2nd Trimester

I'm ready to accept it...gender dissapointment

Ever since I was little I had an idea of what my family would be. I would have 4 kids, 3 boys first...then a little girl as the baby of the family.

So I was excited when my first 3 kids were boys. Everyone would always ask if I wanted the third one to be a girl- but I definitely didn't...it was part of my plan.

So here I am...pregnant with my 4th- which according to my plan would be a girl. Before I even knew I bought outfits, got paint samples, made a baby girl registry, saved an 'its gonna be a girl' profile picture for facebook and planned how we would tell our friends- heck- I even ordered the "pink inside" cake.

Of course you know what's going to happen...the ultrasound tech told me it was a boy. I wasn't upset at first but got in my car and bawled for the next 2 days and didn't tell anyone...not even my husband (although he figured it out). Then I started telling people that the U/S tech said it 'might' be a boy- ok- technically that's not a lie as he said there's a 99% chance that it's a boy- but I was in denial...something that I have never experienced before.

So I read up on it and apparently this happens to a lot of people?

I'm having a 4th boy. Definitely not as exciting as having a girl would have been- but I'm extremely excited to meet him and see what he looks like, learn what kind of personality he has and just cuddle with him. I will still love my little boy just as much as I would a little girl. I still can't stand when people give me that puppy dog look and say "oh no..." when I tell them.

Tell me- did you feel anything like this when finding out the gender was different from what you wanted/expected?

And yes, I know some people try hard and can't have a baby- let alone getting the gender they wanted. I'm also aware that this post is petty. So no need to post all about it because I already know :)

 

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Re: I'm ready to accept it...gender dissapointment

  • With DS I wanted a girl and almost bought one girl outfit the week before our a/s. When we found out he was a boy, I was initially really excited (like for the first 5 minutes), then I was grumpily disappointed for about 24 hours (not because he was a boy, but because I wasn't having a girl yet...if that even makes sense). Anyway, after that, I got over it and was really excited again. Now, of course, I can't imagine not having had a boy first.

    I think it just takes a bit of getting used to if you've built up an idea in your head and the reality turns out differently. And I'm sure it would have taken me longer if we'd had three boys already lol. 

  • No you are NOT alone I see my self with 3 boys even though I am only on #2 and have no idea what this one is yet. But I already have this "feeling" SO I did some research on it and found a great article: 

    Sorry not clicky (Mac)-- http://www.babyzone.com/pregnancy/fetal_development/genetics_gender/article/overcoming-gender-disappointment-pg4

    Yes it is from Babyzone, but is hit some really great points in it. 

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  • We are wanting a boy right now and at our 12 week scan they guessed girl.  We are still hoping for a boy but know there is a slim chance of that happening at this point.  I have felt all along that it was a girl.  My FH is really wanting a boy because he isn't wanting anymore children (I have a daughter that lives with us).  I would be totally open to having more children but then knowing my luck I will have more girls.  We have already come to terms with having another girl but I have a feeling the wishful thinking will come back when we go for the scan.
  • I always wanted an older brother growing up (I was the oldest) so I really wanted a boy first, plus as a preschool teacher I found boys to be easier and less dramatic. I was upset when I found out my first was a girl, especially because I am not girly at all. Now I wouldn't have it an other way. I adore my girly girl and have had so much fun with a daughter, it actually makes me a little nervous to have a boy! 
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  • My friend has 2 boys, and she is expecting her 3rd.  Before she found out the sex, she said it didn't matter if it was a boy or a girl, but as soon as she found out it's a girl, she admitted that she is more excited now:)  I knew it...!  lol!  

    I would definitely feel the same way as you do if I had 4 boys.  I never dreamed of having 3 boys first and then a girl, but I do want to experience raising a daughter.  

    Maybe consider having #5??? 

     

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  • DH was super disappointed that we are having another boy. He really had a vision in his mind of having one boy and one girl. I was pumped to have a second boy so I had to help him get over his gender disappointment. You will get over it, just give yourself time to adjust to the change in your vision. Try to remember the joy you had when you had your boys and it will fade over time. Don't beat yourself up over feeling disappointment, we all create this vision in our lives of our families, and something like gender is just the beginning of changes to that vision over time, so just relax, grieve your dream and work on accepting reality.
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  • Why did you buy girl things, and get yourself so psyched up for a girl, when you knew there was a chance it was a boy?  It seems like you set yourself up for massive disappointment.
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  • image asyph107:
    DH was super disappointed that we are having another boy. He really had a vision in his mind of having one boy and one girl. I was pumped to have a second boy so I had to help him get over his gender disappointment. You will get over it, just give yourself time to adjust to the change in your vision. Try to remember the joy you had when you had your boys and it will fade over time. Don't beat yourself up over feeling disappointment, we all create this vision in our lives of our families, and something like gender is just the beginning of changes to that vision over time, so just relax, grieve your dream and work on accepting reality.
    This exactly.  It's good to recognize gender disappointment and let those feelings out.  From the sound of it, you already have and are ready to welcome another little boy into your life. :)

    I admit I had some gender disappointment finding out ours is a boy, but the idea has grown on me of having a little boy in the house.  It's a challenge and a miracle either way, just in different ways.

