Baby Showers

so... i'm tacky

By what I've read on this board, i'm extremely tacky.... I dont see what the big deal is about planning your own baby shower - it's for me, so why not do it how i'd like it? I enjoy planning things like this.  I really dont have anyone I can trust to plan it for me, and my mother is helping me with a lot.  The friend who I wanted to plan it, found out she's pregnant and due 6 days after me and would be too much for her. No one has to know I was the one doing all the planning.... and my name wont be on the invitation as the host. I'll have someone host it.  Yes so, flame away if you must, but i'm going to do what i want.  Tacky and all. 
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Re: so... i'm tacky

  • You don't understand how asking people to give you presents is tacky?  If so, then you're beyond help.
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  • I just don't understand how you could reach adulthood, proficient in English, and have JUST NOW learned (even though you clearly don't understand it) that this is absolutely, inarguably, always tacky.
  • image RoxyLynn:
    I just don't understand how you could reach adulthood, proficient in English, and have JUST NOW learned (even though you clearly don't understand it) that this is absolutely, inarguably, always tacky.

    Also, why on Earth would you want to brag about how ridiculously tacky you are being. If I were your friend/family member, I would not come to your shower, and would not bring you a gift out of principle. Also, it's even ruder to lie to your guests. If you are planning your own shower, atleast have the balls to host it yourself.

    Coward.

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  • You're not just tacky, you're entitled too.

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  • It is certainly tacky to host your own shower...but it sounds like you are planning it...not hosting it.  Your mom is the host, right?  If that is the case I don't think it is any different than a lot of people on here who have "planned" their own or did a lot of the elements of the shower (invites, getting a venue, ordering food, etc). 

    BTW...just because your friend is due 6 days after you...why does that make it impossible for her to host a shower.  It is not THAT much work.  lol  Just because someone is pregnant...life doesn't stop...people still continue to work (sometimes very strenuous jobs), raise other kids, clean house, host parties, etc.

    I do agree with the other pps to the extent that if you KNOW something is tacky but do it anyway...just because you want to...then basically it just shows your immaturity.

  • image Marie509:
    By what I've read on this board, i'm extremely tacky.... I dont see what the big deal is about planning your own baby shower - it's for me, so why not do it how i'd like it? I enjoy planning things like this.  I really dont have anyone I can trust to plan it for me, and my mother is helping me with a lot.  The friend who I wanted to plan it, found out she's pregnant and due 6 days after me and would be too much for her. No one has to know I was the one doing all the planning.... and my name wont be on the invitation as the host. I'll have someone host it.  Yes so, flame away if you must, but i'm going to do what i want.  Tacky and all. 

    Gag.. there are so many things wrong with this.  #1 being the fact that you are bragging about being tacky.. why do that? I'm sorry but I feel you need to humble yourself and get off your "haterz gonna hate! I do what I want!" attitude.. Also.. the friend who you "wanted" to do it?  So you asked for/expected a shower in the first place?  It's not even about what this board thinks is tacky.. it's about accepting that you can't get everything you want and it's rude to ask for or expect gifts.  A shower is a gift in itself..I usually don't flame ANYONE but geez this is really obnoxious, OP.



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  • I don't get how you have someone to host and are throwing your own baby shower?  Doesn't the host throw the shower?  If you have a host, why not just let them actually throw the shower?
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  • image rhubarb123:

    It is certainly tacky to host your own shower...but it sounds like you are planning it...not hosting it.  Your mom is the host, right?  If that is the case I don't think it is any different than a lot of people on here who have "planned" their own or did a lot of the elements of the shower (invites, getting a venue, ordering food, etc). 

    BTW...just because your friend is due 6 days after you...why does that make it impossible for her to host a shower.  It is not THAT much work.  lol  Just because someone is pregnant...life doesn't stop...people still continue to work (sometimes very strenuous jobs), raise other kids, clean house, host parties, etc.

    I do agree with the other pps to the extent that if you KNOW something is tacky but do it anyway...just because you want to...then basically it just shows your immaturity.

    -agreed- 

    .. life doesn't stop because you're pregnant .. you don't immediately become helpless cuz you're pregnant .. 

    .. I think you need to sit back and relax .. let somebody else do all the planning .. you give a theme and guest list .. otherwise, you really shouldn't contribute anything else ..

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  • Gag.. there are so many things wrong with this.  #1 being the fact that you are bragging about being tacky.. why do that? I'm sorry but I feel you need to humble yourself and get off your "haterz gonna hate! I do what I want!" attitude.. Also.. the friend who you "wanted" to do it?  So you asked for/expected a shower in the first place?  It's not even about what this board thinks is tacky.. it's about accepting that you can't get everything you want and it's rude to ask for or expect gifts.  A shower is a gift in itself..I usually don't flame ANYONE but geez this is really obnoxious, OP.

