2nd Trimester

Public Transportation

I work and go to school in NYC so I'm on the subway a lot and let me tell you, NO ONE stands up for me. I don't ask for a seat because I'm usually only going up or down a couple of stops but it just baffles me how people can stand to set there with my stomach in their faces and not offer me a seat. I'm 27 weeks and there is no denying this belly of mine. Honestly, I just feel uncomfortable and embarrassed for people in these situations. Okay, there have been about three times when people actually offered me a seat. And every one of those times it was a young woman who was practically on the other side of the train car. And then when she would stand up people around me would start making a move for the seat. People in this city turn into freaky zombie cattle on the trains. They move around in big awkward groups and will brainlessly trample anyone to get their way. Anyone else take public transit? Do people offer their seats to you?
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Re: Public Transportation

  • I'm going to say that it is a regional thing. While I've never been to NYC, I've been to my fair share of big cities and small town communities. I live near LA and mostly all of the people out and about are rude and only concerned with themselves - I fancy this is how most big city people are. It isn't an intentional thing, just more of a way to get around the hustle and bustle.

    On the other hand, my parents live in a small, rural community. EVERYONE is so freaking nice it is almost annoying. When I was visiting one winter a lady rear ended me (nothing bag, her car just slipped on ice). So many cars stopped offering help. They asked, "can I call someone for you?" "are you okay?" "do you need me to get anything for you?" "do you want me to wait with you until your family gets here?" It was so different from when I was in a much more serious accident in a big city (both cars totaled and I was taken to the hospital in an ambulance) and only one person that was at the super busy intersection stopped. Everyone else just kept going.

    So, even though I am not in NYC and don't take public transit, I think it is just a big city thing.  

    ETA: I am not saying anything bad about city people or small town people.

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  • I live in Toronto and it's the same story here...

     I'm 27 weeks as well and work full time and don't get a seat either. I'm on the train for a good 35 mins too. I usually leave my house at 6am and by time I get out of the office, it's around 5pm. I've just kinda accepted it. The one time someone did, he was getting off. He said "I'm getting off right now if you want a seat"

    It's like.. thanks for the generosity.. *sarcasm* 

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  • Wow, this just puzzles me. I live in Honolulu, and I use to take the bus everywere. A good chunk of the people who ride the bus are seniors and then those living in poverty. Of course, there are a few others who ride the bus, but it's not many. I hardly ever see a young man or woman move for the elderly. The same is true with pregnant women. I figured it was because of the demographics. Wow. Just Wow.

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  • I was just ranting about this on FB the other day! I also live in NYC and have found that since I got my BFP public transportation has become torture!  People shoving into you without as much as an excuse me or glance in your direction, no one giving up a seat to save their life, its crazy!  I never liked to drive into Manhattan for traffice and parking reasons but I am beginning to really consider more and more.
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  • Hmm, I'm in NYC too.  There are times that I don't get seats offered to me, but I'd say the majority of the time on the subway, since I've really been showing, I at least get an offer (which I don't always take up).  I find my best strategy is to make sure I take off my coat, so the bump is obvious, and make sure I stand right in front of people with seats. 

    Of course there are times where I really wish someone would offer and they don't (last week major delays and I had to go on a different train then usual which meant I'd have to do more walking when I got to my stop, was hardly even able to find a place to safely put my hand and people gave me looks like I was the one being bad, ugh).

  • That is so sad.  I love where I live.. people are so polite- but of course I'm in Tennessee (very small town) and that seems like a big stretch from NYC.  We went to Honolulu (honeymoon) and rode the bus somewhere.  My husband offered his seat to an obviously pregnant woman and she looked SHOCKED and graciously accepted.  We wondered why she was so shocked but I guess people aren't used to it.


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  • I don't travel on public transport anymore (I work in Boston) and frankly I was sick of being stuck in a "cattle car" at times. I drive into work and park off campus. That being said. I did get on the shuttle once (I work for a big hospital btw) and it was full. I was about 20 weeks at the time but obviously showing well because of the twins. People stared at me for a minute, and then luckily "one" guy in front offered his seat, which I gladly took and thanked him. Some people actually put their head down, I basically stepped on the shuttle and said "Wow" out loud. Like are you f'n kidding me!! hahaha I have always offered my seat when I wasn't pregnant for an elderly or pregnant woman, or a woman with a small child.

