Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

not buckling in DD :(

This is more of a vent but DH isn't home and i need to get this out before I explode, any advice on how to handle the situation is more then welcome :)

My In-laws are really  starting to push it they don't think that my DD is important enough to be buckled in a car seat when they drive. This is now the second time this has happened that im aware of they act like it doesn't matter. We were just leaving walmart i had buckled my nephew into his seat and was about to buckle my DD when they started to drive away i asked them to stop and wait and they said oh its only a parking lot and continued onto the busy street all the while DD isn't buckled in yet, and wouldn't listen to me when i told them to stop. I am beyond mad and they think i'm just over reacting and they don't take anything i say seriously so i have to wait for DH to get home to deal with it. Last time they let my SIL who claims she cant handle driving and "blacks" out every time she sees another vehicle coming drive all the way across town without buckling DD because it was her sisters wedding and left me at the house and took DD and didn't even have a car seat for her. The last time DH dealt with it and they said they would never do it again but no one apologized to me and then they go and do it again! AAHHHHHHHHH! As of right now I don't think i will ever let my in-laws drive with DD again, they don't respect any of my rules they just say i'm over reacting they are Grandma and can do what they want. I just don't know what i can do to get them to start to take me seriously.

Re: not buckling in DD :(

  • Don't let them drive with your DD alone and when you are with them don't get into the car until DD is buckled in. Or  you can drive.

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  • Don't let them ever be alone with your DD if there is the remotest possibility they would go somewhere with her. And also just buckle her in while the door is still wide open.

    You cannot be a door mat about this issue! 

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  • image pepomntpat:

    Don't let them ever be alone with your DD if there is the remotest possibility they would go somewhere with her. And also just buckle her in while the door is still wide open.

    You cannot be a door mat about this issue! 

    This. All of this. And as to the bolded part: Even when it's just DH and I, I don't close the door until S is buckled in. That's his "cue" that we're good to go. If it's cold and we can't keep the door open, I turn on the passenger door light. SOMETHING signalling that I am NOT ready to go.

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  • Wow... yeah! Don't let them go anywhere with your Baby! I would seriously reconsider the time they spend alone with her... putting her life in danger isn't being a good grandparent and if they can't respect laws, let alone your rules, you have a bigger  problem.
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  • I can see their point of -"Our kids lived w/o carseats." -so they are thinking DD will be fine w/o it too.

    I do not get why you allowed DD to go with them before when you knew they did not have a car seat.

    I would probably just volunteer to drive and make sure DD is buckled as I do each and everytime you go somewhere.

    And....  not leave DD in their care that they may take DD places.


  • I drive a car, so in a minivan this might not work, but I don't get in the car until my kids are all set. I would be livid with my ils. I would have screamed and forced them to stop the car and I would get out with my child and told them to go themselves. 

    I am the parent, and if they will not respect my rules and comply they would not be alone with my child. End of story.  

    I would tell my dh in no uncertain terms that his parents will never take our child anywhere ever again regardless of what they say. In addition, I would tell him that your ils should give you an apology, but I wouldn't anticipate that actually happening.

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  • Yea, it's safe to say that my children would not be in the car with anyone who didn't feel the same way as I did about carseat safety.  This includes grandparents. 
  • ...

    If your family can't understand the importance of car seat safety then don't let them drive your child. Simple.


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  • I would not be okay with this.  You and your DH really need to have a sit-down talk with his parents and explain things clearly.  They must follow your rules in regards to carseat safety.  This means that DD is to be properly buckled in prior to the car moving.  If they are not going to follow your rules, they're not going to be alone with her.  If they give you any reason to believe they'll do it again during the conversation, they shouldn't be alone with her.

    I had to do this with my FIL when Myla was still in her infant car seat.  She would not tighten the straps and thought we were cutting off her circulation.  He showed up with her one day and I was able to take her out of the car seat without unbuckling her.  I was livid.  So we told him he'd no longer be alone with her in a vehicle again.  He still hasn't driven anywhere alone with her.

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  • This is totally unacceptable...I would never, ever let them watch DS.  Def. put your foot down momma!
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  • OMG I would be sooooo pissed!! If it were me, I would NEVER, EVER let them drive my DD around again. That is just unacceptable! I'm so sorry. 

    I agree with pp's, don't get into the car until your DD is buckled in if you have to go in a car with them.  

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  • ?? Seriously? They wouldn't be watching my daughter let alone driving her anywhere. That's ridiculous.
  • I really and truly wouldn't let them drive with her again.  Period.  I would be frank about why.  It's even illegal besides all the other things it is. 
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  • Why on earth did you allow your SIL to drive your daughter without a carseat??

    Don't let any of them drive with her again.  Who cares if they think you're overreacting, it's much better than them learning a lesson the hard way.

