Stay at Home Moms

Money Loan for New House...Help!

Hello everyone.

Ok so Im a SAHM and Im trying super hard to get a job. My SO/soon to be DH and I recently got evicted because of my stupid brother and we have to live at eachothers parents house... He feels super bad because  he thinks because of the separation that hes not being a good father. So we were looking for places to rent and no such luck because DH doent make alot. So yesterday he called me and told me he's gonna get a place with a friend of ours because he has a kid too so it would bother the other person to have eachothers children around. So I looked on craigslist earlier today   and found the perfect place within our budget and emailed it to my DH. He just now told me before he went to the store that we cant afford it. the only reason why we cant is because DH is blowing huge bucks on his friends xmas presents but wont even buy us pizza! So Im about to sit him down and ask about just getting a loan. I think deep down he thinks i shouldnt have a say in this because I bring no money to the table.... Advice on how to bring this up please...no rude posts, I need support...Help!

Re: Money Loan for New House...Help!

  • This is not meant to be rude... but seriously doesn't seem like getting a home loan will be an option if most places to rent are out of the question due to not making enough money. Getting a home loan is very hard these days, nothing like it was 5 years ago, it's really tough! And if he won't buy you a pizza b/c he'd rather buy his buddies gifts... then I don't know that it's the best idea to go into buying a house with him, even if he could get a loan. Best of luck.
  • I'm a bit confused.  Are you suggesting that you get a loan to cover normal living expenses?  I don't think that's a good idea.

    Your SO prefers to live with someone else over having his own place with you and your child.  You are not married.  Legally, you have no say in how he spends his money.  He is choosing to spend money on friends, rather than making the adult choice and getting an apartment.  

    If you want to marry this man, you two need to be a team.  From what you've written here, I don't see a team mentality.

    Yes, you definitely need to get a job.  You need to support your child.  You need to stop mooching off your parents, because I doubt you're paying them rent. 

    Cat
    Married since 2003
    Mom to 2 daughters, ages 7 & 5
  • I would look in to charitable organizations in your area and/or social services.  You are in a dire situation and have an infant to support.  I would not tie yourself to this man.  Getting a quick loan to get you in an apartment will only delay the inevitable. If you cannot afford the rent you will be evicted again.

    You need some sort of emergency shelter and food ASAP.  I hope you can find it. 

     

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  • I don't mean to be rude, but maybe you'd be better off staying with your parents and getting a job.  How old is your boyfriend?  Doesn't sound like he's up for the responsibility that goes along with parenting.  A loan, in any way, is likely out of the question for you guys.  Do you mean a mortgage?  Or a loan to pay rent?  Either way - no.
  • image KitCat1:

    I'm a bit confused.  Are you suggesting that you get a loan to cover normal living expenses?  I don't think that's a good idea.

    Your SO prefers to live with someone else over having his own place with you and your child.  You are not married.  Legally, you have no say in how he spends his money.  He is choosing to spend money on friends, rather than making the adult choice and getting an apartment.  

    If you want to marry this man, you two need to be a team.  From what you've written here, I don't see a team mentality.

    Yes, you definitely need to get a job.  You need to support your child.  You need to stop mooching off your parents, because I doubt you're paying them rent. 

    I agree with this completely.
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  • If you can't afford rent payments now, how are you going to afford rent and loan repayments? 

    I would stay put at your parents' and concentrate on finding a job and taking care of your LO.  I would not move in with your SO until both of you are in a better financial situation - one that does not include another roommate and child

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  • image eaglesfan700:

    If you can't afford rent payments now, how are you going to afford rent and loan repayments? 

    I would stay put at your parents' and concentrate on finding a job and taking care of your LO.  I would not move in with your SO until both of you are in a better financial situation - one that does not include another roommate and child

    This!

     

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  • I think your DH's idea is a good one.  You don't just save on the cost of rent, you save on utilities and can share childcare.  I have often wondered why more people don't do this in the US.  It is common in other countries. 
  • Sorry, but I lived in a house where my parents always struggled simply because my dad and mom would spend money without caring about the family as a whole. I also lived in a home where my parents got loans instead of realizing that they were not on the same page. They are now divorced, have been bankrupt before, AND both still have debt. 

    I won't even have a credit card and defiantly would not get this loan. Stay with your mom and work on getting a job because like pp said you can't make loan payments if you can't pay rent.

    I would NOT buy or rent a home with this guy. I am not saying this to be mean. Honestly I'm saying it to one mama from another in hopes you see that it is not healthy. He chose to spend money on his friends Christmas present over making sure his family can live together? That is selfish and not what a real man (or dad or husband) does. I know my DH would give up anything to make sure we had a roof over our head.Why do you want to be with someone who does not put you and your LO first? He should be giving up everything right now to get you back on your feet.

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  • Are you aware that a bank isn't going to just hand you a loan because you ask for one?  They are going to look at how and if you can pay it back.

    Right now I think your best bet is to stay with your parents, find a job and look to support yourself.  Think hard before marrying this guy....I'm sure he's wonderful and great and has the best intentions but he blew his money on gifts for a BUDDY when he has a family to support.  Not exactly a wise financial decision.

    All in all, you two need to be on the same page.  Right now I don't think you're even in the same book.

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  • I just read the post on MM. No snark here I promise but I just need to say this.  Sweetie, if your DH is not your child's farther and she is 2 months I'm assuming you have only been together less then 10 months OR you two were taking a break or something along those lines. If it was the first that is a short amount of time. I would not financially tie myself with his right now considering the situation. If it was the second then I assume you have marriage issues in which case I say the same thing. This is not a good time to financially tie yourself with him.

