Any general anesthesia c-sections?

RumbleLina

If you had a general anesthesia c-section, did/do you have a hard time accepting it? If so, have you dealt with it emotionally yet?

A lot of people around me couldn't and still cannot understand the feelings associated with you and your SO missing your child's birth. It took me until recently to be okay with it a little more. I also had mixed feelings of anger and sadness because he was born non-responsive and sent to the NICU and I had no idea any of this was going on until after I woke up. It was hard knowing I couldn't be there for him.

pinkmoonlight

Yes, I had an unplanned general anesthesia c-section. I had a real difficult time accepting it and still do nearly a year later. It is not as bad now as it was say the first 4-5 months of DD life but it is definitely still an issue for me.

A lot of people did not understand my feelings either. We were team green. I had complications after surgery and did not even know who I was until nearly 4 hours later. At that point DD had already been taken to DH and our families who knew I was in the hospital were there. Everyone got to hold her before me. I did not know she was a she until I got to my room.

 

neya28

I'm still bitter about that and it's been 3.5 yrs almost. I missed his birth and b/c he was sent to NICU (for heart defect), I didn't get to see him for two days. I woke up in recovery in horrible pain. I saw my MIL (out of all people), my mother and DH there. My first question was "how is the baby?". My DH assured me he was fine and showed me pix of baby, ILs and baby, my mom and baby. That really hurt. I saw him last. The entire family has seen him and a few of my friends that visited the next morning too.

This time I'm having a scheduled c-sec and I'm hoping there are no complications w/ me or LO and I'll actually get to be around for the birth. I think it might help with feelings about my first c-sec if I get to do it right this time. I already told DH that if the c-sec is in the morning, I don't want any visitors until evening so we have a little time with the new baby just to ourselves.

KtLMae

I was put under due to an emergency c-section,and barely got to see him after I woke up because they ended up having to take him to NICU.  I was sad that my husband got to hold him and be with him immediately but I never had any lingering guilt or bad feelings. 

I think its mostly due to 2 things, I didn't have a set birth plan and there were no other family members at the hospital besides me and my husband.  If someone else had held him first like other people mentioned I think that would change my feelings and I would have been upset too.

seamco12

Im still dealing with mine as well, and it's true that the people around me havent really grasped what is was like. Sometimes women will say how lucky I was to be asleep . I can't really explain the feeling of loss that comes with having no memory of my son being born. To be honest being 'born' doesnt even seem like the right term. I do not feel like I gave 'birth', more like he was extracted. He tasted formula before breastmilk. I did not hold him for more then four hours after birth. I was also team green and had soo many ideas about what his birth would be like. The thing is I diddnt end up with a different scenario. I ended up with no memory at all. So it's been hard to deal with. Now I'm going to have a scheduled c section in november, and I'm terrified. As much as I don't want to be a sleep for the procedure. I have a huge amount of anxiety about being awake for the procedure. Basically I Huge anxious mess when it comes to this subject.

holly321

I am very bitter and angry over it.  It really doesn't help that the anesthesiologist is at fault. My c/s while unplanned, was not at all an emergency.  When she placed my spinal, I repeatedly told her i wasn't numb, so obviously, when I was cut open, I felt everything and then dh got kicked out of the room, I got knocked out, and no one knew what was happening. My parents and mil got to see the baby first. 

 I agree with pp, I don't feel at all like I gave birth to DD.  Extracted is a good word.  I hate that everyone is so insensitive about my feelings.  I hate getting told at least I have a healthy baby. People try and tell me they know how it feels, they didn't have any anesthisia for their episotomies.  Umm, not quite the same as getting your stomach cut in half while feeling it.

I am also bitter, because I was 100% effaced, almost 6 cms, station 0, and not in labor.  And DD was small.  She would have slid right out, lol.

 

snoopy3319

I had an unplanned c-section thanks to pre-e, HELLP and a placental abruption during a try for a natural birth. I ended up having general anesthesia because the epi I had placed during my labor process wasn't working well enough. At the time I was glad they put me under, because I couldn't really breathe well thanks to the meds and position I was in. I would've been screaming if I had been kept awake for the procedure.

I still feel like I'm babysitting someone else's child. I didn't get to see DS for 3 days after delivery and don't remember most of those days. I had many procedures done on my heart and body, and when i finally got to see him, it was very surreal. Thankfully, everyone respected my wishes that they couldn't see him until I did. The rest of our say was in the NICU and just waiting to go home and get out of the hospital after a long stay. Hopefully time will heal.

neya28

snoopy3319:

I had an unplanned c-section thanks to pre-e, HELLP and a placental abruption during a try for a natural birth. I ended up having general anesthesia because the epi I had placed during my labor process wasn't working well enough. At the time I was glad they put me under, because I couldn't really breathe well thanks to the meds and position I was in. I would've been screaming if I had been kept awake for the procedure.

I still feel like I'm babysitting someone else's child. I didn't get to see DS for 3 days after delivery and don't remember most of those days. I had many procedures done on my heart and body, and when i finally got to see him, it was very surreal. Thankfully, everyone respected my wishes that they couldn't see him until I did. The rest of our say was in the NICU and just waiting to go home and get out of the hospital after a long stay. Hopefully time will heal.

That makes me so sad b/c it reminds me of how I felt then. When they handed me DS two days later I felt nothing. I was just thinking "wow they gave me a real baby". It didn't really connect in my head that this is MY baby. It took a few weeks for me to bond with him. I think I started feeling like he was mine sometime around 3 weeks out when I was left home alone to take care of him all day. Time will definitely heal that. I mean I'm still bitter about my experiance but DS is definitely MY baby now.

holly321

I was so high, when they handed me dd, I looked at her, thought she was cute, and short, then just started talking to everyone else, I didn't really care she was there.