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  • I, honestly, wouldnt allow my child to drive with grandparents anymore. while its true that they are in fact your daughters grandparents, you are her mother and whatever you or your husband says, goes. plain and simple.

    i have (had) a situation almost like this. (the gma stating she can do whatever she wanted since shes the gma and its her house)

    when my son learned to walk, she would leave ajax on the floor, uncapped bleach, uncapped floor cleaner.. when i confronted her, she said it was her house and she could do whatever she wanted to him. RED FLAG. 

    my guy and i lived with his parents up until a few months ago, she hit my son repeatedly in the mouth after i told her to stop. then she had the nerve to  grab my sons hand, put it in his mouth and tell him, in spanish, "bite yourself". we moved out immediately. and my son hasnt seen her since. i refuse to have her in not only mine, but in my sons presence.

    P.S. we now have an issue with my son biting himself when hes mad, sad, shy, embarrassed.

    i hope things work out for you and your inlaws regarding your situation.

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  • image monimonimoni:

    ...

    If your family can't understand the importance of car seat safety then don't let them drive your child. Simple.

    this.   and how about the fact that it is ILLEGAL...

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  • I would definitely not allow them to drive DD anymore. That is super irresponsible of them.

    Today I was distracted after daycare and buckled DD in, walked around to my side of the car (DS was in seat behind me) and got in & started driving...pulled up to a light about 1/3 mile away and DS hops down from his seat & pops up behind me with a huge grin. I almost freakin died, let me tell you...luckily it was a red light (and a long one!) and I jumped out and grabbed him & put him in htat seat as quickly as I could, I was so glad he didn't fight me or anything...I was shaking when I finished. Ugh, scary. Can't imagine someone intentionally not buckling a toddler in, that is just crazy. 

  • I'm assuming you had no control/knowledge of your SIL driving with your child out of a carseat in the 1st instance.  But you can bet that my child would've never been in a car with ANYONE who condoned that behavior ever again. 

    When I was 39w pregnant, we went to my ILs house for dinner.  They were babysitting my at the time 18mo old nephew for the weekend while my S&BIL went on vacation.  My FIL told me that he took nephew on "a spin around the cul de sac" while he sat on my FIL's lap.  My face was like this:  Indifferent .  Then he said "Well, his parents are in the Carribean Islands, so I can do whatever I want!"  My FIL has not and will not ever baby sit my child alone.  A cul de sac =/= a busy street, but the fact that he 1. broke the law and 2. did it knowing that it'd upset my nephew's parents was enough for me.

    Cut your ILs off until they've proven that they will respect your choices for your LO.  Or give them supervised visits only... your LOs safety HAS to come before hurt feelings and family drama.  GL mama, sorry that happened and glad your LO is ok! 

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  • Not only would they not be permitted to drive with my child, they would not be permitted to be left alone with her.

    If they cannot put her health, safety and well-being as a priority, then they do not deserve to be around her.

    End.of.Story!

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  • even dh's 17 year old cousin knew our son needed to be in a car seat when he was watching him for us and went to get a sandwich. he installed the car seat wrong, but that was our fault for not adequately instructing him about it.

    just do not agree to let your daughter go anywhere with them until they get it. be very clear. i'm sorry they're not taking you seriously.

     

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  • Take away their driving privileged until they agree to follow the rules.  when DS was a baby, the IL's decided to take him for a drive while they were babysitting...without asking us first.  They had no idea what to do with the car seat, so they just put it in the back seat and wrapped a seat belt around it.  I don't even know if they buckled him in it.  when I came home and they told me about it, I was livid.  They are still NOT allowed to install the car seat themselves and they've only driven DS one other time...and DH strapped him in for them on the way there and pointed out all the things they had to do.
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  • image wife1014:
    Yea, it's safe to say that my children would not be in the car with anyone who didn't feel the same way as I did about carseat safety.  This includes grandparents. 

    This.

    My dad got himself all pumped up to have a "talk" with me about turning DD's carseat around b/c she looked uncomfortable. I told him that she will not turn around until after she is 2, period. The risk of internal decapitation is too great and I am not willing to take that kind of risk. If he felt a broken leg was worse thatn a broken neck than he would not be driving with DD anymore.

    He apologized, said he didn't realize how important it was and has never brought it up again. A good grandparent would never knowingly put their grandchild in danger.

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  • image LaurelBee:

    Cut your ILs off until they've proven that they will respect your choices for your LO.  Or give them supervised visits only... your LOs safety HAS to come before hurt feelings and family drama.  GL mama, sorry that happened and glad your LO is ok! 

     love your way of thinking. 

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  • i went into the house to get the car seat and when i came out they had left with DD and i supposed to ride with one of the bridesmaids
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  • image JWesgate:
    i went into the house to get the car seat and when i came out they had left with DD and i supposed to ride with one of the bridesmaids

    I would be fvcking livid and wouldn't have let them be alone with her ever again after that.  Have you decided what you're going to do or have you talked to them yet?  This is NOT something you can let slide.

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