Sigh...(Sad Vent)

[Deleted User]

I recently stopped taking anti-depressants, because my FI and I decided together that we really wanted to TTCAL again. This is after our fourth loss (third pregnancy).

Now, I will do whatever it takes for me to get pregnant, stay pregnant, and have a healthy pregnancy/take home baby. And I knew that getting off of anti-depressants was a part of that. Now, however, that the drugs are out of my system, the depression is really sinking in. We are only 2 months out from our last loss, so I knew that this was not a great time to be quitting them, but decided to risk it anyways.

Some days, I feel so down. I don't want to get out of bed, eat, do anything. Some days, like today, I hurt so much, not just for myself but for all of us going through this. And on those days, I cry. A lot. 

I know I should stay optimistic, but I can't help thinking that I should have a 5 month old by now. And I have nothing. I feel hopeless. 

RedRose84

I'm so sorry for your losses.  I can't imagine what you're going through.  Losing one baby is horrible, I can't imagine losing more than that.  I think that is great you are making steps to TTC again and I hope the next time brings you your take home baby. **Sending big hugs your way**

KGS2003

((hugs))  It's hard enough dealing with a loss, having depression on top of that can be very overwhelming. Have you talked to your OB about taking something while trying to concieve? I'm not familiar with anti depressants but may be there is something you can take while you are trying. 

Good luck, we are here for you.  

[Deleted User]

Thanks ladies. My OB told us it would be fine to continue on with the anti-depressants I was taking while TTC, but that once I was actually pregnant I'd have to quit them anyway, and that it was better to just wean myself off them now rather than doing it once I was pregnant.

RequiresExalted

jenek0213:

just *hugs*... not much else I can say or do so just *hugs*

 

This.  *lots and lots of hugs* 

hungryhippo

((huge, warm hugs)) I had a day like you described yesterday. I don't know why some days it just hits.

aussiedaze

jenek0213:

just *hugs*... not much else I can say or do so just *hugs*

 

 

This.. *hugs!* 

CnAnA

aussiedaze:

jenek0213:

just *hugs*... not much else I can say or do so just *hugs*

 

 

This.. *hugs!* 

Throwing some more *hugs* on the pile.   

jbmello27

I'll add a few more hugs to that pile!

And also: I went off of my antidepressant when my husband and I decided it was time to start TTC, and had such an awful time that my cycles were thrown completely out of whack and I ended up back on them. My OB and my regular doc both spoke with me about what it would mean and what med would be the most appropriate for me, and I was actually told that it is better to stay on them once you've started - that the risks to the baby from my depression might be such that it is better to continue. This is one of those issues where everyone seems to have a different opinion, which just compounds the difficulty of trying to figure out what's best for you, personally!

I understand what you're feeling right now, at least in part - hang in there and just keep thinking about the reason WHY you've gone off the medicine. Best of luck to you! 

PittPurple

I'm so sorry. I'm having such a horrible time right now, I truly can't imagine what it must be like to go through this more than once. I hope that you can keep focussed on why you're doing this and that it helps get you through. Sending you my best wishes for a good day today (sometimes I just have to focus on getting through one day at a time).

(((hugs)))

ktsnshn

((hugs))

linfor2

((Big Hugs))

zeitsev

((hugs)) to you!  Ditto to the posters suggesting talking with your medical professionals about alternate options for medications. Some of our clients stay on their antidepressants throughout pregnancy but it really is a case-by-case basis. 

Ladiebug710

Big hug, I am so sorry for your losses.

HopingforChange

Big hugs and I am so sorry for your losses.  If you have made it through all of that, you can make it through today.  I am sorry that you are dealing with depression on top of everything else.  My close friend struggles with this, and it is so hard for everyone it affects.  I am so sorry you have to fight that battle.  Ditto the poster who asked about counseling.  I have anxiety, and that is my lifeline.  ((hugs)) again, and we are here to listen.

cmumama

((HUGE HUGS!!))

LivingItUpInUP

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.  ((Hugs)))

[Deleted User]

Thanks for all of the hugs ladies! They really did help.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow AM and I will be talking to my doctor about doing some counseling. I have considered going back on and staying on antidepressants while pregnant, but I really want it to be a last resort.

Thanks again for showing me that I'm not alone!

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

groweeames

Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I hear you. Good for you for going back to the doc tomorrow. I agree with all the PPs, counseling might be a big help, and there are also medication options that could be OK while TTC. I know it can be really hard to make the decision to go back on meds. I had to go back on meds last week after relapsing and I can't stop thinking that if I hadn't miscarried I'd be well into the third trimester by now and the meds would be safer...so I really hear you about thinking of where you "should" be now. I'm so sorry.

T&P for your appointment tomorrow, and more ((hugs)).