Babies: 0 - 3 Months

how to maintain a normal life?

I used to be extremely social & active. I am not a homebody. CLEARLY I knew taht having a baby would change this a bit. I think I had this silly thought I could still maintain my former lifestyle and just bring Luca along with me.

Well Luca is NOT a good sleeper. he naps well at home if I REALLY watch his signs. . . .have to get him down before he is really tired. once he's overtired Im screwed. He screams in car most of the time..... he is in & out of sleep when we walk. He is so curious as to what is going on all of the time.

So my husband and I had a fight last night. Luca was super fussy - I had gone to a friends during the day - he didnt nap well at ALL. He basically blamed me for taking him out too much. Yet I feel like what am I supposed to do? Be a prisoner in my own home? I recognize he does better @ home - but yet I want to be one of those mom's that is able to bring my son out. ug

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Re: how to maintain a normal life?

  • Hang in there, it will get better. LO will eventually get a routine and while you have to plan around eating and naps, it gets much easier to go out with them.  I don't think you'll ever be able to maintain the lifestyle you had, obviously you can't do everything with a kid alongside you, but you can find a new version that you will love even more. Do your friends have kids? If not, it gets easier when they do and LOs are part of social events. 
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  • Ditto PP - it gets easier when they have a more consistent routine/schedule. Until then, you might have to adjust more than you thought. Instead of spending the whole day at a friends, spend the morning there and then come home and let LO get a good nap in the afternoon. Invite friends to your house so you can still have some social time, but LO can nap when needed. And try to schedule times when DH an stay home with LO or you can get a sitter so you can go out without LO once in a while.
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  • image Cassie730:
    I guess it depends on what's more important to you....your son or your social life. You're just going to have to re-examine your priorities and find a new "normal".

     I disagree that it's this black and white -- lots of people have social lives AND children -- it will probably just take some time to figure out how to make it all work. I'm in the process of finding this balance as well. Hang in!

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  • Most of my friends have kids. That isn't the issue. It isnt that I want to go to clubs, bars & parties. Its that I feel I can't even bring Luca to people's houses who HAVE kids b/c he gets so fussy he cries & screams and then the night at hoem is a HOT mess b/c he is overtired, falling asleep eating (which I try to do eat play sleep). I feel awful messing up his happiness & schedule yet don't want to feel like I can't even go for a damn walk

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  • Last week my sister and brother were in town. One day I went out to the mall with them, went for a walk, and went out to pick up food. I could tell that it was just too much for my poor LO, so I stayed home the rest of their visit and they went out without me. My LO is less than 2 months old right now - I'll let him dictate my schedule and do what is best for him. As he gets older, I will gain more freedom. I don't have that much of a social life to begin with (I've lived in 3 different states in the past 3 years, so haven't gotten around to developing a social life here yet!), so it's not a huge sacrifice to me.
  • image Cassie730:
    I guess it depends on what's more important to you....your son or your social life. You're just going to have to re-examine your priorities and find a new "normal".

    DITTO

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  • image Cassie730:
    I guess it depends on what's more important to you....your son or your social life. You're just going to have to re-examine your priorities and find a new "normal".

    I disagree and think that's harsh, who said you had to choose between loving your LO and having a social life? I very much have one and Hadley is only 2 months old... I don't party, but I go and shop and hang with family & friends often!

  • image NightmareWedding:

    image Cassie730:
    I guess it depends on what's more important to you....your son or your social life. You're just going to have to re-examine your priorities and find a new "normal".

    I disagree and think that's harsh, who said you had to choose between loving your LO and having a social life? I very much have one and Hadley is only 2 months old... I don't party, but I go and shop and hang with family & friends often!

    I don't think the point Cassie was trying to make was that no one can have a busy social life and a baby, but that it is obviously out of the question for the OP right now.

    OP...I get that it sucks, but I think you are just going to have to suck it up for a while.  It will get better, but it isn't worth having your kid screaming just so that you get to get out of the house.  If your husband is concerned about the baby's well being enough to get into a fight with you about it, I would try my damnedest to listen to him.

