3rd Trimester

Why are people so negative when you're having a good pregnancy?!

UGH! So annoyed with people becoming so negative when I talk about my pregnancy and being happy while pregnant! I have a friend who had a hard pregnancy, she had all the horrible morning sickness, gestational diabetes, and was a VERY high-risk pregnancy. Anytime I post/say anything about how well my pregnancy is going she comes back with something negative. It gets really annoying! I mean it sucks she had such a bad experience with her pregnancy, I wish all women could have good pregnancies and I'm sure my next wont be all peaches and cream, but let me be happy with the fact that this one is going great! 

I personally feel that when you're healthy prior to getting pregnant it helps you have a better pregnancy.... this has also been stated in numerous books I've read in regards to natural healing and natural birthing. 

Just wish she would be happy for me rather than negative about anything good I say about pregnancy..... GRRRR! 
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Re: Why are people so negative when you're having a good pregnancy?!

  • Since I have been pregnant ( and I am a relativly happy pregnant chick with minimal complaints) I have found that people just like to complain about everything. I bet the person you are speaking about complains a lot in general...It took a lot for me to be where I am and I enjoy everyday and while yes somedays are not so hot I still am happy to just be where I am...don't let the people get you down.
  • Well, I don't think being healthy prior to becoming pg protects you from M/S...I think women, in general, just like talking about their pregnancies, whether it was "easy" or "hard", kinda how you like posting things about your pregnancy, it just happens that yours is going well!  Not saying it makes it "right" or easier to hear, just my observation.
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  • The ones that are complaining usually had a bad pregnancy. I like to think they are jealous and I really don't care if they had a bad one.  I'm having a great one and that's that.
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  • Are you assuming it was her fault that she had a tough pregnancy.  That's not cool either! 

    My first pregnancy was great with hardly any symptoms and I looked and felt terrific.  This time it has been incredibly difficult with tons of symptoms and I am high risk.  I would be offended if someone assumed my issues are because I was somehow unhealthy before pregnancy.  That's obnoxious.

    Anyway, when you talk about your pregnancy, you open the door for someone to also share about theirs.  It so happens hers sucks.  Be a friend and be willing to listen to her as much as you want her to listen to you. 

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  • If I had a rough pregnancy, I would find it really annoying to have someone rub their perfect pregnancy in my face all the time.  Why can't you just be grateful and not gab about it all the time?  Not everyone is as lucky as you and it isn't necessarily their fault.
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  • I had a good long rant about this yesterday. My solution, just stay positive. Don't let other people get you down. I think a lot of people just like to complain. I've had a really enjoyable, easy pregnancy, and even I like to complain a bit (mainly because I think most of my 'complaint worthy' issues are hilarious). I laugh almost every morning because I'm in so much pain I can't get out of bed without help. The code word around here is 'turtle', for when I'm stuck and can't get up on my own, lol!! Yeah, it's painful, usually more painful than anything I've ever experienced, but it's also really funny to me. I guess it just depends on your outlook.

    Most women expect that their pregnancy will suck because everyone told them it would (didn't suggest it might, no, straight up told them). If you expect it to suck, it will. (This bars women who are having legitimate issues. I'm mainly referencing the people who b!tch just because it's expected of them). People don't want to hear how happy you are. Ever. Because someone always had it worse. You having a good time just makes their bad time seem even more 'sob' worthy when they tell it. Negativity just breeds more negativity, more 'well mine was even worse because...', and it becomes a vicious cycle of out doing the others with your horrible-ness. Sick.

    So just keep your chin up, enjoy your pregnancy in spite of the complainers, and tell everyone in the world how amazing it was. If we all speak up about the good, then maybe the rest of the world will too...

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  • I totally understand what you're saying! Sometimes when I tell people I never had morning sickness and that I've been having a great pregnancy they almost look disappointed! My grandmother, i love her, but geez, she acts as if I have it too easy and should be expecting the worst at any moment. I think people get used to seeing the dramatic pregnancies on tv and they expect it to be similar
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  • I once made a comment about how the baby was kicking me in the ribs and jumping on my bladder and my husband's cousin who had a loss during birth fired back at me like I was purposely rubbing it in her face.  She said something like, "I'm sorry you're having such a tough pregnancy, mine was perfect and look where it got me"  She went on and on about how she's sick of pregnant women complaining about their pregnancies when there's others out there who would die to hold their babies they lost.  Then all her stupid friends ganged up on me...over a simple comment that wasn't even directed towards her.  I honestly wasn't thinking of her situation, dumb of me I admit but FFS it was simply a comment that my baby was being active and causing me to run to the restroom all day.