    Considering I work at a hospital and some of these people were nurses I kind of felt offended but then again I work in Boston. 

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  • I'm sure I am in the minority here and can appreciate your opinion, but why do people feel they are entitled to get a seat if they are pregnant?  We are not disabled. I guess I am just one of those people who doesn't expect others to do things for me, especially if they don't know me. Don't get me wrong, I think it is incredibly kind for someone to ask if you would like a seat on the train or bus when they notice you are pregnant, but I would never expect it.  I don't believe I deserve a seat over someone else just because I am pregnant, everyone commuting is going to or coming home from their own long day at work, I am not more special because I decided to have a child. 
  • lol, well it is one reason I don't always take the seat when offered, I do appreciate it when people do and when I am not pregnant I always offered mine.

    It's partially the irony though. On the MTA they specifically make announcements encouraging people to give up their seats for "Pregnant, Elderly, or Disabled Persons...Courtesy is Contagious" lol.  So it's funny when that comes on and everyone does the heads down thing to you.

  • image Sara1373:
    I'm sure I am in the minority here and can appreciate your opinion, but why do people feel they are entitled to get a seat if they are pregnant?  We are not disabled. I guess I am just one of those people who doesn't expect others to do things for me, especially if they don't know me. Don't get me wrong, I think it is incredibly kind for someone to ask if you would like a seat on the train or bus when they notice you are pregnant, but I would never expect it.  I don't believe I deserve a seat over someone else just because I am pregnant, everyone commuting is going to or coming home from their own long day at work, I am not more special because I decided to have a child. 

    I agree with you.  Yes it's very nice when someone offers a seat but it shouldn't be "expected".

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  • I live and work in Boston.  I take the train home from work only.  I am only 20 weeks and barely showing, but I was offered a seat once a couple weeks ago by a young kid (probably senior in high school or very early college years).  I thanked him, but stayed standing all the people around then looked at me, my stomach and put their heads down, I wear a North Face down jacket so my bump is much exaggerated when I wear it.  I also was coming down with a cold so I don't think I looked too hot that day.  This however was the only time I was offered a seat, I am interested to see when I get bigger if it will remain the same. 
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  • I'm right outside NYC, so I'm not on it often, but occasionally.  I did take it a bit with DD1, and I was actually offered a seat a few times.  The worst, was once when I was around 29w, I had a seat, and the train got really crowded in the following stops.  An elderly woman got on, and no one offered her a seat.  So I got up and gave her mine.  I could tell she felt bad taking it, but I insisted, and she did.  But really..... people can be so rude. 

    I taught before becoming SAHM, and whenever we took class fieldtrips on the train, I made sure my kids offered up their seats when it got crowded.  And I made the boys give the girls first choice at seats.  The direction the city is going is a pretty sad one.
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  • image Sara1373:
    I'm sure I am in the minority here and can appreciate your opinion, but why do people feel they are entitled to get a seat if they are pregnant?  We are not disabled. I guess I am just one of those people who doesn't expect others to do things for me, especially if they don't know me. Don't get me wrong, I think it is incredibly kind for someone to ask if you would like a seat on the train or bus when they notice you are pregnant, but I would never expect it.  I don't believe I deserve a seat over someone else just because I am pregnant, everyone commuting is going to or coming home from their own long day at work, I am not more special because I decided to have a child. 

    No we are not disabled but my parents taught me to have courtesy for others. My husband also holds doors for others and so do I. I guess because I've always been taught that way I expect others to be kind also. Apparently a lot of people were not taught common courtesy growing up. It's a sad world where people don't offer seats to the elderly, slam doors in others faces, and slam their  shopping carts into other people's car and drive away without leaving a note. That says to me you only give a sh*t about yourself. That is really sad...

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  • image Sara1373:
    I'm sure I am in the minority here and can appreciate your opinion, but why do people feel they are entitled to get a seat if they are pregnant?  We are not disabled. I guess I am just one of those people who doesn't expect others to do things for me, especially if they don't know me. Don't get me wrong, I think it is incredibly kind for someone to ask if you would like a seat on the train or bus when they notice you are pregnant, but I would never expect it.  I don't believe I deserve a seat over someone else just because I am pregnant, everyone commuting is going to or coming home from their own long day at work, I am not more special because I decided to have a child. 