    She probably does it because it gets you guys all riled up and it's honestly pretty amusing to watch. Confused

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  • image AutLuke:

    image Marie509:
    By what I've read on this board, i'm extremely tacky.... I dont see what the big deal is about planning your own baby shower - it's for me, so why not do it how i'd like it? I enjoy planning things like this.  I really dont have anyone I can trust to plan it for me, and my mother is helping me with a lot.  The friend who I wanted to plan it, found out she's pregnant and due 6 days after me and would be too much for her. No one has to know I was the one doing all the planning.... and my name wont be on the invitation as the host. I'll have someone host it.  Yes so, flame away if you must, but i'm going to do what i want.  Tacky and all. 

    Gag.. there are so many things wrong with this.  #1 being the fact that you are bragging about being tacky.. why do that? I'm sorry but I feel you need to humble yourself and get off your "haterz gonna hate! I do what I want!" attitude.. Also.. the friend who you "wanted" to do it?  So you asked for/expected a shower in the first place?  It's not even about what this board thinks is tacky.. it's about accepting that you can't get everything you want and it's rude to ask for or expect gifts.  A shower is a gift in itself..I usually don't flame ANYONE but geez this is really obnoxious, OP.

    PREACH IT!!!!

    I don't see how you fail to realize that throwing your own baby shower is equal to asking for a direct handout of gifts for your baby. The only difference is that you are doing it under the guise of some party decorations and cake! A baby shower is a gift that is bestowed upon you by someone who cares enough and is able to throw you a party to honor your entry into motherhood. Those who are invited to your baby shower know that it's expected for them to bring along a gift for your LO. Throwing your own baby shower just makes you look gift grabby!!!! If you wanted to throw your own party, you could easily have a Meet the Baby or Sip and See party after LO is born. That way, your guests are not under the obligation to bring gifts if they don't want to. If it's about getting gifts, let me remind you, those who intend on giving your LO a gift will do so regardless and don't need the excuse of a baby shower to do so.

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  • Maybe I just missed something in the whole baby shower idea (have never been to one myself) but isn't the point of it to celebrate a woman on preparing to bring a life into the world? Also, from my understanding, if there is no one you trust to throw you a party, then who is going to pay for it? Is there a baby shower fairy out there? If so, then please introduce me to her!

    I guess I might see baby showers differently than the rest of the people here except for op. I would host my own birthday party and would like if people brought gifts, so whats the difference? Do I expect every single one of the people coming to my shower to bring me a gift? Not in the least. Its unrealistic to expect that, especially with friends who struggle to support themselves, being young and on their own. Doesn't mean that I don't want them there to celebrate with me.

    Baby showers, in my mind, are about showering the mother to be with love. Gifts are not guaranteed, but a loving presence to give you a hug and enjoy a party with you can be. Even if you have to host it and pay for it yourself. I'd want a shower without gifts when I can be at ease and not worrying about my baby at a meet the baby party. After I have my baby its time for me to bond with her. Before, its time for me to feel loved by those in my life for me as a mother to be before I get there and give me encouragement along the way.

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  • image orriskitten:

    Maybe I just missed something in the whole baby shower idea (have never been to one myself) but isn't the point of it to celebrate a woman on preparing to bring a life into the world? Also, from my understanding, if there is no one you trust to throw you a party, then who is going to pay for it? Is there a baby shower fairy out there? If so, then please introduce me to her!

    I guess I might see baby showers differently than the rest of the people here except for op. I would host my own birthday party and would like if people brought gifts, so whats the difference? Do I expect every single one of the people coming to my shower to bring me a gift? Not in the least. Its unrealistic to expect that, especially with friends who struggle to support themselves, being young and on their own. Doesn't mean that I don't want them there to celebrate with me.

    Baby showers, in my mind, are about showering the mother to be with love. Gifts are not guaranteed, but a loving presence to give you a hug and enjoy a party with you can be. Even if you have to host it and pay for it yourself. I'd want a shower without gifts when I can be at ease and not worrying about my baby at a meet the baby party. After I have my baby its time for me to bond with her. Before, its time for me to feel loved by those in my life for me as a mother to be before I get there and give me encouragement along the way.

    Ugh, I don't have the strength... baby showers are, by definition, gift giving events (google it).  If you want to have an "i'm having a baby and I just want your love" party, have at it, just don't call it a shower. 

