Husband and I just had a little girl, she just turning four months in a few days.
I would just like to say, before I begin, I love my dughter and DH more than I can describe. I honestly feel guilty writing this post. I just need some help here.
DH was doing an optional year of school on top of the degree he already has to make him more appealing as an applicant. I asked him over and over if he was sure he could follow it through and he was sure he could stay dedicated and he was confident in doing this since school started around the time our baby was due. I told him that if he didn't he could work and apply next year, or start putting out his resumes now and I could maybe go to school next year (something I desperately would like to do).
He insisted he could do this, so we took out a student loan (living off student loans and maternity leave) and budgetted things out.
On top of our student loans falling way short of our original assessment, DH failed a lot of classes, leaving us in a lot of debt and unable to finish the year. To be fair, he did stay home a lot for the first month to help me, so I don't fault him completely, however I also had to nag him to study and do the work he actually did do.
Now DH stays at home all day. He's working on finding a "good job"... while we are starting to wonder where our rent and grocery money is going to come from.
This all is stressful enough, especially with a 4 month old at home, but I've started to resent DH a little bit now. I feel so horrible about this, and have honestly just been able to admit this to myself, please don't flame me.
I don't want to feel this way towards DH. I don't want to think that he put us in this situation and I hate feeling like he took away my chance to go to school (at least for quite some time).
I was already dealing with the usual new-mom problems... Having no time for myself, giving up me time and friend time and I was actually quite happy spending my days with DD... I was happy to put all my time into her.
But now I'm overwhelmed with finances and DH is just like another child at home that I have to beg to help me out or I do it all myself. I've talked to him time and time again about please just giving me a hand... he will for a few days and then I'm all alone again.
Don't get me wrong, DH is an amazing dad, he's so in love with our daughter and I'm really in love with him. I just feel really hopeless and I've never felt like this before. I can't sleep, I'm eating terribly, I'm having trouble getting everything done...
I suppose all in all this is just so I feel like I have someone who will listen to me. I know there's probably not a lot of advise to be given. I'm just so overwhelmed and tired...