My H's friends (and their LO) trashed my house last nite....

csweet311

I wasn't home because I offered to pick up MIL from the airport (since he wouldn't be able to make it on time due to being at work) and planned on staying the night at her house with DD. I was aware that MH invited (last week) the couple over to watch a UFC fight. I even made a point to put away my DD's nicer or newer toys in her room and lock the door. I expected there would be somewhat of a mess this AM. I come home to find my kitchen/dining room covered with dirty dishes/glasses,trash overflowing (nothing properly recycled - another issue in itself I could've dealt with if that were it),all of their leftover food that this couple bought and just stuck in the fridge (which they do often) and then the playroom.......... They literally pushed the 'mess' off to one corner of the room,so the floor was visible and yes you could walk in there BUT every.single.toy.was left out,stuck in random places and not in its designated box/bag,etc. I DO NOT expect them to know where everything belongs on the shelf or which area of the room. But atleast put Legos in their box,Little people,playdoh,playfood. The boxes are labeled specifically for this. Could've easily stacked the boxes on the floor for me to gladly put away. The fact of the matter is the parents NEVER watch their kid. They assume b/c they're going to another kid's house with a playroom,they can just leave her unattended (she's 4),while it's a safe kid-friendly space,they dont think they have to 'watch' her or explain to put something away when moving onto something else. Also they're not entirely to blame as MH is well aware of how I feel about this. He absolutely refuses to confront them (for fear of losing the friendship) or help in anyway by cleaning it before I got home. We've been dealing with their before for 4 years - I have to say something and I will,I just don't know how without sounding so pissed off. At this point I don't care if it MH loses them as friends. Any advice?!?! TIA!

Brewtowngrl

I would be annoyed with your husband for not knowing how to do dishes or put away food.  I think you are being way too uptight over the toys.  When I go to friends houses I don't watch DS.  Same goes when they bring their kids here.  Last time I hunted down puzzle pieces for weeks.  It is part of having kids. The mom and I laughed because they both blamed the dog.    Soon your LO will have more friends over and your organization might go out the window because they will be able to make a room look like a tornado hit it in less then 10 min.  They are kids give them a break. 

csweet311

Brewtowngrl:

I would be annoyed with your husband for not knowing how to do dishes or put away food.  I think you are being way too uptight over the toys.  When I go to friends houses I don't watch DS.  Same goes when they bring their kids here.  Last time I hunted down puzzle pieces for weeks.  It is part of having kids. The mom and I laughed because they both blamed the dog.    Soon your LO will have more friends over and your organization might go out the window because they will be able to make a room look like a tornado hit it in less then 10 min.  They are kids give them a break. 

I ALWAYS watch my kid at other kids' homes (as do all our parent friends - we just rotate) and always assist in the cleanup. This is also how my siblings and I were raised - not only to clean up your mess,but especially to respect someone elses home/toys. When MH and I 'help' DD each nite,it all goes where it belongs so we don't have to hunt down Legos for an hour when we decide to play with it.

Echowysp

csweet311:

Brewtowngrl:

I would be annoyed with your husband for not knowing how to do dishes or put away food.  I think you are being way too uptight over the toys.  When I go to friends houses I don't watch DS.  Same goes when they bring their kids here.  Last time I hunted down puzzle pieces for weeks.  It is part of having kids. The mom and I laughed because they both blamed the dog.    Soon your LO will have more friends over and your organization might go out the window because they will be able to make a room look like a tornado hit it in less then 10 min.  They are kids give them a break. 

I ALWAYS watch my kid at other kids' homes (as do all our parent friends - we just rotate) and always assist in the cleanup. This is also how my siblings and I were raised - not only to clean up your mess,but especially to respect someone elses home/toys. When MH and I 'help' DD each nite,it all goes where it belongs so we don't have to hunt down Legos for an hour when we decide to play with it.

Meh, I've been on plenty of playdates and while people offer to clean up, the hosts always insist that we don't.  I certainly don't expect them to clean up.  Much like I wouldn't expect dinner guests to do my dishes.

That said, I do think that since your dh was home, he should've cleaned up.  Either that night or the next morning.  

SuperCuteBenz

Eh. I don't see the big deal.

I would consider it my husband's responsibility to clean up the food, recycling, etc. When we have friends over, I tell them to put anything that might be recycled on the counter, and then I take care of it later.