Ebony_miles06

My first c-section was scheduled and I have a very tricky spine where it made it difficult for the anesthesiologist to get the spinal tap to work. He ended up trying five times and neither time worked. I had to be put to sleep. I was in too much pain from them doing the spinal tap, I begged the anesthesiologist to put me to sleep. I felt horrible after waking up hours later and not knowing anything because the nurse was begging me to sleep. With my second c-section, they tried a so-called "better" anesthesiologist who had to do the spinal tap and he also used the epidural. He got it on the third try and told me that I made his top three tricky spines. I feel a closer bond with my second because I actually got to see everything. I didn't feel too emotional because I just wanted it too be over.

lbursey

My whole birth story was a disaster and ended terribly with me unable to breathe or speak so they had to put me under.  My DH and mom got to hold Nathan before I did.  I dealt with it better than expected and I feel okay about everything now.  It's always in the back of my mind though when I think about having another baby.

seamco12

Many of you women have mentioned having a disconnected feeling to your babies. I just want to raise my hand, and say I understand. Being completely disorentated and drugged, when I was handed my son, I felt more confused then anything else. Not overwhelming love or affection, just confusion. Iv never told anyone but DH about that. I actually had a strange moment 4 days AFTER I delivered when I finally realized that there wasn't a baby inside me anymore. I had a hard time seeing the baby being handed to me as the same baby I had inside of me. I am happy to say that 9 months later Im absolutely in love with the little guy. Thr PP who said she bonded better after her second c section without general anastethia gives me hope.

byrne15

I had an emergency c-section, very traumatic birth and an infection post-op.

I had a very difficult time dealing with the birth experience for a very long time...and no one else could understand because I "should just be happy I have a baby".

I have kind of forgotten about it now and it isn't as important to me since it has been over 3.5 years, but I will always feel like I wasn't allowed to experience something so many others were.

jjilly7

yes, it is still hard for me. I was always ok w/ the idea of a c section, i always had a feeling that i would have to. BUT, i did not plan on having my son at 30 weeks, (Severe HELLP) via general anesthesia. it was so scary laying there alone, awaiting the meds. My husband was a wreck. I have no memory of seeing my son..and then didn't see him for almost 2 days after surgery(i didn't have a great time w/ the meds or . Every time i see on tv a birth via c section that was not under general, i cry. I cry when i see any birth really. They got to see their child right away..and i don't remember seeing noah. 

RumbleLina

As horrible as these feelings can be I feel comforted to know that I am not the only woman who had a disconnect with her child. I felt as if they could have put any child in my arms and it wouldn't have made a difference. I started crying when I saw him not because of joy but because of sorrow for everything that took place.

I have been told "at least you can get pregnant", "at least you have a child" , and that I am being ungrateful so I essentially stopped talking to people about it.

Right now I have gotten a bit better how everything that went on but I am still dealing with being told I will never being able to vaginally deliver a child.

Thank you to everyone for sharing your stories.

Crystal318

RumbleLina:

If you had a general anesthesia c-section, did/do you have a hard time accepting it? If so, have you dealt with it emotionally yet?

A lot of people around me couldn't and still cannot understand the feelings associated with you and your SO missing your child's birth. It took me until recently to be okay with it a little more. I also had mixed feelings of anger and sadness because he was born non-responsive and sent to the NICU and I had no idea any of this was going on until after I woke up. It was hard knowing I couldn't be there for him.

 

All of this!  I wasnt under general anesthesia but after 30 hours of labor and being rushed to OR for emergency c-section, they shot me up with Valium the second LO came out and I passed out. I dont remember a thing.  I was told and watched the video (which I do not recommend) that LO wasnt breathing for SEVEN mins after he was born. They worked on him for seven minutes. One of the doctors had already given up - she took her stethascope off and the other nurse turned the heat lamp off. They were done trying to save him. There was one doctor who continued to try and it worked!!!!    They sent him to the NICU as well and stayed there for 17 days. I had no idea until I was in recovery that anything had went wrong.

At first I was very sad and emotional about the whole thing (still am sometimes) but I think if I were awake and had to endure seven minutes of not hearing him cry or breath and not being able to do anything about it....I would have lost my mind!!!

miesl

*raises hand*  I had an emergency c under general for cord prolapse of Baby A (DD) at 33w3.  It was a terrible experience.  It was the only way to get them out safely, and it needed to happen... but it was so frightening.

I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

damabo80

Yes, I still mourn for the birth experience I never got to have. Two months later, I had to return to L+D to return a breast pump, and got choked up that there were all these ladies laboring and giving birth and I didn't get that. I had an overwhelming desire to get pg right away so I could have another shot at the birth experience. I still feel weird when someone says "when you gave birth..." because I don't really feel like I did.

I honestly don't mind the c section part so much, but I would have like to felt labor (I have no idea what a contraction feels like, or my water breaking or any of that stuff) and see my child after birth (I didn't see her until the next day in the nicu). I also felt a disconnect when I finally saw her. It was like "ummm....whose kid is this?"

 I was on blood thinners and had an emergency c section due to hellp at 31w. Due to the blood thinners, and epi wasn't an option.

I know I'm damn lucky to come out of that experience with a take home baby, but I still mourn the birth experience I never had.