Single Parents

Single Parent FAQ post

So I'm working with the head moderator to make a FAQ post that will show at the top of this board.  This will be to display answers/tips for common questions that are being asked on here, especially for those who are at the beginning of this process.  I have already listed everything that was in this original post by Becca

 Does anyone have anything else to add?

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Re: Single Parent FAQ post

  • Document on a calendar every missed or late vistation, keep all emails and text message logs and make sure to document or at least jot down all behavior that violates the order. Even if it's not enough to go back to court. That way if any need does arise to go back to court, you are ready.

  • This first one is going to be a blanket statement, but I'll disclaim by saying I have yet to hear of a case where a father fought for 50/50 because he actually WANTED the visitation.

    1) A lot of men will start the "fight" by saying they want 50/50 custody. They do it to freak you out. To get you scared and not push for CS. Call them out on their bluff and do NOT give in to what they want. They don't want 50/50 because they actually want to utilize that parenting time. They're doing it because they think it'll lower/reduce their CS.

    2) You are the only advocate for your LO. Be their voice and do not back down from fighting for what is in their best interest.

    3) Co-parenting is not about being selfish and wanting to keep LO all to yourself. Your child has the right to have a wonderful relationship with both parents, regardless of what happened between the two of you in your marriage/relationship. Do not let your feelings towards your X affect the way you approach co-parenting and visitation.




  • I think FAQ's on this board are a bit scary, because they are essentially legal advice. It would be a bad idea for TB to recommend legal steps, but practical advice for common situations makes sense.

    Can you put the part about it being state law which means that it varies from state to state in nice big bold text and make it #1? 

    #2 bothers me --- It equates putting the father on the bc with giving the child the father's name and these are two different things (at least in many states). No, you aren't legally forced to put him on the bc, but if you know he is the father it may make sense to do it. This issue is entirely separate from that of the child's name.

    #3 state law issue - may be true, but by putting 'most' people tend to assume it includes their state - I would change it to 'some' or 'many' unless you want to research and be sure that it truly is the case in 'most' states

    #4 is an issue that varies by state. In many states abuse in the past does NOT qualify you for a current protective order. Bad advice. Edit it to recommending women inquire as to whether their situation qualifies for a protective order. 

    #6 There are some situations where perhaps the mother shouldn't, so I don't love that it is made as a blanket statement, but it is likely true for most women. 

    There should be more advice about how to find a lawyer --- contacting the state women's bar association or the women's bar section of the state bar association, going to court to ask about how people who can't afford attorneys can get representation, etc. Lots of people on this board manage this so it seems like there should be a paragraph on that if possible. 


  • I agree, BGG.  None of us are lawyers so we will omit anything pertaining to giving legal advice and recommend seeking legal counsel and finding out about individual state laws.
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  • I have to agree with omitting the legal advice. Being the minority here as a Canadian bumpie, I had a hard time reading those posts because it just didn't pertain to me at all. I can't imagine how confusing it must be with all the laws varying by state so much.
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  • I agree with BGG.

    Also Some information about legal Aid would be good.

    You just have to call around to see if it works in your state and what are the requirements to be admitted in the program. It doesnt hurt to ask.  

    The decision of whether to put the father in the BC depends on the case. If you know who the father is and you are planning to file for CS its a very dumb move to not put him on the BC. It will cost you more money and more time to prove paternity out of the hospital. 

    I also think is very dangerous to say that they will threaten with the 50/50 custody just to scare you. As the regulars know, in my case BD did file for 50/50 and not just because CS but because he truly wanted to be  with her and is a very involved father. At the beginning of the process, he didn't even threaten to take me to court, he just went ahead and did it. The correct advice would be, be prepared no matter what.

    I would also add be civil no matter what. If you had issues with your ex, that is exactly what it means, those issues were between you and BD, they do not have to affect your child. Your child will benefit greatly from having a cordial relationship. In the cases where the situation is not that great, simply ignore. Do not engage in any pissing contest. 

    You would also need to put a disclaimer right on the top and with big bold letters where it says that this information should not be taken as legal advice.   

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