    From what I got from your OP, you know that your social schedule is negatively affecting your LO's day.  I swear this won't be forever.  Take this time to catch up on books you've always wanted to read, to decorate for the fall holidays, or to make a scrapbook of your pregnancy or your LO's first few months.  Invite people over to your house for any reason that you can think of.  Heck, do a deep fall cleaning if that is your sort of thing.

    This is all about your attitude, because you can't reason with a baby.  Good luck, and I hope that you find a way to get rid of your frustration!!! 

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  • image RobynK:

    image Cassie730:
    I guess it depends on what's more important to you....your son or your social life. You're just going to have to re-examine your priorities and find a new "normal".

    DITTO

    Harsh. I don't think OP wants to bar hop with her child in tow.  I think she wants to enjoy life outside the house WITH her LO.

    I don't have this problem, kind of the opposite actually.  DS sleeps better during the day in his car seat.  When at home he naps poorly in his crib and he is not happy without his sleep. I am struggling with letting him develop crappy sleep habits or struggle through sleep training now.

    GL!! 

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  • image Cassie730:
    I guess it depends on what's more important to you....your son or your social life. You're just going to have to re-examine your priorities and find a new "normal".

    Its this kind of attitude that makes women feel guilty about trying to have a life outside of their kids and their family. 

    OP, it will get easier as your LO gets older and has a more consistent nap schedule. Do you ever wear your LO? My second DD was really colicky and would only nap in the moby when we were out. I wore her a lot and it made it easier for me to go places. No way was I sitting in the house all winter with a colicky newborn and a 2.5 year old!

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    Annelise 3.22.2007 Norah 10.24.2009 Amelia 8.7.2011
  • image rvandiver0705:
    image NightmareWedding:

    image Cassie730:
    I guess it depends on what's more important to you....your son or your social life. You're just going to have to re-examine your priorities and find a new "normal".

    I disagree and think that's harsh, who said you had to choose between loving your LO and having a social life? I very much have one and Hadley is only 2 months old... I don't party, but I go and shop and hang with family & friends often!

    I don't think the point Cassie was trying to make was that no one can have a busy social life and a baby, but that it is obviously out of the question for the OP right now.

    OP...I get that it sucks, but I think you are just going to have to suck it up for a while.  It will get better, but it isn't worth having your kid screaming just so that you get to get out of the house.  If your husband is concerned about the baby's well being enough to get into a fight with you about it, I would try my damnedest to listen to him.

    From what I got from your OP, you know that your social schedule is negatively affecting your LO's day.  I swear this won't be forever.  Take this time to catch up on books you've always wanted to read, to decorate for the fall holidays, or to make a scrapbook of your pregnancy or your LO's first few months.  Invite people over to your house for any reason that you can think of.  Heck, do a deep fall cleaning if that is your sort of thing.

    This is all about your attitude, because you can't reason with a baby.  Good luck, and I hope that you find a way to get rid of your frustration!!! 

    Wow, I feel like these posts set us as women back about 75 years.  We are dealing with the same sort of adjustment and I know how frustrating it is.  It is important as moms that we also take good care of ourselves, and I often dread going anywhere because of what it will do to LO.  I keep telling myself it will get better, and staying at home all day isn't healthy for him or me.  I don't have a good answer for how to make the situation better, but I don't think locking yourself in the house is a solution either, GL!

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  • I'm wondering this same thing myself. LO does fine if we go out for a walk, run a few errands, etc., but something about falling asleep for a short time (in the stroller or in the car) messes with his naps for the rest of the day. Then he FIGHTS sleep for the rest of the day and naps become a nightmare. Today I'm just staying in to see if it makes any difference... but I still need to figure out how I can go for a walk in the morning (which is really good for sanity!) without screwing up the rest of his day.
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  • Woah Girls! You can have both LO and your social life as priorities. I think we all place too much emphasis on being "Martyr Mom" and our world revolving around LO becuase it's the "thing" to do.

    Think about it. How often were our Mom's life dictated by us? I know my loves me but she was never trapped at home because I might need something. She went had fun, and left us with us the sitter to boot. We were all better because of it.

