Single Parents

All of you ladies are way stonger than I am!

It has been just over three months since DH and I separated. I'm still living with my parents since I'll be moving away for school in just under a year. I will be staying with them until I move with DS for school next June/July because no where here will do a month to month lease.

 Any who, I don't think I could handle being alone yet. I do everything for DS including his cooking but once he's in bed or when he is with DH I get sooo lonely. I was so used to being with someone. Do you have any suggestions on how to get used to that feeling? What do you do when you are feeling alone?

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Re: All of you ladies are way stonger than I am!

  • Give yourself some time. I've been single for almost three years and I still have my moments when I'm pretty lonely. When I feel that way, I try to focus on things I enjoy (reading, writing, TV, movies) and I spend a lot of time with friends and family.

    Honestly, as my kids have gotten older and become more active, it's rare that I get time to myself so I don't really have time to feel too lonely. I think you'll find being in school helps a lot also. Hang in there!

  • I'm right there with ya... It's been a little over a month since H left us, and early mornings and evenings after bedtime are THE WORST!! I've started trying to get myself into old hobbies, like knitting or scrapbooking, but I just don't have the attention spam to keep up with anything right now. I end up just finding a tv series on Netflix and watch it until it's done, then find a new one. As for the loneliness, I hear it takes a very long time to get used to being alone during times you were with your SO before, and my therapist says I will probably be circling through the stages of grief for quite some time. Anyway, I know I don't have the answer for you, just empathy and understanding... I hope you can find something fulfilling and satisfying to do with your down time.
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  • Thanks. My counselor says the same things about cycling through the phases of grief. It sucks. I've gone back to a lot of my old hobbies as well. Painting, reading, etc. Still really lonely.
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  • I catch myself looking through texts and emails, reliving every little recent detail. I also find myself dwelling on anything positive or anything that could be left open to interpretation. I don't have any advice on how to not obsess, bc I'm an even more recent addition to the single parent club, but I definitely understand the loneliness. I even feel sometimes like I don't want anyone around so I can wallow and cry without having to talk about it. I spend a pot of time on The Bump though, mostly on the September 2011 board. What else is there to do at night? There has to be something we can so to take our minds off how lonely it is...
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  • Sweetie said this a few days ago to another SP poster and honestly it worked for me back when I was going through stuff. "Fake it til you make it". I know this sounds crazy but I use to fake smile (a lot) when I was grieving. And for some reason people were drawned to my happiness (eventhough I was hurting inside). And honestly I don't know when it happened, but I started to smile, and laugh and it was completely genuine. People would come around that were positive and fun and I fed off of that!

    It might not work AT ALL for you, and you could go around looking like a crazy person, but it worked for me. There are times where I get a little sad, but its not for the relationship lost anymore.

    Hugs to you, and eventhough this board is hopping with all kinds of drama lately, it really is a supportive place to be

  • This might sound lame, but maybe you could journal?  Light some candles, grab a glass of wine (or cup of tea or whatever), and journal how you're feeling or just write about whatever!   Or, you could find things that you like to do all by yourself that you wouldn't normally be able to do if ExH or your little guy was there.  Like, give yourself a pedicure, go window shopping, watch chick flicks, read, craft, whatever!  Just something that is just for you so you can begin to appreciate time to yourself.  Sorry if this isn't much help- just suggestions.  I'm sure it will get easier with time.  HUGS!!!
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