Newbie Here. This is My Story. OK to Post Here?
Hello. I'm new to this website so not exactly sure where I should be posting this. I'm hoping this is an OK spot and I'm also hoping to get some sort of input or feedback or SOMETHING from it. I've been struggling with my infertility problems, the personal blame, and some marital issues because of it. Perhaps this would give some insight if I just began from the beginning....
My name is Amy. I'm 21 years old, I weigh 320 pounds, and I've been TTC for about 2 years now. Maybe a little longer. My cycles have NEVER, ever been normal and my gyne has insisted that this is due to my weight (which is where the personal blame comes in). I have never had a regular cycle. In fact, the only time I DID have somewhat of a normal cycle was while on BC. When I started TTC, going off of the BC put me back at having a cycle once ever couple of months or a few times a YEAR, and never "normal." I understand that being 320 pounds is not healthy but I also don't believe it should be the "cure all" in the doctors' eyes. It shouldn't be the root of ALL of my problems, which is exactly what EVERY doctor I've been to has suggested. Anyways, let me just tell the whole story. My husband and I met our Junior year of high school and we hit it off immediately. The year we graduated we tied The Knot on August 1. That would've been 2009. I went off of my BC the fall of 2010 and have been TTC since then. My gyne prescribed me a combo of Provera and Metformin (a diabetes medicine) to try and get my cycles regulated and to help me to get that BFP I've been praying for. A year went by and no BFP. Another year rounded off. Nothing. Then 5 months ago, I started getting my cycle regularly. I got my cycle 4 months in a row and while I do admit, I did no testing as far as basal temps. or anything like that goes. Then this past month when I was scheduled to get my period, I didn't. I took a pregnancy test and it was...well, to be honest, kind of unclear. My husband and I both saw a second line indicating positive test. Then I tested again and he did not see the second line and to be quite honest, I'm not sure if I just wanted it so badly to be there or if it actually was. I took a third test yesterday morning and to my dismay, it was a definite negative. As so many of the other tests I have taken HAVE been. I want to be a mother more than anything in this world. Now that we've been through all of this, the stress is wearing on both he and I. He's having second thoughts about having children and I don't want to miss my opportunity. I feel so unlike a woman. Like less of a human being. I'm trying to stay faithful and positive but seeing everyone I know being pregnant or having children of their own, it's so hard. Most people say if you quit trying, it'll happen when you least exect it. I don't want to quit. I don't want to lose that chance, if it even exists. And I'm lost as far as whether or not I'd be able to get testing done to see whether or not I'm able to have children. I have insurance but it's limited and my husband has NONE so as far as getting HIM tested, it's probably not in our budget. I want more than anything to be a mother. I feel like it's what I was meant to do and I definitely don't feel like waiting is an option. I just feel so guilty, like maybe if I had tried harder to lose weight and tried harder not to put so much pressure on my husband, we'd be parents already and he wouldn't be having second thoughts about a new baby. I'm scared. And he's scared. But for very, very different reasons. It's gotten to the point that he doesn't hardly ever have sex with me because he's afraid. I'm even more afraid that another disappointing BFN is going to make me lose even more hope.
Does anyone have any insight? Suggestions? Oh, on a side note, I never took the Metformin and Provera combo. I'm terrified to use Metformin. It's not MEANT for my condition, and therefore I don't feel I was accurately prescribed medicine. So that option is still sitting on my livingroom table. Just waiting. Thoughts on that???
Anything would be a wonderful help 
Thanks again for offering such a wonderful website!
Re: Newbie Here. This is My Story. OK to Post Here?
First, welcome and sorry you have to be here.
Second, Metformin is often prescribed for women suffering from PCOS. One of the major symptoms of PCOS is irregular cycles so I would imagine that is why your Dr gave it to you. I've been taking it 1 1/2 years and I don't have diabetes.
Third, your DH really needs to be on board. I would be afraid to have a baby if my DH was unsure. Just saying. Also, IF is hard enough with a supportive DH.
And fourth, if you went off BCP in Fall 2010 then you just recently hit 1 year, not 2. Was that a typo? I'm not saying that 1 year isn't a long time because it is but just trying to give you perspective.
So, my suggestion would be to go to an RE, or if you stay with your OB and ask more questions about provera and Metformin. These meds are really nothing to be afraid of and the Met could potentially help you lose weight. I think most Dr's would agree that losing weight is always a good idea before TTC. I needed to lose 30 lbs and my RE had no problem calling me out on it. Not what I wanted to hear but I kinda expected it.
If you are having a regular cycle right now then then try charting you BBT. www.fertilityfriend.com is a great resource for charting.
Good luck!
After more than 2 years of fertility treatments, FET did the trick!
IVF March 2012 - BFP! - Severe OHSS = 8 days in the hospital in kidney failure
No heartbeat at 10w6d
FET August 27,2012 = BFP!
It's a boy!
My Blog - 3 Dogs, No Baby
This. IF is the hardest thing that many of us have ever had to deal with, and my DH is supportive, but he and I can both have our bad days. If your DH isn't completely on board, I would talk it over more and wait a bit while trying to get your weight lowered a bit.
I too am overweight. While I don't have PCOS I do have issues with high blood pressure. During the times when I was on a break cycle (we had to take several breaks due to my DH's health issues) I would utilize that time to focus on getting healthier for baby. That's not to say that you cannot get pregnant and be overweight, but it's better for mom and baby to be at a place where you feel comfortable. Welcome and best of luck!
TTC since March/April 2010
DX: MFI - less than 1 million sperm, 26% motility
DH put on anastrozole to increase counts
June/July 2011 100 mg Clomid + TS IUI#1 & IUI 2 - BFN :-(
Forced break due to DH getting spinal surgery in August 2011
IVF - January 2012: BFN
FET in April 2012 - BFP at 6dp5dt! Beta #1 at 9dp5dt: 82.5, Beta #2 at 12dp5dt: 352 Beta #3 at 19dp5dt: 6000, saw heartbeat and one little bean at 5W6D!
After nearly 3 years of waiting our LO was born December 18th 2012!
Ditto what the others said. I would also like to add a suggestion. Read the book Taking Charge of Your Ferility. The book really helps you understand your body and how it works and why it does the things it does.
GL!
Again, I am very very new to this still and therefore do not know if this will reply so that everyone can see it or just to the specific person that posted last. Either way, I'd like to thank everyone for the enormous help they've been already. You were correct, it was a typo. We are just a little over a year TTC. I did decide to start the Metformin and Provera. I'm on Metformin 500Mg 3x daily and the Provera is just once a day for 10 days (or until a cycle begins). I'm kind of scared right now. My body is still trying to adjust to the new medicine. I've had some issues such as frequently having to urinate and soft stools. Otherwise, I guess my body is tolerating it pretty well. Here's a question for the people who know...if you're on Metformin and Provera combined and you get pregnant in the time you're using it, will it harm the baby at all? I've read yes and I've read no. I'm assuming not considering my gyne gave it to me as a measures to GET pregnant. Any thoughts? That's about the best update for now...thanks again. Truly, truly reassuring!