    In all honesty, I just do it. I love my LO but I refuse to let her dictate my life. For the most part if I want to do something I make sure she's fed, we strap her in the carseat and we go! The first couple times it was rough but she got used to it and we're golden now.

    Sitting around waiting for LO to be "ready" will leave you trapped in your house forever. It's the "I can't go anywhere because of LO" mentality that breeds guilt and makes us depressed hanging out in our houses.

  • image LStorms:
    image rvandiver0705:
    image NightmareWedding:

    image Cassie730:
    I guess it depends on what's more important to you....your son or your social life. You're just going to have to re-examine your priorities and find a new "normal".

    I disagree and think that's harsh, who said you had to choose between loving your LO and having a social life? I very much have one and Hadley is only 2 months old... I don't party, but I go and shop and hang with family & friends often!

    I don't think the point Cassie was trying to make was that no one can have a busy social life and a baby, but that it is obviously out of the question for the OP right now.

    OP...I get that it sucks, but I think you are just going to have to suck it up for a while.  It will get better, but it isn't worth having your kid screaming just so that you get to get out of the house.  If your husband is concerned about the baby's well being enough to get into a fight with you about it, I would try my damnedest to listen to him.

    From what I got from your OP, you know that your social schedule is negatively affecting your LO's day.  I swear this won't be forever.  Take this time to catch up on books you've always wanted to read, to decorate for the fall holidays, or to make a scrapbook of your pregnancy or your LO's first few months.  Invite people over to your house for any reason that you can think of.  Heck, do a deep fall cleaning if that is your sort of thing.

    This is all about your attitude, because you can't reason with a baby.  Good luck, and I hope that you find a way to get rid of your frustration!!! 

    Wow, I feel like these posts set us as women back about 75 years.  We are dealing with the same sort of adjustment and I know how frustrating it is.  It is important as moms that we also take good care of ourselves, and I often dread going anywhere because of what it will do to LO.  I keep telling myself it will get better, and staying at home all day isn't healthy for him or me.  I don't have a good answer for how to make the situation better, but I don't think locking yourself in the house is a solution either, GL!

    So listening to a husband's concern about the sleeping habits/fussiness of their child is setting us back 75 years?  Indifferent  Um, ok.

    OP, it's about finding a balance.  We don't leave the house to go places as much as I'd like because it messes up one or the other of the boys' schedules and it's a PITA to get two ready to go.  We do some short things (a walk around the mall or the neighborhood) just to get fresh air, or I invite people over here.  Yes, your life is going to change for awhile.  Yes, there are days that DH gets home and I'm in tears because it feels like I haven't seen the light of day in forever.  No, you're not going to be able to do everything that you were pre-baby.  But my DH is also really good at reading me and has basically forced me out of the house on a couple occasions (evenings and weekends) just so I can maintain a social life.  Talk to your DH and let him know that since you need to be home so much during the day, you need him to step up at certain points and give you time out of the house.

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  • image Cassie730:
    Oh please people...setting women back? REALLY? Piss off. I work FT and have 2 kids under 15 months old. My point was (without writing an entire damn book) that you have children now. When you made the choice to have a child you made the choice to make them more important than yourself. Anyone who thinks they are more important than their kids DOES need a priority check and you can lick my butt if you think otherwise. The fact of the matter is that you seem to have a high needs baby. But FFS the kid is only 3 months old. Of course it will PROBABLY get much better in the months to come and you can probably go back to shopping at the mall and lunching at panera and hanging out with all your friends and having the most adorable playground playdates the world has ever seen. But you know what....there are people who have special needs children with serious handicaps and they don't do well in public and you just have to learn to adjust your life and your schedule. It's about figuring out what works best for you and your family and your baby. And I don't care what anyone else says...the kids SHOULD ABSOLUTELY be the priority. You brought them into this world willingly...no one forced a fetus into your ute. Am I saying you can never have a social life AND children? Clearly that's ridiculous. But each and every child is very different. Your kid is going to go through some rough periods but it's not about you any more it's about him. Get over it.