     

    I completely agree with this.  It's very nice to be offered a seat, but pregnancy is not a disability, and I think people with crutches and small children need seats more.  I ride public transit in the northeast, and people with canes and babies are always offered seats. 

     Also, I'm willing to bet that most of us don't look nearly as pregnant as we think we do.  And a lot of people, myself included, would be terrified of mistaking a large woman for a pregnant woman.  

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  • Have you lived here long ( NYC)? I've long since noticed that people are very rarely going to give up  their subway seat...and will push you to get to one first. 9 times out of 10 if someone does get up for you...it will be another woman. Another part of the problem is NYC'ers are around so many people all the time they honestly tune others out. So yea even if your belly is right in front of them chances  are they won't notice. 

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  • I grew up in NYC and while yes, people can be rude, I think most honestly do their best to tune out their surroundings during subway commutes. I know I would have been unlikely to notice at all who was getting on and off the train, much less remark on someone being pregnant and offer them a seat.  Plus, as others have said, with winter coats and all it can be very difficult to tell when you're pregnant. With that said, I am very grateful for my car these days!
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  • Ahhhh, another city girl here.  And try this one, I AM disabled   (I was born with one arm) and even at 8 months pregnant, trying to balance and hold on to the stupid rail thing people don't move!  They are equally reluctant to get off their a**es when you have a baby with you (I usually wore Kayla cause a stroller is a bigger nightmare)

     

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  • It's the same way in the SF Bay Area on the BART train. It's awful and unbelievable.

    Years ago I was the only person to offer a pregnant lady my seat. A young man tried to take the seat and I loudly told him I was only getting up because the woman was pregnant. He gave me a dirty look and mumbled something. So I told him to go home and tell his mother he tried to steal a seat from a pregnant woman!!
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  • image naybird:
    It's the same way in the SF Bay Area on the BART train. It's awful and unbelievable.

    Years ago I was the only person to offer a pregnant lady my seat. A young man tried to take the seat and I loudly told him I was only getting up because the woman was pregnant. He gave me a dirty look and mumbled something. So I told him to go home and tell his mother he tried to steal a seat from a pregnant woman!!

     

    LOVE this! 

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  • My sister who was 8 months pregnant and huge, was escorting a woman and her seeing eye dog on to the metro in DC and NO ONE offered their seat.  Truly disturbing. 

    So some on here think if you're pregnant, you shouldn't expect a seat.  You're obviously lacking common courtesy if you eyeball them and then don't bother to get up if the herking and jerking of the train would affect their balance more than yours. Where I commute, there are generally a lot of military officers and you can generally count on them to be chivalrous.

  • image TAU1980:

    My sister who was 8 months pregnant and huge, was escorting a woman and her seeing eye dog on to the metro in DC and NO ONE offered their seat.  Truly disturbing. 

    So some on here think if you're pregnant, you shouldn't expect a seat.  You're obviously lacking common courtesy if you eyeball them and then don't bother to get up if the herking and jerking of the train would affect their balance more than yours. Where I commute, there are generally a lot of military officers and you can generally count on them to be chivalrous.

    This is where I call you an ignorant idiot because the few of us who said we didn't expect people to give up their seats for us NEVER said we wouldn't do it for someone else.  Before you go judging people for their opinions maybe you should think about what we actually said!

    I lived in Los Angeles and ALWAYS gave up my seat on the Metro train or bus if I saw an elderly person, disabled person, someone pregnant, or someone with kids.  I only stated that I don't EXPECT people to do the same for me, that doesn't mean I wasn't brought up right it just means I rely on myself and NOT others!  Now this is the time you open you big FAT mouth and insert your NASTY foot!


    Edit: Yes my reply was harsh but of course it's going to be when someone states I wasn't brought up right because I don't "expect" things.

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  • image Gismo123:
    image TAU1980:

    My sister who was 8 months pregnant and huge, was escorting a woman and her seeing eye dog on to the metro in DC and NO ONE offered their seat.  Truly disturbing. 

    So some on here think if you're pregnant, you shouldn't expect a seat.  You're obviously lacking common courtesy if you eyeball them and then don't bother to get up if the herking and jerking of the train would affect their balance more than yours. Where I commute, there are generally a lot of military officers and you can generally count on them to be chivalrous.

