1st Trimester

Goodbye, hopefully some good news soon...

Wow, how heartbreaking the past day has been...

 I went in yesterday for what was to be my 2nd OB appt., at 12w3d.  I had my first appt. at 8 weeks, and an ultrasound at 9 weeks to date the pregnancy.  We saw a strong, healthy heartbeat.  At the appt. yesterday, the doctor had trouble finding the heartbeat, tried for about 10 minutes, then said she couldn't hear it because she kept hearing what she thought was too much fetal movement.  So, she said she would either send me for an u/s just to be sure, or I could just schedule my next appt. for 4 weeks later because she was confident everything was fine.  I chose to get the ultrasound.  We walked up to the hospital, got into the u/s room, started the u/s, and the tech was very quiet.  The monitor was turned away from me, and he said he needed to do a transvaginal u/s.  So, we started that one, and more quietness.  He shut off the machines and told me to wait in the next room for my dr. to call.  I asked what was wrong, and he said he couldn't say anything, that the dr. needed to talk to us.  We waited, and waited (of course, I knew something was wrong by this point), finally the tech came back and told us to go back to the dr.'s office, that she wanted to talk in person.

So we walked back, and she ended up telling us that the baby measured 12w2d (which put the measurements at the previous day) with no heartbeat.  She said it was likely that the baby died sometime this past week.  I am scheduled for a d&c on Monday.  I have to walk around for the next 2 days knowing that this baby is still inside of me with no heartbeat.

What turned out as an amazing surprise ended up in the biggest heartbreak that I have ever experienced.  I realize that most of you don't "know" me, I don't post alot, but I just needed to write this all out as kind of a release.  Maybe it will be cathartic.

I wish all of you a happy & healthy pregnancy.  Pregnancy and motherhood are the most amazing blessings you will ever experience, and I don't wish any of this on my worst enemy.  Please try to enjoy every minute of your pregnancy- I'd take aches and pains, morning sickness, etc. over what I'm feeling now.

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BFP #1 5/2004 Karina Frances born February 6, 2005 8 lb., 6 oz.
BFP #2 8/2010 Hadleigh Abigail born April 7, 2011 8 lb., 11 oz.
BFP #3 7/2011 EDD 3/27/12 Missed MC at 12w3d (Sara Grace)
BFP #4 12/13/11 EDD 8/19/12 Praying for this little baby!
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