    Congratulations! I bet that Mom of the Year plaque looks just fabulous on your wall.

    My kid is my number one priority. I am my number 1 priority. Somedays it's all about my kid. Somedays it's more about me. So all in all we're equal. And I don't feel guilty about that. It keeps me sane and a good mom as a result. I am more important than my kid. I would lay down my life for her and do anything to keep her safe definitely. In that sense she's much more important than me. Always will be. However, in day to day life, I am more important. I need to take care of me, so I can take care of my kid and be the best mom I can be.

    I love my LO to pieces and she's changed my whole world but I will not let her dictate my life to the point I'm miserable. Kids get used to what they know. They grow up flexible and patient as a result. Do I delay going somewhere sometimes becuase she's crabby, hell yes. I'm not saying it'll never happen, but a lot of taking baby out is a matter of it is what it is and just doing it.

    And FFS don't talk to me about "special needs" and priorities. I fought damn  hard to get a happy healthy baby. Harder than anyone should have to fight. She is my priority but there's an extent to it. So don't imply I'm a bad mom because I don't prioritize my schedule to everything LO may or may not need.

    Special needs vs. a needy 3 month old doesn't correlate. At all. Apples to oranges. So take the drama queen theatrics out of the equation.

  • image Cassie730:
    I guess it depends on what's more important to you....your son or your social life. You're just going to have to re-examine your priorities and find a new "normal".

    Yep, time to stay at home knitting booties. Confused

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  • image Cassie730:
    Oh please people...setting women back? REALLY? Piss off. I work FT and have 2 kids under 15 months old. My point was (without writing an entire damn book) that you have children now. When you made the choice to have a child you made the choice to make them more important than yourself. Anyone who thinks they are more important than their kids DOES need a priority check and you can lick my butt if you think otherwise.  Mommy martyr party of one.  Sorry, but mom gets to be a priority sometimes. If you don't live that way fine, but fvck off telling everyone else they can't do something they want to do some of the time just because *gasp* they have a child. Does Dad also have to give up his life? Yea, didn't think so.

     

    The fact of the matter is that you seem to have a high needs baby. But FFS the kid is only 3 months old. Of course it will PROBABLY get much better in the months to come and you can probably go back to shopping at the mall and lunching at panera and hanging out with all your friends and having the most adorable playground playdates the world has ever seen. But you know what....there are people who have special needs children with serious handicaps and they don't do well in public and you just have to learn to adjust your life and your schedule. It's about figuring out what works best for you and your family and your baby. And I don't care what anyone else says...the kids SHOULD ABSOLUTELY be the priority. You brought them into this world willingly...no one forced a fetus into your ute. Am I saying you can never have a social life AND children? Clearly that's ridiculous. But each and every child is very different. Your kid is going to go through some rough periods but it's not about you any more it's about him. Get over it.

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  • image Cassie730:
    image dairygirl19:

    image Cassie730:
    Oh please people...setting women back? REALLY? Piss off. I work FT and have 2 kids under 15 months old. My point was (without writing an entire damn book) that you have children now. When you made the choice to have a child you made the choice to make them more important than yourself. Anyone who thinks they are more important than their kids DOES need a priority check and you can lick my butt if you think otherwise. The fact of the matter is that you seem to have a high needs baby. But FFS the kid is only 3 months old. Of course it will PROBABLY get much better in the months to come and you can probably go back to shopping at the mall and lunching at panera and hanging out with all your friends and having the most adorable playground playdates the world has ever seen. But you know what....there are people who have special needs children with serious handicaps and they don't do well in public and you just have to learn to adjust your life and your schedule. It's about figuring out what works best for you and your family and your baby. And I don't care what anyone else says...the kids SHOULD ABSOLUTELY be the priority. You brought them into this world willingly...no one forced a fetus into your ute. Am I saying you can never have a social life AND children? Clearly that's ridiculous. But each and every child is very different. Your kid is going to go through some rough periods but it's not about you any more it's about him. Get over it.

    Congratulations! I bet that Mom of the Year plaque looks just fabulous on your wall.

