February 2012 Moms

Gender & Upset

We found out today that we are having another boy and it shocked me.  I would have bet anything that this was a little girl, and I've been so upset all day.  I can't stop crying.  It's not that I'm not happy for a boy, I love my DS so much and know I'll be the same with the next one.  I think it's more me realizing that I might not have a daughter and it's killing me inside.  Does anyone else feel this way?

I know people will respond with 'be thankful that it's healthy', or 'be thankful you can have kids, may can't' and that's not the point.  I am thankful for both. 

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Re: Gender & Upset

  • Be thankful that you DS will have a live-in playmate!!!

    Wiil you have a third baby? 

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  • Gender disappointment is totally normal. You're just grieving the loss of the child you thought was there. Now that you know, you can dream big dreams for the little man who is in there.
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  • http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/58480457.aspx

    Read this thread--it might make you feel a bit better about not feeling that excited :) 

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  • It's natural to be upset when your hopes are dashed and now you have to envision an entirely new future! My DH were first told we were having a boy and but now its clearly a girl and he's taking it pretty hard. I am hoping that you'll both come around when you start thinking about all of the good things about the future instead of what you'll be missing out on. Instead of trying to be thankful for something intangible like "health" I'd try focusing on how great your future will be with another boy. For example, I'm sure your son will be thrilled to have another boy to rough house, how wonderful it will be for your new LO to have someone to stick up for him on the play ground, how they could grow up to be very best friends, go away to school together in the same state, have a filthy bachelorpad and tease each other about that and their love lives on their wedding days....  

  • I really think when you have a strong feeling either way, it just takes time to get used to the opposite.  I think that's normal.  

     I'll be very honest -- when we first started TTC, I wanted a girl so badly.  Then we had trouble... so when we got our BFP, I didn't care if the baby was polkadotted, I was just SO happy to have this chance and I couldn't believe that the sex had ever mattered to me.  And I used to see posts like this and think "how ungrateful"... Well, color me humbled, b/c I've felt this baby is a boy since the beginning... and now that I'm so used to the idea of a son, I think I might be disappointed if the doctor tells us (tomorrow!) that it's a girl!  ... which is what I originally wanted!  

     Aaaaand that long, drawn-out high-jacking was just to say your feelings are totally normal and valid.  Of course you are grateful for this healthy baby and of course you will love it... It's just going to take a little while to adjust your thinking. 

    Hang in there!   

    11 months old! #andintoeverything
  • I totally understand how you are feeling... I am not in the same situation, but I can see how upset you would be. I dont have any words to make it easier to digest, other than I hope you possily can look at the option of a 3rd (though no promise it will be a girl)... its one of those things in life that just takes time... and you will adjust. Hang in there
  • I understand how you feel. I was set on a boy and KNEW we were having one. When we got closer to the A/S I started freaking out realizing that I may be wrong and I had gotten so used to it being a boy that it would be very hard if we were having a girl. I guess it is kindof normal. Don't feel guilty. You will come around soon and be excited again.
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  • Thanks everyone, I really appreciate all your thoughts and help.  I read the other post as well as the separate article and both describe what I'm feeling.  I just need to accept that this is a boy and that was part of the big plan.  We aren't totally against 3 (I would like it, DH is on the fence), so we'll see when that time comes.

    To add insult to injury, I feel like everyone other person who had an U/S today is having a girl :( 

    Lilypie Maternity tickers ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • It's normal. We have so many boys in our family that I thought for sure it would be a boy, and I accepted the fact that I may never have a girl. To find that we are going to have a daughter was a total shock - especially to DH. He is thrilled just to be having a baby as soon as we did (we thought we would have some issues conceiving), but I could tell he was initially disappointed that it was a girl. He quickly recovered - and in time, you will too. If you do have a 3rd child, there is always that chance. And just think how nice it will be to have your son have a playmate.
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    Lilypie - (K6Db)

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    TTC #2 since 10/2013

    BFP #1 (4.14.14) ~ CP (4.18.14)

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  • Nothing is certain until your LO is born. My friend at work was told she was having a boy and it was a girl and my sister-in-law was supposed to be a boy according to U/S and she wasn't. 
  • This is our first baby and we really wanted a boy but we are having a girl. We got over it fairly quick but we plan to have more kids so there will be more chances for a boy. If I was on my 3rd girl and not having anymore, I would be really upset for a few days. If I was on my 3rd boy and done and never got a little girl, I would be upset for a few days too. I understand and I think its normal.