  • I've had two easy pregnancies and I just ignore people. I know it gets annoying. I have a friend that had issues getting pregnant in the first place and then delivered at 30w due to pre-e and she always has something to say. I can see how those people can be bitter. Just look past the comments. Not your fault you are having it easy.
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  • I agree...I feel there are 2 types of people: those who generally ask you how you are because they want to know and those who want to hear you complain about everything so they can either complain about their experience or feel better that you feel worse. I too have been having a fabulous pregnancy and when I encounter the people who just want me to be negative, I simply let them talk about their experience and then say, "wow, pregnancies are really different." then I walk away. Don't let them steal your joy!

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  • image Froggy76:
    If I had a rough pregnancy, I would find it really annoying to have someone rub their perfect pregnancy in my face all the time.  Why can't you just be grateful and not gab about it all the time?  Not everyone is as lucky as you and it isn't necessarily their fault.

    I totally agree.  I can't imagine having an easier pregnancy than the one I've been having, but I know that's not the norm, so I kind of keep it quiet.  I have friends that have had one complication after another during their pregnancy. I know most people are sick, tired, hormonal, and uncomfortable during pregnancy.  And I know the last thing they want to hear about is how easy and perfect things are for me.  When they ask how I'm feeling, I usually just say "fine" or something along those lines. 

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  • That wasn't what I was getting at, hers wasn't planned and she didn't know she was pregnant for quit some time after, so I think some of the issues she had were brought on by going out, drinking, and smoking... just based on medical history and literature. I wasn't saying everything can be prevented by being healthy before your pregnancy.


    I know every pregnancy is different, for every woman and even within that same person the next pregnancy can be very different. I have been very supportive in hearing of her complications when they occurred. She is just a negative person in general about EVERYTHING, life, money, job, any time someone brings up something happy it's like she purposely tries to bring them down. It just gets annoying when every word out of someones mouth is negative and they do nothing to change the situation they're in..... 

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  • I don't think it's being rubbed in her face when I'm posting on my FB about the fact I'm happy my blood work came back with awesome results.... I dunno I would be happy for my friend if she found out she didn't have gestational diabetes or anemia.... but I also figure if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all... it's her choice to be a negative Nancy when someone else is having good things happen in their life.... just sayin'....
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  • image Froggy76:
    If I had a rough pregnancy, I would find it really annoying to have someone rub their perfect pregnancy in my face all the time.  Why can't you just be grateful and not gab about it all the time?  Not everyone is as lucky as you and it isn't necessarily their fault.
      I agree with this.  No one wants to hear how wonderful you feel if they feel like crap.  I've had a good pregnancy too, but don't talk about it too much because I don't want others to feel badly if theirs isn't going well.
  • image ctygrlstl:

    I had a good long rant about this yesterday. My solution, just stay positive. Don't let other people get you down. I think a lot of people just like to complain. I've had a really enjoyable, easy pregnancy, and even I like to complain a bit (mainly because I think most of my 'complaint worthy' issues are hilarious). I laugh almost every morning because I'm in so much pain I can't get out of bed without help. The code word around here is 'turtle', for when I'm stuck and can't get up on my own, lol!! Yeah, it's painful, usually more painful than anything I've ever experienced, but it's also really funny to me. I guess it just depends on your outlook.

    Most women expect that their pregnancy will suck because everyone told them it would (didn't suggest it might, no, straight up told them). If you expect it to suck, it will. (This bars women who are having legitimate issues. I'm mainly referencing the people who b!tch just because it's expected of them). People don't want to hear how happy you are. Ever. Because someone always had it worse. You having a good time just makes their bad time seem even more 'sob' worthy when they tell it. Negativity just breeds more negativity, more 'well mine was even worse because...', and it becomes a vicious cycle of out doing the others with your horrible-ness. Sick.

    So just keep your chin up, enjoy your pregnancy in spite of the complainers, and tell everyone in the world how amazing it was. If we all speak up about the good, then maybe the rest of the world will too...

     

    I totally get the people like to *** just because they can. I wasn't saying that all issues of high-0risk pregnancies are brought on by the mother either, there are a lot of things that are out of our control, but I also know that we bring a lot of things on ourselves with negativity.... I try to stay positive, maybe it's annoying to some, but I feel/believe when you put out positive vibes you get that back in your life. I had some pains and issues when I first got pregnant. My pelvic bones were tilted and rubbing against my sciatic nerve, I couldn't even sit down let alone stand up without pain shooting up and down my spine. Luckily I was able to get physical therapy to fix the issue. I guess I come across the wrong way with some of the ladies on here as placing blame on my friend for her issues, or any pregnant woman with pregnancy issues..... Thanks for the support and understanding. 