  • image mabenner1:
    Why did you buy girl things, and get yourself so psyched up for a girl, when you knew there was a chance it was a boy?  It seems like you set yourself up for massive disappointment.

    Yeah. I don't really get it. I know some of us have an idea of what we want our families to look like, but we really don't get to pick the sex of our children. I'm sure you'll come around. And, the suggestion for 5 is certainly a thought...

  • I have 4 boys, so I totally get how you feel.  My last pregnancy was twin boys.  I actually let an expletive slip when the ultrasound tech gave us the news.  I was like - "Really?  Both of them???  But there's two dammit!"

    I'm prepared this time around for another boy even though I would love to finally bring home a little girl.  I've been refering to the baby as "him" in conversation and told people that I'm assuming it's a boy until proven otherwise.

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  • image mabenner1:
    Why did you buy girl things, and get yourself so psyched up for a girl, when you knew there was a chance it was a boy?  It seems like you set yourself up for massive disappointment.
    Because it was her plan!! Duh! *insert sarcasm*
  • I think your situation is a little different. Most people don't have 3 of one sex, and then hope for the opposite and get the same. 

    Sounds like you'll be fine.

    I haven't experienced it, but I also only have one child with one on the way.

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  • I was REALLY hoping for a girl.  I had a "feeling", just like I did with DS, that I was having a girl.  I secretly had my heart set on a particular girl name and was so drawn to girl stuff.  We went to our 18 wk a/s and  they tech was a butt and wouldn't even try looking to see the sex.  We went to my OB at 20 weeks and he said boy.  I was disappointed.  I was really hoping for a girl, so was DS.  But, we are excited, nonetheless, for our newest addition and looking forward to another boy.  Now, I would not have not have bought ANYTHING girl until I knew for sure, that's just wasting money.  

    I don't know how true it is, but from what I've heard if you have 3+ children that are all the same sex, you stand a higher chance of having the same sex child in following pregnancies.  I've also heard the older you are the higher chance you stand of having a girl.  Who knows...
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  • We had the same dream! But mine ended a lot sooner than yours.

    I always wanted a house full of boys and then a little girl. Either 2 boys and a girl or 3 boys and a girl. I'd prefer 4 kids but SO prefers 3. 

    We're on baby #1 and it's a girl. We were both disappointed at first but we got over it fairly quickly. We're excited for our little girl. But honestly, I get jealous when I hear that people are having boys. 

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  • I'm so glad you started this thread. I am on my first (we plan on having two). I really really want a girl. I preferred to have the girl first, partially because then we would have a girl and I wouldn't be stressing about the sex of the second. Well, at our 12 week US, they guessed it is a boy. My hubby really wanted a boy so he's very excited, and I am excited for him. I know it's not for sure yet, but I feel like she was right....this baby is a boy. I'm a little disappointed, but I'm happy to see my husband so excited and that makes me more excited to have this little one. Of course, like everyone else, our little guy will be loved just as much as a little girl would have...but the disappointment was still there. I did prepare myself ahead of time though. I knew it was a 50/50 chance, so I didn't get too excited about it from the beginning.
  • "Insert Sarcasm"? Really? This girl had enough guts to put her feelings out there and you are going to be that rude to her? I give her alot of credit for being so honest, not everyone would share that story and she is dealing with her feelings and hormones just like all of us are...give her a break.
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  • My SO and I just found out we were having a little girl which with my family history im not surprised (we have a big history of having girls), my SO however was a bit disappointed so was I to be honest. I always envsioned having my boy first then a girl but I defintely want both sexes eventually. My whole family was banking on a boy too. I know sometimes techs can be wrong but now I dont want them to be wrong I want my little girl! I was over the disappointment the same day, the most important thing is that the baby is healthy not what sex they are.

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  • Seriously? This crazycakes post gets NO snark? WTF. Ummm yeah OP, sorry you went nutso and thought you were Miss Cleo the psychic there for a minute and bought a bunch of girl stuff. I give you major side-eye for that. Time to suck it up and move on lady. Gender disappointment is one thing, you are taking it to a whole new weird level. 
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  • image SheenaNash1:
    Seriously? This crazycakes post gets NO snark? WTF. Ummm yeah OP, sorry you went nutso and thought you were Miss Cleo the psychic there for a minute and bought a bunch of girl stuff. I give you major side-eye for that. Time to suck it up and move on lady. Gender disappointment is one thing, you are taking it to a whole new weird level. 

    This! I can see being disappointed because you have three boys and wanted a little girl. But ordering a pink cake before you found out the gender of your baby because your "plan" was to have a girl?? That's... weird. 

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  • image mabenner1:
    Why did you buy girl things, and get yourself so psyched up for a girl, when you knew there was a chance it was a boy?  

    Right?

