Single Parents

Can we do intros/background stories? Come out lurkers!

I feel like there has been an influx of new faces around here lately. Share your intros and stories! Smile

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Re: Can we do intros/background stories? Come out lurkers!

  • I'll start.

    I'm divorced with a 22-month old DS. My divorce has only been final for a month, but we were separated for a year prior to that. I've been dating someone wonderful for the last 6 months and couldn't be happier.

    My marriage ended because my XH claimed he didn't love me anymore. I guess that was code for "I'm sleeping with my co-worker" because he's still dating her to this day. We were separated for 4 months before I made the decision to file for divorce. I have sole physical custody w/ joint legal custody. XH has EOW visitation and Wednesday PM visitation (which he doesn't use, only the EOW).

    It was a long 4-5 months in the beginning of my separation but I took the time to focus on myself and my DS and now I'm the happiest I've been in years. For those of you who are just starting on this journey, know that it DOES get better! The ladies here offer great advice, even if it's the blunt truth. Sometimes you need to hear it that way.

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  • I'm in the process of getting divorced and was told it should be finalized in the next 1-2 months.  I have a 16 month old son and have been separated for about 6ish months. 

     My marriage ended because my ex was abusive (mostly emotional and verbal-bordering on the physical), plain and simple.  He didn't see anything wrong with that and I couldn't see anything right about it. (I guess that constitutes irreconcilable differences).  We have joint legal custody and I will have physical custody with ex getting EOW and 1 mid-week overnight.

     

    Now that the end is in sight I feel much more relaxed, but I've felt (mostly) great since no longer having to live in a volatile environment.  Plus, there was NO WAY I was letting DS grow up seeing that it is ok to treat someone this way.

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  • Goodness, where to start?

    My first husband and I TTC for a year. I swear, the moment the pee dried on the stick, he turned into the biggest douche I've ever met. His dad was slowly dying from a terminal illness, and I had a very high risk pregnancy with the girls - so he blames the stress. The month before they were born, I met with my attorney to get the ball rolling on a separation. I filed for divorce when they were almost 3 months old.  

    We shortly tried to work things out in 2009, but it didn't work. Too many things had happened for me to forgive/forget about, and he seemingly didn't change. After I called it quits, for sure, I found out about a whole mess of lies (stolen credit, drugs, drinking, women, etc) that had been hidden from me.

    Our divorce was finalized in April 2010.

    In December 2010, I met my current husband. Believe it or not, we'd actually met before, through my ex-husband. He had been classmates with my former BIL. After contemplating for a few days if I could handle the awkwardness of the situation, we finally met for a few dates. We also did a few play dates with my mom friends with all 3 of our girls. We hit it off and became exclusive instantly. We were very clear & up front on our goals in life, relationships, money managing, etc.

    Fast forward to April, and I start to feel pretty sick. I thought I had mono again (had it in college). I'd been taking BCP religiously, and knowing the trouble I had conceiving the girls, being pregnant was the last thing I thought of. I was 6 weeks when I found out. We kept this info to ourselves for several weeks, and decided not only did we want keep the child, but we were prepared to raise it, and our 3 girls, as a family. He proposed in May, and we eloped in June. While everything was very quick - I honestly couldn't be happier and know that I married a wonderful husband and father.

    We have his daughter EOW, Thursday night EOW, all school holidays, a week at Easter/Christmas, and 4 weeks during the summer. Every time he has visitation with her, we take it. We're trying to get more.

    My girls see their dad maybe one or two nights a month - when his mom is around to help him. They stay with him at her house. He has the same visitation (actually more), than my current H has with his daughter.  

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  • i'm five months pregnant and just now getting the courage to decide it is probably best for me and my unborn child to start this journey on my own.

    the baby's father is unhappy with the break-up and wants to keep the family together...however, there have been quite a few warning signs that this relationship was not healthy, but i chose to ignore them.  those choices will have long term effects on my life, i'm sure, but i am trying to remain confident that with the help of family and friends, things will get better and i can do this.

    i get great insight from lurking this board.  i appreciate that all the women here are honest, straight-forward, and so giving with information and insight on what has made their journey's easier (or harder!)

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  • I mostly lurk but sometimes post if I have something worthwhile to add...