    OP, you're as a$$.  If you think being rude is cool than you are not even worth using the few non-baby addled brain cells I have left. 

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  • I was called tacky as well because I was helping!  My friends had no freakin' clue what to do..a week before nothing was done, and about 40 people showed up....so I had my mom intervened..and then i also took on doing a candy buffet and a couple of food items, myself. My shower was incredible..it was last week..I will probably post photos on here to give people inspiration..

     So let them say what they will say..we are all in different situations and everyone has their own view. 

    I say..Have fun!Big Smile

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  • image courtneyklv:

    I was called tacky as well because I was helping!  My friends had no freakin' clue what to do..a week before nothing was done, and about 40 people showed up....so I had my mom intervened..and then i also took on doing a candy buffet and a couple of food items, myself. My shower was incredible..it was last week..I will probably post photos on here to give people inspiration..

     So let them say what they will say..we are all in different situations and everyone has their own view. 

    I say..Have fun!Big Smile

    My friends and family have told me that they want me to have a baby shower and they will "help" me plan it & pay for it. None of them has ever hosted a baby shower and outside my mother, none have ever been to one. Actually, none of these friends have ever hosted any type of party ever. My bridesmaids didn't even know until after my wedding that they were supposed to plan a bridal shower; they thought that since I didn't plan one, I didn't want one. I am pretty sure one of them still has no clue. 

    So, I am going to end up having to join the ranks of the grossly tacky and participate in planning my shower. It will be held in my mother's home and technically hosted (and paid for) by her and a couple friends, but I will be helping pull it together.

    And honestly, I wouldn't really think twice about who is hosting if I was invited to a shower.  I just can't manage to work up that much judgement.  I would be so afraid that there were weird circumstances around the shower that lead to them having no one to host and I personally would rather have a friend host their own and get to have a shower than for them to not have one at all, but I know I am considered crazy. 

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  • I'm just as tacky as you!  I planned my own shower and paid for everything!  It was wonderful! I didn't burst into flames as people would suggest.  My day was wonderful and I got to enjoy my family.  That's all I wanted!  I agree with you, it's really no big deal who plans the shower.  We are in 2011 things are a lot different now.  
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  • Unfortunately for those of you who hosted and paid for your own shower and think it was "great and no one said anything"...umm I've got news for you.  People normally don't tell you to your face that you are tacky and greedy.  Obviously they have more class than you do.  As for those of you who stepped in because your hostess(es) didn't have a clue I don't see a problem with.  It's not like you decided to throw yourself a party and beg peiople to bring gifts. 

    A shower is a gift giving event.  If people can't afford to give the MTB a gift then don't go to the shower.  Sorry...but that is what a shower is.  As for a birthday party and someone hosting their own...that's weird but gifts are not required.  Actually, even at kids birthday parties - once they are in their teens there are rarely gifts given except from family members.  At least in my circle.  At the adult birthday parties I've been to (and they were never hosted by the birthday person) only a few people bring gifts and many times they are "gag gifts".

    I feel sorry for the pp who's friends haven't a clue what is expected from a bride's maid or have never been to a shower before.  Those friends either live under a rock or are 14 years old.  It's not hard to google and get that information.  It's hard to believe that there are people in their lives that didn't bother to "give them a clue". 

    To the OP...you got your wish.  You certainly ARE tacky.

    BTW...milkauffman...things (meaning etiquette) never changes to the extent that it will ever be OK for someone to host their OWN baby shower and request gifts.  You didn't "burst into flames" because your family obviously has more manners than you do.  Love to be a fly on the wall while they were discussing your lack of etiquette.  I have a niece who did something really tacky and even 5 years later when I see her that is what I remember.  Everyone discussed it...just not in her presence.

  • image rhubarb123:

    I feel sorry for the pp who's friends haven't a clue what is expected from a bride's maid or have never been to a shower before.  Those friends either live under a rock or are 14 years old.  It's not hard to google and get that information.  It's hard to believe that there are people in their lives that didn't bother to "give them a clue". 

    It is a combination of things.  They are from very small families with few cousins and none who are married.  None of our friends are married or having children.  When they are invited to weddings, it is very casual acquaintances.  And for the clueless one, I lived with him and as a gay man, I know wedding etiquette wasn't necessarily high on his list of things to learn about and figured I would tell him anything he needed to know since he was in the same apartment. I know the rest of my friends felt that way. It just never occurred to them that there taboo subjects I wasn't "allowed" to bring up.

