Two Under 2

If your DH went home with DC#1 at night...

So I am T minus 29 days until my scheduled C-section.

This ENTIRE pregnancty my MIL has swooned/promised/bragged that she will take DS for us while I am in the hospital.  I made her fully aware it would be a good 4 days, and that my mom would clear her schedule if she wanted to split the duties.  She refused saying she would take a week off of work, yada yada yada.

So I email her today and explain that we would drop DS off on Thursday night at bedtime and that I would hopefully be released from the hospital Sunday, Monday at the latest so we really only needed her to take Friday/Monday off of work (she gets 5 weeks vaca a year!) I also let her know that my mom, who lives about 10 min from the hospital would more than happily take him for 1/2 a day or whatever so she could come visit with FIL without the bugging of a toddler.

Welp, she immediately emails me back saying she can only do through Saturday evening because she wants to make plans.  Not plans as in a once in a lifetime kind of event, but more like, "I fell like going out that night so he can't stay here".  Her social life ALWAYS comes before us and our DS/kids, so really I'm not surprised, doesn't mean it hurts any less though!

I know I can ask my mom, and she's offered to take DS.  But I feel bad.  She watches him during the week for us so I feel soooo guilty ever asking her to watch him because she does so much for us! 

I'm thinking DH can go home Saturday evening with DS and come back Sunday.  If I am discharged, great.  If not.. my mom can watch DS for the day and DH can take him home again that night.  Play it by ear kind of thing.

What do you think?  Did your DH do this?  I recovered really well/fast the first time around so I think I'll be OK.  Plus, I can have friends come hang out till late Saturday and early Sunday for a helping hand too I guess.

Lilypie First Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers M: 31 DH: 34 Dx: PCOS, Endo, Uterine Septum Ovarian Wedge Resection - May 2009 BFP #1 - October 2009 = DS BFP #2 - June 2011 = DD (Total Surprise!) Tree nut allergy in DS diagnosed 4/2012. Currently working with EI for SPD and possible ASD.

Re: If your DH went home with DC#1 at night...

  • I didn't have a c-section, but my DH went home on the second night and I was fine. He returned the next day when I was discharged. I was alone for 1 day more or less. My mom came in for part of that, but it would have been fine if she hadn't be able to come in and stay.

    Honestly the hospital was pretty boring and I was glad he went home because he was so fidgety.

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  • I had an unplanned c/s at 36 weeks, so DS ended up in NICU. I was very glad that MH was there that night to go down and do kangaroo care with him. It was also nice to have him there when I needed help getting to the NICU or to the bathroom. 

    However, that being said, by night three DD (who was staying with IL's) was making herself sick. Literally throwing up.  She missed up so bad that nothing that they could do would make her happy. DH spent the last night of my hospital stay with DD.

    In hindsight, I would have sent him home that second night to be with her. She could have spent the day with my parents, his parents, friends, etc. Oh, well. Lesson learned.

     HTH.

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  • SOs were not allowed to sleep over at the hospital I delivered at so it wasn't even a consideration.  It was really nice to keep DS in his routine a little and I had a little trouble in the night just maneuvering (getting the baby out of the "crib") after my c/s, but the nurses are there for that if you need it. 

    Sorry about your MIL.  How annoying.  Really.  

    O 10.08 & MJ 6.10
  • 2nd section.

    DH went home each night except the first night with my first section and went home every night with my 2nd section.

    We wanted the toddler to be in his own environment and to have as much Daddy contact as possible.

    It was fine.

    The nurses were great, I sent the baby to the nursery overnight (except for feedings), I got some decent sleep and DH was super well rested and ready to be all kinds of help once I got home.

    I didn't see the need for both of us to be exhausted from nurses coming in the room off and on all night long when one of us needed to be as close to 100% as possible to help cushion the toddler with all the changes going on.

    I also really enjoyed the alone time with baby #2.  It was the last time he and I would be alone together (aside from night feedings) for quite a while and I appreciated the chance to just focus all of my attention on getting to know and cherish him.

     

    Our IF journey: 1 m/c, 1 IVF with only 3 eggs retrieved yielding Dylan and a lost twin, 1 shocker unmedicated BFP resulting in Jace, 3 more unmedicated pregnancies ending in more losses.
    Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
  • My DH went home at night, both times. Both babies were born via c/s, and I stayed in the hospital for four nights each time. DD1 spent the night at MIL's the night before my c/s with #2, since we had the earliest appointment, and went home with DH the rest of the nights. He went about his normal routine of taking DD to MIL's, going to work, picking DD up, and then visited me and DD2 in the hospital in the evenings. For me, personally, I prefer to have DH take off of work the week after I come home to help out, rather than be off while I'm in the hospital. So, he goes home to get the rest he needs for work. (He takes off the day the baby is born, and then the week after I get home.)