    Ex and I were never married, we have a 4yr old DS and a 6yr old DD and we were together for 7 years.  I've been with my SO for 2 years now and he is absolutely amazing with the kids, and so right for me.  He has an 8yr old DD who stays with us EOW and Wednesday nights.  Ex has a gf that lives with him now, and their baby is almost 1yr old.

    He cheated when DD was one, but I forgave him and I ended up pregnant with DS.  When DS was 5 weeks old and I was still on maternity leave, ex told me he was ending the relationship and asked me to move out.  A week later I moved into a tiny apartment around the corner with my 2.5yr old and newborn.  He had whatever parenting time he wanted, and chose to spend 2 hours with them each day until I got home from work, no overnights.  He paid CS equal to half of our daycare expenses, I should have filed through the state.

    Fast-forward - I've advanced in my career, bought a house, met a great guy, and filed for real CS last year (30% more than what he was paying) when he got his gf pregnant.  We have a parenting agreement where I have sole physical and we have joint legal, and he has parenting time EOW and Wednesday evenings.  For the past 3 years, he's chosen to only take the kids every other Saturday night.  I take it so personally that he chooses to not spend time with our kids, they're awesome!

    It DOES get better... you will not believe how strong you will become being a single mom.  And you do it for your kids of course, but you also do it for yourself!

    SS10 - SD9 - DD7 - DS5 - DS born 10/3/12
  • Well, here it goes.

    Ex and I were together for a year and a half then I left. We continued seeing each other off and on for another 8 months or so then I found out I was pregnant. We decided to try being together again and it lasted only a month until I called it quits again. It was too much to deal with and I couldn't take him putting himself, drugs and his friends above the needs of LO and myself. 

    As time went on through my pregnancy, I slowly started to get over him romantically but continued to push him to be around for the sake of DS. After DS was born, it was like a light bulb went on and things slowly started to become clear to me. Ex stopped coming around less and less and in January of this year, I moved home to live with my parents. I filed for sole physical and legal custody in the spring and was awarded it on an uncontested basis.

    It's been a long, emotional road but things keep getting better and better with time. I finally feel like I'm able to let go of trying to make him be the father he's not and it's a lot less stressful! 

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  • I have DD 14yrs, DS 11 yrs, separated from their Biofather 2002, Divorce finalized in April 2005.  Left because of abuse and I was living in fear.  I married my H July 2010.  We have been together since I separated from my ex in 2002.  He has been my partner and helps me raise the children.  My Ex hasn?t seen or contacted the children in nearly 5 years for DD and nearly 2.5-3 years for DS.  My ex is always behind in CS and refuses to pay it unless the courts threaten jail time and then his mommy brings cash to Domestic Relations.  So I get months- years of no payments and then large lump sums.

     

    I?ve been around these boards for a very long time.  And most of what I?ve learned b/c I?ve done it wrong first.

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  • I am age 33 and my son just turned 1.  I've been married for 4 and half years.  After our first year of marriage, I was snuggling next to H while watching a movie and the fireplace going.  Out of the blue, he says that "he does not love me and wanted a divorce" in those exact words.  He was not leaving much room for discussions or to work out.  I decided I wanted us both to meet with the pastor before proceeding.  Even he told the pastor 3 times that he just does not love me and wanted to divorce.  I cried hard for 2 weeks and almost crashed my car because of crying too hard in the car.  2 weeks later, H changed his mind and told me not to bring it up again.

    3 years later, we sold our second home and the process was a roller coaster of a ride because the goal was to rent somewhere cheaper so I can be a stay at home mom and try for another baby.  After we sold the house and a vacation trip to visit family, he confessed that I should keep my job as he didn't want to be solely responsible for income.  He also admits that he hoped to feel love for me but still does not after all this time.  He bluntly told me he could not give me what I needed but can only serve as a partner without love.  But then he added later to say, while he can live without love, he can't handle my deafness anymore saying he can't be himself around me and that he dislike my personality.  So in short, he is divorcing me because he can't accept me for who I am and completely rejected me.  I actually loved him and didn't really know there were so much problems because he never shared his feelings or even showed emotions.  He also refuse to elaborate or give examples of what was bothering him because he does not want any confrontation of any kind and seems that he does not want to leave room for me to build or try to work on anything.  I will never understand how he can throw a family away over something so stupid and how easily he given up without showing an ounce of effort.  I still feel like I am in a weird dream because I thought our marriage was good.    It is so hard because I was willing to fight and work things out when he simply didn't want to from his end.  I am doing my best moving forward and been involved with a lot of volunteer projects and have made so many good friends.  I have had amazing support and love from family and friends.

