I'm an infrequent poster these days, but I had to whine somewhere. I hope it's okay to come here. If not, let me know and I'll DD. I can see it's been sensitive here lately and I definitely appreciate that. I've been there.
It's officially been a year of TTCAL, again. 1 BFP, 1 MC, this time around. Last time, it was a year of TTC and 2 m/c, and at the year mark, I had a sticky BFP. This time, after a year, I'm staring at the RE's phone number, afraid to pick up the phone.
Secondary IF/Loss sucks. I didn't have this crushing guilt last time. I knew I wanted to be a parent and would do anything to get there. Now, I question myself constantly. I "should" have 4 children; I have been pregnant 4 times. I have one, and I am eternally grateful for him, and very aware that others would do anything to have what I do. I don't feel like I have a right to grieve for the babies I've lost. I feel like I should just be happy with what I have, and that I'm being greedy for wanting another.
Feeling morose, guilty, sad and frustrated.
Thanks for listening to the rant. Feel free to join the grumpy bus with me!