    You said you got evicted because of a friend? How did that happen? It will be hard to find someone to rent to you after that.  I think you need to tell this guy "see ya" until he puts your family before his friends present, go get some government assistance, work on finding a job, and find DD bio dad and get that child support. Its time to think about that beautiful little girl you have! You may not see it right now but you deserve better then these men you have been choosing. You had a baby and made life! YOU can take care of her without a man! Be a real women and make a better life for your daughter one brick at a time. Maybe all this happened for a reason, it sucks but you CAN jump back from this.

    AND you are not married to your SO? Good time to think about it! 

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  • image luvmagoldn:

    I would look in to charitable organizations in your area and/or social services.  You are in a dire situation and have an infant to support.  I would not tie yourself to this man.  Getting a quick loan to get you in an apartment will only delay the inevitable. If you cannot afford the rent you will be evicted again.

    You need some sort of emergency shelter and food ASAP.  I hope you can find it. 

     

    All of this.

    Leave that man. He doesn't even care enough to buy you food, so I would never rely on him to provide shelter, either.

    ETA: Just read your other post on MM. He isn't your baby's father, he doesn't owe your baby anything. Get to governement offices and apply for every red cent you can. Your baby needs you.

    two kids
    they rule.
  • Ok our parents are about to kick us out and thats why we need to move soon, It would be a payday loan, and as for my brother getting us evicted:

    We lived with him for about 5 months and right before I was about to have my baby some how he got us all evicted including his newly pregnant girlfriend. And two days after i had my DD he came to the hospital and told us he got all of u a place and my SO gave him 400 for rent. The next day my SO boss calls and says my brother stole 900 from him and took off with his girlfriend to texas...so yea we've been screwed money wise ever since...

  • image SilentSymphony:

    Ok our parents are about to kick us out and thats why we need to move soon, It would be a payday loan, and as for my brother getting us evicted:

    We lived with him for about 5 months and right before I was about to have my baby some how he got us all evicted including his newly pregnant girlfriend. And two days after i had my DD he came to the hospital and told us he got all of u a place and my SO gave him 400 for rent. The next day my SO boss calls and says my brother stole 900 from him and took off with his girlfriend to texas...so yea we've been screwed money wise ever since...

    If your brother got you evicted, why would you think about living with him again, much less handing over $400 for a place you haven't even seen?

    If SO isn't the father of your baby you need to find the guy that is and take the steps to start getting child support from him.  You also need to be looking into other forms of assistance that you qualify for, that stuff is there for a reason.  Get on your feet, find a job, a place to live and don't depend on your SO.  YOU need to make things better for YOU.  Also, make sure you are doing what you can  to preventing having any more kids at this time.  I don't mean that to be snarky, it's just that we all know that kids aren't cheap and you need to get your ducks in a row for your current situation.

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  • Pay day loans are a BAD, BAD idea. They're a scam.... they offer you say, $500 up front and in two weeks you pay them back $650. The interest rates are astronomical. Plus if you don't have a job you won't have a paycheck to borrow against.

    I strongly, strongly urge you to apply for government assistance. This is what it's here for: people who need a hand when they've been knocked on their rump.

    two kids
    they rule.
  • Your brother stole from you.  It sucks.  But you also made some bad decisions by giving him MORE money to steal from you.  You've hinted that you've made a number of bad decisions to get you in the spot that you're in.

    No one is going to fix your life except you.  No man can do that.  You need to take the steps to start fixing your life.  First step, get to the government agencies to get the assistance you and your baby need.

    Cat
    Married since 2003
    Mom to 2 daughters, ages 7 & 5
  • Alright I will be up front and say I lurk on this board but I just can't let this one go. I will be a SAHM soon but also bring in an income. People like you honestly piss me off. Is there something wrong with you that you can't get a job? I have a disability and can't get a job, therefore I collect SSI. BUT every bit of that goes toward household expenses and my SO takes care of the rest with his job. If your SO or whatever he is to you can't live with you or manage his money, then it is YOUR job to pick up the slack. Unless you are deemed unfit to work, there is no reason why you should be looking into a loan. A loan is something you will eventually have to pay back, and without a job you can't do that. Eventually you will have to learn that it is not other people's job to support you, and I hope you learn that soon. Please for your child's sake stop worrying about someone who obviously doesn't care about you and get a JOB and take care of your daughter. Please! If you are worried about finding a place to live after getting a job and still not making enough, there are all sorts of resources out there for low income families to have income based rental housing. It may be a small apartment, but anything is worth doing it on your own and knowing you and your daughter are well taken care of. You may not want to listen to some of the other ladies because you think they look down on you because you are young and naive, but let me tell you something...You are...I am only 23 and have my life set up the way I want it. You have to do this for yourself or you will never be happy. 

     

    ETA: These are the government assistance programs I strongly urge you to look into!

    1. TANF-temporary assitance for needy families. This is a ONE TIME grant given to those who need it, but not to be taken and spent on whatever you want. I would personally use it to put a deposit on an apartment and get what you need for it.

    2. Food stamps and WIC as a temporary way of providing for you child until you get a JOB! (please work toward that job, anything at all just work)

    3.Section 8 housing or low income housing. There are so many places that have lower income housing available. I am technically in this category, although I pay the full amount for my rent because our income does not meet their exact requirements, but we can still afford to live here comfortably. Not all Section 8 is crappy, you just have to do you research.  

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