     

  • Well, here is my story: STBXH and I have been together 14 years and married for 7 when this past May he told me that he wasn't happy in the marriage and was going into therapy and didn't know what would happen. At that moment in my mind I just knew it was over. I got papers in July and we have been separated since June. We have a 20 month old DD together and will both have joint custody of her with STBXH being the custodial parent. I have an amazing support system and will get through this. The sad thing is he didn't even want to try. He said things "weren't fixable" and was never willing to go into counseling together. He is a responsible father and wants to be a part of DD's life. I hope I can do this... its really hard :(
  • I've been around this board awhile, since DS was probably four or five months old.

    Backstory: was married to XH for 3.5 years.  Things were never wonderful but really went south when I got KU in fall of 2008.  He started never coming home, acting strangely.  Found out he had been using drugs and cheating when I was eight months KU.  I filed for divorce one month later and divorce was final in June 2010.  XH was absent from DS' life for one full year, and just recently has begun supervised visitation again (as of July 2011).  He has three hours a week of supervised visitation and we go back to court in December.

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  • I'm a lurker!!! But was never sure when to say hello.

    I am 35 weeks pregnant with my first child as of tomorrow. My son's father and I were friends for about a year and dated for a short time afterwards (about 9 months) before ending our relationship. He was going active duty in the military and we decided together that we would much rather end things on good terms (we both knew we probably wouldn't be getting married to one another) instead of trying to force a relationship that would ultimately be long-distance. This was in February.

    Fast forward to late-April, when I get my BFP. At the time I had just recently began seeing someone (we began "dating" in March, after knowing each other for a while). My OB confirmed that I was only 5 weeks pregnant, conceiving probably at the end of March-around the first time we had had sex. I had had my period in March, or so I thought. Then...at 20 weeks, they realized I was much further along than they estimated.

    Thankfully, my son's father and I are still on very good terms. We are very excited for our little boy to arrive, and are planning on raising him as exactly what we are, good friends. I have asked for a paternity test at birth, just because I never want there to be a question in the future as to who his father is. He has been very involved throughout this whole time, even though he is several hours away because of the Navy. He also has never tried to "skirt" the issue of CS or any form of financial help, and has taken steps to determine how to legally add LO as his dependent once he arrives. We both are supportive of each other's choice to date other people, although I personally have chosen not to for several personal reasons until LO gets a bit older.

     I've seen how helpful everyone on this board is to one another, so I am definitely looking forward to having the support of you all once LO arrives!

     

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  • When I first joined the boards, I belonged here and was grandfathered in so to say.

    I was originally making plans to be a single parent by choice because I had divorced my wife and was scared about starting too late. It took a lot of planning and saving. The same month I was to start inseminations, I met my wife. We married in May of last year. We began fertility treatments in August, and got pregnant in March. I am due with our first (through IVF) in January. Once the baby is born we will do a second parent adoption, even though MA law allows the two of us to be listed on the birth certificate, because the birth certificate would not be honored in many states since my wife is listed on it due to a marriage that is not recognized in most states.

    I am on the board in spurts as my schedule allows, often just to tell women to go to the court and ask questions, and not to be too concerned with the specific legal advice received on the board because divorce and custody issues are matters of STATE LAW and thus, VARY BY STATE. I am an attorney but avoid giving specific legal advice, though I give practical advice perhaps too freely. 

  • I'm divorced with an amazing DD who will be 2 in December.  My divorce was finalized this past March.  I filed for divorce almost a year before it was finalized because my XH was physically, verbally, emotionally, etc. abusive and he was starting to be abusive to DD.  The last straw for me was when he threatened to throw DD across the room (when she was 3-4 months old) and sat there yelling obscenities in her face because she cried earlier that night when he picked us up from the airport from visiting my family.  I started putting together my safe exit plan that night and spent the next two nights laying in front of DD's bedroom door so that he couldn't get to her.  I filed for an OOP and then filed for divorce.  My divorce cost me all my savings and I'm finally getting back on my feet financially, but it was the best money I ever spent to protect me and DD.

