2nd Trimester

Family drama... :(

Vent/Rant: [sorry in advance I just need to talk to someone]. My mom has been totally getting on my nerves. She insisted on abortion for the first like 20 weeks, and then went all baby crazy buying all kinds of stuff, but every time I talk to other family members they just talk about how my mom doesn't want me having this baby and I'm too immature and not grown up. Background: My mom got pregnant with me at 18, she wasn't done high school and took a while to finish. My grandma raised me for the first few years and my mom basically lived her life as a teenager. She lived with my grandma until I was about 12 years old or so. Then lived next door to her until a month ago. My background: I'm 20, pregnant and I live on my own and I fully support myself, pay my bills and buy groceries with my own money. My mom hasn't given me a dime since I was 16. I graduated high school with honours last year, and am going to University. I have a plan on how to raise this baby. Our situations are totally different. But she's convinced I can't do it. Another thing is that daycare might not be immediate for me since I haven't done my taxes and the waitlists are very long, so she offered to take care of the baby for the first few months until daycare is sorted out. My grandma kindly told me she has no intentions of helping and was going to tell me last minute. That is not fair at all. I get she thinks I'm going to drop out of uni and she's going to end up with the baby... But I'm doing everything I can to prevent that. I'm trying to get ready to have this baby and be successful in school and life and as a parent. I want the best for him by setting an example. Just because she didn't do that, doesn't mean I can't. She will not be raising my son. Apparently now, she won't be babysitting either which is fine. And after all this, she wants to be in the room with me when I deliver? My plan was to let her and my grandma in, but right now I feel like I'd rather be in there alone. I know I won't be perfect and I'll make more than enough mistakes, but I don't wanna be her. I want an education and career, I don't want to feed off the government for my whole life and that's that. I don't know how I'll handle her after the baby comes. She can't seem to make up her mind. She *** off for the weekend with her boyfriend no one has met and leaves my sisters alone at home for days, [they're 14 and 16]. I just don't know what to think/say anymore... I'm just trying to stay civil with her and act like nothing is going wrong. :(

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Re: Family drama... :(

  • Sounds like your Grandma is a good person for you to stick close with. Unfortunately you can only control what you do. Sounds like your mom still has some growing up to do. Is there a way that your grandma could help watch LO while your in class/working? Is the baby's dad in the picture? 

    If your mom is not being supportive then maybe now may be a good time to start distancing yourself from her. Stick to your game plan and make it happen. Sounds like you have a strong mind, you'll get there. GL  

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  • That's a tough one.  If you are closer to your Gma than your mother then if it were me I'd only have my Gma in the room with me.  Your mother sounds like she is projecting all the fears and troubles she had on to you, which isn't fair. I hope it works out for you.  Ts&Ps.
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  • Does your school have cheap daycare for while you're in class?  Good luck and it will work out if you are determined.  I had my son at 19 and am finally graduating next month (he's 6 now).  It might not be how you planned it but it will work out.
  • First of all - good for you for not bowing to the pressure to have an abortion! Your baby is a lucky baby to have a mommy that is willing to fight for him/her and a mommy who is smart enough to try make a better future for both of you.

    Could you find someone to do a babysitting exchange with?  Maybe they sit for you during the day and you sit for them in the evening or something like that?  You could try your local boards.

     I wouldn't have anyone unsupportive in the delivery room. You don't want that memory tainted by the bitterness your mom seems to have.  I think your grandma si on the right page. If she comes in and your mom doesn't it will make for years of conflict.  Good luck!

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  • I am sorry but your mother sounds like the selfish immature one. Things will work out but it sounds like you may need to make some decisions concerning your mother. She needs to learn that this is your child and you need to set boundries.
    Married on October 29, 2005. TTC right away, after 5 years of BFN's started IF. Got BFP on first round of Clomid October 15, 2010. MC October 25, 2010. Clomid and BFN on Nov, Dec 2010. Switched RE's and started Follistim, Ovidril and progesterone in Feb. BFP February 2011. Ectopic pregnancy. Had to wait a few months. Started TTC again in July. BFP August 19, 2011. Our Rainbow miracle was born on April 24, 2012. Welcome to the world, sweet baby Willow.

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  • I think you sound like you have your head on strait. Do whats best for you and your baby cause thats all who matter from now on. You need to set your limits and never let others tear them down. Its for the safety of your and your babys health and well being. Its def not going to be easy but it will all be worth it! 
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  • Is the father of the baby going to help?  Child support is something that you should look into--it is for the baby, so even if you have a plan without it you should have a written agreement with the father. 
    Me and my Kiwi, both 38.  We struggled with RPL and were blessed with Micah.  I'm a full custody stepmom to Ethan!

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  • Wow, do we have the same mother?  Mine had me at 20 (had my brother when she was 18) and sent me to live with my grandmother and I lived with her till I was 15, then we moved shortly after and I lived by myself with my brother for nearly 2yrs till I had my oldest (I had her when I was 17) and I managed to do a helluva lot better in life than my mom did!   I say do what you need to do and tell her to back the hell off and quit being 2 faced.   GL.
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