    My kid is my number one priority. I am my number 1 priority. Somedays it's all about my kid. Somedays it's more about me. So all in all we're equal. And I don't feel guilty about that. It keeps me sane and a good mom as a result. I am more important than my kid. I would lay down my life for her and do anything to keep her safe definitely. In that sense she's much more important than me. Always will be. However, in day to day life, I am more important. I need to take care of me, so I can take care of my kid and be the best mom I can be.

    I love my LO to pieces and she's changed my whole world but I will not let her dictate my life to the point I'm miserable. Kids get used to what they know. They grow up flexible and patient as a result. Do I delay going somewhere sometimes becuase she's crabby, hell yes. I'm not saying it'll never happen, but a lot of taking baby out is a matter of it is what it is and just doing it.

    And FFS don't talk to me about "special needs" and priorities. I fought damn  hard to get a happy healthy baby. Harder than anyone should have to fight. She is my priority but there's an extent to it. So don't imply I'm a bad mom because I don't prioritize my schedule to everything LO may or may not need.

    Special needs vs. a needy 3 month old doesn't correlate. At all. Apples to oranges. So take the drama queen theatrics out of the equation.

    I haven't rehung my plaque since I sent it away to get gold plated when DS2 arrived. Confused

    It absolutely correlates. I think everyone realizes this likely won't last forever but the point is that right now she might have a high needs baby who is different and requires some special care. Maybe the reason he's getting so upset is because of colic which can be effect by overstimulation, etc. It's absolutely NOT true that all kids just "get used to what they know" so you should just tote them around crying until they get used to it so they can grow up "patient and flexible"...that may have worked out well for YOUR child...congratulations...every child is not like that. Some children need to be held more, some need to be held less. Some eat more often, some eat less, some get over stimulated very easily. 3 months olds can be resillient or also very fragile. I think it's really sad that at 3 months you're itching so bad to be out all the time. If YH is concerned for the child obviously something is up. I think it's selfish to ignore someone else's concerns and ignore a crying baby because you think your needs are as important. Happy Mommy effects happy baby...yes this is true. But there's a big difference between maternal happiness and feeling the needs to go out and be social right away. It's about finding a BALANCE not making your poor 3 month old adjust to whatever you feel like doing in any given day.

    Exactly, it's about finding a balance. I just want everyone to admit to that and realize it's okay.  I don't think anyone is "ignoring' their child's needs to take care of themselves here.

    And yes, I do have an easy baby. Part of it is personality. But I like to think I played a role in that Afterall in 3 more months someone will be on here b*tching because "my friend stayed home with her kid for 3 months and now he won't go anywhere without a fuss." Kids adjust...even the fussiest ones. It may take longer but it doesn't hurt to keep trying in the meantime. I've been around enough kids to know that. As moms we have to do what works for us and if staying home all the time isn't working for sanity's sake then we need to find a way to make it.

    I also don't think it's sad to be "itching" to do things at 3 months. That can be a long haul with an infant. All babies need at that phase is to be loved, fed and held. I can do that at home in a rocking chair or in the middle of Target if I have to.

  • I think I'll just hit you up with some advice instead of getting in on the drama.

    When you go out, try putting LO in a carrier so that he's close to you, rather than having him in a carseat maybe snapped into a stroller or being lugged around. I definitely found outings to be much more enjoyable when I didn't have to leave him strapped into his carseat for a majority of it. He also gets in his catnaps like usual while he's tucked in our Ergo. 

    If LO is having a super crappy day, then you might just have to stay inside and pick a different day to do things. I've cancelled plans more than once because we didn't have a good sleeping night or DS was just super fussy. 

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  • it is definitely an adjustment every woman goes through...my LO is almost 7 weeks old and i am still struggling with this exact thing...you are one person before baby and after baby you are forced to change into someone else. We all have to find and figure out who this new "woman" is. As for going out, I would definitely try to continue to go out. By getting your LO out and about he will eventually get used to being out in the social world. I agree with PP, try a moby or some other kind of sling when you go out. Your LO may feel overwhelmed while out and would be more comforted being close to you. Also can you try and go out at nap times when your LO is starting to get drowsy? Not sure if you have tried that already. In any case, you NEED to get out even if it's just for a walk. I meet my friend at the park some days and we walk our LO's around. Maybe that could be an option since you have friends with kids. Hang in there. We are all in the same boat with you! GL!
  • image snoopy3319:

    I think I'll just hit you up with some advice instead of getting in on the drama.