    I have sole legal and physical custody of DD and XH has 2 hours of professionally supervised visitation per week, though he has rarely used it...but it's probably better that way right now.  XH has not been mentally healthy and always refused to get help in the past.  I don't know his current state as he is not allowed to contact me for any reason (no contact order in place for violating the OOP), but based on past behavior I don't see him getting help anytime soon, though I wish he would for his sake and for DD's sake (even if he only see's her 2-3 times a year I wish he would make sure that he was healthy).

    I know my background sounds pretty negative, but I have to say that I'm really happy with where I'm at now!  Filing for divorce was the best thing I could have done for me and DD.  I've taken the time to work through my issues related to my marriage and why I stayed so long in an abusive relationship and I feel like I'm finally ready to be open to dating again (I'm not dating anyone yet, but I'm finally to the place where I feel I'm ready to). 

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  • With the new challange of taking care of a now 3 month old and being back at 12 hour shifts for the past month, I post every now and then and try to read up on posts when possible.

    My XH and I seperated in Febuary of this past year. He had had a drinking problem for quite awhile and though part of me knew this it didn't hit home hard until the beginning of the year. We were already expecting and though I was enthused about that, I was beginning to dread the drive home from work wondering how much he had been drinking, if he was drunk, counting beers in the fridge, etc. My home and bed no longer felt "safe."

    So in early Feb I left one morning, packed extra scrubs before work with the intention of going to my folks that night instead of returning "home." I met him later that week (after many crazy texts and calls not only from him but his parents and my sister - we met through her) in the hospital lobby after my OB appt and I told him to get help or we get a divorce. He did go into detox, but only after my dad and I showed up on a Sunday morning (we had been told he was going to "do something" to himself) and took him in...he blew a .06 at 10am.

    So after a week he came home and I was there waiting, he did well for about a week then stopped meetings, dropped the sponser, didn't read his books as much, and even started  going to the casino and "researching" how to beat the house when not at the casino. So after about a week of not talking to eachother, things finally blew up one night and long story short I ended up with a clothes basket of my things in the car, in the parking lot of my OB's hospital at 3:30am knowing it was safe and my appt was at 9:30 - my mom came up with me. I then started the divorce procesess at 5-6 months pregnant.

    I had my baby girl on 7/14 and we have been on our own at my folks house ever since I left back in Feb. The divorce was final on 8/29. I have sole physical custody and joint legal custody. XH usually utilizes his EOW (because of distance) visits for about 1.5-2 hours EOW. I did recieve the first CS payment which was backdated.

    I think that is it! Looking forward to reading the stories.

  • My STBXH and I have been on a rollercoaster for the past four years.  We've been in and out of counseling that long.  4 years ago, he wanted to leave.  I desperately begged him to stay.  He did it again 2 years ago...I still wanted to work on it.  This past time in February when he contemplated leaving again, I have had enough.  He wasn't committed to my daughter and myself enough to feel like I could put my all into it anymore.  He did beg to come back, but it wasn't going to work for me anymore We separated in March, I filed in June, and we're both on better paths.  It was a tough decision, but I feel like it's the best for all invovled.  It's been a long journey - very rough on me, but I've never been happier and healthier.  I've met a great guy that I wasn't looking for or expecting, so right now, I'm just enjoying life and making sure my DD is handling the transition OK. 

  • I have been lurking for only a about a month now. I have yet to file for divorce but I am going to with in the next couple of weeks, i am interviewing lawyers now and talking to a counsler.

    My stbxh and I have been separated for just over a month now after my DD fell out of a window and broke her leg under his care and while he was holding her.I had always been cautious of having him watch her while I was at work as he is not the most attentive.  This accident was not the first while she was in his care that he could not explain.  DHS has ruled this an accident but there are too many question left unanswered for me.  Additionally he has been emotionally, verbaly and sexually abusive to me through out our relationship since 04 and marriage in 09. 

    DD is 13 months old and just got out of a half body cast so vistations have changed slightly but he comes to see her everyother day or so, but only at my house or if I am around as he has threaten to take her out of the country several times which is why I continued to stay with him despite her minor injuries, the white lies and the not being employed for months on end.

    I am glad that this board exists because it gives me hope that things will get better.

