2nd Trimester

MIL frustration... advice please?

Today we had a family get together and my MIL was there and she constantly said how big I am getting.  I have gained 2 lbs so far (17 weeks along) and while yes, I do feel much larger than before, I hope I don't look as large as I feel.  I have never had body image issues either, but lately weight has been on my mind more often, so I am more sensitive.

I guess the part that bothered me the most was that it seemed like she was gloating that I was gaining weight... Even her sisters were like.... oh, why'd you say that.... I can't remember what I said or if I said anything, but what do you say to something like that?  




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Re: MIL frustration... advice please?

  • Mine says stuff like that too, but it's just because she's happy and excited... she's seeing what she wants to see. Maybe same is true for yours...
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  • Agree with PP that your MIL is probably just expressing excitement about baby, albeit a little awkwardly. Don't read too much into it. I'm at 18 weeks and have also been a slow gainer, so I've been getting some similarly weird comments. Most people can't even tell I'm pregnant, but there are a few that insist I'm *really* showing.
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  • My MIL told me yesterday in front of relatives that if I'm this big now, I must be carrying a huge baby.  Ha!  I know I popped earlier than last time around, but that's something only I can tell.  Most of people can't even tell I'm pregnant.  So far I've gained like 3 pounds.  I'm petite (5'5", 105lbs pre-pregnancy. All my family members are small), and I really want to gain healthy weight because I lost so much weight by breastfeeding my son that I was as thin as a stick for a while.

    I really don't know why my MIL said I must be carrying a huge baby.  Seriously.  I don't mind having a huge baby, btw.  I just don't know where her comment came from.  One of the relatives was like, what are you talking about?!

    I just smiled and touched my belly.  It is a good thing that my belly is getting bigger.  I can't wait until everyone can tell I'm pregnant!

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  • Your having a baby.  Your supposed to get bigger and your supposed to gain weight.  

    Really, don't let it bother you.  This is temporary.   As the PP said, just smile and put your hand on your belly.  If she knows she is bothering you she will probably do it more, but if you blow it off she might get board and let it go. 

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  • I think some people see this as a compliment to a pregnant woman. Like, you are so healthy and doing such an awesome job, look at your baby grow! I don't think it's an insult. Just smile & nod.
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  • I wouldn't be happy if my MIL said that, buy my Mom is the more likely culprit in my life! Would it bother you as much if your mom said it?

    Not that what she said was 'ok', but I feel like, in pregnancy, it's best to develop a thick skin about weight comments. I get them all! I'm to fat, I'm to thin, I'm going to blow up like a ballon, and the one that really took the cake "you're pregnant? Oh, I just thought you were getting fat!"

    The thing is, most of the time these people don't mean to be mean. They're just saying stupid stuff. And they're not the pediatrician, so really (even if they've had a kid or two themselves) they don't have a clue what they're talking about.

    So pat your adorable baby tummy and ignore 'em with a smile! I'm sure you look wonderful. 

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  • Try not to take it personally. You know what you have gained and how you have changed. People just want to be excited about the baby. And for some god awful reason people think its ok to talk about your appearance. Last time my own mother would tell me how huge I was getting, etc. And when I would tell her to stop she would say "its not you dear, its the baby." she would tell me she just said it because she was excited at how healthy the pregnancy looked like it was going. That helped me get over it a bit. This time she knows better. I told her in the beginning that she can comment on the baby, but my appearance and weight are off limits, she has done better. Perhaps tell you MIL how insecure it made you feel and if she could limit the comments it would help. Remind her just being pregnant does not give people the right to say negative things.
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  • My one boss at work two days ago saw me and said, "Boy are you getting plump!" and then yesterday he patted his rather rotund stomach and said to me, "You'll be as fat as I am soon!" ...I know I've put on the pounds...actually like 20 by this point but its all in my stomach and my boobs because even my wedding ring is still lose and my four jeans still fit my legs I just can't get them buckled...hahaha I had to know.  

     People are just dumb and say dumb things.  Think of the after when you'll lose the weight and everyone will say they can't believe you ever had a baby! 

  • My FIL said to me on Saturday....Man you are getting fat! how does it feel to be fat again?? I am usually a very small person and this is my second pregnancy but I think I am doing good! I am 26 Weeks, gained about 14 pounds.  With a small frame I feel like the baby has no where to go but out!

    Good Luck.  I just throw facts back in their face....well my uterus is the size of a soccer ball, where else do you want me to put that??

  • Next time she says you are looking bigger, I would lean in and whisper "I was just going to tell you the same thing, but I didn't want to be rude."  Guarantee she won't say anything again.
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  • image nmaldo77:

    do you say to something like that?  

    I would say: "At least I have a reason." And just stare at her.  Granted I cant stand my MIL...so it also depends on whether you like her or not.  If you like her you could say: "Not really, I have only gained 2 pounds and still fit all of my pre-maternity clothes."

    I just dont get this notion that MIL's can just say whatever (even if they are excited) and it should be acceptable.  My mother doesnt say insensitive things to me, and so I certainly won't tolerate such  nonesense for my MIL. 


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  • image Madringal:
    Next time she says you are looking bigger, I would lean in and whisper "I was just going to tell you the same thing, but I didn't want to be rude."  Guarantee she won't say anything again.

    I would love to say something like this, but I know it would start WW3 with my MIL.  LOL

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  • Choose not to be offended.

    Because either (a) she meant to hurt and offend you, so why give her the satisfaction?  or (b) she honestly meant no harm and just stuck her foot in her mouth-- which we've all done in our lives... in which case you should forgive her and move on.

    Above all, IMO, if she's generally a decent person to you (not saying she's a blast to be around, but as long as it's tolerable), then I would keep the peace. She's still family, whether you want her to be or not. :/

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  • Ha Ha Ha.... this made laugh really hard!!!  Thank you :) 
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  • Don't let it bother you. My MIL tells me all the time how big I'm getting. Not because she relishes in the fact that I'm getting fat but because she is happy that her grandson is growing big and healthy.
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