September 2011 Moms

Dealing with loss of my loved ones

Last year I had my first DD, she's almost 14 months now. On Oct 31st 2010, my maternal Grandfather died. My baby was 6 weeks old. I was already dealing with PPD, and of course this just made it worse. I went on Paxil, but it still took me until around January to feel any better. At that point is when I found out I was pregnant with DD2, so I had to stop the meds.

 Well DD2 was born this September, and again I am dealing with PPD. Have been taking Paxil for 3 weeks now. Yesterday my step-mom called from Mexico, which I knew in my heart what she was calling to tell me because she wouldn't call otherwise. My father passed away yesterday, had a heart attack in his sleep.

Now I can't help but feel everytime I have a child, is someone close to me going to die? I am still in shock over my fathers death, not that he was the healthiest guy, but there were no warning signs or anything. I don't know quite how to deal with this, my depression, and 2 under 2. I feel like doing nothing. I just want to be left alone but it's impossible. Anyone had to deal with great losses like this twice in a row? Any advice on how to get through it would be great.

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Re: Dealing with loss of my loved ones

  • I don't have any advice but I wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you are going through. Please reach out for help when you need it and make sure to take care of yourself.
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  • image luckygal3:
    I don't have any advice but I wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you are going through. Please reach out for help when you need it and make sure to take care of yourself.
    This exactly. Lean on the people close to you and don't be afraid to ask for help. Sorry for your loss.
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  • image AmandaPaige6410:
    image luckygal3:
    I don't have any advice but I wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you are going through. Please reach out for help when you need it and make sure to take care of yourself.
    This exactly. Lean on the people close to you and don't be afraid to ask for help. Sorry for your loss.

    So sorry for your loss.  

    oa1
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  • image AmandaPaige6410:
    image luckygal3:
    I don't have any advice but I wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you are going through. Please reach out for help when you need it and make sure to take care of yourself.
    This exactly. Lean on the people close to you and don't be afraid to ask for help. Sorry for your loss.

    All of this.  I am so very sorry.

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  • I ditto previous sentiments, I'm so sorry for your loss.  This is absolutely something that you will need some professional help with.  I too had PPD with the birth of my first child and found a counselor to literally be a lifesaver.  Sending you super hugs!!
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  • Thanks ladies. I am so glad that my girls are young and I don't have to explain to them about death yet. Unfortunatly they also won't really remember my dad. I have an appoitment with a counselor this week so I am actually looking forward to talking to  a stranger. I havent had a breakdown yet but I can feel it coming.
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  • I am so sorry. I don't have any experience with PPD, but I did have back to back losses. My grandfather died unexpectedly in July '06, I got engaged to my HS sweetheart in August '06, then my grandmother who helped raise me died in Sept '06. It felt like such a roller coaster ride, with such happiness and extreme sadness all mixed in. It was exhausting, and I can't imagine how you're hanging in there with 2 LOs. You need to have a good support system, and with PPD I would recommend that it include a professional. What you're carrying on your shoulders could weigh down even the strongest of people - reach out to your support network and be gentle and patient with yourself.
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  • unfortunately, I do know what its like,  the day after ds1 was born was my uncles funeral and the day before ds2 was born was a grandfathers funeral.  I had a lot of warning on both though and knew it was coming and had months to mentally prepare myself, so I don't think it effected me as much.  I'm very sorry for your losses.  It's hard to deal with all the emotions at once,  Give yourself time to grieve and ask for help when you need it.  :hugs:
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  • I'm so sorry for both your losses. I don't have much experience with PPD but I did have baby blues pretty bad off and on the first few weeks. And then.....DH's best friend, who was like a member of our family, killed himself. My girls were a little over three weeks old. The last time we saw him was on the day the girls turned 3wks old and he to ok the first picture of all four of us. I've been struggling off and on with the sadness and coping with taking care of two newborn twins. It's really hard, especially because it was so unexpected. Definitely have help with the LOs as much as you can. And talk about your feelings with anyone you feel comfortable. I found that talking about it helps a lot. Some days are definitely worse than others, actually I am struggling a lot today even though it's been over a month. I saw a grief counselor right after his death and am considering going back again. I would recommend it for you too since I guess it would be worse with ppd.
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