  • I have been lurking for a while now even though we didn't officially decide to divorce until about 5 weeks ago.  There are a lot of reasons my husband and I are better off apart.  To give you the biggest, he is very controlling and has some anger issues.  He finally said some things to me that are unforgivable and even though the timing is horrible I just couldn't stay anymore.

     We have an 18 month old son who is amazing.  We got married young and have been together for 9 years, married for 7.  I am currently in school (I will graduate in May) and things are hard because of my lack of income at the moment.

    This board has been wonderful for me even though I don't post very often.   

  • Ex and I were engaged after dating for a year, and then became pregnant 6 months later in January 2009. DD was born in October 2009 and I kicked Ex out in April 2010. He has drinking and drug addiction problems, can't hold a job, etc. I started the child support and custody process in August 2010, and it will be finalized next Monday. I met my current SO 8 months ago and I am happier than I have ever been :)
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  • I'm late to the party, but here goes...

    XH and I separated because he wanted to - life was better with his GF that he had for 50% of our marriage (we were married 4 years) than it was with his nagging wife.

    After he left, I began to see how unhealthy the situation was.  In the 7 years we were together, he received 17 alcohol related charges, including 4 OWI's, had failed rehab 5 times, was diagnosed with a dual diagnosis of bipolar disorder and physchologically dependent on alcohol, never had a full time job, was emotionally and verbally abusive, and cheated more times than I wanted to admit.  I (and several other people) are fully convinced he's a sociopath and/or narcissist.  I was very codependent, depressed, and isolated from everyone - friends, family, neighbors.  It was miserable and I was so lost in the fog I couldn't see reality.

    He spent half my pregnancy staying with friends and the other half in jail.  When DS was 5 weeks old (Oct. 2010), he moved out for good.  4 months after separating, he called me from jail to say he had shown up to a probation meeting intoxicated (blew a 0.089 at 10:30am).  After talking to daycare about the situation, I learned he had reeked of alcohol every time he arrived to pick up DS.  **MOMENT OF CLARITY for me!!** I knew at that moment that our home life was not safe for DS to grow up in and I was the only person that could protect DS from such a situation.  I called my lawyer the next morning to begin the divorce process (Feb. 2011).

    Divorce finalized Aug. 2011.  I have full physical custody of DS and we share legal custody.  He has EOSaturday visitation right now.  Haven't seen any CS since May.  XH is still with the same GF - she must be dumb as sin to be with someone with all the red flags he has, but whatev.

    I am 110% sure he is drinking again based on his behavior.  In the past 2 months, I have had to file a domestic assault report, he's been told by the local PD that he needs to shape up or be arrested for harrassment (he continues to act the same and be verbally abusive so it's only a matter of time before I file those charges and maybe have a no contact order), and  he's just an all around drama llama man child.  Everyone keeps saying that he'll get in trouble again and it's just a matter of time until he ends up in prison.  Until then, I deal as best I can with his antics.

    Enjoying being single but not opposed to dating if someone comes along.  Right now I'm busy chasing my favorite little man around and ensuring he has a safe, healthy environment to grow up in.  Oh, and being SO much happier than I have been in years, reconnecting with friends and having a life of my own.

     

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  • I'm in the process of getting divorced. My STBXH and I were in a loveless relationship for far too long. I grew to hate him because of it. We separated earlier this year. My divorce should be finalized before the end of the year. We never combined finances (or anything else for that matter) or really shared much intimacy together.

    We have come to an arrangement where I will have DS 4 nights per week and STBXH has DS 3 nights per week. I have a boyfriend whom I adore completely. My STBXH and BF don't get along but they respect each others role in my DS life. I've never felt so in love with anyone before I met my BF. He has twin toddlers a little younger than my DS. We're moving in together on the 1st. We will have 3 toddlers under 18 months (barely). Eventually my BF and I will get married but for now we're happy with where we are. We're in the process of combining finances. We already have shared utilities, phones, etc.

  • I'm 27, I'm from Canada, more specifically Ontario. I have a two year old son Jake.

    I've been a single mom since Jake was one. I caught my exFI cheating and internet dating/chatting. We broke up that day.

    After a couple months, I moved to Germany to live with my parents with Jake. They are military and in their last year of a posting, so the move was temporary. I then moved to Ontario with them.

    Jake's father and I are fairly amicable. He gets Jake EOW and every other holiday, plus 4 nonconsecutive weeks in the summer.  He takes all his visitation, he's a good dad and loves being with Jake.