    When you go out, try putting LO in a carrier so that he's close to you, rather than having him in a carseat maybe snapped into a stroller or being lugged around. I definitely found outings to be much more enjoyable when I didn't have to leave him strapped into his carseat for a majority of it. He also gets in his catnaps like usual while he's tucked in our Ergo. 

    If LO is having a super crappy day, then you might just have to stay inside and pick a different day to do things. I've cancelled plans more than once because we didn't have a good sleeping night or DS was just super fussy. 

    This is a really good suggestion!  I have also found that sometimes LO just doesn't want to be in the carseat.  If I am at friends houses he is sometimes much happier if he's kicking around on a blanket. 

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  • Honestly, no one who suggested that the OP listen to her husband wants her to lock herself in the house for the next 18 years.  We are suggesting that for the next month or so, she limit her daily excursions to a number that her baby can handle.  Not anyone else's baby.  HERS.  She is the one who said her LO naps better at home, and that without those naps he is so fussy at night that her husband is concerned.

    Happy mom does equal happy baby, but I have no clue how you can be a happy mom with your 3 month old screaming for hours every night.  My daughter does that, and I do EVERYTHING possible to minimize her unhappiness.  We have a routine for the Witching Hours which cannot be deviated from, and we have found ways to enjoy that time.  R needs to be sitting on her dad from 6-9.30 pm, in a specific chair, diapers must be changed immediately, food must be provided whenever she desires, for however long she desires, Michael Jackson or the Lion King must be on the IPOD, the house must be a certain temperature, and the dog can only sniff her once every 15 minutes.  

    It is a pain in the freaking @ss, but when she is happily playing on her dad's lap, smiling and cooing instead of screaming so hard she turns purple, I don't give a damn.  
     
    And for the people who think communicating with your husband is putting the woman's movement back 3 quarters of a century, you are absolutely ridiculous.  OP, play World of Warcraft all day, get takeout, and take up yodeling for all I care.  My point was to find something around the house that you enjoy so that you don't feel trapped.  Try to make it fun.  This won't last much longer.  It will get better, and you will be able to be out and about again!
    BFP #1 - Twin B lost at 5w
    Bryce Addison  I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be.
    Our baby boy was born sleeping on 9.17.10. He was 19w1d.
    BFP #2 - Twin B lost at 4w
    Twin A
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    BFP #3 - Lost at 5w
    BFP #4 - Lost at 4w
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  • image rvandiver0705:
    Honestly, no one who suggested that the OP listen to her husband wants her to lock herself in the house for the next 18 years.  We are suggesting that for the next month or so, she limit her daily excursions to a number that her baby can handle.  Not anyone else's baby.  HERS.  She is the one who said her LO naps better at home, and that without those naps he is so fussy at night that her husband is concerned.

    Happy mom does equal happy baby, but I have no clue how you can be a happy mom with your 3 month old screaming for hours every night.  My daughter does that, and I do EVERYTHING possible to minimize her unhappiness.  We have a routine for the Witching Hours which cannot be deviated from, and we have found ways to enjoy that time.  R needs to be sitting on her dad from 6-9.30 pm, in a specific chair, diapers must be changed immediately, food must be provided whenever she desires, for however long she desires, Michael Jackson or the Lion King must be on the IPOD, the house must be a certain temperature, and the dog can only sniff her once every 15 minutes.  

    It is a pain in the freaking @ss, but when she is happily playing on her dad's lap, smiling and cooing instead of screaming so hard she turns purple, I don't give a damn.  
     
    And for the people who think communicating with your husband is putting the woman's movement back 3 quarters of a century, you are absolutely ridiculous.  OP, play World of Warcraft all day, get takeout, and take up yodeling for all I care.  My point was to find something around the house that you enjoy so that you don't feel trapped.  Try to make it fun.  This won't last much longer.  It will get better, and you will be able to be out and about again!