    This is where I call you an ignorant idiot because the few of us who said we didn't expect people to give up their seats for us NEVER said we wouldn't do it for someone else.  Before you go judging people for their opinions maybe you should think about what we actually said!

    I lived in Los Angeles and ALWAYS gave up my seat on the Metro train or bus if I saw an elderly person, disabled person, someone pregnant, or someone with kids.  I only stated that I don't EXPECT people to do the same for me, that doesn't mean I wasn't brought up right it just means I rely on myself and NOT others!  Now this is the time you open you big FAT mouth and insert your NASTY foot!


    Edit: Yes my reply was harsh but of course it's going to be when someone states I wasn't brought up right because I don't "expect" things.

     

    I completely agree. I still give up my seat to those who need it more than me, even at 27 weeks pregnant. I was brought up to be courteous to those around me and will do so every opportunity I get, I just don't expect others to reciprocate.  I do it because I personally think it is the right thing to do and it makes me feel good.

  • image Gismo123:
    image TAU1980:

    My sister who was 8 months pregnant and huge, was escorting a woman and her seeing eye dog on to the metro in DC and NO ONE offered their seat.  Truly disturbing. 

    So some on here think if you're pregnant, you shouldn't expect a seat.  You're obviously lacking common courtesy if you eyeball them and then don't bother to get up if the herking and jerking of the train would affect their balance more than yours. Where I commute, there are generally a lot of military officers and you can generally count on them to be chivalrous.

    This is where I call you an ignorant idiot because the few of us who said we didn't expect people to give up their seats for us NEVER said we wouldn't do it for someone else.  Before you go judging people for their opinions maybe you should think about what we actually said!

    I lived in Los Angeles and ALWAYS gave up my seat on the Metro train or bus if I saw an elderly person, disabled person, someone pregnant, or someone with kids.  I only stated that I don't EXPECT people to do the same for me, that doesn't mean I wasn't brought up right it just means I rely on myself and NOT others!  Now this is the time you open you big FAT mouth and insert your NASTY foot!


    Edit: Yes my reply was harsh but of course it's going to be when someone states I wasn't brought up right because I don't "expect" things.

    All that venom can't be be good for your baby.

  • image TAU1980:
    image Gismo123:
    image TAU1980:

    My sister who was 8 months pregnant and huge, was escorting a woman and her seeing eye dog on to the metro in DC and NO ONE offered their seat.  Truly disturbing. 

    So some on here think if you're pregnant, you shouldn't expect a seat.  You're obviously lacking common courtesy if you eyeball them and then don't bother to get up if the herking and jerking of the train would affect their balance more than yours. Where I commute, there are generally a lot of military officers and you can generally count on them to be chivalrous.

    This is where I call you an ignorant idiot because the few of us who said we didn't expect people to give up their seats for us NEVER said we wouldn't do it for someone else.  Before you go judging people for their opinions maybe you should think about what we actually said!

    I lived in Los Angeles and ALWAYS gave up my seat on the Metro train or bus if I saw an elderly person, disabled person, someone pregnant, or someone with kids.  I only stated that I don't EXPECT people to do the same for me, that doesn't mean I wasn't brought up right it just means I rely on myself and NOT others!  Now this is the time you open you big FAT mouth and insert your NASTY foot!


    Edit: Yes my reply was harsh but of course it's going to be when someone states I wasn't brought up right because I don't "expect" things.

    All that venom can't be be good for your baby.

    You're right, so stop spreading it around.

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  • Huh. I'm confused by all the back and forth on this. I know we're not disabled. And if I saw someone disabled without a seat or an elderly person without a seat I would get up for them. I'm reading the original comment about not expecting a seat to mean we don't necessarily deserve a seat. Am I reading this incorrectly? I think that I and other pregnant women should get a seat because in general our balance is off, our feet are swollen, some of us are still experiencing morning sickness, we have back pain, the list goes on. So yeah, over the majority of the people on the train, I think I deserve a seat. To the person who asked how long I've been in the city: I've been in NYC for about 8 years now and while I realize some people are off in their own little worlds, I really do believe that some people are outright ignoring the situation. I feel that in NYC there is a trend of selfhishness here that is exacerbated when it comes to public transit.
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