1st Trimester

does anyone ever "not try" anymore?

**Disclaimer: ok I'm not being snarky or rude in any way. Please do not take any offense at all.   I know there are extenuating circumstances where TTC & tracking ovulations and such is absolutely necessary. I know personally many people struggling to conceive and on the verge of IVF... so i do not mean this by any means to be directed toward them.

 A little under a year ago I had a chemical pregnancy & talked to my OB/Gyn at length about the "circumstances" and that it may happen again all that.  We weren't "trying" at the time but we were newly married and not being very careful.  Upon discussing my chances of getting pregnant and if this would happen again and again due to some cysts and other issues, etc... my doctor said here's the thing, have fun w/ it.  Don't start doing all that "ovulation checkers' and all that business right off the bat.  Make it fun, it's suppose to be fun! which made me laugh as he's an old guy! LOL He said if you find after about 6 months-year that nothings happening, not even another chem. pg or miscarriage, then start tracking and doing the ovulation tests, etc... then we'll go from there if you still aren't pregnant after about 5-6 months of that...

So anyway... my point is that does anyone "make it fun" anymore and really not pay attention and just have sex alot and see what happens at first? It seems to me that i see more and more "blah blah days DPO" and nonsense about Ovulation testing and such... Is it just more people are at that TTC stage when on a board like this? Or am I a totally minority who just got "accidentally" pregnant by having fun and "not really trying"?

 

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Re: does anyone ever "not try" anymore?

  • Well I do have to say thats waht happened to me and DF we weren't trying at all when it happened! I think stressing yourself out about it is the worst thing ever... I mean no one wants a planned sex life. Most of the fun is in the spontaneous moments you steal together as a couple. :) All the same though I do feel very lucky that we had so little trouble getting pregnant and blessed because not all people are as lucky. And they do have my support and prayers because everyone deserves to be a parent that wants to! :)
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  • We tried "for fun" for a long time.   But, we knew we would need help at some point because of my non-existent AF many months.   

    Also, a lot of the just for fun moments occurred before we actually were trying.    

    I actually think most people, unless they know something is wrong with them, try to just have fun at first.    But, I do think some people treat it like a job. 

  • We weren't really "trying"... no OPKs, charting, any of that. And it happened the second month of just winging it both pgs.
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  • We weren't trying. We were open to it if it happened but not expecting it yet.
  • I find being educated and aware to be a lot of fun, actually ...
  • we weren't charting or anything. we were just seeing what happened no worries about fertility or anything for a few months... well the first month without using anything, we got pregnant!
  • image CeltiCutie:

    So anyway... my point is that does anyone "make it fun" anymore and really not pay attention and just have sex alot and see what happens at first? It seems to me that i see more and more "blah blah days DPO" and nonsense about Ovulation testing and such... Is it just more people are at that TTC stage when on a board like this? Or am I a totally minority who just got "accidentally" pregnant by having fun and "not really trying"?

     

    I think charting is more prevalent here on the Nest because so many people push it as the only way to really know what is going on with your body.  The thing is, that they are right!  Yes, you can get pregnant without charting, people have done it for a long time, but if we weren't charting, then we wouldn't have known that I don't ovulate until late in my cycle.  Having information like that isn't a problem, it is only a bonus!

    Just  because we were charting didn't mean we weren't having fun.  We both completely enjoy having sex and just because I knew what was going on with my body didn't mean that I wasnt' enjoying myself. 

  • I would say that if your looking on this board then yes, most people are charting or using some sort of predictors to actually TRY to get pg.  But in general there are tons of people out there who just 'see what happens', but those people usually are not on baby or pregnancy boards chatting all day either.  Just my opinion.

    And we did TRY from the beginning b/c I do have female problems that I won't go into b/c I know thats now what you were asking : )

  • I think that's hogwash, myself, since I always charted and we always tried to have fun with our sex life.

    I personally didn't see the sense in wasting time not knowing if I were ovulating or timing sex correctly.  Sex itself is as fun as you make it, ttc or no.

