Single Parents

reasonable?

Me and my ex had a chat this afternoon basically on how we raise this baby. I told him what i expected from him and what i wanted with appointments etc and on some of them he said i was being unreasonable. would like you ladies to tell me what you think.

  • I would like to go to my appointments by myself but i will text/call him with the details
  • he is allowed to come to my scans but i will not wait around for him, if he is not on time, he doesn't come.
  • I will inform him about any aspect of the pregnancy that i feel he needs to be aware of.
  • As for the labor, he can be there but if for some reason i can't deal with him he has to  step out of the room.
  • When the baby is born, he can come and see him/her whenever he pleases however i would prefer for the baby not to stay the night until he is 6 months old or something.
  • However his mom and/or him can babysit while i am in school/college.
  • The baby will get my surname

This is all i have as it is obviously very very early but we did agree that we need to be organised for the baby. I actually thought i was being extremely kind but he disagrees.

Thank you for reading and i hopr you lovely ladies are well!
Gracie- 17 years old expecting our little spring baby girl on april the fourth! IAmPregnant Ticker BabyFetus Ticker

Re: reasonable?

  • image Graciepregnant:

    Me and my ex had a chat this afternoon basically on how we raise this baby. I told him what i expected from him and what i wanted with appointments etc and on some of them he said i was being unreasonable. would like you ladies to tell me what you think.

    • I would like to go to my appointments by myself but i will text/call him with the details
    • he is allowed to come to my scans but i will not wait around for him, if he is not on time, he doesn't come.
    • I will inform him about any aspect of the pregnancy that i feel he needs to be aware of.
    • As for the labor, he can be there but if for some reason i can't deal with him he has to  step out of the room.
    • When the baby is born, he can come and see him/her whenever he pleases however i would prefer for the baby not to stay the night until he is 6 months old or something.
    • However his mom and/or him can babysit while i am in school/college.
    • The baby will get my surname

    This is all i have as it is obviously very very early but we did agree that we need to be organised for the baby. I actually thought i was being extremely kind but he disagrees.

    Thank you for reading and i hopr you lovely ladies are well!

    The bolded parts were what I did with my ex as well. I have to tell you up front, and maybe I shouldn't compare, that the last name issue is just that-an issue. Be prepared to deal with that but stick to your guns. 

    As for the having your LO stay over night at 6 months, you will feel VERY differently once him/her is actually here. Not that I know your background, but given it is very early in your pregnancy, anything could happen between now and your delivery. 

    Other than that, welcome! Everyone here is lovely and have great input to give.

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  • I don't think your being unreasonable at all. However, just as an FYI. Most states do not allow overnight visitation until the child is either 18 months or 2 years of age. Trust me, it's best for them in the long run. Also, you should plan to file for CS with your state right away (it takes a while to go through). Do this for your protection and your childs. Finally, I wouldn't make any agreement for visitations and such until after the baby is born and after you sit down with a mediator and set up a parenting plan.

    This is just my .02$. I told the same to my exSIL/BFF for dealing with my niece and my older brother. It's best in the long run to have everything set in stone legally with the state. That way if anything does happen between you and him then you and your child have legal protection. You can take or leave it. I personally agree with most of your demands. I just believe in the art of covering my a$$. Cuz if you don't then it comes back to bite ya! 

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  • It seems reasonable to me. Did he tell you specifically what he didn't agree with?

     Ditto, a lot of states wait until 18 months for overnights. In my case, we started them at 12 months.

    The last name thing will always be an issue. I wouldn't even entertain the discussion, neither of you are going to change your minds. It's useless to fight about it. If he insist, tell him you won't discuss it until closer to your due date and just hold off. Then use your last name.

     

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  • My recommendation is to stop making plans about life after the baby is born for two reasons -- you don't know your rights or the common practices in your state *and* you don't know how things are going to go with the baby and the baby's father.  You are making lots of assumptions about a situation (having an infant) that is likely to be very different than how you imagine.

    Set the boundaries for doctors' visits during your pregnancy.  That is in the now and is for a limited period of time.  

    Make an appointment with a family law attorney and figure out what the typical visitation agreement is for your area.  You can decide to offer the father MORE than the norm, but find out what the norm is.  The norm has been created from the experiences of tens of thousands of families and there is value there.  Again, you guys can expand things once the baby is here, but don't go promising things that you may not want to give once the reality of life with a child arrives.

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