As far as the toys, I never ask our friends to pick up any of the mess. I clean the play room up after these situations, because I am anal about our playroom, and I like everything in its place. So, rather than having them do it, I just do it myself. So, again I would expect my husband to at least make sense of the playroom or help me the next day.

Now, if it is just the kids having a play date, then I do expect the kiddos to pick up their mess. I want my DD to pick up toys at her friends' homes, so I try and teach her that.

I enjoy having our friends and their kids over, and I want everyone to enjoy themselves. Judging by the mess, I would say that everyone enjoyed themselves.

 

DTNZ4Ever

csweet311:

Brewtowngrl:

I would be annoyed with your husband for not knowing how to do dishes or put away food.  I think you are being way too uptight over the toys.  When I go to friends houses I don't watch DS.  Same goes when they bring their kids here.  Last time I hunted down puzzle pieces for weeks.  It is part of having kids. The mom and I laughed because they both blamed the dog.    Soon your LO will have more friends over and your organization might go out the window because they will be able to make a room look like a tornado hit it in less then 10 min.  They are kids give them a break. 

I ALWAYS watch my kid at other kids' homes (as do all our parent friends - we just rotate) and always assist in the cleanup. This is also how my siblings and I were raised - not only to clean up your mess,but especially to respect someone elses home/toys. When MH and I 'help' DD each nite,it all goes where it belongs so we don't have to hunt down Legos for an hour when we decide to play with it.

This! I always watch my Ds. I hate it when parents dont check in or police their children. We always clean up and leave the area as we found it. I find it disrepectful.

csweet311

DTNZ4Ever:

csweet311:

Brewtowngrl:

I would be annoyed with your husband for not knowing how to do dishes or put away food.  I think you are being way too uptight over the toys.  When I go to friends houses I don't watch DS.  Same goes when they bring their kids here.  Last time I hunted down puzzle pieces for weeks.  It is part of having kids. The mom and I laughed because they both blamed the dog.    Soon your LO will have more friends over and your organization might go out the window because they will be able to make a room look like a tornado hit it in less then 10 min.  They are kids give them a break. 

I ALWAYS watch my kid at other kids' homes (as do all our parent friends - we just rotate) and always assist in the cleanup. This is also how my siblings and I were raised - not only to clean up your mess,but especially to respect someone elses home/toys. When MH and I 'help' DD each nite,it all goes where it belongs so we don't have to hunt down Legos for an hour when we decide to play with it.

This! I always watch my Ds. I hate it when parents dont check in or police their children. We always clean up and leave the area as we found it. I find it disrepectful.

 

Holy Geez! Thank you!! I was really beginning to feel like the odd-ball (on TB anyways). Seriously,all the parents we spend time with,just know they're responsible their children when we all get together. A few of us watch over the kids while others mix and mingle,then swap! It just worked out this way,we didnt set it in place. And then the adults all pitch in to help with dishes,trash and wiping down the kitchen while others help the kids with their cleanup. As a matter of fact, this couple in particular also used to help prior to having their DD! I am just shocked at the situation and don't know how to handle it properly.

sharrow

csweet311:

DTNZ4Ever:

csweet311:

Brewtowngrl:

I would be annoyed with your husband for not knowing how to do dishes or put away food.  I think you are being way too uptight over the toys.  When I go to friends houses I don't watch DS.  Same goes when they bring their kids here.  Last time I hunted down puzzle pieces for weeks.  It is part of having kids. The mom and I laughed because they both blamed the dog.    Soon your LO will have more friends over and your organization might go out the window because they will be able to make a room look like a tornado hit it in less then 10 min.  They are kids give them a break. 

I ALWAYS watch my kid at other kids' homes (as do all our parent friends - we just rotate) and always assist in the cleanup. This is also how my siblings and I were raised - not only to clean up your mess,but especially to respect someone elses home/toys. When MH and I 'help' DD each nite,it all goes where it belongs so we don't have to hunt down Legos for an hour when we decide to play with it.

This! I always watch my Ds. I hate it when parents dont check in or police their children. We always clean up and leave the area as we found it. I find it disrepectful.

 

Holy Geez! Thank you!! I was really beginning to feel like the odd-ball (on TB anyways). Seriously,all the parents we spend time with,just know they're responsible their children when we all get together. A few of us watch over the kids while others mix and mingle,then swap! It just worked out this way,we didnt set it in place. And then the adults all pitch in to help with dishes,trash and wiping down the kitchen while others help the kids with their cleanup. As a matter of fact, this couple in particular also used to help prior to having their DD! I am just shocked at the situation and don't know how to handle it properly.