    I certainly never said communicating with your husband was setting the women's movement back, and how you got that out of what I said makes YOU ridiculous.  My point was, if the OP is the one spending all day everyday with her LO, she needs to be making the calls about what is best for her LO on those given days.  If that means to stay home, or make adjustments to her schedule then that's what she needs to decide.  I communicate with my husband everyday, but there are only so many decisions or judgement calls he can make for LO when he is not here during the day.  You totally missed my point, totally.

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  • image LStorms:
    image rvandiver0705:

    OP...I get that it sucks, but I think you are just going to have to suck it up for a while.  It will get better, but it isn't worth having your kid screaming just so that you get to get out of the house.  If your husband is concerned about the baby's well being enough to get into a fight with you about it, I would try my damnedest to listen to him.

    Wow, I feel like these posts set us as women back about 75 years.  We are dealing with the same sort of adjustment and I know how frustrating it is.  It is important as moms that we also take good care of ourselves, and I often dread going anywhere because of what it will do to LO.  I keep telling myself it will get better, and staying at home all day isn't healthy for him or me.  I don't have a good answer for how to make the situation better, but I don't think locking yourself in the house is a solution either, GL!

    I wonder where I got that idea... 

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  • image LStorms:

    I certainly never said communicating with your husband was setting the women's movement back, and how you got that out of what I said makes YOU ridiculous.  My point was, if the OP is the one spending all day everyday with her LO, she needs to be making the calls about what is best for her LO on those given days.  If that means to stay home, or make adjustments to her schedule then that's what she needs to decide.  I communicate with my husband everyday, but there are only so many decisions or judgement calls he can make for LO when he is not here during the day.  You totally missed my point, totally.

    Um, that's what I took out of your post as well.  In fact, I already commented on it up above.  Someone mentioned listening to her DH if he was concerned.  You highlighted it and made it bold, then went on to say that posts like this set us back 75 years.  It might not have been your intention, but I also thought that's what you were referring to.  And I completely disagree with your comment that the person spending all day with the LO is the one that should be making the calls on the activities.  If her actions during the day affect the LO in the evening (when her husband is home and BOTH of them are trying to get some sleep), then he has every right to factor in to the decision-making.  And I say this as someone who is a full time SAHM.

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  • image rvandiver0705:
    image LStorms:
    image rvandiver0705:

    OP...I get that it sucks, but I think you are just going to have to suck it up for a while.  It will get better, but it isn't worth having your kid screaming just so that you get to get out of the house.  If your husband is concerned about the baby's well being enough to get into a fight with you about it, I would try my damnedest to listen to him.

    Wow, I feel like these posts set us as women back about 75 years.  We are dealing with the same sort of adjustment and I know how frustrating it is.  It is important as moms that we also take good care of ourselves, and I often dread going anywhere because of what it will do to LO.  I keep telling myself it will get better, and staying at home all day isn't healthy for him or me.  I don't have a good answer for how to make the situation better, but I don't think locking yourself in the house is a solution either, GL!

    I wonder where I got that idea... 

    ::gigglesnort::

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  • image rvandiver0705:
    Honestly, no one who suggested that the OP listen to her husband wants her to lock herself in the house for the next 18 years.  We are suggesting that for the next month or so, she limit her daily excursions to a number that her baby can handle.  Not anyone else's baby.  HERS.  She is the one who said her LO naps better at home, and that without those naps he is so fussy at night that her husband is concerned.

    Happy mom does equal happy baby, but I have no clue how you can be a happy mom with your 3 month old screaming for hours every night.  My daughter does that, and I do EVERYTHING possible to minimize her unhappiness.  We have a routine for the Witching Hours which cannot be deviated from, and we have found ways to enjoy that time.  R needs to be sitting on her dad from 6-9.30 pm, in a specific chair, diapers must be changed immediately, food must be provided whenever she desires, for however long she desires, Michael Jackson or the Lion King must be on the IPOD, the house must be a certain temperature, and the dog can only sniff her once every 15 minutes.  

