Baby Names

Need name advice.. :(

Need baby name advice: Originally, I had decided on the name Tavish Ian. A few problems had come up....

1. The meaning is Thomas aka the name of the guy who SA'd me and I went to court against and I don't think I can live with that...

2. People say it sounds girly

3. It wasn't really me who picked it out...but I do like the name... 

My grandma has been waiting like 20 years for a Tavish in the family and she would be heartbroken if I decided to change. I don't know if maybe I decided to use the name as a way to bring the family closer together, but I don't love it 100% esp. now finding out reason #1, I just can't live with my son's name being the Scottish version of my rapist...

But my grandma will be eternally heartbroken and is she ever good at guilt-tripping... she's done it to my Uncle since he had his son 10 years ago :( 

Any suggestions?

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Re: Need name advice.. :(

  • I'm sorry that you had to go through such a horrific ordeal. That is awful.

    If the name is truly going to be a constant reminder of the hurt and pain you've gone through, I would scrap it. I can't imagine that your grandmother would not understand this. I can understand her love for a family name but the circumstances are a little different.

     I think you deserve to have a name you truly love and will truly love saying. Don't cheat yourself of that.

    I love Ian--that is my first choice for a boy. Good luck.

  • CAn you make it a mn? Does grandma know what happened?  Can you explain the name's meaning and why it is upsetting?  Even if she doesn't know what happened can you tell her you knew a Thomas who was a really bad person and you can't get past the association?

    I know how important family is.  But she's not going to be around forever, but you're baby is.  You shouldn't feel guilted into giving him a name you don't like for any reason. 

  • I wouldnt use it. YOU have to live with your child every day and if the name remotely reminds you of someone you don't like you shouldnt use it, let alone someone who assaulted you. 

    You're grandma will get over it, I can't imagine she wouldnt at least try to understand why you cant name your son that. And if she doesnt understand then oh well. Is there another family name you can use that means something to her?

    and I also think it sounds girly, sorry.  

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  • First, I am so sorry that you have to had to deal with such an awful situation.  In regards to names, I personally wouldn't use Tavish.  Perhaps you could look at something similar, like Travis?
  • Um, I hate to take the obvious route here but grandma had her chance to have a Tavish when she had your uncle.  

    This is your baby, therefore you get to pick out the name.  And don't let grandma guilt you into anything.  

    You can't use the name to bring your family closer... not when it has such a bad connotation for you.  If you are worried about your grandmother tell her point blank that while you would have loved to use the name but you can no longer live with having your son named Tavish.  

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  • Would you rather have occasional guilt trip from your grandma or a painful reminder all the time? I'd try to explain to your grandmother why you aren't using it.  And ditto the PP-  if it was that important to your grandmother she should have given the name to one of her sons.

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  • image BitsKD13:

    Um, I hate to take the obvious route here but grandma had her chance to have a Tavish when she had your uncle.  

    This is your baby, therefore you get to pick out the name.  And don't let grandma guilt you into anything.  

    You can't use the name to bring your family closer... not when it has such a bad connotation for you.  If you are worried about your grandmother tell her point blank that while you would have loved to use the name but you can no longer live with having your son named Tavish.  

    This. It's YOUR baby and you have to love his name and call him that every day of his life and live with it (and the meaning) every day for the rest of your life. If grandma gives you a hard time tell her she's welcome to pop out another kid to name Tavish. 

  • i'm going to chalk this one up to pregnancy brain, stress and being tired?  sorry hon, it really is a no-brainer.  your baby, your decision.  it's really quite simple.  have you told your gram what the name means?  does she know and still want you to name your baby that?  if so, i'd be seriously cutting granny out of my life. 

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  • image bobmonkey:

    I'm sorry that you had to go through such a horrific ordeal. That is awful.

    If the name is truly going to be a constant reminder of the hurt and pain you've gone through, I would scrap it. I can't imagine that your grandmother would not understand this. I can understand her love for a family name but the circumstances are a little different.

     I think you deserve to have a name you truly love and will truly love saying. Don't cheat yourself of that.

    I love Ian--that is my first choice for a boy. Good luck.

    All of this. I would find a different name. I also love Ian. Would you consider that as a first name?

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  • Your issues with the name aside, you should never name your baby something just because your grandmother wants you to. When you become an adult, it's time to separate yourself from the expectations of your elders and live your own life. Particularly when you're a parent. 
  • Thanks everyone for the advice. I agree it really is a no-brainer. I tried to explain to my grandma and she got all defensive about it's *just* a name, but it's not just a name. He's my son and I don't want to be reminded of my past everytime I look at him. I am quite young, 20, so this is really time for me to step up as the mother and make the decision. It's my son and my choice, and they're going to have to live with it. I'm not a child anymore and I am fully capable of making my own decisions. 

     Thanks again for your advice and backing me up on this, I really needed to hear it from someone else.

    She'll get over it eventually.  

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