2nd Trimester

I feel like a freak who is trying to hide my pregnancy ..

So I am 16 weeks pregnant. Since it took me and DH over 8 years TTC, this has been a very amazing and private experience for us. Other than my parents, sisters and one good friend + MIL, we have not told anyone this entire time that we are expecting.  

At first the reason was because we wanted to make sure everything was safe before we made some big annoncement, but then as time went on I became very protective of needing to tell everyone and I keep changing the "announce date" every week. I am finally at the point where I can no longer hide this pregnancy and so our plan was to annouce it after we find out the gender .. when I will be 19 weeks.

All of a sudden I realize that everyone I know who is pregnant has told everyone weeks/months ago and I am starting to feel like some weird preggo lady that is super secretive about this. My MIL made some off handed remark the other day and said " It is going to be really awkward when you have a baby and no one even knew you were pregnant " 

I am not the only person on earth who waits this long to announce .. am I ?  

  

 

Re: I feel like a freak who is trying to hide my pregnancy ..

  • no way are you the only person.  I unfortunately didn't have the option of being able to hide anything.  I started showing right away, the bloat made it impossible... (stupid bloat...)

    My brother and sister in-law had been TTC for a few years and we had no idea they were pg until they found out the gender.  They've had false hope before and it was completely appropriate for them to wait.  (and we are family...)

    IMHO when YOU feel the most comfortable to announce your LO is when it is most appropriate.  No matter when others announce, this is your private experience w/ your DH and such a special gift for YOU two.  I think it's wonderful you are waiting because it's your special little secret. 

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  • no, you're not the only one. a lot of people tend to wait. mostly all celebs wait until they are 3 months or beyond to announce just to make sure things are safe. and as for the comment from your MIL needs to know its yours and your husbands business and should be thankful that shes in the know. its your pregnancy you do what you want, and let whoever you want to know know. don't fret, and keep your chin up.
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  • Thanks ladies, that makes me feel more normal. Besides announcing at 5 months means I have that many less of months of people touching me/constantly asking me how I am etc :) 
  • we just announced this week at 14 weeks.  with dd, we announced at 15 weeks.  with dd and this one, we wanted to wait until we were in the 2nd trimester.  my cousin told early with her first pregnancy and ended up miscarrying.  then she had to un-tell everyone; it was horrible for everyone, but especially her. 

    dh still hasn't told his family this time (there's history there).  he plans to sometime this week, i think.

     it is perfectly fine to tell whenever you are ready.  this is your special time with dh, and other people (especially your mil) need to respect that.

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  • I waited until 18 weeks to tell non-family.  I was worried about a loss and wanted to wait until I basically couldn't wait anymore.  We told our families late, too, around 14 weeks.

    I'll say that everyone was thrilled for us and no one mentioned anything about me telling late.  I did get some "I thought you might be!" but that's all.

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  • I waited until I was 18 weeks to announce my pregnancy the 1st time. I just started a new job and I tested + for cmv which can affect the fetus so I didn't feel like sharing anything.
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  • We told my family right away because I knew if something happened I would need their support (we had 2 previous early losses).  We didn't tell my MIL and DH's family until 15w.  He told some of his coworkers right away, but his best friend didn't know until after 20w.  We still have some out of state friends that don't know.  I don't think it's weird, you have to do whatever is best for you and your family. 

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
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  • I'm horrible with secrets. Told as many people as I could as soon as possible. Saved the FB announcement until bf told his family so that they didn't find out via the net. This thread reminds me of the show Secret Pregnancy which I LOVE but it's already either off the air or the season is done because it's gone. :(
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    Eric@23 weeks, Eric Michael@23 weeks


  • I can relate to taking forever to TTTC (per siggy) and we didn't want to tell people right away.  We did tell our parents and my brother at 8 weeks.  But, to me personally, around 13-14 weeks it felt good to share the news.  That's when we told close friends, coworkers, and DH's extended family.

    As for my parents, they decided not to tell anyone for the foreseeable future.  At first it was "we'll wait until you are out of the first tri" - fine, then "we'll wait until your big U/S" - whatever, but ok, now "lets wait until the first big kick".  I personally don't share their belief in this "strategy" because I do think it's going to be awkward to tell that much later, or after the baby is born and it'd be one thing if I didn't want anyone to know but this is all my parents (my mother mostly).  She already had a foot in mouth moment yesterday with one of her closest friends who apparently unbeknownst to me saw me  saw me at the grocery store, bump and all.  It was rather difficult to deny this when asked point blank. 

    Not to hijack your thread - I do get where you are coming from and as a private person, i didn't want to shout it from the rooftoops either - but I think at 16 weeks you are safe telling.  Otherwise, soon enough people are going to figure it out themselves and that might be more uncomfortable then telling them on your own terms.

    ***S/PAIFW***TTC since forever ago....

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  • I'm sorry that it has been such a long road for you, but congratulations!

    Although I am not in the same boat in terms of TTC, I will be a FTM and for some reason am also really paranoid about telling. We did break the news at 13 weeks to the rest of our family and some good friends, but after a while I started getting nervous that telling them has somehow jinxed us. There are still plenty of people who don't know (some of whom I'm not planning on telling until they notice the bump later on - since I don't have one yet), and I have no desire to tell anymore. My baby brother who's 9 has been announcing it to random people because he's so excited, and I'm surprised at how uncomfortable it's been making me! Honestly, I'm glad that we told because it was getting kind of difficult having to hide my symptoms from friends and loved ones + I have a really hard time with lying (which we had to do sometimes in order to mask the symptoms), but part of me still wishes that it was our little secret just in case.