    Do whatever works for you. I get that not everyone is into charting, but it's hardly stressful or work, and if it's getting you down or interfering with your sex life, that is on you, not charting.


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  • I read everything and charted for a few cycles. When we got our BFP, we had only been watching CM, and not temping or anything else, so it's a bit of trying and not trying, I guess you could say. We were definitely having fun with it though, we actually conceived on a night we got drunk at home together.
  • image YachtRacer1977:
    I find being educated and aware to be a lot of fun, actually ...

    Ditto.

    I knew when I ovulated, but it didn't make sex any less fun or exciting.  Or meaningful.  Oh, and we had sex even when I wasn't ovulating, for those that think "trying" means sex loses all meaning past making a baby.

    Why "not try" and show up in tears 6 months or a year after "not trying," only to find out that you're having sex at the wrong time?  That makes zero sense.

  • We were trying but it wasn't "work", we still had fun w/it!
     Apparently we got PG on our 1 yr ann.

  • Good question. I am such an A-type personality that I try and never let anything "just happen". The fact that we won't be finding out the babys gender is a HUGE deal for me. I am sure that you are seeing a very small sample of people on these boards, and that a large majority of the general population are just letting nature take its course. But if you are coming on here for info and advice, you are probably more likely to go the planning and charting route.

    Also, DH and I had plenty of fun, even knowing that we were trying to increase our chances by charting. After, we were always like, "do you think?" and laughing about it.

    Will baby #3 be another girl?


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  • I always thought of it this way - most people plan to have sex on certain days - their anniversaries, their birthdays, Saturday night.  Sex isn't less fun or less meaningful or anything (unless it's made so) simply because it's planned in advance.

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  • there are many people who get pregnant without actually 'trying' or who are just 'seeing what happens'.  i always hoped to have a period of time where we weren't avoiding but weren't focusing too much on it.  unfortunately we never had that luxury b/c of health issues so we had to jump immediately from not-trying to 'get pg as fast as possible'.  many fertility treatments and one IVF later i'm finally pg....so obviously it doesn't work for everyone.

    after all that i have been through i will say i'll always be jealous of those people who got pregnant without having to worry about these things---please always remember how lucky you are!!! because no matter how much you didn't stress or just 'relaxed', there really is an element of pure luck to it :)

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  • image HappyTXChick:

    I would say that if your looking on this board then yes, most people are charting or using some sort of predictors to actually TRY to get pg.  But in general there are tons of people out there who just 'see what happens', but those people usually are not on baby or pregnancy boards chatting all day either.  Just my opinion.

    And we did TRY from the beginning b/c I do have female problems that I won't go into b/c I know thats now what you were asking : )

     

    See I tracked my periods only cuz of issues, & I kinda knew when I ovulated, cuz I know my body pretty well. It's just that that time I was actually wrong or we just had sex too close to when it was... So I actually am like 100% dead on on my timing and such when it comes to the baby... ANd i resent that I'm on here chatting all day and not doing OPK's and temping! LOL Wink

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  • Who says that knowing what's going on can't be fun?  I'm the kind of person that if I want something, I'm going to do what I can to get it.  I see no point in wasting 6 months having no idea what's going on with my body and getting my hopes up if AF is "late."

    Honestly, I think it's dumb to not know what's going on with your body if you really want to be pregnant.  If you don't really care when it happens, then by all means, go ahead and "just have fun."

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  • We have sex enough that we didn't worry about timing, per se.  However, I charted bc after being on BC for a very long time, I wanted to know that everything was working properly and I was ovulating.  If I didn't o, I didn't want to wait a year to find out why.
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  • image mobiz:

    there are many people who get pregnant without actually 'trying' or who are just 'seeing what happens'.  i always hoped to have a period of time where we weren't avoiding but weren't focusing too much on it.  unfortunately we never had that luxury b/c of health issues so we had to jump immediately from not-trying to 'get pg as fast as possible'.  many fertility treatments and one IVF later i'm finally pg....so obviously it doesn't work for everyone.