    Not to mention how selfish and narrow-minded it is to be upset about your baby's genitals. 

  • image mabenner1:
    Why did you buy girl things, and get yourself so psyched up for a girl, when you knew there was a chance it was a boy?  It seems like you set yourself up for massive disappointment.

    Right!  I would not buy anything gender specific until I knew.  I just think this situation was preventable and crazy.  Why get your hopes up so much when you knew there was a 50/50 chance?!?!

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  • image AshPal61:

    This is definitely more common than people think, or like to admit.

    When I was pg with my first, I wanted a boy.  IDK why, but I always thought I'd wanted a boy first.  Throughout my pregnancy, everyone said they thought I was having a boy, which only got my hopes up. 

    When I found out she was a girl, I couldn't help but feel sad that it wasn't a boy.  While DH excitedly called family to tell them, I sat in the front seat, and cried.  I felt like the worst person ever.  I mean, instead of being ecstatic about having a healthy baby, I was worrying myself over the baby's sex.

    I got over it in like, a day.  And now I can't imagine it any other way.  My daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me. 

    Just think that everything happens for a reason, and you will get over it and love that baby boy just the same.

    See everyone is saying this to me and I'm not getting my hopes up.  If its a boy I'll be happy, if its a girl I'll be happy.  Everyone needs to realize that its not always what we want.  There is that 50/50 chance! 

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  • image Jacqui2005:

    So here I am...pregnant with my 4th- which according to my plan would be a girl. Before I even knew I bought outfits, got paint samples, made a baby girl registry, saved an 'its gonna be a girl' profile picture for facebook and planned how we would tell our friends- heck- I even ordered the "pink inside" cake.

    Indifferent

    I don't think there is anything wrong with hoping for one sex or the other before you find out, but REALLY?

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  • Oh, hugs for you.  I won't say anything you already know (about your last paragraph) but feelings are feelings.  I have been trying what feels like forever and years less than some couples and am still torn with finding out, or not, and if we even know what we 'want'.  I was scared of boys and wanted a girl, then would be excitd to have an oldest boy- hoped we had one... I don't even know what to tell our tech on Tuesday (finally, our a/s)!   I am hoping that we're ready and know (assume) we'll be able to change our minds but totally get the worry of dissapointment
    (and isn't it great when people smile & shake their heads?!  So helpful). 

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  • When I was pregnant with my first, I always envisioned myself having a girl. I unrealistically never pictured the alternative until we were sitting there at our 20 week appointment clearly looking at a baby boy... I started crying out of sheer panic. I admit that I continued to act like a complete baby for the next 2-3 days. Explaining to people how I didn't sign up for his, etc... I look back now and I can't believe how I acted. I LOVE my little guy so much and can't imagine anyone else! This time around I"ve completely jumped ships, we are not finding out the sex at all, I've instead decided to hope and pray for a healthy baby and not get caught up in the gender! Although its completely annoying the EVERYONE keeps telling me how they are "really hoping" for a girl for me... I guess my reaction the first time around will forever leave people thinking that I will not be happy with another son, and I totally regret that... I find myself having to convince people constantly that I'm very happy with a boy and I'd be just as happy with the next.
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  • Growing up I always said I would want a boy first and a girl second, but when I found out I was pregnant I wanted a girl. I had a terrible 1st trimester so I figured I only wanted one child and that would be a girl. Of course I'm having a boy. I am a little sad because I wanted to pass down my wedding gown and watch my daughter pledge my sorority, but I am happy about having a boy and can't wait to see him. I call him my little prince already. I am also thinking about having another child now, I just hope it's a girl (I know it will be a boy). 

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  • I'm really glad to know that there are other people out there who feel this way too. Our a/s is in 7 days and dh and I both want a girl. this is our first and I have been INSANELY sick, so this may very well be the only child we have by me, because we very much want to adopt in the future anyway. I am SO hoping for a little girl to be growing inside me, and I'm afraid of how I'll react if it's a boy. I know I'll love him just the same, but I'm scared of feeling disappointed initially, and I don't want people telling me I can "always adopt a girl later" either, because I don't know how I feel about picking out a child because of their gender when adopting.
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  • lol. I knew the no-lifers would get on in the middle of the night and post things like this. Definitely makes me giggle! Thanks for providing some comic to my otherwise boring day.
  • Thanks everyone for the comments. I guess everyone has a preference but I think we all can know and agree that a healthy baby comes first! :)
  • image SheenaNash1:
    Seriously? This crazycakes post gets NO snark? WTF. Ummm yeah OP, sorry you went nutso and thought you were Miss Cleo the psychic there for a minute and bought a bunch of girl stuff. I give you major side-eye for that. Time to suck it up and move on lady. Gender disappointment is one thing, you are taking it to a whole new weird level. 

    Whew, I'm so glad you, greeneyed, and Salt showed up to this post. Guess I'm just another one of the "no-lifers"... OP, going so far as to not just hope, but expect, and buy things for, a girl, is just weird.

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