    I know that this isn't exactly what's going on with you, but it's just a long-winded way of saying that what you're feeling is perfectly OK! 

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  • My mom and MIL knew right away, but we waited till 3 months to tell the rest of the family. My sister-in-law had experienced a miscarriage before and my MIL was afraid to get too excited too soon. I started telling close friends as I would see them (after 3 months), but never an official announcement. You really can't help it if there is a big social event and you aren't touching any wine or beer, at least not in our circle of friends.

    I have an appt. tomorrow and will hopefully find out the gender and post an "It's a Boy/Girl" on Facebook. I have family and friends from here to the other side of the world, so it's an easy way to get the word out.

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  • I think it's perfectly fine not to tell the whole world for a little while. I teach high school, so telling people didn't just mean my friends, family, and close coworkers...it meant telling 1300 teenagers (well only 120 in my classes, but it is a gossip mill!) and 70 adults who don't really need to know. My husband and I waited until I was 21 weeks to make the big announcement. (We told family and best friends at 13 weeks.) I had to get a little creative with dressing for the last couple weeks, but I am really glad we waited. I am a mom who loathes the attention from perfect strangers (or grubby teenagers), so less time with that is a plus for me. My husband is very excited to be a Dad, so waiting to share was important to him as well.
    I think it's important to handle your pregnancy how you want to, and not worry about what everyone else is doing or says you should do. I waited 21 weeks to share, eat sushi about once a week, shake my head "no" when people reach for my belly, and carry the dog food bags into the house (although the hubs usually makes me hand it over). I'm comfortable with all of it, and that's what matters. With all the discomforts of pregnancy, don't worry about justifying your decisions about the parts that you can control.

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  • Whatever you and your DH decide is right for you is best for you. lol Unfortunately it's only a matter of time before someone blabs the news. I have seen alot of posts about getting 'outed' before they were ready.
  • image babyE27:

    I think it's perfectly fine not to tell the whole world for a little while. I teach high school, so telling people didn't just mean my friends, family, and close coworkers...it meant telling 1300 teenagers (well only 120 in my classes, but it is a gossip mill!) and 70 adults who don't really need to know. My husband and I waited until I was 21 weeks to make the big announcement. (We told family and best friends at 13 weeks.) I had to get a little creative with dressing for the last couple weeks, but I am really glad we waited. I am a mom who loathes the attention from perfect strangers (or grubby teenagers), so less time with that is a plus for me. My husband is very excited to be a Dad, so waiting to share was important to him as well.
    I think it's important to handle your pregnancy how you want to, and not worry about what everyone else is doing or says you should do. I waited 21 weeks to share, eat sushi about once a week, shake my head "no" when people reach for my belly, and carry the dog food bags into the house (although the hubs usually makes me hand it over). I'm comfortable with all of it, and that's what matters. With all the discomforts of pregnancy, don't worry about justifying your decisions about the parts that you can control.

    Thank you so much everyone for the reassurance!! I am going to hold tight to my little secret for the next few weeks :) 

  • I didn't tell anyone except our parents until 16 weeks, and didn't tell work until after our ultrasound at 19 weeks. Some friends that I haven't seen recently still don't know, and I won't announce it on Facebook.

    I was the same way as you... I thought I'd be OK to tell people at 12 weeks, then 14 weeks, etc but I just kept pushing it off until I had just one more doctor appointment confirming things were OK. I finally felt comfortable with it after a good ultrasound report. We didn't have a difficult TTC journey but I have two serious autoimmune diseases and it's hard to trust my body at this point.

    I also felt weird, it was hard to go months with deceiving people as to why I wasn't feeling well and didn't have the energy to come to parties. But they all understood, no one was mad or thought it was weird that I waited so long. It's your business to tell, don't let anyone feel like you should before you're ready.


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  • I am 24 weeks and have not told anyone LOL I have a huge bump but we live far from family so they do not know. We had a late loss so we are really scared to come out. We plan to at 28 weeks... Wait til you are comfortable. I too feel like a weirdo.. almost like i'm a pregnant unwed teen LOL
  • u are definatly not the only one hun. though i like letting ppl know ASAP my husband wanted to wait until xmas to tell his family. he's glad now that we didnt wait because i was in a lot of pain this xmas and it would have been hard to tell his family in front of his cousins prego gf who tends to love attention and would have gotten slightly jealous. 

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  • Well if you are a wierdo I am also in the club.  I am 21 weeks and just told my parents at Christmas after the 20 week a/s.  My boss also knows because she asked (probably a combination of all the sick days I have been taking for dr appts and the weight gain) but only those 3, DH and myself. My in-laws do not know and I don't plan on telling them for as long as possible because they will blab it all over town.  I am careful to eat right and watch my exercising but I don't want people questioning me when I have one cup of coffee in the morning or want to go for a short run.  I also feel slightly jinxed after even telling my parents. To me it would be just fine if the baby arrives and thats when the rest of the world finds out.
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