    after all that i have been through i will say i'll always be jealous of those people who got pregnant without having to worry about these things---please always remember how lucky you are!!! because no matter how much you didn't stress or just 'relaxed', there really is an element of pure luck to it :)

     

    I give you major credit for going through what you went through, truly.  Like i said my friend is having issues and she has told me about what is involved w/ IVF and I can't imagine the stress and worries. 

    i truly do know i'm lucky.  that's why, like i said, this is not directed toward anyone who has any type of infertility issues or health problems behind it that hinders getting pregnant easily.  It's mostly just wondering if anyone who doesn't is crazily charting right off the bat... cuz i think that'd be just really stressful for me, as I see how stressful it is for people going through actually having isssues, ya know?

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  • We "tried" (charting, etc) with my DS and it took 3 months to get PG.  With this one, we planned on "trying" next month, but we had one occasion last month where we didn't use a condom and what do you know, I got knocked up!
  • I'm older so didn't have alot of time to "just try"
  • image CeltiCutie:

    It's mostly just wondering if anyone who doesn't is crazily charting right off the bat... cuz i think that'd be just really stressful for me, as I see how stressful it is for people going through actually having isssues, ya know?

    How is sticking a thermometer in your mouth & a finger up your vag stressful?

  • I charted for the first month that I was off BCP...and I learned a lot and frankly, feeling a bit more educated about things actually put me at ease. The next month, I slacked off on charting...but I still knew when I ovulated and yes, we got our BFP. So were we 'trying'? I dunno...if you mean was I treating it like a job and stressing out over my temps? Nope. Did take a couple of weeks to educate myself? Yes. And I will be forever glad that I did so because I learned a lot in the process.?
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  • personally ... I've always kept track of my cycles, (starting and ending) and could always feel ovulation. But I like knowing what's up with my body.

    So I knew when our fertile times would be each month. Having said that, however, I never temp'ed (I wouldn't even know HOW to) or checked my mucus (EW!) or stressed when we didn't get pregnant on month 1 of trying.

    It took 4 months each time. The first time, I knew we'd gone off BCP but technically weren't going to start "trying" for another 6 mo. after we actually did get pregnant. This time, we were trying.

    Long story short: lots of people accidentially get pregnant. Look at Jamie Lynn Spears (and Britany too for that matter)

  • I 'crazily charted' ever since I became sexually active, as hormonal birth control was not an option for me.  It's neither as stressful nor as much work as you seem to imagine.  I will continue to chart to avoid again after this baby until we're ready for the next.  I'll chart ttc/ttc until we're done having kids and my husband gets a vasectomy (and then until we get three clear sperm counts).

    Again, it's not for everyone, and there is nothing wrong with not doing it, but I really don't understand your opposition to it.
     


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  • A spooging penis & the residue baby batter running down your legs post-coital is far "yuckier" than the cervical mucus your own body produces.

    Once again, I fail to see the logic in charting being difficult.

  • image jenerally:

     I never temp'ed (I wouldn't even know HOW to) or checked my mucus (EW!)

    Oh, grow up.

  • Even though we weren't charting, I would recognize what I thought to be ovulation pain, and so in that way timed our intimacy.  I was actually planning on charting my temps for the next cycle (right before finding out I was pregnant), just because I knew I could be wrong about ovulation pain being actual ovulation.  If we end up trying for a third child, I plan on charting.
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  • image jenerally:

    I never temp'ed (I wouldn't even know HOW to)...

    Exactly how did you move past kindergarten without being able to TAKE YOUR TEMPERATURE???  Do you never take your kid's temp?

    1.  Turn thermometer on.
    2.  Stick it in your mouth, under your tongue.
    3.  Wait for it to beep.
    4.  Write down what it says.

  • We did both.  We had sex for fun for 10 months, didn't get pregnant.  Went to the Dr and did 3 cycles of clomid, didn't get pregnant.  Decided to take a break and "just have sex when we wnated to" and got pregnant 9 month slater, on our 3rd Anniversary.

    So, there you have it.

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