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  • I agree, if you open a door be prepared for positive and negative comments.  Don't post on facebook if you don't want some feedback.  Most people don't want to hear about pregnancy on facebook and probably don't really care about bloodwork.  I usually don't mention anything unless I am specifically asked.
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  • image quinncat:
    I agree, if you open a door be prepared for positive and negative comments.  Don't post on facebook if you don't want some feedback.  Most people don't want to hear about pregnancy on facebook and probably don't really care about bloodwork.  I usually don't mention anything unless I am specifically asked.

     

    You must have a different following on your facebook.... mine is my family who can't be around along with friends, whom most DO want to know how the pregnancy is going. I guess it's different with each individual, just like pregnancy. I'm not just posting stuff to post things.... There's 5 of us who are pregnant and due around the same time so we each post how things are going in there lol. I understand "feedback" just don't understand when the only thing out of someones mouth is negative... I guess I look at the glass as being half full not empty in most cases, always have even when things weren't always peachy... and believe me they always haven't been... 

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  • I was not healthy before my pregnancy and it contributed to it taking me over a year to even get pregnant and still I am having an awesome pregnancy. I'm so grateful that I have none of the terrible sounding symptoms other people seem to have. What I don't do is brag about this fact. Like I said I had a hard time getting pregnant and I know I would have felt worse to hear all about how easy it was for someone else. I try to be sensitive that not everyone is having the same experience.
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  • image Froggy76:
    If I had a rough pregnancy, I would find it really annoying to have someone rub their perfect pregnancy in my face all the time.  Why can't you just be grateful and not gab about it all the time?  Not everyone is as lucky as you and it isn't necessarily their fault.

     

    I agree with this 100%!! I have been in and out of the hospital with kidney issues of my own, but thank God my baby is healthy. I have had some of our friends DH's brag about how great their spouses dealt with pregnancy and why can't I? Um hello, what part of I have been in the hospital and on bedrest makes this fun??

    And to assume that someone was unhealthy and may have caused their own pg to be craptastic isn't a fair statement! 

    Hey, I am am super glad that you feel awesome, but please don't knock the gals who are having a rough time......

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  • There will always be those negative people who just need to b**** about even good news.  I must say though, if she kept posting negative, mean stuff on my FB, I'd either block her comments, or reply back saying 'thanks so much for your kind support of my pregnancy.'  I mean really!  I have very little patience for people being unnecessarily mean or negative anymore.  I feel that if I can be supportive of someone during the hard times...they can join me in the good times too.  Its what being a friend is all about.
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  • image CBizakis420:

    That wasn't what I was getting at, hers wasn't planned and she didn't know she was pregnant for quit some time after, so I think some of the issues she had were brought on by going out, drinking, and smoking... just based on medical history and literature. I wasn't saying everything can be prevented by being healthy before your pregnancy.


    I know every pregnancy is different, for every woman and even within that same person the next pregnancy can be very different. I have been very supportive in hearing of her complications when they occurred. She is just a negative person in general about EVERYTHING, life, money, job, any time someone brings up something happy it's like she purposely tries to bring them down. It just gets annoying when every word out of someones mouth is negative and they do nothing to change the situation they're in..... 

    It sounds like you don't think very much of this girl, so why are you friends with her?

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  • Umm, I was very healthy prior to becoming pregnant each time. I exercised 5 days a week and ate right. That didn't stop me from having four miscarriages, nor did it stop me from suffering from horrible morning sickness for the first half of my pregnancies. I still get sick a few times a week now. Let's not forget the back pain that I am constantly suffering from. Therefore, your healthy comment is not so accurate. If you've had an easy pregnancy, then you can't imagine how horrible a pregnancy can actually be. When you are puking your guts out several times a day, then tell me that you'd be all sunshine and roses.
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  • Hey Ivana, show a little bit of compassion. I've never lost a FT baby, but I have had four miscarriages. Simple comments can set someone off. It is a knee jerk reaction. Sure you didn't mean anything by it, but put yourself in her shoes. If the situation were reversed, you'd understand better why she reacted the way she did. Don't take it personally, but be understanding. That is a loss that will follow her for the rest of her life.
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  • image CBizakis420:
    UGH! So annoyed with people becoming so negative when I talk about my pregnancy and being happy while pregnant! I have a friend who had a hard pregnancy, she had all the horrible morning sickness, gestational diabetes, and was a VERY high-risk pregnancy. Anytime I post/say anything about how well my pregnancy is going she comes back with something negative. It gets really annoying! I mean it sucks she had such a bad experience with her pregnancy, I wish all women could have good pregnancies and I'm sure my next wont be all peaches and cream, but let me be happy with the fact that this one is going great! 

