Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

D&C tomorrow morning

I am extremely nervous. They told me the risk of trying to pass my 8 1/2 week developed baby would be too great at home, and that I should have a D&C this week. It isn't my first D&C, I had an incomplete miscarriage at 7 weeks in 2005, but this is the first one while on blood thinners. I am so nervous something will go wrong, but at the same time I just want it over so I can begin to heal. I feel so guilty for feeling that way, but with the pregnancy hormones still in my body it feels like a cruel joke. To feel so pregnant, but know the baby is no longer living. Crying

I am also having a hard time with comments from people. Everyone means well, but everytime someone says I am sorry for your loss or I am sorry about your baby I want to break down. My aunt even sent me a message basically bashing me for even getting pregnant in the first place. She hadn't said anything when I told her I was pregnant or when we heard and saw the heartbeat, but now that the baby is gone she is running free with her thoughts about it. I already feel guilty enough as it is. Anyone else have people saying things that only make it worse?

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Re: D&C tomorrow morning

  • I am SO so sorry.  I hope you have someone to be with you to love on you and support you and help carry you through.  You'll be in my thoughts.
  • Do you mind if I say I'm sorry for your loss since I know the feeling?

    When we found out we were pregnant we decided not to share until we saw/heard a hb, unfortunately the OB doesnt do u/s until much later and you can detect hb with doppler at 8wks so we decided to tell my DH fam at 9wks...only to find out 3 days later that the baby had stopped developing at 6wks. Anyways, my DH convinced me to tell my mom. I was hard for me since I didn't want to tell people in the first place but I told her and she made me feel bad. Like I had done something wrong! She told me I've gotten pregnant too soon after stopping bc.

     I think people try to sympathize but the don't know how and end up saying the wrong thing. In my case, with the in-laws I & DH made it clear that it was off topic. They don't bring it up unless I do. That has worked for me. And surprisingly enough now I feel more inclined to talk about it.

    1st BFP 10/11/11. MMC 9wks 3days.Measuring 6wks 1day D&C 11/15/11 Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers "http://lilypie.com/">Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Good luck tomorrow, I'm sure they will take good care of you.Just make sure everyone knows your on blood thinners (there's no such thing as saying it too many times) and any other medications you may be taking. I'm sure they'll ask you a hundred times too. And there is no reason to feel guilt, I felt the exact same way.

    I know what you mean by the "i'm sorry" comments. I can tell just by the tone of their vice whether they mean it or whether it's just an automated response... and sometimes I wish people would just shut the FU.... like your aunt, she sounds horrible and NOT like the kind of people you need in your life right now (or ever)

    Married My Love on 6/18/2006
    BFP#1 10/1/2011. Our perfect little girl, Her heart stopped @ 12w1d. D&E 11/23/11
    BFP#2 3/13/12 Weird CP/Possible EP @ 6w0d
    BFP#3 5/28/12 CP @ 5w0d
    BFP/WTF#4 10/26/12 CP
    BFP#5 12/10/12 EDD 8/23/2013
    <3 Baby Boy Born 8/22/13 <3
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  • I am sorry that you're going through all of this.

    I have one question if you don't mind my asking - is the risk of you miscarrying at home because of the blood thinners? I ask because our baby measured about 8.5 weeks but they just called in another round of Cytotec (this is the last step before a D&C for me). I trust that all of our doctors give advice that they are comfortable with for our individual decisions, but I am just curious if that's the reason. 

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  • Thanks ladies! For some reason the "I am sorry for your loss" comments are tolerable over the internet, or text messages, but when I have someone speak the words to me it makes it so real, and makes me tear up. It is going to be rough because my husband leaves for a year to Korea on Monday. I will be well on my way to healing physically, but my main support will be across the globe.

    From what my OB told me, my risk of losing too much blood would be greater if I tried to pass the baby at home than if she were to time my blood thinner and have me come in for a D&C. She told me at 8.5 weeks the experience of passing the baby would be much like labor, very painful, and would likely end with me going to the ER needing a transfusion. (I am assuming because of the blood thinner) I had my last dose of lovenox today at noon per her instructions. She said by timing it and by giving me medicines to contract my uterus during the procedure they should be able to control the bleeding. She said I will need to take the blood thinner for two weeks after though because there will still be pregnancy hormones in my blood. (I have had a previous blood clot which is why they have me on the blood thinner).