 

This. 100%.  I don't think it is very respectful to come over someone's house and trash it.  Certainly not a behavior that I want my DS to learn is ok.  We always try and help clean with the dishes and toys.

Echowysp

csweet311:

DTNZ4Ever:

csweet311:

Brewtowngrl:

I would be annoyed with your husband for not knowing how to do dishes or put away food.  I think you are being way too uptight over the toys.  When I go to friends houses I don't watch DS.  Same goes when they bring their kids here.  Last time I hunted down puzzle pieces for weeks.  It is part of having kids. The mom and I laughed because they both blamed the dog.    Soon your LO will have more friends over and your organization might go out the window because they will be able to make a room look like a tornado hit it in less then 10 min.  They are kids give them a break. 

I ALWAYS watch my kid at other kids' homes (as do all our parent friends - we just rotate) and always assist in the cleanup. This is also how my siblings and I were raised - not only to clean up your mess,but especially to respect someone elses home/toys. When MH and I 'help' DD each nite,it all goes where it belongs so we don't have to hunt down Legos for an hour when we decide to play with it.

This! I always watch my Ds. I hate it when parents dont check in or police their children. We always clean up and leave the area as we found it. I find it disrepectful.

 

Holy Geez! Thank you!! I was really beginning to feel like the odd-ball (on TB anyways). Seriously,all the parents we spend time with,just know they're responsible their children when we all get together. A few of us watch over the kids while others mix and mingle,then swap! It just worked out this way,we didnt set it in place. And then the adults all pitch in to help with dishes,trash and wiping down the kitchen while others help the kids with their cleanup. As a matter of fact, this couple in particular also used to help prior to having their DD! I am just shocked at the situation and don't know how to handle it properly.

If it upsets you that much, I'd start by talking to your dh.  Either he needs to clean up after his guest, he needs to talk to them about them not leaving a mess or you need to tell him not to inviite them over again.  

And FWIW, everyone's got different levels of expectation when hosting.  Maybe your dh is more like me and doesn't feel comfortable with guests being expected to clean up after themselves.  My goal when hosting people is that they come, have fun and don't clean a stitch.  It actually annoys me when people try to put things away or start loading my dishwasher.  That's my job as host.  So, before freaking out, maybe think that your dh's friends offered to help and your dh told them to relax.  Just a thought.

anna7602

I would blame your DH, personally. I do offer to clean up when I go to someone else's house, but if they were like, no, it's okay, just leave it, then I would, no matter what the place looked like. I think it's reasonable to assume the host would clean up afterwards. I've cleaned up after plenty of kids in my own home.

And, I also think 4 is old enough to play alone in a playroom with little supervision as long as the room is childproof and within earshot should the child need an adult.

Brewtowngrl

By 4 parents don't need to stay in the room with them.  They are old enough to play on their own.  As the host is it reasonable to expect to clean up.  I never expect my guests to clean up a play room.  We have bins and have things organized, but at the end of the day/night usually the parents are just trying to get their kid out the door.  I offer when I am a guest, but I have always been told to leave it. Your husband had guests so it was his responsibility to clean up. 

jolis_petits_bijoux

anna7602:

I would blame your DH, personally. I do offer to clean up when I go to someone else's house, but if they were like, no, it's okay, just leave it, then I would, no matter what the place looked like. I think it's reasonable to assume the host would clean up afterwards. I've cleaned up after plenty of kids in my own home.

And, I also think 4 is old enough to play alone in a playroom with little supervision as long as the room is childproof and within earshot should the child need an adult.

This.  This is a DH problem.  I can't imagine having people over and expecting them to clean up to that extent.  We just had two couples and their kids come to stay for the weekend and when they left, I spent a good two hours picking up toys and doing dishes, etc.  Tell your husband what you expect as far as him cleaning up after frends are over, etc. if you're not there.

la79al

Wait, so your DH had guests over and you are upset because the guests didn't clean up after themselves?!?! That's pretty funny to me.  You mention that you are trying to teach your DC to clean up after herself, you might want to start with your DH. 

sunnyday016

Your husband had guests, therefore it is HIS responsibility to clean up after them. Whenever we're guests in someone's home, we always pick up toys and offer to help clean up. 

csweet311

Yes, MOST 4 yo some 3 yo can be left unattended......Not this one in particular since she's very destructive and doesn't 'know any better' (parents to blame). Yet,I would always 'watch' my 4,5,6 + year old in someone's home. I don't think it's okay to let them run amuck and do whatever they please just b/c they're kids .They still need supervision again stressing that they are in another person's home. For the record I'm not blaming the kid - her parents. And I did say that MH is at fault as well. I was more or less looking for response from those who have experienced this or agree to how I feel.