    I personally feel that when you're healthy prior to getting pregnant it helps you have a better pregnancy.... this has also been stated in numerous books I've read in regards to natural healing and natural birthing. 

    Just wish she would be happy for me rather than negative about anything good I say about pregnancy..... GRRRR! 

    Not true!  I'm a marathon runner who is tall, skinny and in fabulous shape.  I suffered horrible morning sickness my entire pregnancy.  Well, lucky me....all that puking.  I only gained the minimum and lost it within 2 weeks. 

    Have some compassion for you friend. 

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  • image laurakaz13:

    image CBizakis420:
    UGH! So annoyed with people becoming so negative when I talk about my pregnancy and being happy while pregnant! I have a friend who had a hard pregnancy, she had all the horrible morning sickness, gestational diabetes, and was a VERY high-risk pregnancy. Anytime I post/say anything about how well my pregnancy is going she comes back with something negative. It gets really annoying! I mean it sucks she had such a bad experience with her pregnancy, I wish all women could have good pregnancies and I'm sure my next wont be all peaches and cream, but let me be happy with the fact that this one is going great! 

    I personally feel that when you're healthy prior to getting pregnant it helps you have a better pregnancy.... this has also been stated in numerous books I've read in regards to natural healing and natural birthing. 

    Just wish she would be happy for me rather than negative about anything good I say about pregnancy..... GRRRR! 

    Not true!  I'm a marathon runner who is tall, skinny and in fabulous shape.  I suffered horrible morning sickness my entire pregnancy.  Well, lucky me....all that puking.  I only gained the minimum and lost it within 2 weeks. 

    Have some compassion for you friend. 

     

    How am I not being compassionate? please explain.... WHEN she was pregnant I was very compassionate, I'd expect the same since I'm pregnant now. Her son who is very healthy is almost 2, I would think someone who gave birth almost 2 years ago would be able to be happy for her friend who is having a great pregnancy... Just because I don't want to only hear negativity that's not being compassionate?! 

    Most women who are healthy prior to conceiving and have planned pregnancies (key word there is most) do have easier pregnancies... not all.... but most women, I was told this by my practitioner along with read it, so guess they're wrong in that aspect. I wasn't meaning all women, nor did I say this to my friend upon her numerous negative outburst on everything positive that is said about pregnancy in general not just my pregnancy.... 

    My point of view is just that, I personally think people tend to ONLY focus on the negative things in life. When the only thing that comes out of someones mouth is how bad they have or had it, and their life is SOOOO horrible it just gets annoying, and that's all they're going to attract in their life. Especially when they want you to feel bad for feeling good, when you're having things go well in your life. When you only look at the negative that's what you bring into your life..... You can only handle a super negative person for so long before it gets old, and annoying....

    But everyone has opinions and that's just mine. (There's a silver lining even to the darkest cloud) 

    The thing is, she is not pregnant now... even my best friend who is having a SUPER hard 2nd pregnancy (twins, and one might not make it) stays on the positive side of things and is very supportive of all of us who ARE currently pregnant, we support each other, and help out when/where needed. I guess I should have made it clear that the friend who is being negative is not currently pregnant... I would understand if she was and was complaining, then I wouldn't say anything to her, even when she asked I'd probably lie to make her feel better. But the fact is she isn't, but still dwells on the fact her pregnancy sucked (in her words). I personally would be happy that I was able to give birth to a healthy baby even though I had a rough time, rather than focus on something that has passed and I obviously can't do anything about it, it's the past and that's how it was, be happy for what you have now, a beautiful healthy child that should bring you joy.....  

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  • image Lissa832:
    Umm, I was very healthy prior to becoming pregnant each time. I exercised 5 days a week and ate right. That didn't stop me from having four miscarriages, nor did it stop me from suffering from horrible morning sickness for the first half of my pregnancies. I still get sick a few times a week now. Let's not forget the back pain that I am constantly suffering from. Therefore, your healthy comment is not so accurate. If you've had an easy pregnancy, then you can't imagine how horrible a pregnancy can actually be. When you are puking your guts out several times a day, then tell me that you'd be all sunshine and roses.

     

    I wouldn't expect to be a sunshine of roses, and I'm sorry that you had lost so many babies in your attempts. I'm going off of what I was told, so I guess I'm wrong in that aspect. Not being a sunshine of roses is completely different than being negative about things going well in others lives..... When she was pregnant I was very supportive, believe me I know not all pregnancies go well. When I was 5 I would take my Mom buckets to puke in because she was so sick with my little brother and couldn't get out of bed her entire pregnancy.

