mother changes you and most of the time for the abosolute better.

     

    Me too! I was online reading some news. Well as I was reading this Casey Anthony report I found myself throwing up in the toilet about five minutes later. I don't throw up a lot, I just got really sick as I was reading it and had no control over it. I can't even read the stories about the missing children-crazy parents. Can't stomach it.

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  • I think changes are for the better.  I'm a more patient person than I was before.  My sister (I do love her) was a jerk before she had my nephew.  He softened her.
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  • Omg I totally agree. Before I was a mommy, I would be sad over things in the news with children going missing, but never anything like now. It makes me literally wanna cry, and hold my precious princess extra close. I love being a mommy, and can't imagine how anyone could harm their children . . .
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  • I may not be able to watch the Crime and Investigation Network in the background as I work everyday.  darn.  Love me some boring yet fascinating forensics shows.
  • Oh boy does it!! I mean it's usually an amzing change, but a very big change. before have DD everyone would say, my goodness everything is about to change and you have no clue. I would say ok and almost roll my eyes! How right they were!! I really truly hope your friend's baby is going to be ok!!
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