Brewtowngrl

This is the internet.  You can't expect people to agree all the time.  If you want people to say you are right complain to family. 

jenn_darrin1515

sunnyday016:

Your husband had guests, therefore it is HIS responsibility to clean up after them. Whenever we're guests in someone's home, we always pick up toys and offer to help clean up. 

this. 

KathrynMD

this is one of the funniest posts I've read in a long time.

OP - if you and and YOUR HUSBAND aren't on teh same page re what the expectations for guests are, then I don't see how/why you would expect other people to be.

Calm down, remove teh stick, put the toys away and never leave the house.

Echowysp

csweet311:

Yes, MOST 4 yo some 3 yo can be left unattended......Not this one in particular since she's very destructive and doesn't 'know any better' (parents to blame). Yet,I would always 'watch' my 4,5,6 + year old in someone's home. I don't think it's okay to let them run amuck and do whatever they please just b/c they're kids .They still need supervision again stressing that they are in another person's home. For the record I'm not blaming the kid - her parents. And I did say that MH is at fault as well. I was more or less looking for response from those who have experienced this or agree to how I feel.

So, you only want to hear from people who agree with you?  What an odd way to live.  

Maybe you should listen a bit to those of us who disagreed with you?  Usually when so many people do, there's a lesson in there.

ToBeMrsT

jolis_petits_bijoux:

anna7602:

I would blame your DH, personally. I do offer to clean up when I go to someone else's house, but if they were like, no, it's okay, just leave it, then I would, no matter what the place looked like. I think it's reasonable to assume the host would clean up afterwards. I've cleaned up after plenty of kids in my own home.

And, I also think 4 is old enough to play alone in a playroom with little supervision as long as the room is childproof and within earshot should the child need an adult.

This.  This is a DH problem.  I can't imagine having people over and expecting them to clean up to that extent.  We just had two couples and their kids come to stay for the weekend and when they left, I spent a good two hours picking up toys and doing dishes, etc.  Tell your husband what you expect as far as him cleaning up after frends are over, etc. if you're not there.

THIS!

stever

Echowysp:

csweet311:

Brewtowngrl:

I would be annoyed with your husband for not knowing how to do dishes or put away food.  I think you are being way too uptight over the toys.  When I go to friends houses I don't watch DS.  Same goes when they bring their kids here.  Last time I hunted down puzzle pieces for weeks.  It is part of having kids. The mom and I laughed because they both blamed the dog.    Soon your LO will have more friends over and your organization might go out the window because they will be able to make a room look like a tornado hit it in less then 10 min.  They are kids give them a break. 

I ALWAYS watch my kid at other kids' homes (as do all our parent friends - we just rotate) and always assist in the cleanup. This is also how my siblings and I were raised - not only to clean up your mess,but especially to respect someone elses home/toys. When MH and I 'help' DD each nite,it all goes where it belongs so we don't have to hunt down Legos for an hour when we decide to play with it.

Meh, I've been on plenty of playdates and while people offer to clean up, the hosts always insist that we don't.  I certainly don't expect them to clean up.  Much like I wouldn't expect dinner guests to do my dishes.

That said, I do think that since your dh was home, he should've cleaned up.  Either that night or the next morning.  

This. Why didn't your H clean up?

klmbride05

I think you are major overreacting. There is no way my husband would've felt the urge to clean up either. And there is no way I would expect my friends to pick up the toys in my house. Even though their kids make messes. It's just part of having friends over and having kids. Messes happen and when you are so particutlar about where things go, you know you would've just re-put everything away anyway. I know I would have.

beth&anth

I would have been pissed to come home to a mess.  I am curious to know what your husband said about it.  Could they have offered to clean up and he told them not to worry about it? That is something MH would do. 

I personally would not confront them- I don't know how you would and not sound pissed off.  When my friends bring kids over, I don't expect them to "watch" them- we will check on them, but I want to hang out with my friends.  Is this something worth losing a friendship over in the long run? When your friends come over next time, before they are getting ready to leave you could clean up with the kids and sort of make a big deal about it- they might get the point.  GL!

ldeo

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