    Honestly while I loved having visitors, I was also glad to see them go, so I'm not sure how it would have helped or hindered to have DH spend the night. I probably would not have rested as much, and since IBF it wasn't like he could take over feedings for me. The nurses were more than happy to change diapers so that I didn't have to get up right after my c/s. Having DH go home works well for our family.

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  • DH always went home to take care of the kids.  All I did at night was feed the baby and sleep anyway!  Let your mom know you MIGHT need her, but I'd say give it a try and let DH take the older one home (as long as all went well with your c-section).  GL!
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    Lilypie - (HKbp)Lilypie - (WKbt)
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  • I send my husband home.  I don't want him there at night.  Is that strange.  I go to sleep....and the first night I ask the nurse if I have a problem.  

    I stayed till day four and was glad I did.  Taking care of a toddler and a newborn the first day out is tough....and I don' t have much family around.

    I was fine on my own in the hospital.  My husband came when he could.  My mom and dad and sister watched my daughter mostly during the day.

    It is what it is.   I was with the newborn and my husband was in charge of the toddler if my parents couldn't be there.  

    I formula feed though so I send my babies to the nursery after about midnight and I go to sleep for a few hours....but I get some breathing complications so I am basically told to do this.

    Everything works out I promise.  

  • DH stayed with me but wanted to chime in with my experience.  I was home a LOT sooner than I had thought.

    C-Section was at 5p.m. on Thursday and I checked out at Noon on Saturday. 

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  • I have not had a c/s and have only ever spent one night in the hospital each time but here is what we have done:

    When DS was born, DH left to be with DD#1 (who was staying at IL's).  FIL drove over to our house 2x a day to let the dogs in and out (we lived 12 miles from them at the time).

    When DD#2 was born, DH went home (kids were at SIL's house); he had to let the dogs out/feed them that night and then let them back out in the morning.  The hospital was really full and we weren't on the maternity wing at that point so there wasn't a comfortable way for him to sleep and I wanted him to sleep and didn't want to be stressed about the dogs (SIL lived about 40 minutes from us so I also didn't want to inconvenience her to have her or her DH do it).

    For this baby, we will play it by ear, depending on the time of day I deliver, c/s vs vaginal, room set-up etc.  MIL will be staying at our house with the kids and she can let the dogs out so that is not a concern this time.  This is also our last baby so it might be nice to have DH stay, if he can sleep (he is a picky sleeper).  I would much rather have a rested DH to help me the next day at home.  

    DD#1 11/7/04 DS#1 6/24/06 Chemical Pregnancy 6/08 DD#2 1/28/10 after secondary infertility, Clomid, & acupuncture missed m/c 6/2010 at 8 weeks (baby stopped growing @ 5.5) DS born sleeping 1/13/2011 due to cord accident at 22 weeks. DD#3 3/10/2012
  • I had a scheduled c-section with DD, and DH stayed home with DS all but the first night.  I actually wanted DH to stay home with DS so that DS would have the consistency of one parent at home.  (My parents stayed with DS too, and DS is perfectly comfortable and happy with his grandma and grandpa.)  Also, I wanted DH to be able to get some sleep before DD and I came home.

    If it were me, I'm not sure if I would even have MIL take care of LO at all.  I would let her know that if she's going to back out on part of it now, she can't be trusted to not back out on any more time, and it's important/necessary to have people set to take care of LO while I was in the hospital.  Hopefully that would send a pretty clear message about how you feel about her backing out just so she can have fun. 

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  • I wouldn't have MIL watch him at all. 

    I didn't have a c/s, but my husband went home every night to stay with Cole.  I was just sleeping and feeding, so I didn't even notice he was gone until morning.  

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  • I had a planned repeat c-section and I was fine! DD was with my mom, but she was sick (fever, cold, etc) and very whiny, so we felt it was best that DH go home with her. I was fine! I did keep DS in the nursery at night b/c I wanted to rest and I thought it might be too hard getting out of bed, etc. But honestly, it was fine not having him at night.
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  • 2nd section was at 9:00AM Friday and I was discharged at 9:00AM Sunday.

    DH went home both nights to be with DD.  You should not need any help while in the hospital.  Company and companionship maybe but the nurses/assistants are there to help you and will do whatever you need.

    I did not send DS to the nursery because I was able to sleep anytime he was sleeping because we had a lot of time to ourselves.  It was very nice and relaxing honestly.

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