    It is a pain in the freaking @ss, but when she is happily playing on her dad's lap, smiling and cooing instead of screaming so hard she turns purple, I don't give a damn.  
     
    And for the people who think communicating with your husband is putting the woman's movement back 3 quarters of a century, you are absolutely ridiculous.  OP, play World of Warcraft all day, get takeout, and take up yodeling for all I care.  My point was to find something around the house that you enjoy so that you don't feel trapped.  Try to make it fun.  This won't last much longer.  It will get better, and you will be able to be out and about again!

    ITA. All babies are different and unfortunately, OP, it sounds like you got a tough one. My first was a difficult baby and it can definitely be very, very hard to deal with, but it will get better and when it does, parenting that LO will be incredibly rewarding. My second is a super easy baby (so far!) and I really can take her pretty much anywhere. In the time that DD1 was still in the NICU, this LO has been to Costco, playdates, church, etc. and as long as I make sure she's fed, she's happy. So yeah, sometimes babies need a little more stability in terms of keeping a schedule, staying home more, and it's your job to find out what will make your specific  baby thrive. In the meantime, I'd discuss the fussiness with your pediatrician at your next check-up - there could be something medical going on, like reflux (the culprit for my DD1). I'd also look into using a wrap, like the PP mentioned. Even my super-grumpy pre-reflux-diagnosis little girl would happily sleep for hours in the wrap.

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  • I promise it gets easier!  Honestly I've just never let having kids stop me from going places, eventually they adapt.  Ds was always easy to take out and napped whenever, Dd is about the same.  Eventually things work themselves out, I remember when Ds was born I thought my old life of leaving the house was over. It seems like a long way off, but once they turn 1 you will not believe how easy it is to get up and go whenever.  Life doesn't end just because you have kids, promise:)
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  • As a mom who had a very active social life before my LO, I understand where you're coming from.  My daughter has met TONS of people in her 7 months of life, and is very comfortable/happy in social situations.  But there comes a time when she's had enough, and will give me clues to that effect (lately in the form of fighting sleep when it comes to bedtime).  So I've made a decision to cut my social activities in half for now since I want her to have time to wind down at night.  I've noticed a difference in how relaxed she is & how much easier it is to put her to bed without a fight.  I still go to Zumba, visit friends, go to birthday parties, etc., but I pick & choose which ones are the most convenient to her schedule and ours.  For example, this weekend is my sister's annual Halloween bash as well as DH's cousin's 30th birthday party.  Although I'd LOVE to go to both, it's more important to get my LO back to a good sleeping routine, so I'm skipping the birthday party and just dressing up my daughter to take to my sister's for about a half hour, then bringing her home.  It sucks to not be able to do the things I used to, but the tradeoff is that I have this beautiful little girl to teach about the world.  Things will get easier when she gets older and becomes a little more self-sufficient, but for now, she has to take priority.  I just keep reminding myself that I still have a lot of years left to socialize, but my LO's first year is the most important :)  Hope my experience on both sides of the equation have helped!
  • image dairygirl19:

    Woah Girls! You can have both LO and your social life as priorities. I think we all place too much emphasis on being "Martyr Mom" and our world revolving around LO becuase it's the "thing" to do.

    Think about it. How often were our Mom's life dictated by us? I know my loves me but she was never trapped at home because I might need something. She went had fun, and left us with us the sitter to boot. We were all better because of it.

    In all honesty, I just do it. I love my LO but I refuse to let her dictate my life. For the most part if I want to do something I make sure she's fed, we strap her in the carseat and we go! The first couple times it was rough but she got used to it and we're golden now.

    Sitting around waiting for LO to be "ready" will leave you trapped in your house forever. It's the "I can't go anywhere because of LO" mentality that breeds guilt and makes us depressed hanging out in our houses.

    This is what I did. It was hard the first few times.  Mostly for me because I was terrified.  I did a lot of lunches with friends.  I hoped that the noise of being out and about would help her start to get her days and nights right.  Though I'm also lucky because she loved to nap in the car.  Good luck!

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