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  • image Salukijule:
    We have a 20 month old DD together and will both have joint custody of her with STBXH being the custodial parent.

    You do not have to answer this if you don't want to, but why is his the custodial parent? How often do you see her?

    My story:

    Was with my X for 2 years, married for 7 months. I got pregnant the month we got married and was almost 8 months along when I left X. I left him because he was arrested for tryin to meet a 15 year old girl for sex. The police and later FBI, then searched our computers and found child porn. I kicked him out the same day the police showed at my door and will be divorced officially on Nov. 8th. He is now in federal prison till 2018. I have a wonderful daughter who is 15 months old. I have full legal/physical custody and though he tried to get visitation, he was denied. If you want the longer version it is in my blog.

    I couldn't make this sh*t up! 

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  • image blissfullyignorant:

    I'm in the process of getting divorced. My STBXH and I were in a loveless relationship for far too long. I grew to hate him because of it. We separated earlier this year. My divorce should be finalized before the end of the year. We never combined finances (or anything else for that matter) or really shared much intimacy together.

    We have come to an arrangement where I will have DS 4 nights per week and STBXH has DS 3 nights per week. I have a boyfriend whom I adore completely. My STBXH and BF don't get along but they respect each others role in my DS life. I've never felt so in love with anyone before I met my BF. He has twin toddlers a little younger than my DS. We're moving in together on the 1st. We will have 3 toddlers under 18 months (barely). Eventually my BF and I will get married but for now we're happy with where we are. We're in the process of combining finances. We already have shared utilities, phones, etc.

    And I thought I had my hands full with kids! 

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  • here goes.

    i'm 29 and have nearly-2YO B/G twins.  MH and I have been married for almost 6 years.  we separated in January after his dad committed suicide.  i strongly believe that MH has had mental health issues for some time now, and his dad's death sent him over the edge.

    after we separated, MH (who had no job and no where to go) took up with some trash ass who let him stay with her and showered him with gifts, all while I was working full-time, raising 2 kids, graduating from law school and studying for the bar exam.

    i'm in a better place now and H is starting counseling, which is good for him and I believe will help him have a better relationship with our kids.  he really wants to work it out but i don't think that i can trust him again, and i deserve better than what he's been giving me.

    final divorce hearing is set for the end of this year.

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  • STBXH and I were together for 10 years, married for 4, and TTC for 3. In June he decides that he isn't in love with me anymore, we were never happy, he can only "find himself and his happiness" if he is alone and single. About three weeks later I find out I am pregnant.

     I was totally blind sided. I had no idea. We had just gotten home from two major vacations where everything was totally normal. Heck, we had decided two weeks prior to start the adoption process.

    I assume there is someone else, I have no interest in getting proof. I do have proof of a massive drug habit I wasn't aware of, and believe strongly he has untreated depression, but none of that makes his actions and lack of trying to get help better.

    My moods run from completely excited about this life I wanted so much, to completely terrified about doing this alone. But I have a great family, awesome friends, and this place. :)

  • Hi! I am 33 and have 2 boys ages 12 and 3.I have 2 ex's so here's a quick run down for everyone....

    #1) My 1st Ex and I married at 19 and seperated at 20 (divorced at 21) when DS#1 was a little over 6 months old. This was your typical "shouldn't marry young" scenario and there was lots of cheating while he was on deployment. I moved across the country at the time and Ex#1 came down for DS#1's 1st Christmas. That was the last time Ex#1 saw DS#1 until this summer. We hadn't heard from him (no child support or contact of any kind for 9 years until he joined the service (again) and had to pay CS. Contact started slowly from there until he moved cloer by over the summer and I started to allow DS#1 to see him. This has been a long, painfull and heartbreaking road at times.

    #2) My 2nd Ex and I married at 27 and Seperated when I was 29 (divorced at 30). We had dated for 9 months previously, then broken up for a year, then got back together and voila! We were married! BIG MISTAKE! This entire marriage was built on lies and led to verbal, emotional and mild physical abuse at the end. It was hell for not only myself but also DS#1. Leaving was the best thing although it led to a very, very tense and dramatic divorce (not to mention costly) because of threats made by Ex#2. Ironically, things are really calm now and I think we've both realized it's not about us it's about DS#2. So far we work realyl well to arrange our schedule, switch turns taking sick days and being leniant if one of us asks to switch time around for any reason. I never thought we'd be inthis place but I am very glad we're both adult about it because our son is very, very well adjusted and has no issues openly loving both our families because we both encourage it. It has meant letting go of alot of little things I wouldn't do but if they don't hard DS#2 and won't matter down the road then it's not a hill I want to die on.