    I am here for anyone experiencing a loss that needs to talk! Sometimes it is easier to talk to those going through the same thing, than those who can only say sorry, but not truly understand what it feels like. Best wishes to everyone!

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  • Hugs- I hope everything goes well tomorrow. It helped me when the D&C was over, I guess some kind of "closure" in a way. Try to relax and get lots of rest after the surgery- and ignore those around you that are so negative. After mine, all I wanted was my DH. He was my rock, and other than that, I stayed away from people for a few days.
    Married my best friend May 24, 2008
    BFP #1 9/1/11, EDD 5/15/12, Missed M/C at 9w4d, discovered at 11w3d, D&C 11/2/11
    BFP #2 6/20/12, Cooper Thomas 3/2/13
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  • I'm so sorry for your loss. Lots of luck tomorrow for the D&C. It's just awful to hear that you have some negative influences in your life. I hope you can try to surround yourself with more supportive people. ((Hugs))
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  • Reading your post just made me want to hug you.  So much of what you said was similar to my own experience with my D&C.

    I'm so sorry you're going through this.  I had my D&C on November 2.  Once I found out we had a blighted ovum, I just wanted to get to the D&C (despite being nervous to have surgery) and begin the process of "moving on."  Like you said, I was feeling terribly guilty about the whole thing.  I kept thinking how even though there wasn't a baby that there was something "wrong" in wanting it to be gone.  I was also having terrible morning sickness and telling my husband that it was so frustrating to be throwing up "for no reason."  People's condolences may have been the worst of all of that, though.  I felt like I couldn't begin to cope with everyone trying to talk to me about loss and how sorry they were that the baby died.

    I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.  Message me if you need anything.  You're not alone.

  • image christinamae1211:

    Thanks ladies! For some reason the "I am sorry for your loss" comments are tolerable over the internet, or text messages, but when I have someone speak the words to me it makes it so real, and makes me tear up. It is going to be rough because my husband leaves for a year to Korea on Monday. I will be well on my way to healing physically, but my main support will be across the globe.

    From what my OB told me, my risk of losing too much blood would be greater if I tried to pass the baby at home than if she were to time my blood thinner and have me come in for a D&C. She told me at 8.5 weeks the experience of passing the baby would be much like labor, very painful, and would likely end with me going to the ER needing a transfusion. (I am assuming because of the blood thinner) I had my last dose of lovenox today at noon per her instructions. She said by timing it and by giving me medicines to contract my uterus during the procedure they should be able to control the bleeding. She said I will need to take the blood thinner for two weeks after though because there will still be pregnancy hormones in my blood. (I have had a previous blood clot which is why they have me on the blood thinner).

    I am here for anyone experiencing a loss that needs to talk! Sometimes it is easier to talk to those going through the same thing, than those who can only say sorry, but not truly understand what it feels like. Best wishes to everyone!

    I'm sorry I didn't read all the way down before I posted. Stay strong and remember we are here for you!

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  • I'm sorry for your loss.  I had my D&C over a month ago.  I was so happy to end the physical part of this awful journey.  I still have people who say things that make me feel worse or sometimes DON'T say anything, which makes me feel worse. :[  I know usually people are uncomfortable with the situation and just don't know what to say.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers.  **Hugs**
  • I was 9 week's pregnant when I found out I had miscarried. I can't remember what the name of it is, but everything but the baby started to grow and was the size of 9 weeks growth. My baby didn't develop because my boyfriend and I's chromosomes didn't mix together. My OB/GYN at the time said i only have a 8 to 12 % chance that this should happen again. I had a D&C a week later and yes, i did feel like something was going to go wrong. But God will take the wheel and never give you anything you may not handle. God makes everything happen for a reason, even though you may be wondering like i was, why did God do this to me? Something could have been wrong with the baby, or something in the future might have gone wrong. So JUST KNOW, none of this is YOUR fault..

     

    Xoxo. 

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  • I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I hope the procedure goes well and you can physically heal as soon as possible.  I know emotionally it will be much harder. Yeah, the comments from your aunt were definitely uncalled for.  I'm sorry. 

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