1st Trimester

What do you think about breaking tradition?

So we're thinking of names and ILs politely "remind" me that if we have a son his middle name must be Robert. This follows a family tradition of giving your son his grandfather's first name as a middle name.

Robert is a fine normal name, but what is I don't want to give my son that middle name? I was thinking Carter John for our son. John is my Dad's name, he never had a son. ILs already are giving my kid their last name, I don't think its fair to give my son a middle and last name honoring the ILs and totally ignore my family in this. And I need to add, we're with my family more, they're more supportive, and honestly, will be in our child's life more.

DH sees both sides, but doesn't want to stir the pot with his family...what would you do?

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Re: What do you think about breaking tradition?

  • Break tradition. Do what you want. I think it's sad that they expect you to pick that name!  

    ETA: DS name is Carter Robert, lol.  I compromised on that one... DH wanted a Jr (his name is Robert) so I told him we'd use it as a MN since I loathe Jr's.  He was fine with that. 

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  • Break tradition! It is true, the baby will already get the inlaw's last name!
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  • I think if it's your baby, you and DH choose the name.  Period.  Don't worry about tradition.  They will get over it.
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  • It's ridiculous to even 'politely' remind someone on what they need to name their child...even if we're just talking middle names.  It's not their child so they have no say in this.  Name your baby whatever YOU and the father want....they can take a back seat.
  • DH and I's motto is "if you weren't in the bedroom to make the baby then you don't get to name it." But I just feel like slightly guilty breaking about 5 generations of this tradition...

  • I don't think it's ever ok to tell someone what to name their child, tradition or not. 
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  • The only way I'd feel guilty is if your husband was really insistent, then it would be something to talk about.  But if he doesn't care and you don't care, what's the problem?  Its your baby not your ILs
  • It's your womb and your baby so you name he/she what you want. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I would tell them that your child's name is a reflection of you and your husband's taste, not tradition:)
  • This is YOUR baby....do what you and your DH want, not what everyone else wants.

    Let them pick this and they'll be trying to control the rest of his life!  STAND FIRM!

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  • Dh's parents wanted us to do the same thing with our first however I made it well known in the beginning that my parents names would be the middle names because his parents were already getting the last name.  He agreed and sided with me.  

    IMO I think you should do what you want. It's your child not theirs.  

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  • I would say that if DH and you decide you want to break tradition, do it without even a twinge of guilt!

    Believe it or not, my MIL is actually telling my DH that he SHOULDN'T name our son (if we have one; we don't know) in the family tradition. (My DH is a 3rd.) She said to go with a 4th was "just ridiculous, and enough is enough"! My DH lost his dad 7 years ago, and was thinking of honoring him by naming a 4th. I'm willing to do that, because it means so much to him. Now he's doubting himself because of what MIL said, and I want to just smack her!

    I told him we're going to name our child what WE want to, not anyone else. So, definitely, break tradition if that's what you and your DH want!

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  • I'm surprised that everyone agrees with me! I thought I was being a jerk! Thanks ladies, I don't feel so bad now!

  • image Ivana.Stolichnaya:
    It's ridiculous to even 'politely' remind someone on what they need to name their child...even if we're just talking middle names.  It's not their child so they have no say in this.  Name your baby whatever YOU and the father want....they can take a back seat.

     

    This.

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  • I completely agree with you! I am in the same boat (although the in laws have not hounded me yet about boys names and their possible "tradition" if any). Hubby agrees with me that our son's middle name will be William for my father since I do not have any brothers. The little one is already getting the last name that is enough!!


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  • Your child's name is your decision, not his grandparents', and as someone else said, it's rude to tell anyone else what to name their children, regardless of the circumstances.  The whole tradition becomes pretty meaningless anyway if parents are naming their kids out of obligation rather than a genuine desire to honor the person the kid is named after.  You and your husband make your own decision, taking everybody else's feelings out of the equation.  Somebody might be unhappy with your choice, but oh well.
  • I say break tradition, especially since your DH is on board.  I completely agree with your reasoning and I really like the idea of using your dad's name if you have a boy.
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  • You make a good point, the baby already get their last name. And if you go with your dad's name then he'll still be getting a grandfather's name, just not the one they wanted.

    I say break tradition!

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  • It's YOUR baby not theirs.  It might cause some hurt feelings at first but stay strong - they'll get over it.  And I wouldn't bring it up unless they do.  And keep it positive when you say what the name will be - "We're thinking Carter John.  We really love it!" 
  • We broke tradition.  Everyone in DH's family has the same names, he has 2 uncle Edwards, a cousin Edward, 2 cousins John and 2 cousins Jeff.  Both his grandfather's were Edward.  And he's a Jr.

    DS's first name is one we liked and his MN is after my grandfather.

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  • Break tradition.

    I am assuming your son will get your husband's last name, so you should get to honor your family with the middle name.  The child is ALREADY getting a tradition for DH's side with the last name.

     

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  • It's yours and DH's child- not theirs.  It's up to you.  They'll get over it.
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  • Definitly break tradition! I was in the same spot with my first and my MIL kept pushing the family middle name on me and I finally said no I am going with my mom and sisters middle name and thats it. I agree they get the last name and last time I checked I was carrying this baby not them!
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  • This is your child pick a name that means something to you!
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  • We are breaking tradition by deciding not to name our son (if that's what we have) after my DH. Our DS would be the 4th and I just don't want to do it. We will use DH's name as a middle name but I am really only doing that because DH wants to do it. I know that my IL's will talk crap and blame me as usual but I just don't care.

    Do what you want!

    Lillian April 17, 2012
  • I agree, break tradition.  I completely agree with you that IL are already getting the last name.  Naming the middle name after your father is a special way to honor your side too.

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  • Break the tradition, you have a valid argument.

    But mostly... he's your son to name as you guys wish. Neener neener in-laws.


  • You and DH get to make the decision.  Tradition is nice, but only if the mom and dad want to go with it.
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  • I was talking with our daughter about possible names for a boy or girl. My husband is a JR. My daughter told my MIL about our boys names. My MIL said, oh not Gregory??? Oh well. I told my DH that our baby needs his/her own name, he agreed.
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  • image renegade gaucho:
    Your child's name is your decision, not his grandparents', and as someone else said, it's rude to tell anyone else what to name their children, regardless of the circumstances.  The whole tradition becomes pretty meaningless anyway if parents are naming their kids out of obligation rather than a genuine desire to honor the person the kid is named after.  You and your husband make your own decision, taking everybody else's feelings out of the equation.  Somebody might be unhappy with your choice, but oh well.
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  • Do what you want... DS1 was DH's choice, with me having final veto.  DH wanted a Jr but I hate his middle name so I switched it out.  And we call DS by middle name.  This really upset inlaws, they could not see why I didn't like barthalmew

    For this LO I get to chose (with DH final veto) and I am thinking of mostly family names from my side, I am sure it will be an issue.  So we will just throw out 2-3 names even once we decide.

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