    And this is why I just can't feel that every "rule" fits every situation. I don't think throwing all etiquette out the window is a great plan, but it is hard to feel like sticking hard and fast to things when they don't make sense for your situation is reasonable either.

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  • To each his own.

     

    I think many women wind up being involved with planning and decision making in their baby shower, regardless of whether or not someone is throwing it for them or you throw it yourself. It's your day and often times the host will delegate certain things to you anyways (such as picking out which invitations you like, if there is a theme, what kind of foods you want on your menu). I think that if someone is truly hosting it for you then let them do most of the work and perhaps just provide your input. If the person hosting the shower finds it easier for you to do bulk of the planning, then so be it.

    Bottom line- we all have different circumstances. I don't think it's fair to judge you and call you "tacky" just because you are doing something I am not accustomed to.  It is 2011 and I know many people who have hosted their own shower, so to me it doesn't come as a huge surprise. I personally feel that you shouldn't be telling people you are throwing your own shower, but that is just my personal opinion.

     

    I hope that regardless of what people say or think that you have a wonderful shower. 

    It's a girl!

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  • Meh, OP...this is perhaps tacky, but thankfully you don't care. By some people's standards I may be tacky as well.

    My mother and mother-in-law are planning my showers. Both have asked for my help with the details (especially my mom because she's never planned one before). I'm certainly not going to tell them, "tough luck, I'm not helping you." So, in that sense I am going to help plan my own showers. I don't think that makes me tacky and I REALLY don't care if anyone else thinks that it does.

  • I had no idea there was suppose to be a host planning a baby shower... This is my first pregnancy! Its your baby so why wouldnt you plan it? Its just like a birthday party, you invite your friends and they bring you presents, right? Your not asking people to give you anything, your asking people to celebrate the baby your expecting and its not like they are giving you stuff they are giving your baby a gift for joining the world. I really didnt know it was tacky to plan your own party! Thats just so dumb lol I want things setup the way I want things set up!  I hope your shower turns out just how you want it and its wonderful:)!
  • image Madi lane:
    I had no idea there was suppose to be a host planning a baby shower... This is my first pregnancy! Its your baby so why wouldnt you plan it? Its just like a birthday party, you invite your friends and they bring you presents, right? Your not asking people to give you anything, your asking people to celebrate the baby your expecting and its not like they are giving you stuff they are giving your baby a gift for joining the world. I really didnt know it was tacky to plan your own party! Thats just so dumb lol I want things setup the way I want things set up!  I hope your shower turns out just how you want it and its wonderful:)!

    Oh damn! I'm going to pop some popcorn.  Sleep

  • image Madi lane:
    I had no idea there was suppose to be a host planning a baby shower... This is my first pregnancy! Its your baby so why wouldnt you plan it? Its just like a birthday party, you invite your friends and they bring you presents, right? Your not asking people to give you anything, your asking people to celebrate the baby your expecting and its not like they are giving you stuff they are giving your baby a gift for joining the world. I really didnt know it was tacky to plan your own party! Thats just so dumb lol I want things setup the way I want things set up!  I hope your shower turns out just how you want it and its wonderful:)!

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  • image Marie509:
    By what I've read on this board, i'm extremely tacky.... I dont see what the big deal is about planning your own baby shower - it's for me, so why not do it how i'd like it? I enjoy planning things like this.  I really dont have anyone I can trust to plan it for me, and my mother is helping me with a lot.  The friend who I wanted to plan it, found out she's pregnant and due 6 days after me and would be too much for her. No one has to know I was the one doing all the planning.... and my name wont be on the invitation as the host. I'll have someone host it.  Yes so, flame away if you must, but i'm going to do what i want.  Tacky and all. 

    IMHO...Its your baby... celebrate it! If the people you invite feel that it's tacky, then they dont have to come. The people who show up will be there to celebrate you and your LO. Have Fun at your shower!

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  • Madi lane...have you read any of the posts?  If you had you would have, you would have realized that all your posted has previously been addressed.

    A baby shower is NOT to celebrate the baby.  It is to welcome a new mother into motherhood by giving her gifts to "set her up". 

    You cannot compare it to a birthday party because gifts are NOT required. 

    And no, I don't personally know anyone who has hosted their own birthday party.  People might say..."hey, it's my birthday, so a bunch of us are getting together at XYZ.  Want to join us?".  Most people who show up at XYZ to celebrate with you don't bring a gift.  They might buy you a drink though.

  • image Sean+Lyss:
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    Love it.

    What the H is up with this 'its 2011' excuse. The year has nothing to do with being greedy. Also, the excuse of 'the don't know how to plan a shower' is insane. Invite people. make food. done.

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