    I get so annoyed with the "you should just want a healthy baby" comments. Of course we all want healthy babies! Is it so bad to want a healthy baby boy/girl? What's wrong with wanting one gender a little more? 

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  • image jksweets:

    Thanks everyone, I really appreciate all your thoughts and help.  I read the other post as well as the separate article and both describe what I'm feeling.  I just need to accept that this is a boy and that was part of the big plan.  We aren't totally against 3 (I would like it, DH is on the fence), so we'll see when that time comes.

    To add insult to injury, I feel like everyone other person who had an U/S today is having a girl :( 

    I understand how you feel.  It would be ideal to have one of each.  I've always wanted to have a boy, but that's not part of the big plan for me.  I found out today that our third child is another girl.  We're not going to try again.  Dh and I looked at each other and smiled, but I know that both of us were a little disappointed. 

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  • I totally understand - this is my first, and it's a boy, and though I know I will love him more than I ever thought possible, I am sure I will be disappointed if our next is not a girl, as we are most likely only having two. It's totally natural.
    ~Adrienne~ My little mini-me, Elias Jonathon, is 6 months old

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  • I totally respect you for putting this post up and for being honest. I think how you feel is completely normal because I am feeling it as well and I am not even sure what we are having yet. We both live, sleep, eat, drink BOY but at our 12 week the tech guessed GIRL which has been hard... I know it is only our first and that we will try again should it be a girl but for so many reasons, I have felt all along this baby is a boy so I am dealing with that as well (possibly not even knowing my own body),

     Keep your head up and stay positive. Cope with your feelings and do not let anyone make you feel bad for it - you are only human and have every right to feel the way you do... Plus - you can blame it on the hormones! They blame everything else in pregnancy on that, right!

     

    Lilypie - (tERK)
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  • I know how you are feeling. This is my third baby and it's another boy. Yup that is boy number 3 for us. I see it as I am the queen of the household. I have my 3 boys to love me and take care of me. Big Smile
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  • We had the u/s tech put the results in an envelope and we took the envelope to a Babies-R-Us where we gave them the envelope and two sets of boy clothes and two sets of girl clothes. We told them to open the envelope and charge our card and wrap the sets for whatever combination is in the envelope. 

    About 3 hours later, surrounded by friends and family, we opened each "gift." I had never considered boys, or a boy/girl combo. We were being videotaped by 2 diff't family members. I saw the blue outfit before my DH took it out of the wrapping, and no one else might notice, but from the video, I can see my inital disappointment. And then I smile and cry a little (terrrified!) and we go on to open the second "gift." By this point, I assumed it will be another boy. I was shocked and scream with delight when I saw the pink outfit, as did everyone in the room!!! It was a very happy moment overall, and if it was two boys I'm sure I'd acclimate. It's just initially it's hard to give up the dream of what you wanted. 

    I'm actually more scared to have a boy/girl combo than a boy/boy or girl/girl because I worry they won't get along. I had a sister growing up just a year older than me and she was my best friend through life. I wish the same for your boys.

    It's natural to feel a little let down. I think 'the health' comment is irrelevant in this situation. We found out last week that our girl is healthy, but our boy has an elevated risk of Down Syndrome. The worry is almost unbearable. But I think being disappointed is a natural part of being alive. I feel guilty for not wanting a boy either sometimes. But it helped to go to a specialty boutique and buy him a few new outfits and nursery stuff to get excited about his arrival!:)

    Expecting Boy/Girl Twins in February 2012!!:)
  • image HollyB1908:

    I totally respect you for putting this post up and for being honest. I think how you feel is completely normal because I am feeling it as well and I am not even sure what we are having yet. We both live, sleep, eat, drink BOY but at our 12 week the tech guessed GIRL which has been hard... I know it is only our first and that we will try again should it be a girl but for so many reasons, I have felt all along this baby is a boy so I am dealing with that as well (possibly not even knowing my own body),

     Keep your head up and stay positive. Cope with your feelings and do not let anyone make you feel bad for it - you are only human and have every right to feel the way you do... Plus - you can blame it on the hormones! They blame everything else in pregnancy on that, right!

     

    Lilypie - (tERK)

     

    Found out today that we are Team Pink... I am glad to know and happy to report that she is COMPLETELY perfect. Hubby was a little sad, and I cried when I was by myself in the car but more or less because he was so conveinced that we were having a boy - as was I. Either way, there is no changing it now and we get to try again! I am sure our little princess will have us both TOTALLY wrapped around her fingers... Here with go with the bows! LOL

     

    Lilypie - (iIgz)

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