    I am in a relationship now (11 months in) and it is a good one. Both Ex's know about him (not that Ex#1's opinion matters). He's great with my boys and loves them very much (and they love him too....although DS#2 takes issue with the fact that he can't sleep in my room when he's over).

  • I am 31 and have a 3 year old DD. EX-H and I met in Jan. 2005, married in March 2007 and seperated in Jan.2009. EX-H has a serious drinking problem (he doesn't think so) and was emotionally/verbally abusive. I knew about his drinking, but it got much much worse as time went on (more responsibilities). I decided to leave after he wrecked his car into a ditch while drunk, and verbally abused me in front of our daughter. I gave him until Christmas to get his act together. He didn't, and January 3, 2009 I packed what I could and left. I now have full custody of DD with EX-H having supervised visitation. He has seen DD once since last Christmas and that was because she went to afamily function with my X-SIL. I am finally getting CS because it is being garnished from the state.
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  • My story is rather long, but much over due.

    I was never married. But, I was engaged for 2 was with my ex for 4 years have two beautiful babies and I have an older son from a previous relationship.

    Well to make a long story as short as possible. Basically the man cheated on me twice and had 2 children outside of relationship. I knew about one. I accepted it for what it was because I was pregnant at the time and felt I needed him. Well my last straw came when he slapped me infront of our kids. That minute I told him to leave or I would call the police. The next day his locks were changed I packed his things and set them outside of my apt.

    Since this has happened it has been a rough go over the past 3 months. He never helps. Doesn't answer when I call. (only calling to update on the kids or when they need diapers or formula etc.) He has come to my apt. many times banging on my door only to tell me not so nice things. I preceed to only close the door and lock it. I have met a someone special. A very educated polite good with kids guy. I have not yet introduced him to my kids its not the right time considering all the issues we are having as a family.

    I didn't want to have to take it to this point but I will be filing for Child Support because he refuses to help. Also he doesn't spend time with his kids. Which has totally devastated my DD. AJ is too little to understand whats going on thank goodness. My older one could really care less. He was never really a father figure to him anyway. This has been a very rough go for me. I was totally in love with this man and was completely crushed when I found everything out. But, with time comes healing an happiness.

    I want to thank you ladies. Although I mostly lurk you posts have been very helpful to me. Giving me hope. Knowing i'm not alone. So for that Thank you!

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  • I'm definitely a lurker. Sorry I'm late to the party. Still want to Re-Introduce myself.

    Ex and I started dating at the end of 2007, Got engaged summer of 2008, Got Pregnant in 2009 and I left him in 2010.

    I want to say that he was emotionally abusive, in that he would constantly do things to hurt my feelings. I can't count how many times he would threaten to leave me only for me to beg him back. Most of these incidents happened during the six hour drive home from my parents house while I was driving through a text message.

    He emotionally cheated on me the entire relationship with a woman that he has a child with - he doesn't acknowledge this child as his and there hasn't been a paternity test but she looks exactly like him and my DD.

    When I was pregnant I came home from a weekend out of town to a computer full of messages by him looking for someone to hook up with. One month after I had DD he physically cheated on me (The week of Christmas - Who the F does that? REALLY?!)

    In October 2010 he had a blow up fight with my family over a dog and I chose him over them (which was short lived). By the end of October I was through with him and his drama. I had found someone new (funny enough the boyfriend of the girl he cheated on me with in December). I officially left Ex on Thanksgiving (DDs Birthday) I was up at 5 am with his DD and our DD... cooking the turkey for our family gathering and he was complaining about not getting "ANY". At the end of the night I went to spend some girl time with my family from out of town and he threatened to leave and I said go ahead.

    I've been with my b/f since last December and I've never been happier. He is so wonderful with DD. I trust him 100% and he trusts me even though our relationship bloomed from a pretty awful situation. We decided last night for him to officially move in (he basically lives with me but still has his own place where he pays the rent but never sleeps there).

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