    This is my first successful pregnancy, so I DO know what it's like to lose a child... but unlike you I wasn't healthy, and also didn't know I was pregnant until I was having a miscarriage at 4 months pregnant. Do I dwell on that loss? Or how crappy I felt during that time after? No, because I know there is/was nothing I could do to change that point and time of my life, it is what it is. I never said anything rude back to her when she decided to say snide things in regards to my happy post, I simply said "I'm sorry your pregnancy didn't go as well as mine is going currently, but at least you have a healthy baby now and you also feel/look great!" Did say anything about her health, just said what my doctor told when I was trying to conceive, and was successful.... told me since I'm so healthy prior that 1. it will be easy for you to get pregnant, especially since you have been planning for almost a year now and getting your body in shape, along with taking your prenatals. When I came in every check up, she would say it's because I was so healthy prior that I wasn't getting sick because my body had/has plenty of B vitamins, which is also what a few books say, when you're low on b12 and b6 it can cause morning sickness, along with being dehydrated....  I never said "Oh your horrible health caused you to have a crappy pregnancy" maybe she took it that way because I shared what I was told and read. Apparently I'm in the wrong for sharing information..... my bad, still don't think it calls for rude, snide, negative comments like "Well aren't you just lucky", "just you wait til labor, then see how nice things go" "don't think you'll be so lucky next time", "wait until you try to lose the weight afterwards", "not all pregnancies are the same missy, just wait until your next bet you'll be hating life" (really nice to wish upon a friend).... to that I simply said well maybe it's because I'm having a girl and I was my Mom's easier pregnancy... who knows, but I do consider myself lucky/blessed to be having a good pregnancy with minimal issues, wish every woman could have a good pregnancy, then they could enjoy it more and focus on the joy/miracle they're creating......  

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  • Note to self: don't be happy for yourself in front of others as it may cause them to feel bad..... Don't rejoice in having a healthy pregnancy because others will feel bad..... join in on the negativity so others feel like they're not outcasts.... don't be positive or see silver linings because it makes others feel bad...... Have compassion by hiding your joy.... check and check
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  • image Liz4444:
    image CBizakis420:

    That wasn't what I was getting at, hers wasn't planned and she didn't know she was pregnant for quit some time after, so I think some of the issues she had were brought on by going out, drinking, and smoking... just based on medical history and literature. I wasn't saying everything can be prevented by being healthy before your pregnancy.


    I know every pregnancy is different, for every woman and even within that same person the next pregnancy can be very different. I have been very supportive in hearing of her complications when they occurred. She is just a negative person in general about EVERYTHING, life, money, job, any time someone brings up something happy it's like she purposely tries to bring them down. It just gets annoying when every word out of someones mouth is negative and they do nothing to change the situation they're in..... 

    It sounds like you don't think very much of this girl, so why are you friends with her?

     

    Because she is my friend. Just because I say she smoked and drank doesn't mean I don't think she's a bad person (just saying that may have been the reason she got so sick, because he body was telling her there's something not right, since she didn't know she was pregnant.). She is just negative, which gets old. I will always be her friend because I'm a TRUE friend, regardless of how annoying it may get when she complains about everything I still love her. I wanted to vent about the fact that she because negative with people who are positive or happy. There seems to be a few of those bitty's on here too. It's just a personality clash, she negative and I'm positive, I think that's what brought us together in the first place. Some times it just gets to be too much when that's all that comes out of someone... it's like the super skinny girl saying she's fat because she needs attention lol.  

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  • I searched specifically for 'negative comments' just to see if anybody else has been faced with unwanted horror stories and reassurances that "it will only get worse." I am completely in the same boat with you here! I've had the normal aches and pains of pregnancy, and a few scares, but I'm so freaking happy to be pregnant and to be having a baby that it seems like my positivity is a magnet for naysayers and ill-wishers. After a history of stress-related anxiety, and a desire to have a natural birth, I especially crave support from my nearest and dearest to maintain a positive outlook for my last trimester and labor.Unfortunately, it's hard to come by.

     My own mother has been particularly difficult. When I bring up my desire to cloth diaper, have a natural birth, or even when I'm discussing body changes and how happy I am to know that my body is transforming to support baby, she's quick to jump in with how hard it is to stick with CD'ing, how much pain I'll face until I'll beg for an epi, and how huge and uncomfortable I'll be before long. It's extremely frustrating.

    I don't feel like you're rubbing your experience in anybody's face; I think it's natural and healthy to share your excitement about your pregnancy with friends and family. Stay positive, and GL with the remainder of your journey!

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