Success after IF

Kick To My Gut (Pg Announcement) Turned Into A Good Thing...I Think...

My cousin (who I am very close to) told me she was pregnant. I know it was somewhat a surprise because they were waiting until June to try for a Spring baby (weird conceptStick out tongue).

She told me by phone while she was on her way over to hang out. She was afraid I would be able to tell because of bloat. Anyway, I'm glad she told me on the phone because I teared up but was able to talk and say the right things! I actually felt bad for her because she was so worried about telling me. She knows how long we have been wanting #2 and she know we just got back DHs zero count SA. 

Anyway, I cried about it several times yesterday. It felt so weird. I have teared up a time or two over announcements but I have never been like this. I guess because I will always look at her wanting to be in her shoes. I also used to want to tell family at Christmas and now she's getting to do it. She is now having baby number 2 and I'm still not! I have the oldest grand kid and now I'm watching my cousins fly by me. I want to be clear that I am very, very happy for her, her dh and dd (who is a year to the day younger than mine).

So, the good that came from this. After several conversation with dh last night and sleeping in my self pity I have come to realize I really just want to be a mom again. I feel like I am 100% in a place to start thinking about donor sperm. We still want to get DH one more SA but, if it is zero again I am okay with moving onto donor sperm. I originally wanted dh to have a urologist "cut his balls" (dhs words) to try to find sperm (dh reluctantly agreed) but, I don't have that strong feeling anymore.

So, that was way longer than it should have beenTongue Tied The hardest pg announcement I received has turned into a reality check for me in a good way. I just wanted to share! 


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Re: Kick To My Gut (Pg Announcement) Turned Into A Good Thing...I Think...

  • While my situation is completely different, the same thing happened to me to provide clarity.  I craved and wanted more babies so bad after losing Quincy. And then my friend came over with her newborn last fall and I just realized I didn't want to go through that again.  I didn't want to spend anymore time "baby-chasing".  It was just what I needed to realize my girls are "enough" and I wanted to devote my life to them. 

    It is a nice feeling when that moment of clarity comes.  Enjoy it!   

    Momma to 2 sweet girls here on earth and a precious baby boy in heaven
  • Hugs.  That must have been hard for you to hear.  I have trouble with pregnancy announcements still too and we're not even actively TTC.  Hope it happens for you soon!
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  • Aw honey, I'm sorry.  That must hurt so much.  You are so awesome for being able to see through that and turn it into something positive.  (((HUGS)))
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  • I am so glad that something so wrenching helped you find some peace and clarity! (((hugs))))
  • I know EXACTLY how you feel. I had 2 best friends tell me at the same time, face to face, that they are pregnant. It was SO hard. I feel the same way that you do in that I am so happy for them, truly I am! Its just that it was really hard for me because it never has been and never will be that easy. Its pain from jealousy and just unfairness that we have to go through what we go through. I cried a few time (ok maybe more than a few) but when all is said and I done I love them and their babies (who I cant wait to meet).... I just know that I was mourning the "plan" and "dreams" that I had and everyone else gets to actually live out while I am a damaged/bitter/jealous shell of a person.

    Me: hypothalamic amenorrhea, low progesterone levels
    DH: 3% morph, low motility
    8 rounds of clomid= All BFNs
    7 IUIs= All BFNs
    IVF w/ICSI= BFN (5 Frosties)
    IVF #2 (FET)= Transfer on 12/2 Beta#1 (12/9)=29, Beta#2 (12/11)=60, Beta#3 (12/13)=177! First u/s 12/22 One little snowflake.

    Foster was born at 36w0d via c-sect due to severe preeclampsia.
    TTC #2:
    IVF#3 (FET)-Had to thaw all 3 remaining frosties, VERY POOR QUALITY. BFN
    IVF#4- Coming up!

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    Somewhere over the rainbow, Skies are blue, And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.....
  • I think we can all relate to being happy for someone but sad for ourselves.

    I am excited you are getting more open to DS!  You could be pregnant again soon  : ) : )

    DX: PCOS * Success with IVF

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  • I'm sorry the announcement got you so upset, but those moments of clarity are so important.  I really hope you and DH can figure things out moving forward to create the family you want.
    TTC#1 since Feb 07 with PCOS and mild MFI
    i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart) Our first love and loss 7/2/07

    3 cycles clomid TI = BFNs
    3 cycles clomid Ovidrel IUI = BFNs
    6/27/08 Surprise BFP = chemical pg
    IVF#1 July 08 BFP @7dp3dt
    TTC #3 since February 2010
    FET Sept. and Oct. 2010=BFN's
    IVF#2 June 2011=BFP

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  • Sending ((hugs)). I hope that you & your RE's can figure out how to get to baby #2 soon.
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